AN: Ooh another chapter, thank you for everyone who reviewed
Charlie fiddled with her shirt, trying to make sure it was smooth. It was the first time she had worn something that didn't have paint all over it and she felt awkward. Santana had been feeling good lately, and she had planned to take advantage of it. While she had balked at going for pedicures with Bela and Santana, much to Bela's general displeasure, she had been talked into a dinner. Just the three of them, it had been Bela's idea and Santana actually felt like eating and wanted to do some cooking instead of eating out. Bela had insisted that she had to wear something not covered in paint. So she had stopped by Target and gotten some cheap jeans that fit and a brand new shirt. The clothes felt weird not broken in and she had even bought a brand new pair of shoes that weren't work boots.
She hesitates at the door, wondering if the pie she brought was a bit too much, or not enough. Maybe she should have brought some wine. Rachel was always insisting that you couldn't just show up empty handed. Maybe she should have gotten something for Bela as well. Cookies, kids liked cookies right? Charlie exhales slowly and pushes the button. She looks awful maybe she should have gone to buy something nice, but those clothes no longer fit her anymore. She feels odd in them, like she doesn't quite belong. It takes a moment for the door to open and she smiles when she sees Santana open the door. "Hey!" she greets her voice a bit too loud and she winces and clears her throat. "I brought pie—for all of us to eat." She waits for the hug tackle from Bela and pauses when she doesn't hear steps or even some shouting. "Um—where's the kid?"
Santana rolled her eyes at the question and quickly gave Charlie a once over as she stepped aside to let her in. "The little shit had a 'homework' emergency project." Santana explained. "Your daughter is still trying to parent trap us."
Charlie shuffled nervously and held out the pie for Santana trying not to smile at the words. Whenever Bela acted out Santana insisted that she was her daughter. It felt nice. Like she had a family, and for a moment she could pretend that they were a family. It's probably why she had been looking forward to this dinner together. "Oh—I can go then? You can have the pie and eat it with Bela when she gets back."
"Please and what? Waste the first dinner I made in months? I made my famous enchiladas, which are Bela's favorite, and you're going to park your ass down at that table and eat enough so the little shit doesn't get any leftovers." Santana grumbled motioning for Charlie to enter the house. "If she thinks that leaving us in a room together alone, is going to make us lose our heads and start making out like a couple of teenagers, my daughter has a lot to learn." Santana said with an irritated sniff. "I never even let her watch the stupid movie to begin with. I can't believe she thinks she can pull one over on me." Santana said narrowing her eyes. "Like she thinks she's smarter than me. She's ten. The day I get tricked by a ten year old is the day—" She immediately stumbles a bit. Getting worked up only enhanced her dizziness and she feels Charlie wrap an arm around her catching her.
"Bela probably can't pull one over on you, but I'm pretty sure she's got me wrapped around her little ten year old fingers," Charlie says. She wants to add just like her mom but doesn't, instead pulling away when Santana steadies herself.
"She thinks she's cute. That's the problem. Like she can get away with everything with just that smile of hers. She takes after you." Santana complains as she gently swats Charlie away. She can walk on her own and she motions for Charlie to sit at the table. "She also has your damned appetite—that hasn't changed has it? I've never actually seen you eat lately."
"Here—at least let me help—" Charlie said only to have Santana give her a glare causing her to sit down in her seat and shrink down a bit as Santana begins to serve the food. Charlie watches quietly as Santana puts some food on her plate, it wasn't much and pours herself some water before handing the serving dish to her.
"My mom would say you're too skinny," Santana mumbles and eyes Charlie who takes a generous helping of food and she relaxes. It's dinner. They could do dinner without Bela to break the silence between them. They were grown adults.
"How are your parents?" Charlie asks.
"Retired in Arizona, enjoying the heat. No more cold winters for them." Santana says and looks at Charlie who smiles at this. "They don't know about the cancer, or that you're back in my life." Santana shrugs and begins to eat. "I didn't want them to worry about me, and the last thing I need is my mom here trying to get me to do these alternative traditional remedies. I feel shitty enough thank you very much without having to ingest something absolutely horrid." Santana was quiet for a moment pushing the food round her plate. "Bela talks to them at least once a week, they come up for Christmas—or we go down there. They try and set me up with someone—it's nice."
"Good you deserve something nice," Charlie said quietly as she sits there quietly, letting an awkward silence fill the room. Charlie shifts a bit and begins to slowly eat, making sure not to spill any on her shirt. She glances up at Santana who seems to be focused on her food. "So—the basement, I redid the floors. I hope you don't mind the darker color that I chose. I thought it'd be best so the room looks a bit brighter. But if you want I can take it out—" Charlie rubs her wrist looking at Santana.
"It's nice—for once I'm going to trust your judgement and it looks better than when the guy did it. I can't believe I got ripped off," Santana says shaking her head. She takes another bite not looking at Charlie in the eye. This was weird and awkward. She was going to do something to her daughter, she just hadn't decided what.
Charlie nods and eats some of her food, "You did get ripped off. He didn't do a good job. There shouldn't have been that much water damage—but it's not the worse that I've seen. Some people just want to grab the money and go—they don't know what they're doing or they cut corners to save costs so they can pocket the money." Charlie explained and paused for a moment, "You don't want to hear about this." The food is just as delicious as she remembers and she tries to change the topic to something easy. "This is good—"
"What the hell happened to you? Why are you putting yourself down like I don't want to hear about your job?" Santana asked cutting Charlie off. She sighs, "I've tried to make sure that Bela isn't exposed to a lot of negativity. I want her to be confident, I want her to be self-assured. To know what she wants and who she wants. Your job is important Charlie. Even if you don't think it is."
"I'm not that person anymore—" Charlie begins again.
"I know Charlie, for fucks sake I know. You don't have to keep telling me that. I've seen that. I've seen that you're not the same person as you were. You think I'd let you into our lives if you were still on drugs? But by your own admission you've been clean for ten years." Santana sighs as she watches Charlie for a moment. She didn't know how to explain it to her, without things becoming weird again. "At some point you have to stop crucifying yourself—and just live life again Charlie."
"I am living—I have a job, and I have friends and I go to meetings—and now I have Bela. It's a pretty full life." Charlie says trying to defend herself.
"You know what I think? That you've sanitized your life. I've seen your apartment Charlie it's empty. Your life is empty, it's not like you're going out with friends, or having fun or doing anything. I mean at least I have an excuse—what's yours?"
Charlie narrowed her eyes for a moment and looked at her plate. "This is really good Santana—you're still an amazing cook." She said changing the subject, she couldn't get into it with Santana.
"Charlie—" Santana says in an exasperated tone.
"Santana," Charlie says quietly. "What is it that you want to hear from me exactly? It's complicated."
Santana sighs and shakes her head. It had never been this complicated before. "What happened to you?"
Charlie sighs and puts her fork down. "I'm content—it took a while but I'm satisfied with my life. I know it's a mess and it's not what it once was—but I'm in a healthy place. In the end that's all that matters."
Santana studies Charlie for a moment torn on whether to push for answers or to just lay off. She watches as Charlie pushes the food around on her plate and eats it slowly. Charlie didn't pick at food she finished what was on her plate, it didn't matter what was on her plate to some extent. "I don't want Bela to just be content with her life. I want her to be happy to reach for the stars, to have some self-worth. You can't lie to me Charlie, you've never really been able to lie to me. You aren't anywhere near a healthy place in your life. When was the last time you were truly happy?" Santana narrowed her eyes when Charlie looked away. "It's been ten years are you ever going to stop beating yourself up about this?"
"No." Charlie answers honestly.
"Why the fuck not?" Santana snaps at her throwing her hands up in the air.
"Because I have a fucking ten year old daughter Santana. I have a ten year old daughter. I didn't change a diaper, I didn't stay up, to rock her to sleep. I never fed her, I missed her first words, and I missed reading her stories. I missed playing stupid games like hide and seek with her. And the thing is I can't blame you. I can't say this is your fault because if the positions were reversed I would have done the same thing." Charlie snaps at Santana causing her to tense up. "I could have had this life with you—with the two of you. We could have been a proper family." Charlie closed her eyes. "I'm not angry at you. I'm angry with myself, because in the end I screwed up the best thing to ever happen to me." Charlie takes a shaky breath and runs a hand through her hair. "I screwed up, I wanted to find you after I got clean—but I wanted to be clean a year. For at least a year. I wanted to make sure that I had something to show you. But then Beth was born."
"What does Beth have to do with not coming to find me?" Santana asks confused.
"How could I ever have expected you to think I was clean, when Quinn and my dad practically threw me out of the hospital because they didn't want me to corrupt her?" Charlie admits and sighs. "And I was scared—that you'd do the same." Charlie admits. "Besides—at that time I didn't have anything to offer you. I wasn't going to be a billionaire by thirty. I wasn't strong anymore, I was broken and lost and scared and I was ashamed to show you how far I'd fallen."
Santana sighs at this, "It's not just on you. I could have found you easily, I've always known where your parents live. I mean Rachel is a Broadway legend, I could have found her. You don't have the market cornered on fear and regret, Charlie. I never checked because I was afraid of what I would find. I didn't know if you'd be dead—or so completely out of it. By the time that Bela hit two years old, it became a matter of proving to everyone—to myself that I didn't need you." She looks up at Charlie who is watching her. "I see how good you are with Bela, I mean yeah you need to learn to say no to her and mean it—but you're good with her. You're not the only person who thinks about what could have been." Santana sighs. "I made the right decision back then to leave—I know I did."
There's an awkward pause until Charlie's lip twitch upwards, "We make quite the pair, don't we?"
"We always did." Santana said with a snort and shakes her head. She thinks for a movie and then studies Charlie for a moment. "I—have something for you. But I'm dead serious about making sure your daughter has no leftovers."
Charlie raises a brow but begins to eat, shoveling food into her mouth and watching Santana. It tastes good, even though the foods gone warm. It's the first home-cooked meal she's had in years. She finishes her plate as Santana finishes hers. "I can take the rest back home?" She offers and Santana studies her for a moment before nodding. Charlie smiles and immediately gets up to pack away the dishes. "You made dinner so I'll do the dishes."
"Alright—bring the pie to the living room when you're done," Santana offers to Charlie who nods and she moves to the living room and goes to her DVD collection and pulls out a few DVDs and looks at them carefully before pulling out one of the discs and popping it into the DVD player. She makes her way to the couch and flops down on it, grabbing the blanket she now kept down here and wrapping it around herself as she waits for Charlie. It takes a few moments and her eyes feel a bit heavy when Charlie finally shows up and takes a seat beside her. "I thought—we could watch some home videos. Of Bela—I chose the most embarrassing ones." Santana said and smirked.
Charlie blinks and stares at the television for a moment before looking at Santana and then back at the television and then smiles. "You have videos?"
"I needed something to embarrass her with when she was a teenager," Santana said with a sniff. "I need to get my shits and giggles in somewhere," She smiled at Charlie and motions for her to sit down beside her. "So now you can remind her off all the stuff that she's done. In grave detail. That should teach her not to try and act like she's smarter than me."
Charlie takes a seat, she doesn't exactly know what to say but it's one of the biggest gifts anyone has ever given her so she'll take it. Santana fiddles with the remote and starts the DVD as an image of Bela fills the screen. Bela is wearing a little birthday hat, her cheeks are considerably chubbier than they are now and she's smacking her hands on her high chair reaching for the birthday cake and babbling nonstop. Little bubbles of spit on her mouth. Charlie watches and blinks, surprised at the sting of tears in her eyes, but she blinks them back because Santana is watching her carefully.
Santana hums along as she sings happy birthday for her daughter and lights the candle and places it in front of her. "So this may not have been my best idea—but I didn't think she'd actually do it," Santana says to Charlie who turns to her. Santana bites her lip as the baby Bela stares at the fire and immediately grabs the flame. She hears the younger version of her curse as her daughter begins to bawl and smacks the cake away causing it to land on the floor as she wails. Santana grins as Charlie snorts at this and then begins to laugh. "I didn't think it through. I thought she'd blow out the candles!"
Charlie laughs heartily, "She was one Santana! I think I did the same thing, when I was her age."
"Yes but you were never that bright to begin with," Santana says with a huff and leans in to poke Charlie's side.
"It could have been Quinn," Charlie says defensively though there is a huge grin on her face. "I'm pretty sure my parents couldn't tell us apart."
Santana laughs at this, "So I should call you Quinn now?"
"Oh god please no. I like my name. Charlie fits." Charlie says with a snort.
Santana rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to the screen where she's holding and shushing Bela who is curled up against her. Things really would have been different if Charlie was around, maybe things wouldn't have been so hard on her. She wouldn't have made as many mistakes they could have been a team. Maybe they wouldn't have taken over New York together, but they would have been happy. "You know she shares your fear of Muppets too right?"
"That makes sense, Muppets are the devil and need to be burned," Charlie says as Santana laughs and rolls her eyes.
Santana shifted a bit as she opened her eyes, groaning as hair falls into her face. She had fallen asleep with her wig on. No wonder she was so warm. She pushes the blanket off her legs and shifts as she pulls the wig off absentmindedly. She blinks a few time as the light from a window hits her face and she realizes that she's still in the living room. She shifts a bit and rolls onto her back before pausing as it suddenly hits her that she's curled up against Charlie who is sleeping soundly an arm around her shoulders. Santana freezes immediately, as she realizes that her wig is now off and on the coffee table where she had tossed it. She immediately reaches for it only to have Charlie stir. "Shit," she mumbles under her breath and waits. Charlie had always slept like the dead when had that changed? Santana shifts quietly and gently moves Charlie's arm, so she can make a quick grab and put the wig on. She leans forward and grabs it quickly, pulling her arm back, causing her elbow to slam into Charlie's stomach.
Charlie's eyes snap open at the impact as she gets momentarily winded. It takes her a moment to realize where she is and she flicks her eyes to Santana who is desperately trying to put on her wig without a mirror. Charlie groans and shifts sitting up, rubbing her eye. "Doesn't that itch?" Charlie says it's the first thing that comes to her mind and Santana turns to her.
Santana pauses and looks at Charlie for a moment, "It does and it gets hot and sweaty and I hate wearing it," Santana says as she continues to try and fix her wig. She's embarrassed, this wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe she could kick Charlie out, and pretend that it never happened. Was that an option that she could take? It was what she was leaning to.
Charlie watches Santana for a moment and then reaches forward and gently takes her hands, "You don't need to wear that in front of me. I still think you're beautiful." Charlie blinks as what she just says finally clicks. "I mean—in the purely—platonic way not the—I mean you always look beautiful Santana—"
Santana stared at Charlie who was trying to say words—badly, and snorts, it's relaxing. It's enough to make her feel a bit better about the fact that she has no hair. It's something that she feels incredibly self-conscious about. "How about we go get some breakfast and I'll continue to tell you stories about Bela that will make her squirm?"
"Bonding over pancakes and embarrassing our kid?" Charlie says watching as Santana puts down the wig. "Sounds like fun."
"I'll also teach you how to say no to her," Santana adds taking Charlie's arm and letting her help her to the kitchen.
AN: More stuff happens so see you next time, reviews are lovely.
