Chapter 7: Dreaming

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"It's never something you expect to hit you; you can go months, years even, wanting to get out of a relationship, not realizing you want out of it until something happens to make you suddenly understand why you have been feeling so empty, lost and adrift for so long –

"And you wonder, when did this happen? Where did it go? The passion? The sparks? When did I get butterflies in my stomach for the last time when I saw you? When did I get used to you? Bored with you? Why don't I want to touch you the way I used to? Why does 'I love you' feel like a forced routine? And you carry those questions with you, and suddenly you can't look at her the way that you had been; everything is different, it feels off, and you wonder first, is it just you? Are you just bored? Why don't you feel in love anymore? And you doubt yourself… No, there's no way this is right. I love her. I love her. I love her.

"And so you try to convince yourself, you try to convince her. You buy her flowers one night, you cook her dinner, you take her on vacation, you kiss her softly and sweetly, reminiscent of the way you did when you first started dating. You go down on her for an hour, and remember why you used to do this all time, (because she tastes so damn sweet) and you revel in her moans and her fingers in your hair, her gasps and her 'Oh!'s and she mutters 'I love you, I love you, God I love you!' And you do it, you successfully convince yourself that it had just been a phase and then –

You go back home and it reverts back to the way it was, only now it's worse like everything you had initially built had begun to crumble so you duct taped it back together, but it was no match for the hurricane of hell life threw at you and now it's crumbling, it's burning, it's falling, she's crying, you're crying, your fists are flying and making holes in the walls, holes in your hearts, your souls; it's so empty everything is empty

"Empty.

"And then it hits you; you'd always wanted out, you just always denied it, but now that you're out, you miss her. It hurts how much you miss her and it's confusing because you know how badly you had wanted out but you miss her and sleeping alone is so lonely and so many times you wake and find your hands reaching out for her but you catch yourself just before you go back and throw yourself in her arms, you sit in your car, on your hands, you bite your lip so hard it bleeds, you cry, you scream, you call the suicide hotline then after maybe

"A month or so of this misery, you get up and

"Carry on."

"Korra please just come to bed."

"…No."

"Baby, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't. I… I was just mad."

"You're always mad."

"I just… I miss you. Please. I just want to hold you. I just want to hold the woman I love, and kiss her, and make love to her, and fall asleep with her please… Baby come on, please."

She shakes her head, pulls the covers more tightly around her. "You can't keep doing this."

"I know…"

"No you don't. You don't know. Otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it."

"Look I just… I was just drinking a lot, I'm sorry. I miss you."

"Stop…" her voice is a whisper, and she chokes on her tears.

"Baby…" his lips are so soft on her face. "Please… I'm sorry, please."

"I can't do this…" his arms are already around her. He scoops her up bridal style. She wraps her arms around his neck, her heart heavy, her tears falling. She wants him so badly… Wants to want him… wants him. She loves me, Wants to love him, loves him. But…

He lays her down gently, peels the blanket away from her.

"I love you." He kisses her lips, wipes her tears with his thumbs, kisses her eyes. "I love you so much."

She wants to pull him closer, wants to push him away, wants to kiss him and make love forever, wants to get up and run away, she hates him more than anything, loves him so much that it hurts everything inside of her.

"I fucking hate you," she breathes as he runs his hands over her body, pushes her underwear down and kisses her there.

"No you don't."

Her tears continue to fall, she gasps, and moans and he lifts his head and watches her face as her head tilts back and her eyes close. He kisses her stomach.

"You love me." He whispers. He dips his head and licks and sucks on her flesh then moves and positions his hips against hers. "You love me, I know you remember that."

Her fingers grip his hair. A small cry escapes her throat as he thrusts into her.

"Oh God," she sighs again. He holds her close and feels her trembling against him.

"Tell me to stop," he says. "If you hate me…" he thrusts again hard, and she gasps and tenses and her fists clench in his hair. "Tell me."

"I fucking hate- God!" Her body writhes in pleasure.

"What?" He takes a hold of her wrists, pins them down on either side of her head as he continues to thrust. He knows what she likes, he knows her, all too well. He starts to move faster, harder. "You don't hate me," he growls into her ear. She cries out again. She is starting to sweat. "You don't hate me."

Her breathing is becoming labored, and he pushes the hair from her sweaty face. He kisses her mouth and she responds with force, with heat, passion, anger, she nips him, he bites her back. "Korra." He thrusts hard again and feels her arch her back in response.

"Aaaagh!" He releases her wrists and pulls her up. Still inside of her, still moving against each other, he pulls her close with one hand, holds her hair with the other. Her hands are on his face, in the moonlight leaking through the blinds, he could see her pain reflected in those deep blue eyes and they close halfway and more tears spill and he kisses them away, but more tears begin to fall- only now from his eyes.

"Baby…" he could feel her slipping away from him, even though he holds her as close as possible. He craves her, desperately, he can't kiss enough of her skin, can't go deep enough inside of her, can't hold her close enough, can't inhale enough of her breathes.

She is getting closer. He could feel it.

She breathes in suddenly, holds it, and her whole body tenses against him. He can't stop. She moans. "Oh God," she breathes. "Ohhh Goddd…" He moves more slowly, more gently. He kisses her lightly, holds her closely. "God…" she mutters, her eyes drifting shut.

Even as she begins to fall asleep, he holds her close, he kisses her naked skin. "You don't hate me." He whispers into her dreams.

As his arms wrap around her, squeeze her, his face presses into her neck, she rubs his arm with her fingertips, puts her face in the fold of his elbow. "Yes I do." She replies from somewhere far away. She presses herself into his chest. "I fucking hate you. I fucking love you. And I fucking hate loving you."

The dreams fluttered away from her as the cool morning air pressed its self against her eyelids. All she was able to remember was Mako's face; his burning golden eyes floated in her mind and drifted away into darkness as she became conscious. She opened her eyes and sat up, and stretched. Her head ached very slightly from the cut at the back of her head. It was healing well, but it was still constantly sore.

She stood. Naga was already awake. "Hey girl." She scratched her friend behind the ears. "Feel like running?"

She hadn't been running since the day Asami had crashed into her, just a little over a week ago. This morning, her body was still a little sore, but she was tired of waiting to feel any better. The sun was still below the horizon, some stars remained in the sky, twinkling, dancing, determined to hold onto the night for as long as they possibly could. Her clothes had been brought to the house when she had been, and she was glad to find a sweater in the closet as she was getting dressed. Outside it was cold, and she pulled her hood up over her hair as she started jogging down to where the water fell to the sand.

They jogged down the beach for about ten minutes before they reached the rocks at the edge of the cove. They stopped, and Korra stretched as the sun began to open its eyes. A cool wind, little more than a breeze, danced across the surface of the water and made its way to Korra; with it, it brought a dark host of clouds.

The sky was beginning to lighten in the east, and its golden rays clashed with the steel grey of the clouds as they rolled in from the west. The wind began to play not too gently with Korra.

"Let's go girl." They started running the opposite direction down the beach. The beach was roughly three miles across, with the house just a little more north than south, and facing west towards the ocean. The two ran steadily through the sand, keeping close to the water. After twenty minutes of easy running, they reached the other side of the cove, and the rocks rose before them. Korra stood with her hands on her head and looked up as she breathed. Although maybe a little precarious, it was not impossible to climb, she saw that where the rocks were less jagged, a narrow dirt path snaked up into the cliff and disappeared somewhere up in the trees. Giving in to the adventurer within her, Korra stepped up onto the rocks.

The wind was beginning to pick up, and the clouds were winning the fight against the sun for the sky. The stars had all vanished, and the sun was somewhere up there, but the blanket of grey muted out its rays and a light pitter-patter began to fall. It was slippery in some places, but Korra moved slowly and carefully and Naga trotted a little ahead of her to mark the way. After about ten minutes, Korra stopped and looked back. She sat on a boulder, just before where the rock met the dirt, and she was just out of reach of the waves as they began to grow and swell and crash down on where she had just climbed over moments ago.

She looked up at the path and saw Naga's tail whip around behind a bend which disappeared into the fragrant silver dollar eucalyptus trees. She caught her breath for a quick moment, and followed. The rain was light, but as she jogged up the path and wove through and over the boulders, it began to pick up. As she continued climbing, she lost track of time, only focused on her breathing, on setting each foot carefully down in front of the other. All she heard was the sound of the rain making contact with the leaves on the trees and slipping down onto the dirt, and the water crashing against the cliffs down below. The wind picked up even more, and it tore her hood from her head and stung her cheeks. She climbed on.

Finally, as the rain became more steady and began to soak through her hoodie, Korra came to break in the trees. She jogged out into the open, and there before her she saw the whole ocean open up below her. The waves were getting big, the sky was growing darker. She was getting cold, and the rain was getting angrier. She wiped her eyes, uselessly, the rain rolled down her face and plastered her hair to her neck.

"Naga!" She called. A moment later, her dog bounded through the trees to her, wagging her tail. "Let's go girl." She said. Then suddenly, the world was lit up by a flash of lightning, dangerously close to the earth. Korra felt herself panic. The thunder followed. The sound tore straight through her and she screamed, fell to her knees and grabbed her head which felt as if a hammer had been slung right to it.

Korra!

"NOOO!" she screamed.

Korra get up!

The world flashed before her, and suddenly she was holding her rifle and standing next to Mako.

"What is that?"

"I don't know… Birds?"

He shook his head. "No… birds don't fly that straight." He shielded his eyes and squinted. "Oh no…"

"What?"

He took her arm and turned towards the teachers and the students. "Get inside!" he yelled. "Get inside now!"

Lightning flashed, another crash of thunder followed, another painful throb tore through her. She screamed and writhed. Her eyes, wild and open, saw the storm, saw Mako, saw the children, saw the sky, saw the rain, saw fire, saw blood –

Korra!

"Mako?!"

Korra come on!

"I can't move!"

Korra!

Little feet ran by her, screams filled the air. Get them inside… Get them inside! She was being lifted.

"NO!"

I'm not leaving you, come on!

Get them- get them not me! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Lightning flashed. Thunder crashed. She wasn't blacking out. She was in both worlds.

"MAKOOOO!" She screamed. Then pain, blinding, hot, searing pain shot though her whole entire body. She kept seeing their little faces. She glanced up. There it was, dark, ominous, floating right above her. It glared right at her.

"FUCK YOU! WHAT THE FUCK DO WANT?! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Lightning. Blinding light, more pulsating pain. She screamed again, tears burned trails down her face. There were faces, young faces, right in front of her. She reached for them. "Come on… COME ON!"

KORRA!

"MAKO!"

She screamed, and she cried, and she couldn't make it stop. "Mako please!" she whimpered. Another flash. Another crash. Another wave of pain, and this time, just when she felt she would throw herself over the cliff just to make it stop, it was enough. She lost consciousness, and the storm continued to rage violently about her. It was all Naga could do to lay protectively beside her as the world fell apart around them.

Korra… Korra.

She opened her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

She was warm. Warm brown eyes gazed down at her. She felt as if she was wrapped in a blanket fresh out of the dryer. "Naga?"

"Oh I was so worried about you!" Her dog licked her face and nuzzled her affectionately.

"Naga you can't talk."

Her dog laughed. "Of course I can! How else would you be able to understand me?"

Korra blinked at her, confused. "What?"

"Come on honey, get on my back."

"...What?" She repeated. Naga lifted her up, and set her on her warm, strong back. Had Naga always been this big?

"Hold on!"

Her fingers grasped fur and the two of them ran. Glided really. Through nothing. Naga seemed to glow, warm and golden, but all around them, there was warm, nothing.

"Look up there."

Korra squinted and saw a soft light glowing just ahead of them.

"What is that?"

"You'll see."

Quietly, Naga continued to run, through the warm nothing, and Korra put her face in Naga's warm white fur and held on tightly, as the light slowly grew closer.

It felt as if she had taken a long nap by the time Naga's muscles stopped moving beneath her.

"We're here." Said her dog. Korra opened her eyes and sat up, and looked around. 'Here' was a desert. Sand as white as snow billowed about her, as far as her eyes could see, there was white sand, and clear blue endless sky.

"What is 'here'?" It was so quiet. Despite it being a desert, it wasn't scorching hot; it was just pleasantly warm.

"It's your resting place." Naga knelt down so Korra could climb off her back. When her toes sank into the sand, she was suddenly aware that she was completely naked.

"My resting place?"

"Yes."

"Why am I here?"

"Why else do people need to rest Korra?" she nudged her gently with her great head and Korra scratched behind her ears. "Because they're tired."

Korra sat in the sand. It was so soft, so warm. She lied down. Closed her eyes. "I am tired."

Naga licked her cheek. "Do you want to stay here?"

She was so warm. She felt so peaceful, like all the barriers in her mind could finally come down, and she didn't have to be afraid anymore. It was like pain and fear no longer existed within her.

"Yes." She felt her body sinking into the sand.

"No you don't Korra." Naga said sadly.

"Yes I do, Naga," Korra argued with her dog. "It feels so good here. I've never felt this good. I could stay here forever."

"No. Not yet."

She continued to sink, and she opened her eyes. Naga filled her vision. She reached for her. Her dog licked her hand. Suddenly, Korra started to cry. "I'm really, really scared Naga."

"It'll be okay." Her image was swimming before her. The sand was all around her, she was almost completely buried.

"Will it? How do you know?"

"It will."

She awoke to the scent of eucalyptus and pine, moist earth, rain, and wet dog. A There was a warmth by her side and it wined earnestly. Everything hurt. She struggled to open her eyes. A warm tongue lashed out and licked her face. A wine again.

Korra groaned. With a lot of effort, she pulled herself up into a sitting position. The storm had passed, but water still fell steadily from the soft gray heavens. She was soaked, and cold. Naga snuggled up next to her, licking her and nuzzling her and Korra wrapped her arms around her. With some effort, and some nudging from her dog, somehow, she ended up on Naga's back.

"You really are a big girl." Korra muttered. She leaned forward, and closed her eyes, her fists in Naga's wet fur, and let her dog take her back home.


I know what you're thinking; "yo, what the literal fuck did I just read?" Don't ask me. I have no idea. I just needed to write it.