Yoooooo. Anybody miss me? Alrighty, here's another cracky one-shot featuring my ships. Actually, this was based off of one of my headcanons... Until it twisted into this. Anyways, I hope you enjoy whatever this turned out to be.
Natsu sat at the bar, staring intensely across the guild at his blonde headed partner. Honestly, it looked like he was trying out some form of telepathy. Alas, he couldn't steal Warren's gimmick, and was unable to communicate with her that way. Said blonde was currently sitting across from Levy at a table. Beside Levy was Juvia, and Erza across from her.
Well, there was another set of eyes burning a hole in the back of one of the girl's heads. These eyes belonged to a mage with a bit darker and... studded tastes. Levy was, unknowingly, the target.
Oh, but it gets better. Of course these girls had to have been grouped together by fate and not to fit the author's plot, right? Right. Well, a certain ice mage was staring, seemingly uninterested, at the wall beside Juvia. Smooth move, Casanova.
And Jellal happened to be passing through Magnolia with Meredy for God knows what reason. He'd stopped by the guild to chat with Makarov, though it seemed his eyes were glued to a certain redhead. What a coincidence.
The girls, oblivious as always, continued their conversation in peace while the rest of the guild nearly groaned in irritation at the boys' obviousness. It wasn't until Evergreen smacked Gajeel over the back of the head and grumbled at him to stop 'ogling' innocent little Levy that he realized the others' lines of vision.
The iron dragon slayer rose from his seat, walking over to Natsu to snap his fingers in front of the other's face. "Oi, Natsu. I need to speak to ya'."
Natsu shook his head, glaring up at Gajeel. "Oh yeah? About what?" He asked skeptically.
"Somethin'." Wow Gajeel, informative. "You get Jelly Bean over there and I'll take the snow cone machine. We're havin' a chat."
"Jelly... Bean?" Natsu repeated, staring at Gajeel as if he'd asked him how to work an iPhone. Seeing as cell phones don't even exist in Fiore, he was confused. "You mean Jellal?"
Nodding, Gajeel walked over to Gray, grabbing his arm mid-strip and dragging him out the doors of the guild. Natsu went next, pulling Jellal by his hair. The rest of the guild sighed in relief. Their stares were getting creepy, even if the girls hadn't noticed. Seriously, how could they not notice?
"What're you doing? Get off me!" Gray shouted, shirt having been caught half-way up his arms and over his head.
"What's the meaning of this? Natsu!" Jellal joined with protests of his own, letting out a breath of relief as his hair was released.
"Shut up and listen." Gajeel barked, catching the other three's attention. "I saw where you were lookin' back there, all of you."
"Tch, I wasn't looking anywhe-"
"Can it, stripper boy. We all know you were looking at Juvia, give it a rest."
Gray opened his mouth to argue, only to close it again as he realized that the other was right. Scowling, he crossed his arms over his bare chest. "Suppose I was. What about it... Hypothetically, of course." Of course, Gray. Hypothetically.
"Well..." Gajeel began, only to stop again. "Uh, I actually hadn't gotten that far." He finished, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
"This is dumb. I was just making sure Lucy wasn't injured." Natsu grumbled, averting his eyes from the boys.
"From ten feet away?" Gray deadpanned. And he thought his story wasn't believable.
"Erza and I are merely childhood friends. Nothing more." Jellal explained, trying to sound professional.
Needless to say, he received blank looks from the others before they turned to glare at Gajeel. "And what about you, Gajeel? Weren't you 'ogling' Levy pretty hard back there?" Natsu snickered, having caught Evergreen's comment due to his dragon slayer hearing.
"The Shrimp? You're kiddin' right?" Gajeel said with a laugh.
"Boys, boys... Don't get your thongs in a bunch, alright?" Another male called from behind them, strolling towards the group leisurely. The blonde was met with four extremely unenthusiastic looks in response.
"Yo, Sting. What're you doin' around here?" Natsu asked, having befriended the other slayer before the participating guilds all left Crocus. "Shouldn't you be with Sabertooth?"
"Eh, I was around... Decided to stop by." He replied coolly, walking up to join their circle. Wow, keep these coincidences rollin'. "Sounds like you boys are having a bit of lady trouble."
"Like hell I am." Gray grumbled. "As much as it pains me to say this, Natsu was right for once. This is stupid."
"Exactly." The salmon haired mage exclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "I'm goin' back in the guild. Lucy might get hurt."
"What's she gonna do, get a splinter?" Gray retorted sarcastically. "Lucy's a big girl, she can handle sitting at a table without you holding her hand."
"Oi, you pickin' a fight ya' bastard?"
"Bring it on! You're nothin' but a soggy, burnt out matchstick!"
"Real big talk from an evaporated snowcone!"
Jellal and Gajeel's facial expressions did little to disguise their annoyance towards the fire and ice mages. Sting looked on in amusement, putting together the fact that this was most likely a common thing.
"Look, both of ya' are idiots. Can we move on now?" Gajeel deadpanned. "The author's tryina' go somewhere with this." You're damn right I am, Gajeel.
"Right, it says here in my script that I'm supposed to help you with your female dilemmas." Sting commented, pointing to a specific spot on the sheet of paper he held in his hand. "Who even writes this stuff?"
"Tch, like you know anything about women." Jellal muttered, flipping his luscious blue hair like the little diva he is.
"I'm not takin' any advice from Mr. Light Bright over here." Gajeel retorted, jabbing a thumb in Sting's direction.
"For your information, I'm often regarded as quite the ladies man." Sting smirked, obviously proud of himself. What an accomplishment.
"By who? Your mom?" Natsu snorted, laughing and giving himself a high five.
Sting seemed to tear up, crumpling the papers he held in his hand and shouting, "I NEVER KNEW MY MOTHER!" He then proceeded to run off in the direction he came, muffled sobs becoming fainter the farther away he got.
"... The author literally accomplished nothing at all in this bit." Gray noted, raising a brow."Wasn't there going to be a point somewhere in here? Anything? No? Alright."
"This is a little awkward."
"Should we go after Sting?"
"Nah… he'll be okay."
Just… Just what. I can't give an explanation for this thing. It's complete rubbish. Was it even humorous? No? Ok.
