Reaver's 3 Step Guide to Surviving, Evading, and Quelling a Rebellion by Knead-Boric, Step 1


Step 1: Surviving


The simplest of the guide's steps, surviving a rebellion comes down to the most useful philosophy of fight-or-flight. Of which I initially picked the former, but then had to resort to the latter.

Speaking from experience and coming to my first lesson in this step, it is quasi-impossible, even impossible to defend oneself from a large band of rebels. Especially when said oneself is rendered with no more capable servants to come to his aid and is sorely inebriated.

To quote a particularly loud and vexed would-be revolutionary, "Kill Reaver, kill the man! Don't let him get away and don't let him get the better of you, people! For tonight, we shall have his head on a spike, and the justice we so longed for will be served!". And get away I did, right after my bullet found its way through my window, through his skull and through that of two others. A shameful waste of a bullet that was. But get my comeuppance? I did not fortunately. For my doors were far too sturdy for a mob to break down so easily. Let this be lesson two and let it be known:, robust, defensible fortifications, such as my mansion for example, will increase your chances of survival a thousandfold.

On to lesson three. When one has grown tired of fighting, one must flight. After disposing of innumerable amounts of the ever-infinite insurgent peasantry, I soon realized that a simpler way to survive was to retreat through my Rear Passage – now open to tours for a small fee, alongside the rest of the Bloodstone ruins. (Please consult the Reaver Industries' Office of Tourism for more information.) - Of course in my intoxicated folly I left the secret entrance to it wide open. I had a head-start however, so their storming of the tunnels mattered little. Of course poor old Jeffory, my new butler, was torn limb from limb when they broke in, but alas, his passing did give me enough time to save my precious Dragonstomper .48's. Make that lesson four; anything that is what you people would describe as selfless, altruist and generous conduct is optional in the context of survival. No one's sacrifice is in vain, except that of your own.

So there it goes, the essentials to surviving a rebellion. Fight if you can. Defend your position if you can. Retreat if you can. Sacrifice others when and if you can.