I'm sitting backstage and about to announce to everyone on live television that I'm engaged to Rufus Shinra. I've nearly puked several times. I'm sweating and my hands won't stop shaking. I've never been nervous in interviews before. I've always had it together. Why was this any different? Oh yeah, because I'll be sitting beside Rufus, and having to pretend that I'm in love with him. I can't even stand his presence! I just want to cry, Diary. I can't though. I did enough crying yesterday, which I'm already ashamed of enough as it is.

Besides, I'm more upset about what happened with Sephiroth. We've never fought before; he's far too reserved, too quiet. He's not one to argue. The few times I've seen him argue he was always ruthless, always willing to go for the low blow. Perhaps, we're alike in that way. To anyone who knew me well enough, mainly Genesis, Angeal, Cissnei, and of course, Sephiroth, that was probably the word they'd use to describe me when it came to most things. When arguing, when making a point, when competing, but most importantly in survival. I never meant to be this way, but I suppose surviving, especially in such a dangerous place, has made me this way.

Maybe that's what Sephiroth had meant, in our argument. He had called me a coward. I'd fiercely denied it in the beginning, but thinking back on it, it might be true. It just depended on how you looked at it, maybe. Did being ruthless, always willing to dish the low blow, to do anything it took to survive, be cowardly? I would've said no at first, but the more I think on it, the more sense it makes. I'm a coward, because I'd rather change who I am to survive, then to fight.

I don't want to be a coward. Elys once told me 'Cowards die many times before their actual death'. How many times have I killed myself to survive? How many pieces of my heart and soul will wither away and die before my actual death arrives? The thought terrified me more than anything Shinra could or would ever be capable of doing.

"Are you ready, Cerise?" Rufus asked, approaching my vanity with cold eyes. I nodded, placing my diary down and locking it, placing the key in the pocket of my dress. I took his offered hand and we stepped out, the crowd cheering. I immediately put on my charming, heart-winning smile, waving to the crowd with my free hand. Rufus even managed a smile and a few polite nods to the crowd. We took our seats beside Lyssa Lancel, the famed reporter I hated with a fiery passion.

"Hello! You both look stunning, how is the happy couple doing today?" Lyssa asked, all fake smiles. Knowing Rufus, I would have to do all of the talking, so not as to scare anybody.

"We're great! We both couldn't be happier to be here with you today." I informed her. She smiled and I smiled; we both knew how this game worked.

"Well, i'm so glad you both were able to make it, I know you must have such busy schedules, what with you being such an idol and inspiration to everyone, and with Rufus being the next heir to the Shinra corporation." The interview went on with the same polite conversation and inquiries. Surprisingly, Rufus talked quite a bit and actually managed to be pleasant and polite. His father must've threatened him. Finally, the dreaded question came up.

"How soon do you plan to be married?" She asked, leaning closer for affect. Everyone in the crowd did so as well, though not as an act. Rufus seemed like he would be taking this one, and I bit my lip; would I truly let him announce how soon we were going to be married? Already today, I'd killed another piece of myself with going through with this.

"Oh we plan on it being very-"

"Late!" I spoke up, interrupting him. He sent me a questioning look, but there was already anger brimming beneath his eyes. I cleared my throat. "I mean, obviously we're still just kids. I'm only just barely fifteen, and Rufus is still only sixteen. It will be at least a couple years before we're ready for marriage." I wasn't as composed as I usually was, and everyone could see it. Lyssa looked between me, Rufus, and the crowd. The crowd even shared puzzled looks. Rufus looked ready to object, but then thought better of it. It would be even worse punishment for both of us if he made us look like we were on different pages. We needed to seem completely together on this. Therefore, he fortunately kept his mouth shut.

"Well we all look forward to it! I wish you both the best and I sincerely hope you both could come back again sometime soon!" She said with false cheer. The interview ended and Rufus walked away from me as soon as we arrived back stage, positively fuming with rage. Cissnei gave me a disapproving look, but somewhere in her eyes I could tell she was relieved. She walked back with me to my vanity.

"You know what's going to come next," She said quietly. I nodded my understanding, not looking at her. I merely focused on taking off the excess jewelry, watching myself in the mirror. I just watched her; this girl, who was me, but also wasn't. This girl, who had transformed herself into some kind of monster, just to live. Was life really so important to me, if that was what it was? No, I decided. I had decided that back there on that stage when I spoke up. I didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. One day, I would though. "Are you prepared to handle the consequences of your actions?" She asked. I nodded, looking at her over my shoulder calmly.

"I'm not afraid anymore. They won't kill me." I told her quietly. She shook her head.

"They might," She whispered, and despite the perfect mask she had cultivated over the years, I could see the fear and panic slowly rising within her eyes. "If you're not usual anymore, if you don't obey, Shinra will kill you." She told me.

"That's not what I meant," I responded, standing up and holding my diary in my hands. Rufus was waiting at the door to leave, still angry from the look in his eyes. I smiled lightly at her, grabbing her hand to calm her. "They can't kill what's inside of me. Not anymore."

Cissnei had been right, about the consequences. Shinra had been fuming when we returned, angry with both Rufus and I, but mostly with me. It was understandable, I said it. After a stern talking to and a promise for punishment later, I was left in the room with only Shinra, Veld, and a few of his closest advisors. He glared at me openly, a murderous gleam in his eyes.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" He yelled viciously, getting in my face. I stayed calm on the outside, but my heart was still beating quick. I would never regret my decision, but that did not mean I was not scared now. Still, I stood strong. Despite my fear, I knew that I could handle this.

"I don't want to marry him." I answered him simply. "And I Certainly don't want to marry him so soon. I'm just a kid Shinra, you have to understand that I'm not capable of being someone's wife right now, let alone Rufus'." I said, coming in with the voice of reason. Perhaps if I managed to calm him the beating wouldn't be so bad. He wasn't having it.

"You do as I say!" He yelled, red in the face as he nearly spit at me. "I've kept you safe, comfortable, and happy since you were nine years old, and this is how you repay me? I say jump, you jump. If I say marry my son in a few months, you do it!" He screamed. I didn't avoid the spit this time, as a small amount hit my cheek. Disgusted, but refusing to show any emotion, I simply wiped it away on the back of my hand.

"I'm not your puppet." I told him quietly, holding his gaze so he knew I was serious. "I will marry Rufus, if that is what you want, but I will marry him when I'm ready. If you have don't like it, that's your problem, not mine." It was quiet for several seconds. I knew my words had made him even angrier than he already was, but I refused to back down. Finally, Rufus turned to Veld, and then motioned to me with his eyes.

"Get to it," He ordered. "See if you can beat the insolence out of her." Everyone left the room after that, besides Veld. He moved closer and we made eye contact.

"You should've just done as you were told," He said with a sigh. Some part of me knew he didn't like this anymore than I did, but another part of me was too bitter to care. One day, he and Shinra would both pay for this. I closed my eyes, awaiting my punishment.

"Just get it over with. And not the face, you know Shinra will be mad if I'm caught with a black eye."

Despite the fact that I'd just been kicked, punched, and hit repeatedly, I still wanted to train with the guys. I spent an hour resting up in my room, before changing into a pair of black leggings and a black tank top, also pulling on some tennis shoes. I pulled my hair up and checked the clock; it was about one in the afternoon, so they would probably be in the simulation right now. If not, I could easily drag them away from weights training or anything else to come fight with me.

Walking down the halls, people would occasionally stop and stare if they saw the bruises forming on my arms, but they said nothing. They knew better than that. Finally reaching the training floor, I walk into the main gym room, where most of the cadets are trained. Some of them stopped and stared as I walked past, but were quickly reprimanded. I entered the simulation room and found that my assumption had been correct; the three were training in there. They were deep in battle so I walked over to the weapons rack and picked up a simple sword; similar to the kind Angeal uses.

I began using some simple practice warm ups with the sword, until Genesis came up behind me and wrapped me in a hug. I winced at the pain, but smiled as if nothing were wrong. I hoped he would buy it.

He did not. He set me down, a frown appearing across his lips. He scanned my form up and down, landing on the bruises on my arms. His eyes flared with anger. "Who did this?" He yelled. Angeal and Sephiroth soon joined. Angeal looked more concerned than angry, but Sephiroth was unreadable. I pulled my arm away slowly.

"I didn't come here to talk about it. I came here to train. Please, let's just-"

"We're not avoiding this conversation," Genesis said, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Who hurt you, Cer?" Angeal asked quietly. I was quiet for a moment, trying to decide how to answer this question. I couldn't just come out and say it. That would cause far too many problems. I was so dumb, thinking they would just give up the fight if I asked them to.

"Did you see the interview this morning?" I asked. They were all quiet, but I could see in their faces that they had. I nodded. "You're not complete idiots. I know you can put it together." I finished and then looked to Sephiroth. "Let's spar. I'm done with talking."

He didn't argue. We sparred one on one for a while, but then decided that we would have a battle; Genesis, Angeal, and I against Sephiroth. He won, of course, but he went easier on me this time. That was to be expected.

After a couple hours of sparring and even some goofing off, we decided that maybe a night on the town was a good idea. Genesis and Angeal left to their rooms to get changed, but Sephiroth walked me back to my room. I knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"It was my fault," He said quietly. I sighed and shook my head.

"It was not your fault," I responded firmly, stopping in the middle of the hallway outside my door.

"I goaded a reaction out of you. You responded, and now you're paying the price." He said, and I could feel the guilt coming off of him in waves. I sighed again, brushing loose strands of hair out of my face.

"You told me I was being a coward. You were right. I didn't want to be a coward, so I did something about it. I knew exactly what was going to come of my actions, Seph. I don't regret them. You shouldn't either. Contrary to popular opinion, I can take care of myself." I answered him, looking him deep in the eyes so he knew I was being serious. It didn't stop the guilt, I could see that, but it did stop the argument. I wanted to ease his guilt, but I didn't have the will to argue anymore. I was far too tired. He was so much taller than me but I managed to lean up, placing a hand on his cheek. "You said what I needed to hear. I'm glad that you did. Now, I need to get changed. I'll meet you, Gen, and Angeal at the front doors of the building." I informed him. He nodded and I with our quick goodbyes, I walked inside my room, immediately pulling my hair from my ponytail and running a hand through it.

"I'm surprised you can even walk." I sighed. Great, it seems my wish to not argue would not be fulfilled. Fate was cruel. I looked up at Rufus and then moved towards my room, choosing not to respond. He grabbed my wrist, stopping me. "You're an idiot, you know that?" He hissed. I yanked my wrist from his grasp, ignoring the pain it caused.

"What's it to you?" I hissed in annoyance, moving past him and towards my room.

"Because despite your belief, I do actually care about you." He called, making me stop. That was surprising. And completely unbelievable. I turned around, glaring in disbelief. He rolled his eyes. "I know, it's completely shocking, isn't it?" He asked sarcastically. He then grew serious once more. "My father has ordered that Veld beat you every day until you agree to the original date. Give in now, save yourself some pain, Cerise." He explained. I shook my head.

"No way." I told him. "I made a decision, and I'm sticking to it. Now please, Rufus, give me some peace. I've had a long day." I told him flatly. He stomped towards the door. "Rufus," I said, stopping him before he could leave. I looked at him over my shoulder. "Thanks though, for your concern." I said softly. He nodded, and then left.

I hurried into my room, hoping to get ready quickly so that I could spend as much of my night out with the only people here I could consider my friends.

I hope you enjoyed this two part chapter! It's a very important one, as you can probably tell. Please review, favorite, and follow if you enjoyed! Thanks again!