I'm pleased for you. Honest baby, I am. I shouldn't really call you that any more, but I can't help it.
I'm glad that he is nothing like me, even though the thought of him loving you, kissing you and being the man you love kills me.
But I love knowing that you are finally happy; over the storm that has been darkening your every day and making you wish you were no longer here. I have to give Nick a bit of praise too because without him...well, I don't think we'd be able to talk like this.
It doesn't mean I am happy about this. You shouldn't be with Nick because he will never be me and you two will never have what we had. Me Dad said you two are great together and I don't think he is like when he says it. But what I do think isn't true is that you could find in Nick what you found in me. Could you ever find that in anyone else?
I haven't.
Her name is Claire. She's a few years younger than me and has been married before to some businessman that was always away. They split up because he'd been having an affair behind her back with his assistant. I didn't feel it was the time or place to tell her about me and Tina. I don't think it will ever be the right time to tell Claire because it killed me inside and out telling you. I hate the words too baby. If you think they destroyed you, well you're wrong. It was like I was drowning, burning and finding no extinguisher to calm the flames. I was burnt baby. You were too.
I like her you know.
She's great. She's a redhead with hair as red as the sky on an Autumn night. I think she's smart and she is, working as a teacher in a school down here in Portsmouth. She loves white wine; you love red. It makes it easier to live with what I did to you, knowing she is so different to you. And like you say about Nick, he is so unbelievably different to me. I guess he is. But will he ever be the same as me? I'll never love her like I loved you, like I love you. You may not love me, but know I won't ever give up on us. We'll be together in my head; please don't shatter the fantasy for me. Maybe one day I'll share my fantasy with you. That's if you ever want to hear it.
Can he kiss you in the same why I did? When your body would quiver from excitement and love. You told me that I was the only man you had ever wanted a family with; and a proper family. Kids, a house and all the wonderful things that came with it. Could Nick make you feel that way Carla? Do you want children with a man that was in love with Leanne for as long as you've been drinking red wine. Who is to say he wouldn't? Leanne is alone now, single and she works with Nick. They did it when I was with her and they weren't together all that long ago. There is nothing to stop them from doing it all over again.
Like they say baby, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
So until we're near again, I'll think of you baby.
Love you always, to the moon and back.
Peter
I was so surprised by the response to this, so I decided to give you all the Peter chapter and who knows...if you like it I can make this into more; maybe Carla will have another chapter in response to this one!
Please keep up those reviews, they are great! :-D
