A/n: hey, introducing chapter four!
CHAPTER QUOTE:
never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command
- Alan Watts
In Hiding – The Library at Home
I
Really
REALLY
Hate
That
THING
I have been home for about 4 hours more or less, and so far I am undecided between which torture is worse.
Beauxbatons or Mother?
I walked through the door, and already mother was berating my choice in clothes.
WHAT is so wrong with jeans that have a hole right near your buttocks?
Nothing.
But noooo, mother doesn't see it like that. She gave me a lecture about wearing proper clothes for people of our high status.
Like I care.
Honestly! With the cold war taking up the attention of the muggle world, adding extra-unneeded stress to innocents, I would like to think that we could dress the way we want to. It's a statement of identity! Without it I would be…
HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS!
I should really go and see Dr. Alex Lutsworth. He's the phycologist who works with criminals for my dad.
On second thought, my MOTHER should see him. She fits all the categories of his patients.
Insane: Check.
Delusional: Check
Criminal: Check
After all, she did steal my identity.
That would actually make a fabulous story – if only because it stars me:
Lily Evans and the Indentityless Identity
I'm turning into Potter or Black! It's the Slug's entire fault that I am now growing an ego.
NOTE to self: learn how to prune your ego so it doesn't grow to large and hard to handle other wise you're going to turn into what you really hate: and egoistical prat!
That's a very important note.
Anyway, after berating my clothing choice for an hour – this would have gone on for much longer, but my wonderful dad asked when dinner would be, and my mother as she is very eager to please him, went and got it – we had dinner. Of course, the entire time was taken up by wedding talk between Petunia and Mother.
Dad and I had a foot wrestle under the table.
I can imagine the face of those two power hungry idiots if they found out… HAHAHAAA! I would finally have some amusement around this place.
"Lilieanne, I put the clothes that you are going to be wearing tomorrow, and another set that you will be wearing on Sunday before you leave, on your bed. I'm expecting you to hang them up…"
I stopped listening after that.
Bloody woman! Choosing my clothes for me. There's no justice in this.
NOTE to self: look up Dr. Alex's number as mother might need him immediately.
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"
I think she was really REALLY mad at this point. The Vein in her temple started to pulse.
Oh yea, she was DEFFINITELY mad.
"Of course mother. I'm sure your clothes choice will be perfect."
So I had no idea what in Merlin's beard she was talking about, but so what! If I compliment her then she'll forget all about it.
Everyone at the table stared at me gobsmacked.
WHAT?
Am I really that good a liar? Maybe I am!
Hee hee hee! I can use this to my advantage! I can start to lie to get myself out of trouble.
"LILIEANNE DO NOT LIE TO ME. YOU HATE THE CLOTHES THAT I CHOOSE…"
GR!
I told you that I wasn't one of those people who can lie to get out of detention; well the same theory applies here.
Thank you God - or whoever is up there looking down on us – for my dad! At this point The Vein – that throbs whenever she gets really mad – was beating so fast and hard that you would notice it even out of the side of your eye.
Maybe she'll have an apoplexy.
Anyway, my dad got up and went over to her. He started to massage her shoulders, while indicating for me and Petunia to leave. We did so, me gladly and Petunia with a worried look on her face.
On second thoughts, I am worried too. My dad is in there alone!
"Good work freak" Petunia screeched at me as soon as the door closed. "I wish you wouldn't come to my wedding." And with that she stormed off somewhere.
So I have been here for four hours and already have gotten into MAJOR fights with the female half of my family.
You see what having no ordinary female contact has done to me?
ISHK!
Anyway, so tomorrow I will most likely be forced into 100 thousand different dresses and then we'll settle on the first one that I tried on.
They knowingly do it to me.
Torture I tell you! There is no other word to describe it.
TORTURE!
Well I'm going to go to bed now, before my big torture day tomorrow.
Ciao!
The Kitchen – Before I Have To Leave
So I decided that maybe dressing the way I wanted just to disregard mother wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do. So I grudgingly – and with much struggling and mental encouraging (you see how sad I am? I have to give myself encouragement) – put on the beige jacket with a green under shirt – which is rather nice – matching beige dress pants and stilettos.
Just to make it up to my mother for last night, I straightened my wonderful red curls and yes, as degrading as this is to admit, I also put on make up.
I never realised how long my hair is…
Oh
My
Sweet
Merlin!
I look like a hideous pig who should go and die.
My dad just walking in holding a coffee mug and upon seeing me, he promptly dropped it on the beautiful white tiles, spilling the glorious black goop all over them.
He's staring at me.
WHAT?
I didn't think I looked that bad! I mean, I don't look like the CBFOM's…
DO I?
OH
MY
SWEET
MERLIN!
I
DO!
Wait on, my dads saying something.
…
"Wow. You look amazing!"
Maybe I don't look like a CBFOM! I mean, if I did I would have to kill myself.
Well, now all I have to do is face the final test.
Mother.
"Lily"
Merlin's beard. That's her and now I have no way to avoid it.
Hey, idea's to get out of it have been swimming through my head for the entire morning. My favourite one is the one where I transfigure myself into a monkey, where I climb onto the top of the house. Then when I'm up there, I conjure a HUGE block of chocolate, then transfigure into a bird and fly away.
I love flying.
Just not with crazy baboons who take pleasure in killing me and find my pain amusing.
Yes, there is always and exception.
Wait. There cant ALWAYS be an exception. If there was an exception to everything then the term 'there's always an exception' wouldn't exist.
Which it does.
Okay… I have no idea if that makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me Grins like a wolf
Right, yes, now. We're a bit off topic. So mother called my name. I walked in to the entrance hallway from the kitchen holding glorious coffee in a – stylish – travel mug.
WHAT is it with these people and dropping things?
ISHK!
Yes, mother dropped her bag when she saw me. Great minds think alike.
I'm sorry daddy. I used to think that you were the greatest and the bestest and had the greatest and the bestest mind in the world… but you just proved me wrong.
On the other hand it could be the second part of the saying.
And fools never differ.
Yes, he is a fool. After all, he had me…
Anyway, we are off topic again.
Mother rushed over and hugged me, saying how beautiful I looked and how I looked like a lady of my status, blah blah blah.
I lost interest.
Reading this I realise something.
Me and my MOTHER hugged. Miracles really do happen. It seems as though I have entered an alternate universe…
Oh well. At least she forgot the fight.
Ice Cream Parlour – 4:00 in the afternoon
Something has hit my mom.
I need to call the doctor or a healer or SOMEONE!
Okay I'll give you a recap.
So far I have:
1) Tried on a gazillion dresses
2) Brought 5 pairs of shoes
3) Brought 2 skirts
4) Brought 4 pairs of jeans
5) Brought 3 pairs of shorts
6) Brought a couple of short clubbing dresses
7) been threatened by Petunia
8) Been adored by mother
9) Been cat-called and slapped on the ass too many times to count
10) Been fussed over by all of the shop owners who know me and my mother (all very VERY posh shops)
11) Been asked out 11 and a half times
12) Convinced her to take us to get milkshakes
Yes, today has been more than a miracle. It's been…
Fun.
Please pretend you never heard/saw that.
I'm insane.
I need to see Dr. Alex.
Now.
Anyways.
Yes, the first six of those things are pretty self-explanatory. Just shopping. Now number seven. That makes for a GREAT story.
HAHAHAAA!
Allow me time to laugh.
Yes, when mother was engaged talking to a shop assistant – who kept eyeing me… I think they were talking about me. Can I have no privacy?
ISHK!
Well at the time I was wearing a gorgeous blue gown that said shop owner had forced me to try on because I 'have the right bone structure.'
WHATEVER!
I think she was referring to my skinny little runtedness… GR! I'll show her! Good things DO come in small packages…
Anyway! Petunia was mad at all the attention the old bat was giving me. I mean along with the clothes, mother was buying me any little bit of jewellery I admired – yes, we can afford it – and Petunia was upset with me about it.
If I get this many AWSOME! things, I will have to dress up more often…
Or NOT!
Anyway.
She walked up to me, and stuck her bony face in front of mine. The only thing that I could think was that she had really REALLY bad breath. I think that I should introduce her to a toothbrush. That would make a good wedding present… what the merlin… I canNOT wait that long!
She opened her thin lips and breathed into my face. I mean I know that I'm a skinny runt but seriously! Is it necessary to do that?
"Stop attention seeking. Mother maybe falling for your tricks, witch, but I am not. This is my wedding! I WANT the attention. Freak."
She looked down at me, in what she must have thought was a threatening look. Really, it made her look like a constipated penguin.
Penguins are going to take over the world. Wait no. Scratch that.
Crazy Evil Dancing Penguins are going to take over the world. And I know it.
I think that my purpose in life maybe to bring about awareness of the penguins secret plan and NOT create mass hysteria… I mean we've all seen how that goes. I mean, look at the Salem Witch Burnings… of course no witch's were killed but the whole thing was based on false accusation and mass-hysteria.
Anyway, back to Petunia.
I was trying to keep a straight face while she looked down on me.
Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up.
Honestly.
ISHK!
The laughter that was building up in me over flowed and I burst out laughing. She hmphed and walked away.
Hey, it might not be as funny as it is to me to you but you haven't had to live with her for sixteen years.
Everything that comes after that is extremely EXTREMELY unusual. Yes, you may wonder how you can be half asked out. Well we was half way through the question when he was dragged away by his mate.
But what's the scariest is that mother seems to be enjoying the milkshakes and the booth. Oh dear.
Must go and drown my self.
Ciao.
Early Sunday Morning
So dinner last night was rather laid back and relax. I did indeed try and drown myself that night in the shower… but for some strange reason the shower wouldn't fill up…
The mysteries of life
Today I am going shopping with mother again, and today I've dressed up, as I like to call it. Just to enforce to mother that I really am quite sorry.
I am however, having cromprehending issues. I mean, all I have to do is dress nicely and she loves me?
Aren't mothers supposed to supple eternal love or something? Where they will love you no matter what?
ISHK!
Anyways, I must go now for another day of fun… torture.
Home – 4:30
How
Could
She
Do
That
Too
Me?We were having a lovely time. Fun even, and then she goes and ruins it.
I'm a ragdoll with floppy emotions!
I'll tell you what she did! We got home, and she told me that the man that she was talking to today was from some big brand company offering me a modelling job. Well of course she said yes. She didn't even ask me.
I mean HELLO? AM I INVISIBLE? Do I have free will? Do I even get a chance to speak my mind?
Well I told her this in a… slightly raised voice, and of course the evil yelled back about how it would bring honour to the family, blah blah blah.
My humiliation brings attention to the family? She takes pleasure in my pain. Everyone does. The whole world is against me.
EVERYONE.
Now I am packing my bag to leave earlier than expected. I do NOT care that I am still wearing mother's social climbing clothes, or that I still look pretty. I just want to get out of there.
I'm going to say bye to my dad.
Knight Bus
So I stormed out of the house. So what? Its nothing compared to the betrayal of my mother.
Yes, I have a redhead temper. I also managed to send a letter to Dumbledore, thanking him, and informing him that I would catch the knight bus back to school.
So now I am going to sit and fume at my family, and think about the massive beyond massive fight I just had.
Ciao.
A/n: hey guys, this is it. Enjoy!
Especially enjoy life!
REVIEW PLEASE!
