I'm perched on the mahogany sill, my arms wound tightly around my knees that are pressed against my chest. There's a faint clicking chanting in the background but my eyes are focused out the window, my sight drawn to the darkness. At first there's a gentle flicker in the wind, barely noticeable as if the moon's glint kissed the trees. Then, the spark catches, igniting a soft glow that wavers in the wind from candle in her hand, brushing her face.
Something breaks inside of me, like an unleashed beast and my fingers are pounding on the glass as I shriek her name. She stands peacefully, fingers clutching the thin candle, oblivious of my presence. The wind twirls her hair and tugs her grey clothes as if she too were part of the trees. Her face is barely visible but I know it's her. I'm on my feet, my heart pounding in my chest, my breaths coming up short and unsteady as I race for the door. It shudders as I fumble with the latch, the bolt cold and locked.
"Prim! PRIM!" I scream, my voice screeching as my fingers dig at the door that doesn't budge. My pulse screams in my veins. She's so close, so close.
I've stumbled off of the door, my body numb, my hand clasping the spine of a chair to steady myself. Not thinking, I grab the legs and hurl it at the window. It shatters instantly, the shards sprawling on the hardwood and cutting the air. I've all but thrown my arms up reflexedly in front of my face, as glass pierces my skin. I barely flinched, my legs taking off and out through the frame.
She's there, still as stone, glaring at the candle.
"Prim," I choke, my eyes glazing and spilling onto my cheeks. Her eyes dart up, fear overwhelmed on her face like she's prey. They settle on me, softening at first before filling with anger.
"Get out of here, Katniss," she warns curtly but there are tears on her face, moistening her lashes.
"What is it?" I whisper, my arms reaching out towards her though I'm still far. I take a step closer but she flinches making me hesitate. What was wrong?
Prim's fully flushed now, her face a mask of mixed emotions. "Don't come any closer," she begs, lifting one hand to stop my movement. She notices the candle in her hand, and she swallows a sob. No forms on her lips but never escapes.
I'm hit with such a strong impact that I slam into the ground, my elbows barely breaking my landing. There's a fierce throb on my lower back, sending waves of nausea through my lungs. My thoughts jump to defenseless Prim too far from my grasp. I'm about the roll onto my side, and run to her aid when tough hands grab my arm and yank me to my feet. I'm struggling against their fists, kicking and screaming insults, but the hands just shake me until I'm weak and force me to look at my captor.
It's Gale.
I freeze, locked in his tight arms. "What are you doing?" I spit, eyes darting to Prim who's horrified. "Let go of me."
Gale looks at me deeply and suddenly I'm conscious as if he bore down into my brain, studying my secrets. How is he here? When did he get here? "It's just a game," he says mechanically, as if he were programmed to do so. "It's for our country. It's for Panem. I thought that's what you wanted."
"What?"
"I did it all for you," he says suddenly, his eyes a wild stormy grey. "We were meant to be together, you know? I tried so hard not to lose you. But I pushed you away instead." There's a deep sadness in his voice and I'm about to comfort him and tell him he's wrong, that I've always been broken, when he clicks back into reality as if he'd remembered his motives. "Just- just close your eyes it'll be over soon."
"No! Gale. What's going on? What's going to happen? Prim? Prim!"
I don't understand why she hasn't come to me, why she looks so petrified. She has the candle pushed away as far from her body as she can, as if it's presence were poisonous, her nose wrinkled in degusted. She raises her empty hand and presses it against the thin air as if there was glass blocking her. That's when I notice a square waver from the ground. There's a force field.
I thrust my elbow into Gale's stomach and he releases me from his grasp. I stop short of the barrier surveying the perimeter for a way to get to her.
"Prim don't worry, we'll get you out," I assure her but she's shaking her head.
"Katniss," she whispers, catching my attention as I search for a method. "Katniss I'm scared."
I don't understand what she's doing until it's too late. She drops the candle at her feet and I watch it abrupt in flames. A new kind of horror bears in my body. I've only but let out a cry as her final tears escape her eyes.
It has happened repeatedly. I watch her withdraw from my grasp every night. But tonight was different. Because tonight I wake up, drenched in sweat, entangled in blankets, yearning for her, and only feel a hanging sorrow hovering the air. Because it is then do I realize that I've lost everything. Even Gale. Even Prim who usually guides my thoughts. And as I am startled awake, in the bed Prim used to sit on, I conceive that I can't hold onto something that's gone. I must let them go. And I know where to start.
