A/N: First of all, sorry it took me a while to get this one up!
Second of all, for this story, I'm making some alterations in my brain on the ages of the characters from what (I understand there are dossiers on the crew with one of the blue-ray releases of the film?) their ages are supposed to be, the first being Simon's. From what I understand, he's meant to be 28 during the series, but in the clip of him and River as children, there is NO WAY they are 11 years apart, and while Sean Maher was 28 in 2003, he's just a young looking guy! Skylar Roberge, who played young River, would have been 9 in 2003, and Zac Efron (young Simon) 16. That would place Simon's age at 24 during the series, which seems fair, and I just really don't feel River and Simon are 11 years apart... I'm placing Inara's age at 24, which is 2003 (last episode of firefly aired) -1979 (Morena Baccarin's year of birth). Apparently she is meant to be 28, but given Morena Baccarin just doesn't look that old as she was likely somewhere between 21 and 23 during filming. I apologise if this makes anyone upset, but I'm going ahead with it anyway. Feel free to ignore the ages I'm making up and imagine it reads with their official ages!
I also did some looking into how long it would take them to get from place to place. Again, I opted to avoid mentioning specifics, as there seems to be a lot of debate. I opted to use the "Complete and Official Map of the 'Verse" by Geoffrey Mandel to help me visualise, though I know it's non-canon. In "Safe" it is suggested that it would take more than 10 hours to fly from Jiangyin to Greenleaf so I tried to create vague estimates in my head based on that, but again...Who knows?
I've just (VERY belatedly) discovered the Serenity comics by Joss Whedon, and will start reading them after posting this chapter. So, if there's anything in there that means I am yet again going against canon and that upsets you, sorry again!
I hope you enjoy the chapter!
Mal brought the shuttle down on the flattish bit of jungle they'd chosen as a meet point and opened the door, causing a moist, warmth to spread through the interior. He hated the jungle, and Greenleaf had a ton of it. Too many places for people to conceal themselves, not to mention the climate. "C'mon," he said to Jayne "let's get this over with."
Jayne responded by getting up and starting to drag a box towards the door. "Hate this place" he grumbled, hopping out of the shuttle and hauling the box out.
"Well, the faster we do this, the faster we can leave." Mal replied, following him onto the damp ground.
They'd just finished stacking up the boxes when a few sweaty looking men drove in on a mule. "You Mal Reynolds?" the driver asked.
"I am" Mal agreed. "You Col?"
"Yeah. This the stuff?"
"Yup." Mal opened one of the lids so they could see the contents. Some kind of chemical, he guessed. Drugs were the major form of trade here on Greenleaf.
"Looks like what we came for." Col tossed him a small bag which clinked as he caught it. Mal opened it and thumbed quickly through the coins. It was all there. Perfect. Now they could get the hell out of this swamp.
"Well," Mal nodded. "Glad we could do business."
"A moment" The man still sitting on the mule climbed down. "I heard things. Things about Mal Reynolds 'n his crew. Hear you've got a girl with you. Hear good people died 'cause the Alliance wants her back."
"Don't want to listen to rumours" Mal told him. "They'll tell you all manners of unlikely things." He nodded to Col. "Bye, now." He turned away.
"Don't think so" Col replied. Mal sighed as he heard the click of a hammer sliding into place. As happened far too often in his life, he had a gun pointed at him. He raised his hands above his head, and watched as Jayne did the same.
Zoë was sitting with River on the bridge, looking down on Greenleaf and generally feeling relieved that Jayne was down there rather than her for more reasons than one. First of all, she hated Greenleaf – the mugginess, drops of water falling down your neck, sweating all the time. It wasn't her type of climate. Second, the Captain hated Greenleaf just as much as she did; felt it was a dangerous place for a meet at the best of times, which it was. And with the Alliance brass after River with renewed enthusiasm, these weren't the best of times. Made Mal rather a pain to be around, to be honest.
River chuckled. "At least it's for the right reasons" she pointed out.
"Doesn't make it any less annoying" The corners of Zoë's lips turned up in a slight smile.
"Where do you think we should go?" River questioned.
"Hard to tell" Zoë admitted. "You made good points with regard to White Sun. 'Course, there are benefits and dangers to anywhere." It was part of the reason they'd taken this job. The Greenleaf jungle was a great place to get ambushed by people after you, but it was also difficult to patrol, so deals usually went smooth. Two sides to every coin.
"Unless we go to Kalidasa, or fly right off the radar, we go through White Sun territory at some point. Might as well try'n get a job out of it" River shrugged, knowing Zoë's feelings on the Core. "We were on Persephone when they last tried. Makes it unlikely we'd be back so soon, and it could be Badger has something else going. Last job went smooth." She sighed. "We stay in this system...People could start noticing. We've got a rep after Miranda" Her voice wobbled.
Zoë didn't disagree. Wash...A bolt of pain shot through her. She took a deep breath. So many friends lost. All because the almighty Alliance wanted River back. She looked at River, the girl's eyes full of tears, and smiled gently. "Hey, now River. There's nothing about this that's your fault. You know that. Fault's on the Alliance." She chuckled darkly. "Knew there was a reason I fought for the Independents."
River tried to smile at the First Mate. "Never thought when I went off to school that this is where I'd end up...That I'd kill people, or that people would die on my account."
Zoë raised an eyebrow. "You think any of us grew up thinking we'd end up here?"
They both chuckled as the radio crackled to life. "We've got a problem" Mal's voice informed them.
"What kind of problem, Sir?" Zoë asked evenly.
"The kind where I've got a gun pointed at my head."
"What do they want?"
A new voice came onto the radio. "I want the girl."
"We've got a problem." Zoë informed the group gathered in the mess. "Job wasn't on the level. As all of you are aware, rumours have been circulating since Miranda. Problem with taking chained jobs like we just did is it means word can spread we're around. Deal looked solid, but the folks who have the Captain 'n Jayne were pretty honest that they killed our buyers and took their identities out of an interest in our River." River looked squarely at the table, and Inara, noticing her uneasiness, reached out and took her hand. River leaned into her, taking some comfort from the Companion's love.
Simon and Kaylee both started asking questions at once. Zoë held up her hand. "Bìzuǐ (Be quiet). Captain was clear. Said if the job went South, we're to leave. The Alliance is after River. These men don't get her; they don't have a deal with the Alliance."
"What about The Cap'n 'n Jayne?" Kaylee asked. "What'll happen to them? We can't leave 'em." Simon put his arm around her shoulders. River agreed silently, and knew everyone else did, too. Not only did the whole crew care too much about...Well, Mal at least; opinions on Jayne varied...Without the two of them, they didn't have much of a crew...Which caused all kinds of problems, her continued protection happening to be included. Leaving didn't make sense on any kind of level, least of all the reason Mal had given them.
"I'm not saying it'll be pleasant, men like them use pain to inspire action, but River's the one they want. As long as they don't have her, the Captain and Jayne will be...okay."
"So what do we do?" Simon asked.
"We leave orbit and come up with a plan" Zoë replied.
"No." River said from her seat, leaning against Inara's arm, their hands intertwined in Inara's lap. She'd stopped caring if Simon found out about them. It wouldn't change anything. "I should go down with you to get them." Inara's breath caught, and River could feel the fear and sadness rising up in her. She squeezed Inara's hand tightly , and sat up. "I should go down to Greenleaf with Zoë" She said more clearly. Everyone stopped talking and looked at her. "It's the only way to get them back" she said frankly.
"River, you don't need to do this" Simon told her, standing.
River ignored him, looking at Zoë. "You know it's the only way. You can't get them on your own. I'm the only other one here with combat experience."
Zoë sighed. "She does have a point" she said to Simon.
"Absolutely not. I forbid it." Simon said with rather a lot of force. "The whole reason Mal wanted us to leave was to protect her, and now you want to do the exact opposite?"
"Simon, right now the only things we're facing are two biǎoziyǎngde (son of a bitch), and at worst a few local officers." River said firmly. "They likely alerted the trackers as soon as those men said they got Mal and Jayne. The sooner we go, the safer this is." She slid her hand out of Inara's and went over to Simon, looking up at him. "Please trust me, Simon. If we go now, it'll be fine. I wouldn't be suggesting it otherwise. You know we need them back, and this is the best way to do it." She knew he was on the fence, and hoped he fell to yes so she didn't have to hurt him by going anyway if he said no.
Simon sighed in defeat. "Alright."
River smiled at him, relieved.
Zoë got up immediately. "I'll let 'em know we're coming."
Inara stood. "I'll prep my shuttle. No point in risking everyone else."
Zoë examined her for a long moment before nodding, and then turned and headed for the bridge. Inara left for her shuttle. River looked after her, knowing how upset she was.
Turning her attention back to Simon, she hugged him. "Love you."
"I love you, too, mèimei. You better be right about this."
"I am" She promised. She went to Kaylee. "You'll take care of Serenity while I'm gone?"
"'Course I will." Kaylee wrapped her in a hug. "You take care too, okay?"
"I will." River agreed, before turning and following Inara to her shuttle.
"'Nara?" she questioned, walking into the shuttle.
"In here" Inara called, from the cockpit. River could feel the worry pouring off of her in waves.
"Hey" River whispered. "I'm sorry, tiánxīn (sweetheart). But Zoë can't do it without me."
Inara looked up at her. "I know. I just wish it didn't involve putting you at risk" River sat down in her lap and Inara buried her face in her chest, holding her close. River wrapped her arms around the Companion, kissing her hair gently.
"It's not this part I'm worried about" River admitted, quietly. "They're too close. Persephone, here. Doesn't matter if I go down there or not, they're right behind us." She shivered. "We need to disappear."
Zoë entered the cockpit at that point and River reluctantly got off of Inara's lap. "What's the plan?" she asked.
"It's an exchange. You for them and the shuttle" Zoë reached out and squeezed River's hand gently. "No Alliance yet. They're not the smartest. It's just a reward situation. They evidently have no idea what they're dealing with, just that you're a fugitive and the Alliance wants you back. Doesn't look like it'll be hard."
"OK" River agreed. "Let's go, then."
Inara nodded, and started the ignition sequence.
They landed not far outside a small town, but far enough that tall trees obscured the view of the area.
"They'll have seen us land." Zoë told them, pacing in front of the bed where River and Inara sat hand in hand. "They'll be here soon. River, I'll need to tie your wrists."
River nodded in reply, turning to Inara and smiling, taking her hand from Inara's to run it down the Companion's cheek. "I love you. This will be over soon, I promise."
Inara leaned in and kissed her deeply, before wrapping her arms around the younger girl. "I'll see you soon, bǎobèi." She murmured.
River, feeling the pain welling up in Zoë from watching them, pulled away and smiled at her. "Very soon." She promised. She walked over to Zoë and turned around, putting her hands behind her. "Let's get this over with." Inara went back to the cockpit, not wanting to watch River be tied up.
Zoë took River's hands and started looping rope around her wrists. "Shouldn't be hard to get loose, way I'm tying them. Looks solid, though."
River nodded. "Sounds good. I'll wait till I'm a little ways away. Give 'em time to get confident."
They stood for a while, waiting for the other shuttle to land. River got a little more nervous, the longer they waited. She wanted them to be far, far away from here before the men with blue hands arrived. Soon enough, a deep male voice called to them. "Bring her out!"
Inara's fear for her created physical pain for River, and she gasped, letting Inara's fear flow through her and started pleading as Zoë walked her out of the shuttle to where Mal and Jayne were kneeling, blindfolded on the ground, with two men behind them and guns to the backs of their heads. "No, please don't do this!" she shrieked. "Don't give me to them!" She pulled against Zoë's hold and Zoë hauled her along. "Zoë, you know what they'll do to me, please!" she started sobbing.
"You gonna take those guns off my men and come get this girl?" Zoë asked flatly. There were two clicks, and the men came towards them.
"Pretty heartless, giving up a lovely little thing like her to the Alliance brass, don't you think?" The taller man asked her, grinning.
"Caused us all kinds of trouble, havin' her on board." Zoë said coldly. "Not worth two men, that's for sure."
"Nooooo." River screamed as they took her. "Captain! Don't let her do this! Please!" she begged.
One of the men nodded to Zoë "They're all yours." He walked River over to his partner as she fought him.
"Mal!" She screamed one more time as the other man took her arm. "Mal, please!"
Zoë walked over and hauled each man up, one at a time, pulling off their blindfolds as she did so, pulling out a knife and cutting their bonds as they walked onto Inara's shuttle.
"What'd you do, the Alliance wants you back so bad?" The taller man leered at her. She shied away from him. "It's an awful big reward for someone 's small as you." He chuckled.
River didn't answer, just kept crying as they walked her away, more softly, like she'd given up. She'd wait a couple more minutes...
Suddenly, she launched herself backwards towards the shuttles, turning her body as she went so they lost their grip on her. The two men fell backwards onto the muddy ground, their hands falling away from her arms. Hands still behind her back, she landed sideways between them, her right foot streaking out to stamp on the tall man's windpipe, choking him, and then kicking back across his partner's face, breaking his nose. Taking a moment to shimmy out of her loose bonds, she leaned down over the tall man, coughing on the ground. Hands free, she plucked his sidearm out of its holster and shot each man in the head. Kinder than letting the trackers kill them with their high-frequency wands, she figured, shuddering.
Finished her part in the job, she ran for the shuttles and Inara.
"Fast work, mèimei" Mal complemented her as she climbed aboard.
"Let's just get the hell out of here" she replied, grumpily, heading towards the cockpit and Inara. "We need to get out of this system yesterday."
Inara came running out of the cockpit to collide with her, wrapping her arms around River as tightly as she could. "It sounded so real" she murmured, voice shaking "your screaming."
"It's all done now" River told her firmly. "I'm home."
Inara nodded. "You're home" she agreed, kissing River carefully.
Mal cleared his throat. "I guess, Zoë 'n I will take the other shuttle..." He said, scratching the skin above his eyebrow awkwardly. "Leave you with Jayne, in case anything goes wrong on the way up."
Inara released her, quickly wiping away the tears that had escaped. River turned to face the Captain, taking Inara's hand in hers. "Sounds good. See you on Serenity." She turned to Inara. "Want me to fly?"
Inara shook her head and smiled. "That's my part in this rescue, after all." She squeezed River's hand and let go, heading into the cockpit.
"Right then" Mal nodded. He and Zoë turned and left.
River sat down on the bed and watched Jayne as they took off. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to Simon" she said casually, knowing already that was exactly what he planned to do.
Jayne chuckled. "No deal, little sister. That show is entertainment I'm not willin' to let slide, y'know? 'N after that kidnapping, I could use a little fun."
"I came for you" River pointed out. "Didn't have to."
"Ya think Zoë woulda left the Captain behind? Besides, they wouldn't've killed us if you didn't show up, you know that. Good try, though." Jayne put his feet up on some pillows, getting the silk muddy. Inara would be pissed off with him for that, but River knew he didn't care so didn't bother mentioning it.
She sighed. "Fine" she got up and joined Inara in the cockpit, putting an arm around the Companion's shoulders. "Jayne..."
"I know, I heard" Inara agreed. "I don't want you to worry about Simon. You and Mal need to decide where we're disappearing to. I'll talk to your brother, okay?"
"Are you sure?" River asked. "It's not going to be a fun conversation to face on your own."
Inara chuckled. "You already know I'm sure."
River smiled and played gently with Inara's dark curls. "Well, thank you, my love. I want you to know I appreciate it." She could feel the happiness overtaking Inara's worry the closer they got to Serenity.
"Told you" River whispered in Simon's ear as he held her close. He chuckled.
"So you did" he agreed.
"What I wanna know is why River 'n Inara were kissin' back there in that shuttle" Jayne interrupted loudly. "Seems I missed something." He grinned at the two of them. Inara rolled her eyes at him.
"River and Inara kissing?" Simon's voice rose several pitches over the course of the sentence, his grip on River tightening in a slightly manic manner. She quickly disentangled herself both physically and mentally from Simon. He wasn't angry...yet, anyway. She felt like he might be, later. Right now he was...frenetic. His thoughts were bouncing all over the place, disconnected. It made her uncomfortable.
Mal came to her rescue, if not Inara's. "We got exactly no time for this type of thing right now. I need River on the bridge, charting a course to the Georgia System before those trackers show up. You can discuss the kissing later." He started steering River towards the bridge.
River looked back at Inara, wishing she could have stayed. Only a few hours ago she'd felt she didn't care if Simon knew, but now she felt rather nervous about it. She didn't her relationship with her brother to suffer, or Inara's. She knew he would get over her being in a relationship eventually, but who knew how long it would take...He would always be her protective big brother, and she knew he wouldn't see this as a positive development after he figured out what exactly he was feeling.
Inara, on the other hand, was still not at all nervous about talking to Simon, so River decided to leave her to it, and headed off to the bridge with Mal.
Zoë followed behind them, far more interested in getting away from Greenleaf that watching Jayne tease Simon.
"Perhaps we should go somewhere more private?" Inara suggested, her eyes sliding to Jayne. The last thing she needed was his participation in this conversation.
Simon nodded. He seemed to have gone into shock.
"Maybe I should come?" Kaylee suggested, taking a look at Simon.
"Let's go." Inara said by way of agreement.
"Kaylee gets to come? No fair." Jayne complained.
Inara chose to ignore him, following Simon and Kaylee in the direction of Simon's room.
"So, you probably have some questions regarding the nature of River and I's relationship" she said calmly once they were all seated. "But I would like to start by being extremely clear that I love River very much and would never intentionally do anything to harm her."
"She's my little sister" Simon said angrily. "She's emotionally unstable. And she's only seventeen! She's not ready to be in any kind of relationship."
"I'd done far more than kissin' by the time I was seventeen" Kaylee contributed, shrugging. "It's not so young."
"But you're not River!" Simon looked at her. "River still melts down and spouts gibberish." He ran a hand through his hair. "And her nightmares..." He shook his head.
"River still has secrets inside her mind that are difficult to cope with." Inara agreed. She thought back to what River had told her about what she remembered from her time at the Academy, and to other things that Simon himself had told her about the procedure he'd seen them perform firsthand. "We still don't know everything that was done to her by the Alliance, and there are men after her who have been handcrafted to be ruthless, to torture and kill anyone who gets in their way, including every single person she cares about. I can't say I'd be very emotionally stable with all of that on my plate. Can you?"
Simon shook his head. "No, I can't. But it doesn't change the fact that she isn't stable, and that I don't want anything to happen that could make her worse."
"Simon," Kaylee told him gently "you only have to look at River with Inara to see that River loves her, too. Don't you think this could help her get better?"
"So you're totally okay with this?" Simon asked "With River dating a woman several years older than her who is also a Companion?"
"Well...yeah." Kaylee shrugged. "They're two wonderful people who love each other and want to be together. I think we all deserve that in this life. Don't you?"
"I do" Simon agreed, smiling at her a little. "I just think there is just great potential for River to get hurt. She's never been in a relationship before, and probably has no concept as to what Inara taking clients will make her feel. Not to mention that she's seventeen years old, and, for all intents and purposes, has temper tantrums on a regular basis." He looked at Inara. "Is it so unreasonable for me to worry that you could tire of that?"
"River and I have had extensive conversations with respect to my clients, as I held similar concerns regarding the impact of my job on her emotional well-being." Inara informed him. "Whether you want to call it intuition or mind-reading, she is quite clear that my job doesn't bother her, and that she knows I love her, and only her, in a romantic sense. She's even helped me to screen clients." She held Simon's gaze. "And as to her emotional outbreaks – I love River. I love all of her. That isn't changing, Simon. I'll be with River as long as she wants me. And I'm not going anywhere."
Simon sighed, looking away. "Well, I'm still not sure how I feel about it, but it's not like I have any right to stop you two."
Inara smiled. "Thank you. But, I've only told you my side. When you talk to River, perhaps hearing her thoughts and feelings will help to assuage your fears a little. In time, I hope to have your blessing, as I love your sister more than I can say." She stood. "Thank you for being honest with me about your feelings - both of you. I'll see you a bit later." She squeezed Kaylee's shoulder as she left.
It didn't take River long to chart their course to the Georgia System, with a stop on Valentine for supplies. She had to admit she liked Mal's plan, in the end. The course kept them out of the Core proper, but a stop on Valentine could indicate they were trying to get into the Core unnoticed, or going on to the Georgia system, or even Blue Sun, where Miranda was, if they were really trying to take a round-about way. Plus it would keep them out of the way of any Alliance deep space stations.
"All done, xiǎo mèimei?" Mal questioned as she sat up straight.
"All done, Captain" she agreed, looking up at him with a half smile.
"Hopefully it'll help us disappear the way we need to" Mal commented. "We got enough from our last couple jobs to re-fuel and to resupply on Valentine. We'll wait till we get close in to contact those we know, find some work. Limits the risk of anyone we don't want alerted knowing we're coming."
She could hear Zoë worrying internally. She turned and looked at Zoë, who sighed.
"They found us on Persephone, and they found us on Greenleaf" the First Mate pointed out. "Why should we think this will change anything?"
"Persephone could have been any number of things" Mal pointed out. "We were in the Core, doing a job...Who knows?" he shrugged. "And Greenleaf was a reward situation. Who knows if they were following us or if they put out a new bulletin on the Cortex and those men were just taking advantage?"
"Could be" Zoë agreed. "But even if that's so, a lotta people know River sails with us. Who's to say when we go looking for a job, that reward won't tempt folk? There's an Alliance station not far from Georgia."
"So, what?" Mal asked. "You want to go to Blue Sun? It's not like they don't have access to the cortex there, Zoë. And while it's further to an Alliance station, there's still one close enough."
She nodded. "Care less about the Alliance out there, though. Could be less inclined to turn us in."
"I hate to say it, but I don't think it matters so much where we go" River contributed. "It's more that we try to keep out of contact with people, and that we keep moving." She looked at Zoë "Though I do appreciate what you're trying to do."
Zoë nodded.
"Besides which, I've made a decision, and I'm the Captain" Mal stated half-heartedly. "We're going to Georgia." He stomped off down the stairs. Zoë and River watched him go.
"There are other options" River remarked to Zoë. "You could tell people I left. That I took a shuttle when we were on a core p lanet, and while you recovered the shuttle, you haven't heard from me since. That I left a note saying that I couldn't cope with endangering you all any longer. It would make the business situation easier, and it's not like I ever get off the ship anyway, recent circumstances notwithstanding. Trackers wouldn't believe it. Alliance wouldn't either – they know that I know well enough they'd come after you anyway. But the people we deal with...Well, they don't know that. Could start rumours. Stop situations like we just had on Greenleaf."
Zoë examined her. "Could be an idea" she nodded. "Want me to bring it up with the Captain? I seem to recall you have other problems relating to Jayne being his usual self."
River sighed. "I certainly don't have the skills Inara does when it comes to talking to people" she said mournfully, resting her chin on her knees and wrapping her arms around her legs. "Simon is calmer now."
Zoë gave her a half-smile. "Then our resident Companion has softened him up for you. He was...lacking his usual composure...last we saw him."
"Doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the conversation" River pointed out.
"Still has to happen" Zoë informed her.
River sighed again and climbed out of her seat, leaving an amused Zoë behind her as she left the cockpit. She headed for Inara's shuttle rather than to Simon's room, though. She wanted to check in. She knew the conversation had gone as well as could be expected from Inara's relative calm, but she wanted to see her anyway. She found the Companion practising calligraphy.
"Hey" she said as she padded across the room.
Inara smiled and put down her brush. "Hey" she murmured, turning away from her paper. River pulled her to her feet and hugged her close.
"How'd it go?" She asked quietly.
"Well enough. I think Kaylee will talk him around better than you or I, personally." Inara pulled away a little and kissed the younger girl gently. "Are we set for the Georgia system?"
"With a stop on Valentine to re-supply and re-fuel." River kissed Inara more deeply.
"So we'll be in the air a while, then?"
"We will." River confirmed, smiling.
Inara trailed her fingers down River's spine. "Are you going to go and talk to Simon right away?"
River shivered. "I thought the conversation could wait just a little while." She shivered further as Inara kissed her neck, moving slowly towards her collarbone. She backed up slowly towards the bed and sat down, pulling Inara along with her.
"Nǐ shì wǒ de qíng rén (You're my soul mate)" Inara whispered, her dark curls intermingling with River's lighter hair as they lay on the bed, Inara still holding River in her arms, her body wrapped around the younger girl. "I was so afraid I would lose you today."
River turned in her arms to face her. "We had time, today. I promise it wasn't a high risk." She brushed an errant curl away from Inara's face.
Inara was silent, and River grew sad at the unvoiced knowledge in her mind – that if it had been high risk, River would still have chosen to go. Even if it meant going back to the Academy. Because when it came down to it, Mal was willing to give his own life to keep her safe, and she wasn't willing to let him.
River smiled sadly, and kissed Inara carefully. "It didn't come to that" she whispered. "Hasn't yet. Could be it won't." She hoped it was true. That even if they broke into her brain and pulled everything out, somehow they could all still live. "I told Zoë we should spread the word in the Georgia system that I've left the ship. Should keep situations like today from happening again, if people think I'm gone. She's going to talk to Mal about it. Don't see why he'd say no."
"Just to be contrary?" Inara chuckled. "But I'm glad to hear it. Any risks we can avoid, we should avoid." She shivered. "I won't be screening clients on Valentine, that's for sure."
"Might be you can find some in the Georgia system, depending where we end up" River smiled. "Don't want to put you out of work!" she teased. "Besides, the proposals are interesting to watch! People present them in such a varied manner. Everything they're saying, everything they're not saying."
Inara smiled. "It's true. Every person is unique, and has a different concept of what will appeal to a Companion. Especially, as apart from repeat clients, they haven't met me before."
River pondered that for a moment. "Do you always find compatibility of spirit?"
"You do" Inara said. "But your self is not one sided, as you know well. Sometimes the rapport lies in a part of yourself you may not like so much. But, you have to know your whole self, and take ownership of who you are. And who you are changes constantly based on your experiences. It's one of the hardest things to do." She smiled at River. "But then, you know that."
River nodded. "But what is my self? Am I just the shard or the whole mirror?"
Inara stroked her face. "I don't know, my love. I'm afraid that's for you to figure out for yourself."
River gracefully relocated herself so she was on top of Inara, her chin propped on her hands, which were folded across Inara's chest. "May I ask one more question?" River asked gently.
"Of course."
"Why did you leave House Madrassa?" River asked. "I know it surprised Nandi."
Inara chuckled. "It would have surprised Nandi" she looked up at River. "I loved Nandi so dearly in part because she never quite fit in at House Madrassa. I excelled at everything. Having more skill at what you're meant to be learning than others doesn't tend to make you friends. I would guess that this is another experience you've had?"
"Sometimes people get jealous." River agreed.
"I was an outsider. I learned early that people were mostly nice to me to get me to help them. It just made me more focussed on my work" she smiled. "But Nandi...Nandi was an outsider, too. She didn't have the control required to be a Companion. So we became outsiders together. Then she left. What was I to do but focus on my work, aim for the top?" she sighed. "As time passed, and I heard more and more of all of the things I'd never seen in the 'Verse, only heard about..." she looked at River. "I was lonely. Had I become House Priestess, I imagine I would have become even lonelier. Here, I get to see the 'Verse. I have friends, some close enough to be family, and I found you."
"And I found you." River echoed.
Inara smiled, wrapping her arms around the girl and rolling them both so that she was on top. River pulled her down to kiss her before moving one hand deftly under Inara's robe to the zipper she knew was on one of the side seams of her slip, and unzipped it. Sliding her hand inside she enjoyed the response Inara was having to her hand running over her skin.
Not saying anything, the Companion started unbuttoning the dress that River was wearing with a smile on her face and then leaned down to kiss her way down her stomach. River surprised herself by gasping, making Inara grin. She slid a hand behind the girl, unclipping her bra, and River pulled her hand back from Inara and sat up to slide the straps of both garments down her arms and off, so she was sitting in a pool of removed clothing.
Inara lay, one hand supporting her cheek, and watched her move. "You are so beautiful."
"Not half so much as you" River murmured, reaching out to touch Inara's soft curls.
Inara caught her hand and pulled her back down to the bed. "I wish you could see what I see" she whispered.
River smiled jubilantly. "What I see is that you are wearing far more clothes than me and I feel that it is very unfair" she informed her lover seriously.
Inara chuckled and kissed her. "I expect we could remedy that inequality", she said, pulling off her robe.
"Stand up" River told her, and Inara got off the bed to stand. River climbed out of her pool of clothes to the floor, and naked, leaned down to glide her hands up along Inara's silhouette, bringing the satin with her, and guided the slip over Inara's head, letting it drop to the floor.
Inara pulled her in close, sliding her hands down River's back to cup her bum, and River kissed her, enjoying the feel of their skin pressing together, and Inara's curls against her face. Lightly she jumped up, wrapping her legs around Inara's waist, causing the older girl to sit rather heavily back down on the bed. They laughed together, untangling themselves to move further up the bed.
Inara went back to where she'd started, kissing her way along River's jaw line and down her neck and collarbone to her chest. Carefully, she moved to the side, her long hair tickling River's skin, and ran her tongue delicately around the girl's nipple before taking it in her mouth and sucking on it very gently, while moving her fingers to lightly massage River's clitoral hood.
"Oh!" River voiced in wonder at the feeling. She realised suddenly how little she knew. How little her experience of intimacy in the minds of others had conveyed. How much Inara had been holding back, still was holding back, with her. So careful, her Inara.
As if reading her thoughts, Inara backed off, stopping. "Sorry, bǎobèi. I went too far, didn't I?" She looked down at River in concern.
River smiled, and pulled her down into a kiss. "No, darling. I've just never felt like that before. I thought..." she paused. "I miscalculated." She explained. "It was just an echo, what I knew before. You have to experience it in your self."
"Hmm..." Inara snuggled back into her side. "So, as if you were watching a vid, and you felt emotions based what you saw on the screen, not knowing that if you were actually experiencing it yourself, the impact would be very different?"
River thought on it. "I think that would be a reasonably accurate analogy, yes." She smiled. "It's all...dulled, through someone else." She looked at Inara, eyes twinkling. "Are you trying to understand my brain?"
Inara blushed. "I'm just trying to understand what you're feeling" she answered.
"I feel amazing" River whispered, running a finger down Inara's bare arm. "When I'm with you, sometimes, I'm able to let things slide to the back of my mind, where they don't trouble me so much. That I'm broken, that we're running, that I'm terrified. That the fact that my ability to read minds is wrong and shouldn't even exist. Sometimes, I can almost forget the things I told you never to forget about me because it could be dangerous to." She looked Inara in the eye. "That you love me, unconditionally...That no matter what, you never consider me odd, or strange, that you can ask about the fact that I can feel what others feel, or know what they're going to say without finding it bizarre...I don't think you understand how unique you are."
"You're not broken" Inara told her. "That suggests you need to be fixed. I don't believe that's true. I'm not saying things won't be difficult or frightening, sometimes. But we'll get through it. We'll figure it out."
"I hope so" River murmured, shivering a little.
"Let's get under the covers" Inara suggested, with a smile.
"Sounds good," River agreed, moving to do so "I really do have to talk to Simon before dinner, though, so I shouldn't stay too much longer."
"Of course" Inara tucked the covers around both of them, and River wrapped her arms around her comfortably, closing her eyes, enjoying the peace she felt, but knowing it was brief. Inara's tranquility was catching. River chuckled to herself.
She knocked on Simon's closed door. "Simon?" she called.
He opened it. "Hey, mèimei" he stood back to let her in.
She sat on the bed. "So, you know I'm dating Inara."
He sat down beside her. "Um, yep" he ran a hand over his face, briefly. "Jayne thought that would be fun."
"I'm sorry it's awkward, now. It's part of why I didn't tell you." River said quietly.
"Well, Inara's a lot older than you," Simon pointed out "and she does sleep with other people for a living, so you can see why I might worry about it a bit." He ran a hand through his hair.
"Approximately seven years" River agreed. "You don't sit down and quantify or qualify people before falling in love with them, Simon." She smiled.
Simon rolled his eyes at her. "It really doesn't bother you that she's a Companion?"
River shook her head. "She loves me" she said simply. "That's what matters."
Simon nodded. "She certainly was very clear on that." He sighed. "You're my little sister, River. Is it so strange that I worry?"
She leaned into his shoulder and he put his arm around her. "No," she told him "it's sweet. But I want you to know that you don't need to worry about this."
He chuckled. "That doesn't mean I won't."
"I know" she agreed. "But sometimes, with Inara, I can let the bad things fall to the back of my mind, and feel better. Feel whole."
He pulled away and looked at her. "Really?"
She nodded. "Really."
He smiled. "That's amazing."
"It truly is." She concurred.
His eyes saddened. "But love can end, River. What happens if it does?"
She looked up at him. "We can't be so afraid of what could happen that we don't live. You did it for me, I know, when we first came, before Miranda. And I know I've been a lot better, since that secret came out." She smiled. "But if you'd been too afraid to get me out," tears started welling up in her "to get me back" her voice broke. "I'd still be in that place" She shuddered. "A lab rat. Experiment. Special weapon, secret weapon, secrets" she laughed. "So many secrets in my special, special brain."
"River?" Simon questioned uncertainly, standing up to look at her.
She could feel herself disintegrating, couldn't stop it, couldn't stop talking, her voice rising as she panicked. "Stripped my amygdalae, helped me hear more clearly. So I could hear secrets. Special secrets. Hear them. So they could find me, find us. Never thought we'd get away. Never thought you'd come."
"Simon?" Kaylee stood in the doorway. "What's going on?"
River looked at her through her tears, and knew she was too loud, hysterical.
"Get me Inara, please" Simon told her, and River listened as Kaylee's footsteps ran away, the sound muffled by her own voice, still talking without her permission.
"Underestimated the bonds. Gravitational pull. But was I your satellite or were you mine? Neither of us could leave the other." She laughed again. "Thought they understood but they didn't understand. No one understood but now they understand their mistake."
Simon picked up his bag from the end of the bed. "Okay, River, I'm just going to give you something so you can calm down."
"Don't make me sleep! You promised!" She leapt off the bed. "We're under the radar, in the black. Dark. Night and day don't apply. We're hidden. We have the advantage at hide and seek. A good hiding spot matters, but only when they can't hear you. You'll jeopardise my security. Our security. Mental security is essential. Shut down the defenses and the complex is at risk for penetration. They're too close! Sleep is dangerous. Compromises the hiding spot."
"Shhh" Simon took her arm.
She started to pull away but he injected her anyway. She could feel the drug spread through her body, muscles loosing rigidity, mind losing cohesiveness. "You promissss..." she started.
Simon caught her as she slumped to the floor.
