A/N: Hello! Sorry this took so long! Far longer than I expected, really. Hopefully Chapter 9 will make it up more quickly.

So, post-reading of the Serenity comics, I have decided to not directly include any events from them, as there is no way for me to really incorporate Zoë having a child based on what I've said so far. Reading them has, however, really affirmed for me the decision of having River keep things from Simon, so that was nice. I now also really want to write a fic about Shepherd Book now that I've read "The Shepherd's Tale", so that may happen sooner or later – I'll keep you posted!

I'm also moving translations to the end of the block of text, in most cases, so as to not interrupt the flow of speech. Most Mandarin comments are either "swears" – using the term VERY lightly, or terms of endearment, so it isn't really necessary to have their exact meaning at the time.

Hope you enjoy, and I always love feedback!


Inara ran, not caring that she was gracelessly thudding down the stairs, uncontrolled, but simply wishing she could get to her destination faster. "Simon, what's going on?" she questioned as soon as she was close to the door of his room. "Kaylee said..." she paused, her heart sinking, as she took in River on the bed, and Simon kneeling by his bag. "What did you do?!" She looked at him, rage and fear rising in her chest. "You put her out?!"

Kaylee made it to the door behind her, breathing heavily.

Simon got up and came towards her slowly, carefully. It reminded her of how she had approached small animals when she was a child, hoping they wouldn't panic and run. "Inara, she was totally hysterical." His voice was soft and low, intended to calm. "I had to – "

She slapped him, hard. She heard a sharp intake of breath from Kaylee, behind her, but nothing else. "How could you?" she demanded fiercely, pushing by him to get to River. "You promised her that you wouldn't sedate her." She sat beside the girl sprawled upon the bed, her hair in disarray. River looked so young this way, and not at all peaceful. Inara stroked her head tenderly. "She won't be able to wake up" she murmured, examining every inch of River's face for hints of what could be going on inside her mind. There were none. The dread in River's expression remained from before she had been made unconscious. Inara tried to remind herself of that.

Simon put a hand to his face where it was turning red from her slap. "She was having a meltdown. It was getting worse. I- I thought it was best."

Inara looked up at him. "You thought it was best." She said bitterly. "Do you listen to her? To the things she says? To anything she says?"

"Of course I do" Simon replied harshly, offended. "But this is paranoid schizophrenia. Her delusions – "

"Delusions?" Inara questioned him incredulously. "You know the Alliance is still after her. We talked about the men who track her just a few hours ago. This morning you forbade her go after Mal and Jayne. She's told me about what happened on Ariel. You can't have both sides, Simon. Half the time it's paranoid schizophrenia, and half the time you trust the things she says. You've seen what she can do. What she knows. How can you not believe?"

Simon looked down. "We were talking, and she was so lucid, so here... and then she just...fell apart..."

Inara sighed. His voice sounded so empty, and her anger faded a little. He'd abandoned everything for River, which was far more than she could say. "I'm sorry, Simon." She said quietly. "And I'm sorry I slapped you. It's just –"

There was a clanging of boots coming down the stairs "What in the hell is going on down here?" Mal's voice demanded. "Yelling, people running around" he came into the room and took a look at River passed out on the bed, then turned to Simon. "You sedated her? With them so close behind us? Don't you recall what happened last time she couldn't wake up, Doc? We had a good plan. How'm I supposed to keep us all safe, with you doping her every time she has a turn in your presence? What were you thinking?"

Simon looked up at him, frustrated. "As has already been made abundantly clear by Inara, Captain, I made a bad call in an emotional situation. I apologise, but it's done. I can't change it." Mal snorted. Simon glared at him. "However, I gave her a new mix. One of the benefits is that it will be more precise. She shouldn't be out more than an hour."

Inara felt slightly better at that. An hour was still a long time, but shorter was better than longer.

Mal wasn't prepared to stop arguing, however. "That's still an hour where she can't wake up, Doc. An hour where they could be chasing her, hurting her, getting information and coming after us" he held up a hand before Simon could interrupt. "I don't say this to be cruel, I say it to impress upon you that your little sister is the one we're trying to protect, here. We're all very fond of River on this boat. But you playing games like this could cost all of us our lives, her included. 'Less she needs life savin' surgery, we abide by her wishes, dǒng ma?" (understand)

Simon nodded, silent and angry, his jaw set. Mal turned on his heel and stalked back out, thumping his way back up the stairs and muttering crossly.

Inara looked at Simon, conflicted. He really had just been trying to do what he thought was best for River, whether it really was best or not. "Simon?" she asked, careful to keep her voice calm and polite.

He looked at her, clearly upset.

"Why don't we all sit down and talk a little?" she suggested diplomatically, looking to Kaylee.

"All right" Simon agreed, taking a seat in a chair bolted to the floor across from her in the tiny room. Kaylee didn't sit, but went to stand beside Simon, her eyes fixed on River's face and the expression it held.

"Can you tell me more about what happened?" Inara asked, looking down at River, her heart sad. She couldn't even worry about the implications of what the girl's unconscious state could result in for all of them, she could only focus on the pain and terror that her River could be experiencing and unable to escape.

Simon sighed. "It wasn't a delusion" he started. Inara took a deep breath and managed not to snap at him, settling for a glare. She hated that word and the untruth it represented. "We were talking about how you couldn't be so afraid of what life could hold for you that you didn't live it. She said she knew I'd done that for her, both in terms of leaving my life behind and focussing only on her before Miranda, but that if I'd been too afraid to get her out, she'd still be at the Academy." he looked at Inara. "That's when things fell apart. She was talking about what they'd done to her, that they'd underestimated our relationship." He paused. "You have to understand, Inara. She was hysterical. Pacing. She looked terrified, but then she'd start laughing. When I told her I was going to help her calm down she started talking about the dark, that night and day didn't apply, hide and seek. Her mental security." He looked down. "That sleep was dangerous."

Inara took another deep breath. She wanted to slap him again. To scream and rage at him. But she knew it wouldn't help. He knew he'd made the wrong choice, but it was so frustrating to watch him already slipping into the world where it was paranoid schizophrenia that hurt his younger sister and not reality. In spite of everything. Even though he believed it deep down. Even though he'd given up his whole life to get her away from the Alliance. He couldn't cope. He tried to the only way he knew how - by being a doctor. And now he had taken a risk that could lose her River, lose him River, and take all of their lives in the process.

"Simon, have you ever heard the phrase 'xiǎo dòng bù bǔ, dà dòng chī kǔ' (A small hole not mended in time will become a big hole much more difficult to mend)?" Inara questioned.

"I have." Simon affirmed.

"Well, knocking River out doesn't mend the hole." Inara informed him. "In fact, it could be helping make it larger." She looked down at River. "She comes back to herself after a time if you don't drug her. The storm blows its course, and while it leaves some damage behind it, it's damage she can learn to cope with, to work through, if we support her." She returned her eyes to Simon. "I hate to put it this way, but the medications are stop-gaps. Patches. She might feel better for a little while, but when it all wears off, everything happening underneath is still there, waiting to be dealt with. Stopping the immediate pain and distress ultimately doesn't help." She examined Simon. "Why did you call me if you were just going to knock her out?"

Simon shrugged. "I thought you'd want to be with her."

Inara frowned. "Though that's true, I thought you might have called me thinking I could help support her through things in some way, given you expressly promised not to drug her like this..."

"Antipsychotics have long been the first-line treatment for paranoid schizophrenia" Simon snapped. "And if you don't believe it is paranoid schizophrenia, which seems to be common on board this ship, they are also used as a treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder, which I think we can all agree, could exist in River's case, as well as many other cognitive disorders!"

"In conjunction with some kind of therapy to help the individual get through the situation, Simon!" Inara retaliated. "And you didn't give her an antipsychotic, you doped her! I think we can all agree that knocking her out doesn't count as therapy!" She stood up, ready to stalk out of the room, and then realising she probably couldn't carry River on her own, sat back down abruptly, crossing her arms.

"And where am I supposed to find her some gǒurìde therapy out here Inara?" Simon returned grumpily. "We aren't in the Core, if you hadn't noticed!" (damned)

"Zāo gāo, Simon, I know where we are. But we can talk to her, and be there for her while she works through things!" (damn it)

"I'm going to go." Kaylee said awkwardly, starting to move away from Simon towards the door.

"That won't be necessary" Simon informed her. "Inara was just leaving."

"The only way I'm leaving is if River leaves with me" Inara told him, not standing up. "You called me down here so I could be with her, remember?"

"I..." Simon paused, evidently trying to decide whether to fight her on it or not. "Fine" he agreed. "I'll help you carry her to your shuttle."


Inara lay on the bed in her shuttle, her body curled around River's, miserable. She missed the proper weight of River. The way the girl's body adjusted perfectly to fit her, the way River pulled her close. Unconscious, she didn't feel like River, and it was more than a little disconcerting. She had only been gone a little while, and already Inara felt...bereft. Even though she knew River would be back soon. She wanted to examine River's face again, as she had so many times already, hoping for some sign of what was happening inside her mind. She knew she wouldn't find it. Unconsciousness was different than sleep. Her River was gone until she returned.

Inara sighed. Until River, she had never felt this. She had rarely lacked composure. Even Mal, who she had loved more than anyone had found before, had never caused this. If she were a pool, Mal had been a light rain causing ripples across her perfect, reflective surface. River was a rainstorm. But the type of rainstorm that caused you the perfect relief after a period of unbreakable, muggy, constant heat. The type of rain you turned your face upward to and smiled, revelling in the feel of it spattering across your face, soaking your hair, your clothes. She missed the rain.

Mal sat in the cockpit, on edge. Zoë was sitting in the co-pilot's seat, and no less tense. Mal hated waiting games, and this was a long one, as they generally went. All because his stupid, hùnzhàng doctor couldn't take a deep breath and think things through before drugging his little sister into oblivion, and putting them all in danger. Boy was causing a problem, no question. He was a good doctor, and he'd done well by them so far, but his blindness in regards to River was dangerous. (son of a bitch)

Zoë stood. "It'll soon be an hour. I'm going to see if she's awake. Inara won't want to leave her."

Mal nodded, going back to his pondering.


Zoë knocked at the door of Inara's shuttle. Simon had come up the cockpit earlier to let them know River was there. Mal had looked like he wanted to punch the good doctor, and Simon had known it, too, given how quickly he'd disappeared again.

"Qǐng jìn" came the soft reply. (come in)

Zoë did so, to find Inara curled in a mirror image of River on the bed, facing her. "Still out?" she confirmed quietly.

Inara lifted herself into a sitting position on the bed and nodded.

Zoë took a seat at the end of the bed. "How're you holding up?" she asked, examining the Companion, whose gaze was already moving back to River. She didn't look anything like her usual self, she looked lost and afraid. Given Inara's usual self-control, it was more than a little disconcerting.

Zoë watched her quietly. She'd never seen this side of the Companion before she and River had gotten together. It had been obvious to her for a long while how Inara and River felt about each other, but this was something entirely different. Reminded her of herself and Wash more than a little, she thought with a pang. An unlikely match, in a way, but perhaps less so than others might think. They each brought out qualities in the other that might not be so obvious.

Inara carefully ran her fingers through River's hair, pushing it away from her face, and Zoë found it harder and harder to breathe as she watched the simple, loving, gesture. Her lungs just wouldn't expand properly. "I just want her to wake up" Inara said honestly. "Right now..." her eyes came up to meet Zoë's, saying more than words ever could. Her brow crumpled into a concerned expression. "Zoë?

"I know." Zoë forced herself to say mechanically. She knew what Inara meant. Things were different when a person was unconscious. Sleep held personality. People were still themselves when they slept. When they were unconscious, well, it was like they were missing. Like they were dead. Panic blossomed inside her. Images of Wash run through in the pilot's seat flashed in her mind's eye. She still couldn't draw air. Black spots started dancing in her vision.

Inara searched Zoë's face, moving to place a hand on her arm, temporarily forgetting that Zoë didn't like to be touched anymore. "Zoë, what is it?" she questioned gently, as Zoë struggled to maintain composure. She forced herself to her feet, away from Inara's touch, her empathy, knowing if Inara's fingers reached her that it would break the dam she'd so carefully constructed inside, and all of the pain she tried to hide would be out where everyone could see. Raggedly, she dragged a breath into her lungs. And then another. The black spots receded.

"I'm fine" Zoë said breathlessly. Even to her own ears, it sounded like a reassurance.


River came to to an assault of thought, her own, and those of the others. They tumbled and jarred her – pain, anger, guilt, confusion, fear, so much fear, but also so much love. Too many voices, too many thoughts, unfiltered, thundering. It frightened her. She remembered falling, the pain of the needle, and Simon. Her own voice hissing in her ears and the sensation of fear were the last things she recalled. Anger at her brother shot through her and settled in to stay.

They were out there, still, somewhere between White Sun and Greenleaf, the men in blue who seemed to follow her everywhere. But they weren't coming for her, for Inara, for her crew. Not yet. Not battering her mind for information. Not seeking for her with her barriers down. Whether they didn't yet know she'd escaped she wasn't sure. She just knew they weren't right behind them, not yet. It was when they were inside her mind, chasing her down; driven, thriving on her fear, that she knew they were close. An imminent threat. Doing the job the Alliance had designed them for. To bring her back. She felt like she was hyperventilating mentally. She needed to focus on something. Wake up properly so she could tell everyone they were safe – for the immediate future, at least. She reached out for Inara's love, and could hear her voice speaking, sounding far away. It calmed River a little.

River tried to open her eyes, but it was like swimming through molasses. "River?" The voice was Zoë's. She was in severe emotional pain, and was just managing to hold herself together. River withdrew, shuddering mentally.

River felt the Inara's excitement run through her, balancing Zoë. "River?" River tried to reply, but the only sound that escaped her lips was a moan. Inara's excitement vanished with it, washed out by worry. River felt the tears run down her cheeks as frustration blossomed inside her. Zoë's pain and Inara's worry threatened to overwhelm her. Love, fear, guilt, confusion, anger - from every corner of the ship, every person, she felt the boiling of emotion, and yet she couldn't even open her eyes. Her mind was present, and yet her body was cut off. "River, darling?" Inara's voice was calm, but River heard the tremor of fear inside her that no amount of Companion training could disguise. How much she wanted to reach out and reassure her that for now, at least, they were safe.


The few minutes between when River's eyelids first twitched and she was finally able to open her eyes and speak felt like eternity to Zoë. She'd felt the feeling before, when time seemed to pass so slowly it hardly felt like it was moving. Usually it was in moments when she'd had a gun to her head or had been lying in the dirt, wishing the ringing in her ears would stop and her body would respond after a grenade exploded. For now at least, the immediacy of finding out if they were safe was giving her focus, giving her the ability to bandage the wounds she'd just been overwhelmed by yet again. The danger had become tangible for Zoë in a way it hadn't been before. Ultimately, she was a soldier. She'd lived most of her life in situations where the possibility of death was ever present. A gun to your head, well, that was a different issue altogether.

River sat up in a fluid movement, rather paler than usual. One of her hands moved out to clasp one of Inara's. Zoë jumped, and saw out of the corner of her eye that Inara did, too. River refrained from pulling Inara closer with a quick look to Zoë, who slid her gaze away. "We're safe" River informed them. "...for now, anyway."

Zoë's tension flowed out of her. "They're not following us?"

"They're not on us" River replied seriously, interweaving her fingers unconsciously with Inara's. The Companion wrapped an arm around her shoulders, evidently concerned by her pallor.

It wasn't the answer Zoë had been hoping for, and she could see in River's eyes that the girl knew it.

"I don't know more than that" River murmured sadly.

Zoë nodded, accepting. "I'll figure things out with the Captain." She examined the younger woman's pale face. River looked exhausted. "You alright?"

"Headache. It'll fade." River told her. "Just a side effect of the drugs, I expect."

"You take care." Zoë told her.

"I do. It's my idiot brother who's the problem." River retorted. "Don't want him anywhere near me right now."

"Don't we know it." Zoë agreed, with a glance to Inara, who met her eyes and blushed just a little, guessing Mal had told Zoë what had passed in Simon's room. "I'll see you both later." Zoë turned and left the shuttle. She paused a minute outside to breathe deeply, trying to forget what it felt like to have your lungs clamp down and lock up on you. It was an emotional situation, she reminded herself. She didn't usually react to River and Inara that strongly. That was the pain she reserved for lying in her bunk, memories of Wash flooding her as she lay in the dark. The deep pain she let no-one see. She sighed. Not that that meant no-one saw it. She knew River did, invited or not, whether River wanted to or not. At least River understood that she didn't talk about things and supported her only with restraint, as she had just done in the shuttle. But then, River knew deep pain, too.

Zoë took another deep breath and headed for the cockpit, trying to shift her focus to more mundane things. She was relieved that Simon's mistake had not resulted in physical disaster, but what it might mean for Simon and River's relationship, she didn't particularly want to think on. Especially with the after effects of whatever Simon had shot her up with.


Kaylee sat in the cockpit with Mal in silence, waiting for news. Her usually cheerful demeanor was absent, her thoughts unhappy. She'd left for the engine room while Simon helped Inara carry River to her shuttle, but had quickly discovered she didn't want to wait alone for news, but didn't want to be with Simon, either. She'd stood beside him while Inara was in the room - she knew Inara and River would understand - but when it came right down to it, she wasn't on his side. She'd been there when Simon'd promised River he wouldn't drug her, talked with him through the night when he'd been trying to make the decision. He'd promised, and then at the first possible moment, gone back on it. He'd put them all in danger to make himself feel better. That wasn't something you did as part of a crew. In her opinion, it just wasn't something you did at all. She had to wonder at him, at how he could possibly be so selfish. And she felt guilty now, too, for leaving River alone with him while she'd run for Inara. She'd trusted Simon to do the right thing, and he'd broken that trust. It made her wonder if he was the man she'd thought him to be all this time.

"Captain?" Zoë's voice startled her out of her thought process.

"What's the situation?" Mal questioned immediately.

"We look to be fine" Zoë informed him. "Seems they left River alone while she was out."

"So...We're safe?" Kaylee asked, trepidation colouring her tone.

"Safe as we were before Simon knocked her out, far as River can tell." Zoë replied.

"Oh, well that's good...right?" Kaylee replied, not sure how to feel. Obviously she was over the moon that they weren't in immediate danger of a terrible death, but her heart sunk still further as she realised this would likely end with Simon feeling like they were all making a big deal out of nothing.

Mal turned on communications to the rest of the ship. "This is the Captain. Seems we're in the clear, people." He flicked it off and turned to Kaylee. "How you doing, mèimei? Seems to me you're more'n a little in the middle of this one."

It took Kaylee a minute to realise Mal was addressing her. "I..." she started, trying to come up with something to say, before sighing. "I am a bit, Cap'n." All she could really think of was that she didn't want to see Simon right now. "Maybe I'll go down, stop by 'Nara's shuttle." She concluded, standing. Zoë looked like she was going to say something, but then stopped. Kaylee paused. "Bad idea?" she asked softly. "You think they wanna be alone?"

Zoë shrugged. "It's just that River's a bit the worse for wear. Think your stopping by'd mean a lot to her, though."

Kaylee looked sad. "What Simon did was wrong." She murmured. "He promised her he wouldn't drug her not so long ago, as you know. Sent me for Inara 'n then dropped her anyway." She looked down. "Ain't right." Her gaze rose back up to the woman in front of her and she met Zoë's eyes before shifting her focus to the Captain. Her heart felt physically heavy.

Mal sighed. "It ain't right" he agreed. "And we all know Simon can't see clear when it comes to River. He and I are gonna have a chat to that regard. But he's still a good man, little Kaylee. Doc knows he made a mistake."

Kaylee swallowed. "But will he still, with things turning out as they have?"

Mal glowered. "He will by the time I'm through. Another mistake like this one and he's no longer welcome on my boat."

Kaylee swallowed again, a shiver running through her at Mal's tone. He meant it. She nodded. "Well, I'm going to go down, stop in on River 'n Inara." She said again, nodding at them both before heading down the stairs.


As soon as Zoë left the shuttle, River flopped down on the bed, pulling Inara with her.

Inara propped herself up on one arm to examine the girl's face. "Are you alright?" she demanded. River took a guess that her face had gone a rather nasty shade of pale.

River shook her head. "It's getting worse. There's too much going on – too many thoughts in my head" she groaned. It felt like everyone was screaming their thoughts and emotions at her, even louder than before. "I'm going to kill Simon. What did he give me?" She pressed her palms to her forehead. It felt like her brain was trying to escape her skull. The pain was getting worse.

"He said it was a new mix. More precise." Inara informed her gently. "Is there anything I can do? Would painkillers help?"

"Don't know...Depends what Simon gave me." She was beginning to feel nauseous. She sighed. "I guess we better ask him, as much as I don't want to see either him or a needle again for a long time."

"I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?" Inara told her worriedly, with a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you, love" River closed her eyes, and the voices and emotions roared louder. She listened to the shuttle door open and shut, and then curled into a small ball as they threatened to overwhelm her. There was no room for herself in her mind, and it felt all too familiar.