Chapter 15
'Wait, what? Who saw you?'
'I don't know but I knew they were there. Oh god, what have I done?' Her head fell into her hands in despair. Eleven touched her shoulder, turning her round to face him.
'You haven't done anything, okay? Don't worry about it, Clara, please.' He said, welcoming her into his arms and nuzzling her hair with his nose.
'It is something to worry about, it's my job! No, actually it's my life, if anyone finds out that I've been sleeping with you my arse would be thrown straight into prison.'
'But I wouldn't let anyone do that.' He comforted her, kissing her head and remaining calm.
'I didn't like the idea of telling you're friends either, at least until I'd got to known them properly. What's to say they wouldn't tell somebody? Anyone?'
'Because I trust them, and they won't tell anyone, I promise.' He wrapped her up and sunk lower into bed, yet she wasn't having none of it. She didn't want his comfort or reassurances.
'Just look at me now, in you're bed, naked, at university, like some pathetic schoolgirl. I'm supposed to be your teacher.' She emphasised, her hands still covered with her hands.
'Hey, hey, don't get het up about it. We can make this, alright? You and me, together. If anyone saw you, I'll find out and sort it.'
'I just never wanted it to get this complicated,' she replied, as he rubbed her back soothingly, 'I attract awkward situations. My whole life's one. My birth was just an awkward, unnecessary situation.'
'Shh, come on, don't talk like that. You are everything to me and that won't change. Stop downgrading yourself, and never say you're life was an accident. Hey,' he said, lifting up her chin to look at him, 'stop it.'
'It keeps getting more complicated though, first with the lies and being caught and having to deal with a huge amount of shit that I just shouldn't bother with. I can never find happiness without a price, never.'
'Are you having doubts?'
She sighed frustratedly.
'No, not about you or us at all, I don't have a doubt about our relationship or you. It's myself I'm having doubts with.'
'Please stop, Clara, you're beautiful and amazing and I want you to think positive. If anything happens, we'll work something out. But for now, lay back down and fall asleep with me while we still can.'
She obeyed, sliding down until his arm circled her waist and she could feel his breath on her neck.
'What if someone saw me, though?'
'I...I don't know, Clara. I guess we'll just have to hope they didn't see or were too drunk to.'
It didn't settle her mind, but she allowed herself to drift back to sleep, even though the lines of frustration hadn't cleared on her head and her worries had been refreshed anew.
••••
When they finally got up and started the day, Clara still hadn't forgotten. It had been unrecognisable as a face, but definitely there; a shadow lurking in the doorway, watching her walk up the stairs tiredly and enter the room. She carried this memory when Eleven kissed her goodbye, and when she had breakfast. She held it anxiously as she strode through the corridors and worked away the next two lessons. It was keeping her alert, so much so that she winced instinctively when she saw Danny across the hall, raising his hands innocently but like he was about to hit her again.
It was making her so nervous, so cautious, so insecure. To be honest she didn't really care about what happened to her anymore; she cared about Eleven and how it would impact him. She didn't even know where he lived or who his parents were, if he had brothers and sisters and whether he was a long way from home or not. But it felt like she had known him forever, like he had always been there, apart of her soul and it was only now that he had formed to flesh.
Clara was also mentally slapping herself for not saying it. Those three words she had promised herself she would tell him but never did. It wasn't because she was scared or anything, the moment just never felt right to her. She could have told him plenty of times, most obviously the Christmas dance where they had been exposed to the night sky and danced under the stars. It was thrilling and romantic and the perfect set up for what she wanted to say, yet she still hadn't said anything. Maybe she had been too caught up in the moment, or sidetracked. She could've told him a number of times when they were having sex, but that also felt wrong, like it wouldn't sound the way she meant it. To him it would probably only mean that she loved his hair or his body or the sounds he made. No, she was still waiting for a perfect moment, but she was fearing one wouldn't come in time.
••••
'What are you thinking?' He asked, stroking her arm.
Turning to stare in his eyes, she answered, 'about how beautiful you are.'
She smiled that dreamy, irresistible smile he only gave to her and which she craved most after a long days work.
'Great minds think alike.'
She sniggered. 'You narcissist.'
'No, not about me, about you. Always about you.'
'Shouldn't you be doing you're homework?'
'Stop with the teacher act right now, it's off putting.'
'Not letting you carry on if you haven't completed it.'
'Ugh, why?'
'You really want me to explain?' She raised her eyebrows.
'Just five more minutes.' He murmured, still playing with her tongue as he kissed her further.
'No!' She laughed, pushing him off her.
'Get to work, come on.'
He grinned.
'Yes, miss.'
He lunged atop her while she laughed harder at his actions.
'I meant the work, not me.'
'Same thing, isn't it?'
She slapped him playfully.
With reluctance he slowly crawled off her, and she giggled at his noticeable crotch that he hadn't yet seen.
'What?'
'Nothing.' She stifled her laughter as he turned away, sitting down at a desk with papers sprawled everywhere on it.
'Well, I'm just going to go downstairs for a minute.' She told him, kissing his hair and wearing a smile.
'Don't be long.' He called.
'Oh, I won't.'
Opening the door and walking down the stairs, it was there she was stopped.
'Why are you up there, Miss?'
A student of hers blocked her pathway, demanding an answer. Clara's smile vanished instantly.
'I was just, uh, handing in some work for Eleven to do. He has to catch up with it.'
'Prove it.'
'What?'
'I said, prove it.'
'You don't talk to a teacher like that, it's disrespectful. And it's none of you're business.'
'It might not be mine, but it could be someone else's, like the police.'
'Are you threatening me?' She asked incredulously.
'No. I'm merely suggesting you should give me proof of why you were up there.'
'I'm allowed to go up there, I'm staff.'
'I'm not sure you were supposed to be up there at night.'
Clara froze, her eyes widened. Someone had seen her, and now that someone was demanding evidence of her not-so-innocent innocence.
'Fine.'
And she lead her up to the door, knocking nervously.
'It's me, Miss Oswald.' She swallowed.
'What?'
She opened the door, where Eleven was still at the desk. The student wondered in, arms crossed.
'What's this about?'
'I was just telling this girl that I had just come up here two minutes previously to deliver work. She stopped me on the stairs.'
The words hit Eleven instantly, realising the situation and thankfully playing along.
'Yeah, look, I'm doing it right now.'
'What about the other night? I saw Miss up here.' The girl asked.
'She was delivering another set for my friends, and helped me a bit with the questions.'
'So, why haven't you come to any other dorms with work?' She turned to Clara.
'Eleven specifically e-mailed me about it and on behalf of his friends.'
She only shook her head, a smug smile on her face.
'You're excuses are pathetic. I've seen you come up here every day and stay up here til morning. Oh, and I also saw you kissing outside, the night of the dance. You really should be more careful about secret affairs and who sees you and who don't. So, I can easily tell anyone about this, and news would get round. Or, you can choose to mark my work up regardless if it's quality and I'll keep it to myself. I don't know if anyone else had seen you two together but this is is what in offering you.'
Clara wanted to jump out of a window. She was so careless and reckless age stupid.
'I can't cheat you're exams, it's not fair.'
'Then you deal with the consequences.'
'We're both consenting adults!' Eleven cut in.
'Yeah, but a teacher and a student though? Bit gross. Plus, the boys who also sleep here must be either very oblivious or creeped out.'
'They understand. And there's only seven years between us.'
'It's still scandal enough to make front page in papers.'
Eleven tried to interject again, but Clara stopped him.
'Okay, fine. I'll mark you up.' She sighed defeatedly.
With a satisfactory and sickening smile she pranced out the room until Clara and Eleven were alone.
She couldn't believe she was doing this. She was going against every rule set against teachers just to protect herself from an embarrassing and exposing truth. She was a cheat and a filthy liar that hadn't been careful enough at all. She had been so worried that Eleven's friends would tell someone that set hadn't even considered what else could happen. It was all such a mess, and she finally felt tears of rage burn at her eyelids and spill hotly down her cheeks. It was anger at herself, and no one else. Pure, unadulterated hatred for what she had done and who she was. Collapsing to the floor uncontrollably she saw Eleven's shocked and concerned face loom above her and told him pityingly.
'I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.'
••••
Clara was even more cautious now, and every time she walked anywhere around school she felt like they all knew inside, laughing at her when her back was turned and telling others how completely grotesque it was that a student was in a relationship with a teacher. Even Eleven couldn't comfort her any longer, and she had even slept as far apart as she could from him in her shame, which he really didn't like. It all felt like it was crashing down around her, a few weeks of bliss and then a tidal wave of beatings from her own past actions brought her down again like twisted karma. Maybe she just wasn't made to be in a relationship, maybe she wasn't made to find happiness, but help others instead with their futures that she couldn't care less about after they'd gone out and into the harsh world. She wasn't being vain and feeling sorry for herself, but she really didn't know what she had done to deserve this. Everything she had been through, and at what price? How she wished she had never indulged herself in his charms and his eyes, how she wished she should have never got involved, never suggested tuition, never kissed him back. She didn't regret any of it, but if it came down to consequences, then to her she had ruined his life just because she couldn't control her emotions.
'Do you want to talk about it?' He had asked at night, knowing she was awake.
'No, I just want to try and get to sleep.' She had replied. It was hard not to crawl back into his inviting arms but she couldn't do it. The damage had already been done.
••••
Halfway through dinner, his phone had beeped with the notification of a text. He had recently been so worried for Clara and so frantic about their relationship becoming public he had hardly focused on his work. She was so torn up and guilty she wouldn't even let him hold her at night and hardly said anything cheerful. She was clearly distressed, and Ten, Nine and Twelve had guessed it too. Everything was spiralling out of control and he wished it would just stop. So that was why he was even more worried when he received a message from Clara telling him to meet her outside round the hedges, the same ones they had danced behind and had not been as discreet as they'd thought.
Standing up immediately amongst the cried of people he left.
'Where you going?' Twelve asked.
'Don't worry.'
Striding out of the hall he practically ran to the hedges, where she was waiting. It was fairly dusky with a few smatterings of stars here and there and Clara had never looked so beautiful in the twilight. Staring at her concerned face he immediately felt cold shivers run up and down his body.
'Clara, are you okay?'
'I need to tell you something.'
Eleven searched her guilty and anxious features, his own forming identically. She was standing a little distance apart and it made him nervous. The wind whipped through his hair, if a little sharply but his voice cut through clearly.
'What's wrong?'
