Yet another chapter. I really need to get writing on this...thanks to Charakids for pre-reading and fixing the mistakes. Personal thanks at the bottom as always.
Chapter 4
Present
"Almost there. ETA is 10 minutes." Casey's voice gruffly informed her and the other passengers. They were getting closer to the facility where they were holding Chuck. Closer to the end that would either be their failure or success. Sarah's heart beat wildly in anticipation as they drove closer to their destination, but the rest of her was calm and ready. She swore that she could feel Chuck's presence as they drove closer but she shook her head off as it being ridiculous.
"Don't worry Sarah. We'll get him out. I won't leave without him." Jill's voice said from the back seat. Sarah fought the urge to turn and glower at her, maybe give her a good slap or at least the finger for good measure. She didn't want her there at all but they needed all the help they could get, and finding people to trust with something so sensitive that had experience was damn near impossible. Instead she took solace in Casey's hard grip on the wheel when Jill spoke. At least Sarah wasn't the only one who didn't want Jill there. She was a traitor after all to her country and to Chuck.
But then again, wasn't that what all of them were doing right now? Betraying their country? In her mind she didn't think so, didn't really feel as if it was treason. She wasn't betraying her country to any enemy that would like to see the country she fought so long to fall. She wasn't trying to over throw the government. She loved America, and all it stood for. The good things and all the bad as well. But being caught rescuing a high level government asset from the hands of said government was considered a treasonous act, even if their motives were purely for the safely of said asset who's rights as American citizen were blatantly being violated.
No she didn't like being lumped in the same title as Jill. But they needed her.
5 months previous
"No Bryce, absolutely not." Sarah said angrily walking away from him. She heard Bryce's frustrated sigh but ignored him as she walked out onto the porch of the house.
She leaned against the railing and looked out over the horizon. She both liked and hated this place. She was brought here a month ago by Bryce and Orion as the base of operations after she had retrieved Ellie, Devon and Morgan. It was out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by huge thick trees that effectively hid them from anything and everything with no road up to the cabin. Sarah loved the peacefulness of it but she was afraid of the isolation. It was quiet and allowed her mind to wonder off more and think, something she wasn't so inclined to want to do much of lately. She was used to being cut off from the world in a metaphorical sense but not in such a physical sense and it unnerved her at times.
"Sarah, please listen." Bryce begged coming up behind her as she continued staring off into the forest. When she gave no indication of listening he stepped up beside her a few feet away. "We need everyone we can on this if we are going to succeed."
"Jill, Bryce? We need Jill Roberts to help get Chuck out? In case you forgot she's a traitor to the US. She's a fugitive. She's a liar, a cheat. And on top of that she used Chuck, and broke his heart, not once but twice."
"I know Sarah. Believe me, I know. I was part of it remember?" Bryce shouted at her frustrated.
"We don't need her Bryce. We have Devon, Ellie and Morgan. We have enough people. We don't need the traitor's help."
Bryce gave a bark of laugher at her comment before his smile faded away to a grimace. "Please tell me you're joking Sarah. They aren't operatives. They don't know anything about infiltration of secure facilities. They can't go with us when the time comes."
"You don't get to decide who does what here. This isn't your operation." She huffed.
"It's not yours either Sarah. Its Orion's and he agreed to allow Jill to join."
Not wanting to deal with him any further Sarah turned walked down the stairs to the forest floor and headed down the path to the right. She walked this path frequently since she arrived; loving the solitude it offered her from the rest of the occupants. It was darkened as the thick trees blocked out the sun with small patches escaping through here and there lighting where she walked. She imagined bringing Chuck here one day after they saved him. Walking down the same path, letting him wonder and enjoy the fresh air and feel the breeze on his skin, hear the sounds of the forest as it lives.
Her breath hitched and she held it in as she stumbled down a small hill as the path turned slightly left. She didn't like to think of Chuck all cooped up underground. Chuck thrived on sunlight, on freedom. As much of a nerd that he was, staying in all the time playing video games, he always had the windows open, would even strangely hook up the system outside in the courtyard to play, a trick he'd been doing since he was a child and Ellie yelled at him to go out and play or get out of her way so she could clean. But she knew where he was now; he was surrounded by concrete and probably hadn't seen the sun since he was taken.
The breath she was holding in was let go slowly as she turned another bend heading towards the opening in the trees. Beyond them lay a large lake that glimmered like diamonds as the sun hit it. It was a beautiful site and it never failed to take her breath away whenever she saw it. Sarah had spent most of the month sitting on the log next to the water when she wasn't with Orion and Bryce implementing a plan. Sometimes Ellie would join her and they would talk about her time in the CIA with Chuck. It was hard on Sarah to open up about it, being trained to keep everything secret. However when you're planning a treasonous act with someone, there really isn't any point in keeping any secrets.
Plus seeing the pride on Ellies face made all her fears and discomfort disintegrate. Finally Ellie was seeing the Chuck that Sarah had seen, the Chuck she had known. The Chuck Ellie believed he could be but couldn't see until now, and it warmed Sarah's heart to see that pride radiate from Ellie.
Approaching said log, Sarah stared out on the horizon of the water for a moment, unable to see anything before sitting on it and raising her face up to meet the warm sun. It felt good on her skin and a smile crossed her face. It felt strange to her; smiling, she hadn't done much of that lately. Her mind had always been too occupied with other things to find the small delights in the world to smile at. Until Chuck was free, she didn't think there was much to be happy about.
"Sarah?" A soft voice called nearby, startling her. Sarah stood up quickly drawing her gun out from her waistband and pointed it in the direction of the voice.
Behind her stood Jill Roberts, the last person she wanted to see. The woman stood several feet away with her hands up and a sad frown on her face. Sarah took the moment to look her over, noticing the skinnier angles of her body, the gauntness of her face, the shortness of her hair. She looked horrible. Being on the run had not been good on Jill, and secretly Sarah was pleased at that. But the thought of Chuck stopped the satisfied smirk from crossing her face, knowing that despite what Jill had done to him, to Sarah, and to their country, his heart would still bleed at seeing her in such a state.
"Sarah, please. I'm not going to hurt you." She said softy. Sarah scoffed at that thought. The bony woman before her could barely stand.
"You stay away from me Jill." She told her, but Jill took a step forward, than another until she was in front of the log Sarah had just vacated and sat down.
"I know you don't like me Sarah-"
"You're a traitor!"
"I know! God I know." She covered her eyes with her hands for a moment as Sarah watched warily. "I know what I've done. I'm not proud of it. I hate myself every day for it. I'm not here to ask for forgiveness. I'm just here to help."
"I don't need your help Jill. We can do this just fine without you." Sarah told her finally lowering her weapon, but not easing up on it. Jill looked up at her again with a sad smile.
"No, you need my help. You just don't want it. And I understand Sarah. I hurt Chuck. The man with the biggest heart, who forgave me for what happened at Stanford and I broke his heart again. I get it Sarah." She said sadly. Jill turned to stare out onto the water, giving Sarah a chance to really get a look at her. "Life on the run has been very hard for me. Having no one to help, not being able to trust anyone. Always having to look over my shoulder for any signs of danger."
"You escaped Jill." Sarah's sardonic reply hung between them for several moments. Though the truth was Chuck let her go, Sarah would never blame him. Chuck was wrong in his actions but Jill should have made the right choice and turned herself in.
"I did and it was a mistake. I am guilty Sarah, make no mistake about that. I'm not making any excuses for it. I just want to help Chuck. I was a prisoner for months after being caught, and he doesn't deserve that Sarah. This is our faults. Bryce's, mine. Yours and Casey's. We have to save him."
Sarah wasn't sure how to respond to her little declaration and instead stood there glowering at her for several more minutes. But she was tired and wary and her body couldn't keep it up any longer and she felt herself loosen and fall to the ground on her knees. Bending forward she touched her forehead to ground below trying to calm herself down, trying to get her head to clear. She needed to be clear to do this.
Sitting up she looked around herself for a moment before turning back to Jill. "And what about after we rescue him? What will you do then?" Sarah asked her.
Jill didn't seem to have an answer for her as she shrugged her thin shoulders. "I don't know Sarah. At this point I'm just living my life one day at a time. It's all I can do."
Giving one last harrowing look, she nodded her head. Sarah would accept Jill's help on this because she was right, they were all right. This was their faults, all of them and they would need every able body to get him out.
However accepting Jill's help didn't mean he had to stay her company, and with that Sarah picked herself up off the dirty bank of the lake and turned back towards the path that would lead her back to the cabin without a backwards glance.
She walked at a brisker pace than before, not sure why as the other person she had no desire to see was back at the cabin but Sarah wasn't sure what to do or where to go. She had been there for almost a month and felt like they were nowhere nearer and the frustration were beginning to get to her.
Stopping on the path Sarah stood still with her eyes closed and muscles tight and tense. Her gut swirled and hurt and she felt like she was going to vomit if she held herself in any tighter but any more leeway and she was afraid she would do something stupid like punch a tree or shoot herself. She wanted to do anything to feel pain and release all the tension that coursed through her nonstop.
"Sarah?" A voice said ahead of her, but she ignored it, keeping her eyes shut. "Are you ok? What happened?" The voice said concerned.
Opening her eyes a sliver she saw Morgan standing before, a concerned look on his face as he stood in front of her. She opened her eyes all the way and released her body from its stoic position. "Hey Morgan."
"Are you alright Sarah? You kinda looked, well…" He asked her taking a step further. She wasn't sure what to say. Her training told her to play it cool, come up with some story that would make her sound nonchalant but she couldn't think of anything. If she was honest with herself she was tired of always hiding.
"No." She said simply before she felt her face crumble and the tears begin to flow. Her chest hitched as she tried to gather breath but the sobs wrecking her body was making it hard to breath. She felt Morgan wrap his arms around her tightly, holding her to him as she cried. It felt good and warm to be held like that and didn't make a move to push him away or release herself from his hold. He rubbed her back soothingly while mumbling soft calming words into her ear.
She wasn't sure how long they stood there, she didn't care, and she just wanted to stay like that until Chuck was finally safely back where he belonged, with her. Too soon however Morgan broke the embrace, still keeping his hands on her shoulders and he pulled back slightly to look at her. They shared a slight awkward laugh for a second before Morgan placed a kiss on her forehead.
"I know just want you need girl." He told her. She looked down at him curiously, feeling as if she should feel slightly concerned by the huge grin that was plastered on his face.
Without further ado, Morgan released her shoulders and reached down and grabbed her hand. She wasn't big on the hand holding but he seemed really excited about wherever he was taking her so she allowed it. Morgan took them back down the path towards the lake and Sarah was concerned that they were heading back towards the lake but then Morgan veered off the path to the left and led her into the dark thick woods.
She followed on his heels, looking around, marking in her mind where they were going so that they could get back. She doubted that Morgan had any tracking experience and would most likely get them lost. They walked for about twenty minutes until finally Morgan brushed through some tree branches into a small clearing and stopped.
For a second Sarah had a horrid thought that it would be some kind of horrible twilight experience with a field of random flowers and a glittering boy but was relieved to see an ordinary clearing. There were branches everywhere and while it was brighter in that spot due to the clearing it was still dark and overcast as the surrounding trees loomed about.
Sarah walked further in, the crunching of pinecones and needles beneath her feet combined with dead leaves and whatever else normally lay upon the deserted floor of the forest. There in the middle was a tree whose bark looked shabby and split and a long branch in front of it that was cleared of its own debris.
Morgan walked passed her and picked up the branch holding it like a bat and swinging a few times. Sarah took a few steps away from him to avoid getting hit, not trusting Morgan with any sort of weapon in his hands. She eyed him warily until he stopped and then smiled a huge grin and handed the branch out to her.
"What?" She asked confused.
"You swing it, like this." He showed her again, swinging wildly.
"Yeah I got that part Morgan, but what's the point?" She asked him. Morgan scoffed at her and pointed the branch at the tree.
"You hit the tree with the branch. It releases tension. It calms the soul." He explained.
Sarah raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. "And how is beating up a poor defenseless tree going to calm my soul?" She asked using her fingers in quotations.
Walking closer to Sarah Morgan gave her a saddened look. She hated it, hated pity and she was regretting crying in front of Morgan now that she saw the pity directly in his eyes. Crossing her arms over her chest Sarah glowered at him and took a step back as he crossed her personal bubble.
"You need to hit something Sarah, release the tension. Violence isn't always the answer but there's nothing wrong with letting off a little steam every now and then especially if nothing gets hurt." He pointed out.
Again Sarah quirked her brow and looked at the tree that was behind him. "I'm sure that tree will disagree." She told him.
Apparently losing his patience's, something Sarah had never seen before Morgan placed his hand on her shoulder and begun pushing her towards the large tree, stopping her a few feet away. He shoved the branch into her hand and walked off to the side out of her way, which considering she wanted to smack him with is was probably a good idea.
That's when it kind of hit her that that was the point Morgan was trying to make. She always found Morgan slightly irritating, especially when it came to Chuck's attention. He was creepy and obsessive, and she actually wondered at times if he wasn't actually all the way there, but she never had any violent thoughts about him before. Jeff and Lester yes, definitely, on a daily basis sometimes multiple times. But she had never wanted to hit Morgan. He was Chuck's best friend and Chuck loved him, and anything or anyone Chuck loved, she couldn't help but love too.
With that she gave a glance at Morgan before lifting the branch and swinging it at the tree. It hit softly, a few flakes of bark flying out and falling to the ground below.
"Again Sarah, hit it a little harder." Morgan cheered from the side.
Sarah swung the branch again harder, feeling it vibrate up her arms and down her body as it impacted the tree. Without a beat she swung it again, and again, squinting her eyes as bark began to fly out towards her at alarming speed as she continued to pound on the tree.
"Pretend it's Jeff and he just said something disturbing. Or that they just said something in general." Morgan shouted at her.
The tree transformed into Jeff's drunken face and she hit it with a little more vigor before it morphed into Lester's. A few hits later it was Bryce and she pounded the tree so hard she felt her shoulder pop only to have it transform into Jill.
One by one Morgan shouted out names and her mind would transform the tree into whatever he said. She felt the sweat begin to form on her body as her muscles began to ache at the use. If this was the previous year this would be nothing to her, but the damaged done during her last mission and her time here where she spent more time sleeping and being alone then exercising had made her body weaker, and right now it burned.
It felt great. She missed this and as she swung at the tree she decided that she would get back into shape, that she would use this physical movement to keep her grounded, keep her focused and not to bottle things up.
"You're doing great Sarah." Morgan said and a huge grin crossed her face. "Now it's Chuck, Sarah. Let him have it." Sarah stopped suddenly, stumbling backwards as her momentum stopped. Her breath rose and fell as she breathed heavily and her arms ached as sweat begun to fall into her eyes. She looked over at Morgan, who just stared back, face emotionless. "You can do it Sarah." He said, but she shook her head.
"No, I can't. Not Chuck." She argued between breaths.
"Yes you can Sarah. Chuck is the tree. He hurt you. He left you." Morgan shouted. Sarah shook her head, closing her eyes from the vision that came to her.
"He didn't have a choice. It wasn't his fault." She said.
"It doesn't matter that it's his fault or not Sarah. What matters is it happened. And now you're hurting." He told her. "Let him know how much."
"No. I can't. Not to Chuck." She cried out.
"So you're going to let it go?" He demanded. "Just going to pretend like his being taken doesn't hurt you? Are you just going to let it fester?"
"He wouldn't have left me if it was his choice Morgan." She shouted angrily at him. "I know he would have stayed. He wouldn't have left me behind."
"But he did, didn't he? And now you're alone and you're hurt."
That was the last straw as Sarah raised the branch and swung it at the tree. It was Morgan's face there, his shouting at her, his attempted manipulation to take out her frustrations out on Chuck. She swung hard and fast not stopping, even as Morgan's appearance slowly morphed into Chuck. She kept seeing his sad smile at her, the soft brown of his eyes with flecks of green. His curly hair with their funny animal shapes that was eternally messy yet looked good no matter what.
She swung and swung as the tears poured down her face unchecked. She didn't care. Her chest ached and her heart felt like it was going to pop from pain but she continued to hit the poor tree with Chuck's features until finally she hadn't any strength left and she stopped, stumbling back against a few steps before dropping the branch. She stood there for a second staring at nothing in particular until finally she collapsed herself, the tears still rolling down her face soaking everything they touched.
She heard Morgan's quiet footsteps crunch the leaves and he approached her. He didn't touch her to which she was grateful, not sure if she would be able to hold herself back and not pummel him into the ground for the way he tortured her. But he sat on the ground in front of her; legs crossed and leaned his elbows on his knees waiting for her.
Finally she was able to get control of herself and used the front of her shirt to wipe away some of the tears, dirt, and sweat that was covering her face. Sarah felt disgusting and she a long hot shower following a very long sleep sounded like perfect heaven to her at the moment. She wanted silence and she wanted to be alone.
She looked up at Morgan who was watching her with his blue eyes wide. It made her slightly uncomfortable but somehow she knew it wasn't done on purpose, it was just the way he looked when he analyzed things. They sat in silence for several more moments until it became too much for her and Sarah had to break it.
"It's not his fault Morgan." She repeated voice quiet and broken from the crying and apparently screaming she had been doing.
Morgan nodded his head in agreement. "Of course it's not his fault Sarah. But that doesn't mean you can't be mad at him, or that you aren't hurt by it." He argued. Sarah shook her head, confused by all this. It was starting to get to her and she felt more tired.
"How can I be mad at him then? It makes no sense." She told him.
"Pain doesn't make sense Sarah. Not always. But you've been holding Chuck up on this pedestal and, quite frankly aside from the creepy factor it's really not healthy." He laughed lightly at his little joke, but Sarah couldn't see the humor in it. "Chuck's not innocent in this Sarah. Yes his being taken wasn't his fault but he was party to everything prior to that, which leads up to this result."
"Morgan…"
"It's true Sarah. He lied to his family, willingly. And you can't say it wasn't his choice." Morgan stated, effectively cutting off whatever Sarah was going to say. "If I've learned anything from Chuck, and trust me, I've learned a lot from that man, it's that we always have a choice. No matter the circumstances, or the obstacles, we always have a choice. He got sucked into something dangerous and I know my friend, he would have done everything and anything to help you guys in whatever you needed. Therefore he's not innocent in this."
Sarah didn't know what to say. Morgan was right even though she wanted to deny it. She wanted to absolve Chuck of any wrong doings and take the blame entirely onto herself.
"That doesn't mean I had to imagine beating him to a pulp." She said somewhat lightly, and Morgan returned her smile.
"Well, better to do it now than when we have him. With you letting go of your anger about it all now, before he gets here you can spend more time resolving whatever is going to be wrong with Chuck."
Sarah frowned at that comment, wondering if perhaps he knew something that she didn't. Morgan seemed to have read her mind and shook his head in answer to the question she didn't answer.
"I just know my friend, Sarah. And while I don't know my government as well as you do I have watched a lot of movies in my short time here on this fair planet, and if there's one constant theme in them all, it that the worst thing normally happens."
"It must be hard to think of stuff that way all the time Morgan. I thought you were an upbeat kind of person." She stated curiously. Morgan nodded.
"Indeed I am fair lady and that is why."
They sat in quiet again, just enjoying each other's company in the empty clearing. There was a slight cool breeze coming in through the trees that felt great on Sarah's skin and the birds chirping and the crunching of the land as wildlife went about its business reminded her that no matter what's going on with her, life is going on all the time.
"I know you're not asking me, or needing me to say this but I want you to know Sarah, that I trust you. And if anyone can bring back my friend I know it's you." Morgan stated firmly.
Sarah felt her cheeks flush at the praise, having to turn away from his piercing gaze. "And how do you know you can? I lied about who I was to you since we met." She asked him.
Morgan nodded his agreement and brought his knees up slightly, wrapping his arms around them. "Casey trusts you." He stated.
Sarah was confused. "What does Casey have to do with it?" She asked him.
Morgan gave a smirk and a bark of a laugh. "Have you seen the guy? I mean, did I know he was an NSA assassin? Not officially. We at the Buy More may be low on the intelligence spectrum but even we could see he was more than what he was that there was more to his tale."
"What? You mean you didn't buy his cover as a Buy More green shirt?" she teased. The fact that anyone did would be more of amazement.
"Hell no we didn't. Or at least I didn't. He worked too hard. Even Chuck was a slacker next to him. Casey doesn't have a lot of patience, and he doesn't trust many people. But he respects you. Respects your opinion, respects your skill. And if someone as hard core as Casey trusts you, then I do too." Morgan said, nodding his head.
"Well what about Chuck? He trusts me. Doesn't his word count for something?"
Sarah laughed out loud at the face that Morgan made at that. "Are you kidding me? I wouldn't trust anyone Chuck trusts with a ten foot pole." He said. "I mean, case in point, Bryce Larkin. And in case you need a 2nd which you really don't after Bryce Larkin, may I say Jill Roberts. How bad of judgement do you have to have to pick a best friend and a girlfriend that would betray you the way they did."
"Chuck said that Jill didn't sleep with Bryce. She was hooked up to the polygraph machine." Sarah stated, hating that she was helping out Jill on this. But as a female, she knew what it was like to have a reputation. Morgan shook his head.
"She's an evil agent Sarah. Come on, you can't tell me that you can probably beat a polygraph?" He said skeptically, eyebrow. For some reason she didn't ever think of that. Everything had happened so fast with Jill. She was there one second and gone the next.
"How did you find this place anyway?" Sarah finally asked, curiously looking around. It was a really nice secluded place. "And more importantly, how did you get back?"
Morgan snorted and stood up, holding his hand out to her to help her up. "I'll have you know while I'm a very indoors kind of guy; I have spent my whole life playing video games."
"That's exactly my point Morgan." Sarah laughed taking his hand. He pulled her up with a stumble and a grunt.
"Yes but you get used to navigating around all kinds of terrains. I can find just about anything and get out of anything without using a map." Morgan said proudly. With that he proceeded to walk out of the clearing with Sarah following behind him, only to stop him a few feet later.
"Thank you Morgan." She said simply, before walking past him.
A/N: My brain is rotting and I have nothing witty to say. Please RR.
zanex9: Death can bring the most unusual people together.
phnxgrl: I'm glad you liked it.
Nomadic Nerd: oh ho ho. That's a lot of theories you have goin on there. Guess you'll just have to wait like the rest of us to see which theory pans out yeah?
atcDave: Aren't we all puppets at some time. it wasn't my intention to make her like one but it would make sense that she would seem that way at this stage.
wilf21: I like to never discount or underestimate Morgan. What he lacks in finesse and intelligence he certainly makes up for in loyalty and integrity. I loves me some Morgan Grimes.
sevenrez: Well I had to figure out how to get Ellie involved and this was it. I'm glad you're enjoying it still.
fezzywhigg: Oh hell no. She would do anything for her brother, and he for her. Wish I liked my siblings enough to do that...actually that's a lie, i don't wish that...:)
Rob M (Guest): I'm glad you liked the Sarah/Ellie scene. Sometimes I feel i make things too dramatic. I agree with the Sarah/Beckman thing but I wanted Sarah to take the high road. It would have felt good and been warranted but sadly sometimes you have to play the adult.
