Chapter 4: Orihime's weapon of mass destruction
"HE WHAT?!"
Orihime panicked and frantically tried to cover her best friend's mouth, but to no avail.
"Shhh, Tatsuki-chan! It's alright! I've agreed!" The orange-haired girl tried her best to pacify said karate black-belt's rage and disbelief. She had thought it would be alright to tell her friend that Ulquiorra, who found it difficult to get along with the Uraharas, had decided to move in with her. But she might as well have told Tatsuki that Ulquiorra ties her up, gags her with a rag, rips up her clothing and paints purple bunnies on her naked body every night.
Wait, Orihime, rewind. Did you actually just think that?
Bunnies aren't purple, are they?
"I can't believe you allowed a guy to live in with you!" Tatsuki continued to rave even when she promised to keep her voice low. "And a guy like him!"
By the way Tatsuki said 'him', you would have thought Ulquiorra delighted in the slaughtering of kittens and drinking of their blood. Orihime put her head to one side in confusion. There wasn't anything wrong with Ulquiorra-san, was there? She had gotten along with him fine for months in Hueco Mundo. He had shown nothing but respect for her, or respect for their distance...but he was nevertheless sensitive and considerate in the most unexpected moments, switching almost seamlessly between the cold and callous in the next moment. In other words, Ulquiorra-san was still a mystery to her. But she quite enjoyed his company so far.
"Don't tell me you haven't heard, Orihime!" Tatsuki told the girl severely, "everyone in the school knows he's a sick, perverted otaku!"
"Ota...ku?" Orihime repeated, then realised it must have been because of his opening speech in class. But she was understandably oblivious to his other questionable behaviour induced by his following of the Urahara manual. "N-no way! Ulquiorra-san's not an otaku! He's--"
She can't really tell Tatsuki...could she? That he was the prison guard during her times in Hueco Mundo. And he was really a member of the enemy...was. Why, it would be worse than painting bunnies...
"Ehehehehe..." She could only do the innocent laugh that makes Tatsuki sigh.
"Well, today's Friday." The black-haired girl announced, "I'm staying over, whether you like it or not. I'll make sure he never lays a finger on you!"
The plan: Protect the Integrity of the Princess from the Perverted Otaku.
"Ahh!" Orihime clapped her hands together in delight, "It'll be a slumber party! I'll get some groceries tonight then! And we'll cook honey mushroom curry with onion melon ice-cream!"
"Ahaha...I don't think I have enough groceries after all..." Orihime scratched her head as she sweatdropped.
Chizuru, who had overheard their conversation after all, had forced Tatuski to bring her along. Asano Keigo, who overheard Chizuru's rantings, got to know the story and decided he would join the crusade. Ishida Uryuu, who had heard from Asano Keigo's large mouth about Orihime and Ulquiorra's cohabitation, stormed on him and demanded to go. So in total, the number of males in Orihime's flat numbered three. And Tatsuki thought with a devastated groan, how much that defeated the point.
"I bought snacks from the convenience store." Uryuu pushed up his glasses and held up two large bags of food. Orihime's unique cuisine does not get along well with his stomach.
"T-thank you, Ishida-kun...but," The hostess said after received the bags, "I thought it was just Tatsuki-chan..."
"We're all here to make sure that guy doesn't take advan--bweh!" Keigo started to say just as Tatsuki elbowed him not-so-lightly in the stomach.
Said "guy" was sitting at the central table and drinking tea as if nothing concerned him in the world. Not even when the five newcomers were looking at him with utmost distrust in their eyes.
Orihime swore she could have fainted from the tension, she tended to do that a lot ever since Ulquiorra-san came to Karakura.
"Inoue Orihime," The former espada spoke up, "what exactly are these people doing here?"
"Ah! Um...These are my friends, Ulquiorra-san. Tatsuki, Chizuru, and Ishida-kun you've already met (Chizuru shuddered). And this is Asano-kun..."
"I have no interest in their names, all I ask is what they are doing here."
"It's a slumber party!" Orihime said cheerfully before anyone could react violently to the arrancar's haughty remarks. "So let's all have fun, ne?"
...If having fun was this. The orange haired girl thought in dismay. They were all sitting around the table like friends do, the snacks were eaten like friends do, the card games were played like friends do. But what was this strange atmosphere? Why was no one laughing? Why were they all staring at Ulquiorra-san like he was some criminal? Then she realised like a strike of lightning from heaven.
"I-I'm sorry!" Orihime jumped up, "I'm so sorry! I can't believe it! I haven't poured drinks for everyone!"
That wasn't the point, Hime...
She dashed to the kitchen, but instead of tea, she brought out a large bottle of some suspicious looking blue liquid.
"I made this myself!" She announced cheerily, "It always makes me happy, so...I think...everyone will cheer up if we have some! I call it Orihime's Drink of Happy Happy Go Lucky!" With that, she poured a generous helping of the drink to every person, who sat with undetermined expressions on their face. Everyone was aware of Orihime's extraordinary culinary 'talents'. And even more suspicious was the excessively cheerful name. However, Ulquiorra drained the cup nonchalantly. Seeing that he did, the rest of the Karakura classmates followed suit...
The following week, everyone returned to school as normal. No one really found out what happened on that day of the slumber party except for the fact that none of the participants remembered any of it. The phenomenon of Ulquiorra living at Orihime's flat was never questioned again.
tbc...after the AN.
A/N: It's so convenient haha. If you don't want to hear me ramble, you can scroll down to have a look at what did happen.
This story...I know it has no plot as of now. But trust me, there will be one. But it probably won't become obvious until the last 3 or 4 chapters.
Ichigo went to Soul Society...so I said in the beginning of this fic. But he will return for a chapter, for those who like him. I just kicked him off most of the fic because I don't like him that much XD It won't be next chapter, probably in one close to the end. So will Rukia.
I'm lacking on inspiration, don't blame me. Sent flames and hatemail to Kubo. And I need reviews. D:
Ulquiorra looked down at the girl sleeping in his lap, the rest of her body curled up on the floor. Sometimes she stirred, muttering something incomprehensible in her deep slumber. He placed down his cup of Orihime's Drink of Happy Happy Go Lucky onto the table and ran his fingers through her soft hair. The hair that reminds him of the sun. It was silent in the flat except for the steady breathing and odd snore from the other prostrate bodies that were strewn around the room.
About an hour earlier, Chizuru had tried to peel Orihime's clothes off and 'eat' her...it would have alarmed Ulquiorra if Chizuru had not thought Orihime was a banana. Then Tatsuki tripped and conveniently tackled the red-haired girl down. Orihime, seeing that it was so fun, jumped into the jumbled of limbs. What ended up was a scene that any straight man would have found hard to resist (They were clothed! But that never deterred anyone) if it weren't for the fact that the males present either lacked hormones or weren't sober at the time.
Ishida and Keigo were crying with their arms over each other's shoulders. The boy with glasses was half-complaining half-sobbing about his father and how he never got enough family love. Keigo was crying in sympathy with Ishida's plight. They ended in deciding they would go on an adventure of "3000 Leagues In Search Of Father".
"HOW COME YOU NEVER SMILE, URU-CHAN?" Orihime demanded in capital letters, as she crawled beside him after having too much fun with the girls. "GRIMMIE-CHAN CAN SMILE. HOW COME YOU NEVER SMILE?"
"...Grimmie-chan only smiles after murdering something in cold blood..."
"I SEE." said the girl, "URU-CHAN IS SO VERY KIND AND NICE COMPARED TO GRIMMIE-CHAN. BUT URU-CHAN SHOULD SMILE MORE, YOU KNOW LIKE THIIIS." She pressed her fingers to the corner of her mouth and tried to pull them upwards to her ear, which unbeknownst to herself, made her look like a frog.
Then she fell down onto his lap, spilling the rest of her mystical drink onto the tatami floor. A sliver of annoyance crept over Ulquiorra just as he was about to reprimand her for being a stupid, clumsy woman, when he realised...she was fast asleep.
She was so innocent in this sleep. Unlike the troubled ones in Hueco Mundo, where she had nightmares often, and would keep herself awake to never let them visit her.
The drink with mysterious ingredients didn't affect him in ways that had affected humans, perhaps Urahara had built his Gigai so it turned everything he consumed into spiritual energy. If hollows had acted like these humans in Hueco Mundo, they would have been gobbled up like popcorn.
But perhaps it wouldn't be entirely correct to say that Orihime's Drink of Happy Happy Go Lucky had no effect whatsoever on this arrancar. He didn't know what this feeling was, the weight of the girl's head on his lap, the texture of her hair through his fingers.
A person would call his expression a 'smile'. But he didn't know that himself.
tbc (next chapter)
