Chapter 3: To the Mall
He pulled out of the castle courtyard wordlessly, determined on his destination, grateful for his distraction. It was a half hour to the mall, not including traffic. He wondered if they would spend that time in silence; it wouldn't be unusual if they did.
She had thrown caution to the wind. Obligation out the window. She was being ballsy, and the most important question was: why towards him? Why now?
If he thought about it systematically, her behavior that day fit well with the words she was speaking. She had been touching him a lot more than usual; but that happened with her from time to time. They'd known each other for nearly three years before he had become the head of security for the castle, and it wasn't until a full five months later that she had been assigned to him, and he to her. She had once even expressed that she missed the friendship they had shared. Of course, he told her that they weren't children anymore. Aside from the occasional slip, she had never tried to cross the boundary he'd drawn.
Had something happened behind closed doors that he wasn't privy to? Something within the last twenty four hours? The last seventy two? Did she not feel safe? Was she shaken up by some unknown threat, or...?
The month. Of course. Time had flew by so quickly that he had completely forgotten the significance. For Mary, who had never expressed a deep interest to sever that professional bond between them, the only explanation for her confession that he could give was the fact that it was November - November twentieth if he were being exact. In just three days, it would have been the second year anniversary since Francis had gone off to study college in the United Kingdom somewhere. It wasn't uncommon for Mary to be a little out of sorts during this time.
She was also a woman. Her loneliness and need for Francis may have been projected on to him, the one that has been closest to her since he left. Rather than feeling used or upset by the logic, it was sobering. It was a cold shower on his body, mind, and heart, stripping away his feelings from the equation and leaving him feeling a little like an asshole. Of course, it was also disheartening. But mainly, it showed him that she was vulnerable, and could be, in front of him. More than disappointment, he took a smidget of twisted, masochistic pride in that.
At a red light, he glanced at her from the corner of his eye. Seeing her hiding beneath a veil of her hair, he said: "I was harsh earlier. I'm sorry."
She shook her head, her knuckles still gripping onto her coat as she heard his words. "You needn't worry about it, forget what I've said as well." She said in a monotone voice, all hint of any emotion void from her speech. She had known the risk, had put herself out there and there it was rejected almost instantly through his silence.
Another tear, damn these emotions of hers going unchecked, unbridled at the present time. Calm yourself, Mary. She thought, not daring to raise a hand to wipe the glistening tears away, lest he find out she was in fact crying.
Everything had happened almost suddenly, with Francis being gone, and her spending so much time with Bash it was obvious why she had fallen for him. She wasn't sure why, but she was feeling so strongly about him, and to be rejected was enough to send her into emotional turmoil over the whole thing. She wouldn't let him see her cry though, she didn't care about that, and she wouldn't show herself being weak in front of him. Despite her feelings to just let him know that she was crying.
With knuckles slowly relaxing, she kept her head turned away from him as she felt another traitorous tear slip down her cheek and fall onto her lap. It would stain her coat, she knew that, and yet she couldn't stop it. She knew more would come, it was undoubted that more of those traitorous tears would fall from her eyes.
Feeling both of her cheeks becoming moist with her tears, she knew the choking sounds of the sobs would eventually come. "How much further?" She asked, praying that her voice didn't sound as strained as she imagined it did.
Then it came, the small hiccup sound that always accompanied her tears. Greer, Lola, Kenna, and Aylee had known this sound all too well lately, and she feared now Bash would as well. She didn't hesitate then, bringing a hand to her face hidden behind the veil of her hair and rubbing furiously at the tears that seemed to come more frequently now.
Damn these tears, it was foolish to think of it anyways.
Another betraying thought coursing through her mind as she continued to rub at her face to dry the tears from her cheeks.
"Don't." Bash resumed his drive, reaching one hand out and towards her face. He didn't hesitate to wipe her left cheek, sliding his fingers through her hair to tuck a lock behind her ear. "I don't mind this. I'm his brother. It makes sense you'd react like this, given the fact that I've been with you in his stead. I don't mind you crying like this. I'm not just hear to protect you from physical danger, I'm supposed to take care of your heart, too. Until he returns to you."
Mary shook her head, feeling his hand run through her hair for a moment. "Take care of my heart? Well it would make sense...given how I know how I feel now." She said, turning her head so that she could look at him. The tear stains evident upon her cheeks, and the fact that her mascara had run down upon her cheeks as well.
"I can't lie about how I feel anymore Bash...I think I've known for quite some time now. That I don't love Francis..." She ended it there, dropping her gaze to her lap as her hands went back to clutching at her coat tightly.
His eyes widened as he saw her disheveled appearance. He tapped a small black button on his door to automatically open his glove compartment on Mary's side. He told her to take the tissues, making a right turn and then a left one as he took the entry ramp for the expressway.
Bash, his heart loud in his ears, said: "You know that isn't true. Look at the way he's made you cry."
He supposed any intelligent man would not tell the woman he had feelings for that she still loved someone else, he was sure a man in his position would have jumped at the chance to claim the girl; queue Kirk Gibson's walk off home run in the 1988 World Series - and fist pump. But even though Bash wanted Mary's words to be the truth more than anything, she held dreams of walking off into the sunset with his younger brother, Francis, and while wearing a beautiful white dress; if her dreams were that large Bash knew he wouldn't want them any other way.
However, her troubled expression made him wonder even further. Was she acting that way then, because she's been so lonely without him that she is afraid of her feelings? Did she worry that he, as Francis' brother, would be put off by her confusion?
Not likely. "Even if that were the case, I'd still fulfill my duties and guard you; your worries only mean you're human, Mary."
"A foolish girl who fell in love with the person who protects her every day." Mary said as she reached for the tissues and dabbed at her face, she leaned back in the seat, turning her gaze back out the window on her side of the vehicle. This wasn't going as she had hoped, he was all but physically throwing her in Francis' direction, something she did not want.
Her body shifted in the seat, the tissue dabbing at her face and cleaning it of any residue mascara that had dared venture onto her cheeks. For now her face was clear, though her eyes were red and slightly puffy from her crying, that couldn't be helped though.
One thing that was obvious to her, was that she wouldn't stop feeling this way about him. "How can I go into a marriage with Francis, when my heart lies with someone else...with you..." She said lightly, shaking her head as she closed her eyes and pinched just below her eyes so that she could attempt to solve the puffy bit about her eyes. She wondered if she asked him to stop the car if he would, and she only had to figure it out right now.
"Will you...stop the car at the next exit?" She asked, knowing that he would either follow her orders as it seemed, or keep on going. She wasn't sure but she needed some air right now, her chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe.
