Honestly, who cared?
She was strong, badass, respected. No one in her guild dared to look at her for one second longer because she would just delete their whole existence with a single glare! A look so empty, so cold, so frightening, like she could just do everything because she had nothing to lose, and Oh man, this gives power! She was just like this before everything changed before He changed everything!
After that damn day in which the rain stopped she became weak, powerless, a look in his eyes and all she saw was an angel, kind, lighter than a feather that suddenly made her want what she never dared to ask to her torment of life: love under a clear sky.
When she opened her eyes, for the first time after their battle, she felt heavy with the weight of her bad choices. She had always told herself that there were no right or bad choices, just things that you make to keep on living. Whatever this means, whatever it takes. That she was just one in the crowd, that what she did didn't matter, that people were just mean. Everybody had been mean to her so..what if she just did return a bit of that shit?
Then there was him, and he was just so fucking perfect that in that moment she wished to be special too. She wanted to be the right girl, she tried her best, and she was ready to give her whole, piece by piece. She wanted whatever he wanted and it felt right. She became someone that thinks that actions could really make a difference in the world, like she used to think when she was just a little girl, before life had presented her "kindness" to her, how naive!
Who was she trying to fool? No matter how much she tried, she kept mistaking. Doing too less or too much, because she had never had an example of how to love or to be loved, and it was just too clear to everyone what she was, just a creep. An interference that tries to fit in a scene but it is just out of place. She did not belong with clear skies! She was born under the heavy rain and she belonged with pounding sorrow. Love is just an ominous spell that fogs your mind with hopes and promises and then left you drained.
Luckily, another spell had broken that one, every promise was broken, the hopes were lost in numbs.
even so, who cared?
From now on, he would not be anything to care about, not in the past, nor in the future!
Juvia sighed a deep breath. There was just an empty street now above and she needed to recompose herself as a whole. Without the stupid feelings for Gray that had pushed her to that point. She wanted something truly hers.
So why she was even thinking about him?
"Enough" she said to herself
"Enough what?" a voice that she recognized said
"Mmmm well, enough with this bullshit that the Alvarez empire has the strongest mages! I'll make them see what a water mage can do next to the ocean!"
"I'm proud you are so eager to show your strength Juvia but we have to remember that our enemies are tough so this is just a mission to save the master, we will try to keep fights to the lowest rate!"
"Yah sure Master Erza!" Juvia said a bit too formally. Not that nobody has to know this but she kinda had an intellectual crush on Erza…well who wouldn't? Erza Titania Scarlet is just too awesome and she has always respected her a lot! Even when she was in Phantom her role model as a class S mage was Erza Scarlet.
For a second Erza looked hurt like when she opens the fridge only to find that she has already eaten all her cakes "so it is like this? do You really hate me now?"
"Wh.. what?" Juvia stammered
"Look Juvia! I know it was my fault! I know I made you suffer so please punish me! I'll take every castigation knowing that I deserve it because I have been the one that come with the true love, ruining your period of blessing in each other company!"
"I think I lost myself at some point!" Juvia said with flared nostrils "Why do you think I am angry at you?"
"because it was my fault if Gray left you"
"oh Yes that… Well, it's Ok now! I see now that I just overreacted! No big deal, really!" the water mage said gesturing with her hands
Erza knit her brows " Love it's always a big deal Juvia! No matter how little a thing seems to someone but that same little thing for someone else could mean the world. So I should have considered that even a week without knowing where Gray was, would be hell for you and I let this happen for six months! So I wanna give you my apologies and telling you that I know for sure that there was no day that Gray hadn't thought about you!"
"yeah sure!" Juvia answered a bit too bitterly, clicking her tongue and rolling her eyes.
Frankly, an automatic reflex because she didn't care at all about what the annoying stripper did during his time. She was not mad at him! She didn't care. Plain and simple.
"Juvia, we had a signal! I had spies that watched your home be sure that nobody could come to you! Gray and I, we could communicate through light signal with assigned meanings of one of those were "is she safe?" and it passed no night in which he didn't ask me "is she safe?"
"So there were spies uh! I knew that that milk boy seemed suspicious with that strange cloak. Once I even saw him steal my neighbor's bottle to bring it to me… I mean, the fuck are you the Robin Hood of milk?"
Erza looked straight in Juvia's eyes and took her hands in hers. "He would do anything to be sure that you are safe Juvia; he cannot lose someone else, and not you!
Juvia slowly untangled her hands with a disgusted face "Uhm Well.. good for him that I have a lot of conservation instinct so. I guess!
Erza just smiled warmly and excused herself saying that she had things to do before their arrival.
Juvia wanted to smash her face on the balcony. This had been a hell of an awkward conversation. Why the damn Erza felt the need to talk with her about Gray?
Gray, Gray, Gray
Him again!
"Get out of my head!" she said out loud pulling her hair in her fits
"Who?" another voice said coming to the balcony
"Who what?" Juvia asked
"Who is in your head?" Lucy grinned smugly
"Um… well… Chris Evans! I saw a movie few days ago and I cannot forget his interpretation…"
"Really ?" Lucy said all smiley studying her face
Damn Juvia hated Lucy's eyes. They were so big and clear that when she was looking at you there was no way to escape them…
"The hell you want? Haven't you a beauty sleeping schedule or bullshit like this?" Juvia asked looking to the sky full of stars.
Lucy laughed bitterly "a lot changed during this past year and my sleeping habits for sure"
Juvia sighed, "Please no heart to heart conversations! I think I could throw up!"
"So you really changed uh?"
"It seems! But it's not like I know what the fuck changed! I mean I have my memories and until Phantom lord I can understand myself. Ok maybe I was a bit gloomier but a normal person. Then everything changed and became disgusting pink! It is like seeing a shit movie with an idiot as main characters that keeps doing nonsenses and bullshits about love! Ok, I think I would puke now!"
"You never were an idiot Juvia! It requires strength to love someone as much as you do and to stay faithful to your feelings no matter what!"
"I did"
"What?" Lucy said looking at Juvia's face, to discover a deep frown on her face
"You said to love as much as you Do…but it is a feeling long gone"
"Uh well sure!" Lucy smirked, "This new you is done with Gray!"
"Yeah as I said"
"As you said" Lucy repeated
"Look you are pissing me, blonde so I call myself out!"
"Night Juv" Lucy smiled softly and for a strange reason, Juvia smiled back only to return her grumpy normal self the second after.
My fucking god why the hell no one could talk to her without saying the G name? She did not revolve around that idiot!
She opened the door of the cabin and she hit a hot mess that was running like an idiot "The hell?"
"Sorry, Juvia!" Natsu said running over the place "have you seen Lucy? She is not in her room! I know it because I ninja ambushed her, but she was not in her bed!"
"Look I really don't need to know what you two made at night or how you role-play, Lucy is outside, however!"
Natsu grinned and his whole face seemed to glow. The idiot here really was head over heels. Well, his problem to deal with!
Seeing his smile she too felt a bit better. He really was easy to tag along, always so open and friendly. Again the same little warm feeling that was in her belly while she talked with Erza and Lucy came out.. like these people meant something to her, but it was not like this! She was in that guild because that guy was there, she was not really a part of that group and probably if it was not because of him they would have been total strangers.
Well at the end of this mission, however, she would try to find her own path. No strippers, no dramas, no feelings!
Natsu came running backward "Yo Juvia Gray is the kitchen, however, tell the bastard to do not sleep naked! I don't wanna see his…"
"yeah yeah I get it, but why the hell I have to tell him?" she nearly shouted. Seriously Gray again? She could explode at this point!
"cos you are the only one he listens to, well Erza too but because she is scary!"
"AAAAAM NOOOOOT! I Have nothing to do with him!" she shouted but Natsu was already gone!
She swears that if someone else said the name Gray in her presence before she reached her bed she would snap!
She could do it! There were only a three meters walk to her room and then she would be safe
One meter…
Two meters…
Her hand was reaching the doorknob and….
"hey Juvia!" a deep voice said
She sighed, this was even worse
She turned slowly only to see her nightmare right in front of her with messy dark hair, no shirt, a worried expression and the puffy eyes of someone that doesn't sleep from days.. and this is supposed to be bad. Who the fuck looks this good sleep-deprived? Apparently someone
"Juvia" he repeated softly trying to reach for her arm but she was faster
"You know what? Fuck you Gray!" she shouted slamming the door to his.. fucking hot face!
