Chapter 5: And there goes my sanity.

A/N: Yay! I had inspiration for this story :3 Let's go, shall we? :D

With a yawn I sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I sigh. "Let's see if they have any jobs I can take around here.. One that DOESN'T criticise me for being part Woodelf.." I fling my legs off the bed and pick up my back-pack. Going out of my room, I head straight for the innkeeper. The idiot from yesterday is sitting at a table, cradling his head. He must be hung-over.

I chuckle slightly and turn to the inn-keeper. "Is there any work around here I can take?" The man raises an eyebrow and scratches the back of his head. "Well.. there is this.." He pulls out a bounty letter. "The Jarl's men came yesterday and left this letter. The bounty is around 500 gold if you clear out a bandit's hideout." I take a look at the letter, seeing a drawing of a grim looking Nord, scars all over his face. "I'll do it."

"What?!" I turn around to see Cosnach standing a few steps away from me. "You're.. You're actually thinking about clearing out a bandit's hideout by YOURSELF?!" I raise an eyebrow. "I need the money idiot. And what's it to you?" He seems thrown back by my statement, but he straightens up. "I'm not letting a young woman like you march in a bandit's nest by herself."

"Excuse me sir, but I'm 23. I can take perfectly good care of myself. And what are you gonna do about it?"

"I'm coming with you."

My eyes widen. "You're.. what?"

"I'm coming with you. And that's final." I stare at him for a while, but realize there's no use changing his mind. I cross my arms. "Fine. Just don't get in my way." He grins and picks up his great-sword. "I won't gorgeous. Lead the way."

I blush. "Don't call me that. My name is Sarafina."

"Fine. Gorgeous Sarafina." I roll my eyes. "Ugh.. Shut up, will ya?"

*Time skip to 3 months later*

Cosnach and I actually grew quite fond of each other. He called me gorgeous a lot, much to my annoyance, so I call him stupid or idiot. We usually accept those bounty letters and go off clearing out bandit hideouts or go run errands. But we like each other's company nonetheless. Today we received another bounty letter, one for a group of bandits near Riften. Of course we accepted and now we're on our way.

"Hey gorgeous, what's wrong? You seem off." I glance at Cosnach and give a tiny smile. "I'm fine Cosnach. Just.. thinking." He tilts his head slightly. "What about?"

"I heard there's an orphanage in Riften. I always wanted to have kids, but.. Well.. This lifestyle is probably nothing for a kid." Cosnach chuckles. "Maybe when we have enough gold to settle down, huh?" I blush slightly. Cosnach and his jokes about marriage. Honestly, an old lady in Whiterun once asked us if we were a couple and now he won't stop pestering me about it. I chuckle. "Sure."

*Time skip to our heroes being in the bandit's hideout cause I'm laaaaaazy… :3*

I kick the bandit where the sun doesn't shine, making him topple over, and I stab him in the back. The man quickly dies and falls down on the ground. "You seem to like fighting with dirty tricks huh Sarafina?" I shrug. "If it helps me win, then yes." Cosnach shakes his head, chuckling softly. Suddenly we both hear people coming our way. I want to ready myself, but Cosnach pushes me into an empty chest. Before I can protest, he closes the lid and whispers something. "Stay there, I'll take care of them." I roll my eyes, but obey anyways. Stupid idiot wants to show off..

"Hello gentlemen." I hear Cosnach say and I have to keep myself from laughing. Idiot. I hear the men gasp and weapons being unsheathed. A loud battle cry is heard from Cosnach and then the battle begins. I just close my eyes and wait until Cosnach will come and get me, with that smirk on his face that says: "I'm such a hero." But suddenly there's a sound I never wanted to hear coming from his mouth.

A cry of enormous pain.

I hear a body drop to the ground and someone kicking it. Cosnach gives a yelp of agony. "Stupid idiot. Let's leave him here. He'll bleed out." I hear one of the bandits say. I put a hand to my mouth to restrict myself from screaming. The sound of footsteps die out from the room, signalling they are gone. After a few minutes I carefully lift the lid to see Cosnach laying on the ground, clutching his stomach. I rush over to him.

"You idiot! Why did you think you could take them?!" Cosnach gives me a weak smile and coughs up some blood. "Guess I was being stupid.." I grab his hand and try to cast a healing spell. "You're gonna be okay.. You're not gonna die. Not on my watch idiot." He chuckles weakly. "Sarafina.. Don't you see? This wound is too deep. There's nothing you can do.."

"Shut up! I-I'm not gonna let you die!" Cosnach lays a hand on my cheek. "It's okay.. Just promise me something.." Tears flow over my cheeks. "W-What?"

"Be happy.. You'll find someone.. who likes you.. even if you are a.. a Woodelf." I smile slightly. "I-I.. I will.." He smiles and pulls me closer. I see what he's trying to do, and I close the distance between us, kissing him softly on the lips. When I pull back, his eyes are staring into nothingness, empty as the void.

"Goodbye Cosnach.." I hold his hand tighter and tighter. The familiar feeling of a breakdown is rushing through my body. But now.. now there's no mom or Ralof to calm me down. No rope to pull myself from the pit. I close my eyes, and with a loud scream, everything goes black.

*Time skip brought to you by panic-attacks. You'll feel like crap! :D*

(A/N: WARNING! Gore! Skip if you vomit easily.. :D)

Panting. The sound of panting is the only thing I hear when I wake. Soon I realize it's me who's panting so heavily. I open my eyes, and immediately regret it. There's blood everywhere. On the floor, the walls, even a bit on the ceiling. I glance down and almost throw up. There's a dead man lying under me, my hands on his throat. I recognize his face. It's the leader of the bandits we were supposed to kill. His eyes are clawed out, his blood all over my hands. On closer inspection, my hands are very bloody, with tiny pieces of meat under my nails. I shudder and glance around me. This sight is even nicer. Everywhere are dead bandits. All of them have their throats slit or clawed open. Shaking, I stand up. My legs feels like jelly and I collapse on another body, a woman. This one seems alive, and tries to get away from me.

"P-Please.. No more.. I.. I'm sorry.." The woman looks on the edge of death, her neck bleeding very slowly but painfully. I swallow my nausea back. I need to get out of here. Using the wall as support, I stand up and wobble away. Suddenly the smell hits my nose, and this time I can't control my stomach. Just lovely. I wipe my mouth with a shaking hand and walk further. After an agonizing time of 30 minutes, I manage to find the exit. Feeling the cool breeze hit my face, I collapse once again. Great.

I manage to roll on my stomach. "Okay Sarafina.." I begin to pep-talk myself. "Let's rethink all of this okay? Cosnach is dead, and you had a serious mental breakdown. Nothing to worry about, apart from a whole hideout full of dead bandits…" I swallow, trying not to think of the horrors I just saw. "But you're gonna be fine.. Check if you still have everything." My hands pat along my hips, feeling my sword and dagger. My backpack is still on my back. "Okay.. Next thing. Try to stand up." I push myself up a bit, managing to sit on my hands and knees.

"Okay.. That's good enough for now. Let's look at the positive things for now. You're alive.. and the man you had to kill is dead. So you have the bounty. But.. no Cosnach." My teeth cut into the flesh of my lips and fresh tears roll over my cheeks. Darn it.. I stand up, trying to pull myself together. The sun is rising, so I've been in there for quite some time. "Okay.. Next thing. Get somewhere safe so you can rest. You should go to Riften. But stay calm and stay alert. You can't let yourself have another breakdown because of this. Just keep breathing.."

I follow my own orders and start to walk. Funnily enough, the trip only lasts about 15 minutes, and no animals attack me in my weak state. Finally, finally, I see the gate of Riften. I want to go through it, but two guards block the way. "Halt. Before you can enter the city, you must pay the visitors fare." I raise a tired eyebrow. "A fare? For WHAT?"

"For the privilege of v-visiting our beautiful city. N-Now pay up." He stutters back. I clench my teeth and a dark aura begins to form around me. "Now listen here, my good sir. I just had an very bad day. And you better let me through before I claw your lying throat out, since this is clearly a set-up." The guards back up a bit, shaking in fear. "R-Right. I-I'll open the gate right now.." They quickly open the gates, and I get in.

I walk into an inn and smack some coins on the counter. "A room for tonight please." The innkeeper, an Argonian woman, twitches slightly, then composes herself. "Certainly. It's yours for the night." She gives me a key, and a worried look. "Are you alright dear? You don't look so good-"

"I'm fine." I snap back, taking the key and walking off to my room. A little Nord girl looks at me and my bloodied clothes. "Are you from the Dark Brotherhood madam?" I snap my neck looking towards her, and another Nord woman fearfully pulls the girl away. "Amber! Don't go ask people about those things!"

"But she's covered in blood mommy!"

"That doesn't matter Amber. Don't ask such horrible things."

I bite my lip, and walk into my room. Changing my bloodied clothes for clean ones, I can't push away the girl's question. Did I like killing those men and women? They did kill my friend. An eye for an eye, as they say. But would I make it my job to.. kill people? I shake the thought off. No! No, of course not.. But still.. I lay down on my bed and put my hands under my head. For a few minutes, I stare at the ceiling. "Be happy.. You'll find someone.. who likes you.. even if you are a.. a Woodelf." Cosnach's last words haunt my mind. I close my eyes, pushing back the tears. Gods damn it Sarafina, stay strong! I step of the bed and put my bloodied clothes in my backpack.

Suddenly something hits my fingers. Raising an eyebrow, I pull out a package, with a note on it. Curious, I read the note.

Dear Sarafina,

When you're reading this, we're probably both done with our latest contract. Now, you might be surprised that there is a package in your bag, but bear with me. I bought this for you. I probably mentioned our old joke again on the road, the one about settling down when we have enough money. Well, surprise! Turns out my father had an old fortune somewhere, and I got my share. So, I'm probably sitting next to you right now, awaiting your answer. Open the package, and I'm praying to Mara you'll say yes.

Love, Cosnach

My fingers drop the note and I quickly open the package. My heart almost stops. It's an amulet of Mara. "By the divines.." I mutter. He was trying to propose?! With shaking hands, I pick up the jewellery. I hug the golden necklace tight to my chest.

"Yes. A thousand times yes.. Gods damn it you stupid idiot.. Why did you have to be the hero all the time?!" I throw the wretched thing in my bag. "Gods damn it.." I whisper, rocking myself from side to side. Suddenly I'm on the ground, arms wrapped around my legs and head hiding in my knees, sobbing loudly.

"Excuse me?" I look up to see a young Katjit woman standing by the door. "Are you okay?" I wipe my eyes. "I'm fine. Just.. leave me alone.." I hide my face in my knees again. Suddenly someone sits down opposite of me. It's the Katjit girl. "What do you want?!" I hiss, and she flinches slightly, dark-blond tail swaying nervously. "I-I.. I'm just checking if y-you're okay.." I send her a glare. "I don't need your compassion." Silence. "W-well.. Well, I don't care! You look like you could need a friend." The girl crosses her arms, trying to act brave. I look at her for a second, then shake my head unamused.

"Mara's mercy, you're persistent. Fine. Wanna know what's wrong?" The girl nods. "I just lost my friend, had a mental breakdown thanks to that, and killed an entire stronghold of bandits in my delusional state. Good enough for you?" The girl blinks her light-green eyes a few times. "How did he die?"

What. The. Hell. Where did that come from.

"What do you mean?"

"Your friend. How did he die?" I blink a few times. Did the whole I-killed-a-lot-of-people-thing not sink in here?

"Stabbed."

"Oh. I'm sorry for your loss." I'm sorry for your loss.. sorry for your loss.. for your loss.. your loss.. loss.. It echoes through my head. How many times have I heard that sentence? When my father died, when mom died.. And now Cosnach. I clench my fists. "No you're not.."

"E-excuse me?"

"You're not sorry. Why would you be sorry? Nobody ever cared, so why should you? Why now?" I say with a monotone voice. "B-Because.. Just because." She replies.

"You hardly even know me."

"I could get to know you. Why don't we start with names? I'm Suntail." (A/N: Whoever reads "the journey" on my Pixton-account, raise your hands! XD) She offers me a hand, and I stare blankly at it for a few seconds, before shaking it slowly. "Sarafina." Suntail smiles, revealing pearly white, pointy teeth. "Nice to meet you Sarafina." I shrug. "Likewise. I guess."

"Where are you from?" I give her a questionable look. "What? These questions are good for getting to know each other!" I snort softly and look at her. "Valenwood."

"Cool! Is it true your cities are made out of trees?" I nod, and Suntail smiles. "Awesome! I never saw my home country, since I was born here in Skyrim and my parents never let me leave. It's sounds so cool to travel around and seeing other cities.." I tilt my head slightly. "You mean you never left Riften or something?"

Suntail shrugs. "Nope. Never left the Rift. I wish I could go to High Hrothgar or the temple of Dibella in Markarth.. It all sounds so exciting." And for the first time in for a few hours, I smile slightly. Suntail's eyes grow big in excitement seeing my minuscule smile. "Yay! I made you smile! See? It's much more fun being happy then grumpy, right?" I want to pout, but her statement makes my smile even wider. A sound at the back of my throat begins to rumble. Suntail tilts her head, smiling brighter. "Feeling better already huh?" The sound escapes my throat, a soft chuckle.

She claps her hands together. "Yay! You're chuckling! This is excellent progress!" I roll my eyes. What a goofball. But a funny goofball. We continued to talk for a while, until we were both tired. Suntail yawns loudly. "Well.. I'm off to bed. Maybe I'll see you in the morning?" I shrug. "Maybe. Good night."

"Night."

She walks out of the room, closing the door behind her. I lay down on the bed again, staring at the ceiling for a while. "I heard there's an orphanage in Riften. I always wanted to have kids, but.. Well.. This lifestyle is probably nothing for a kid." I sit up, and nod to myself.

Tomorrow, I'm getting a kid.

A/N: YAY! This is my longest chapter yet.. O_o I own Suntail btw, she's my Warrior cats OC. Thanks for reading guys, love you all. ;) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!