Yes, I posted this as a one-shot, but since this story's about one-shots I went ahead and posted it here instead. I hope you all enjoy. Thanks to Jen for beta-reading and pre-reading. ~Kate


Ever since she's admitted to Killian her fear of losing him, she's found herself reflecting.

Neal was her first love. While she made choices, both good and bad, during her time with him, she'll never regret it. Those choices gave her Henry.

Graham was the first person since Neal that she could see having a real future with. He was sweet, and warm, and he made her want to open up.

August was someone who was nothing but a brief flash in her life. Charming and honest, and someone that was taken from her before she could admit feelings for him had been brewing.

And then there's Killian. The infamous Captain Hook, most fearsome pirate the world has ever known. He's got a metal hook for a hand, striking blue eyes that can freeze a person with one glance and a commanding persona that makes even the most confident person question themselves.

He's also the most loyal, trusting person she's met. Aside from her family, he's the only person she trusts. He took her off guard, one look and she knew she was in trouble. She fought her feelings from day one. That smirk he held as he introduced himself dampened her panties and throughout their mission of acquiring the compass needed to make it back to Storybrooke made her realize that there was something more to this man who had a hook for a hand.

"Emma?" The lilted voice causes a smile to spread over her face, and she lifts her eyes to meet his. "What's that you've got there?"

Her fingers, that had been playing with the shoe strings twisted around her wrist, pause.

"They're a memento, something to remember someone by."

"I know what a memento is, love, what I don't know is who it's for."

He walks up to her and presses a kiss to her forehead before taking a seat beside her at the counter. Her parents have gone for the weekend, a getaway that they both desperately need. Baby Neal is asleep, she's babysitting her little brother until they return and Killian's quiet arrival is much appreciated.

His fingers caress her makeshift bracelet before sliding his fingers in between hers, his thumb dancing over the back of her hand.

"Remember that night…" she tries to say, hating her vulnerability, but at the same time feeling an immense about of relief for being open with him. "When…"

"You told me about your fear of losing me." He squeezes her hand, lifting it and bringing it to his lips. "It'll never happen, but of course I remember."

Another smile lifts at the corner of her mouth. "One of the guys I mentioned, these were the strings he used to tie up his boots."

"Should I be jealous of a dead man, love?"

"No," she chuckles. "Course not, but I always keep something of someone's. Neal's keychain was a reminder to never trust anyone. These were a reminder not to get too close to anyone because you could lose something in a blink of an eye. Nothing's permanent."

His brows dip together and he gives a confused grin. "And yet you also admitted that night to trusting me. I've never told you a lie, but have you told me one?" His tone is teasing as he seemingly ignores her last memento, but she can also see the thin layer of doubt in his gaze.

"Not at all, Killian. I was honest with you. I used to wear it around my neck, his keychain, but then as I realized it was okay to open myself up to you, to trust you, I took it off and haven't worn it since." She swallows. "But these shoestrings…I can't seem to make myself untie them. They're worn, I'm surprised they haven't fallen apart yet, but –"

"You don't need to remove them if it makes you uneasy. I'm not that insecure, darling. Your mementos are precious to you for a reason, they're reminders, and I'd go so far as to call them lessons, and I never want you to feel the need to placate me by getting rid of one prior to your readiness."

Tears prick at her eyes, but not out of sadness. Love. How someone who came into her life out of the blue, when she wasn't looking, when she wasn't ready, when she doubted she'd ever find something true and then turned her life upside down. How he could be so understanding, even after knowing what this damn bracelet represents, he doesn't care.

"Emma, you will let me in fully when you're ready for us, and not a moment sooner." He smirks, a combination of certainty and love in his eyes and then adds, "I won't stand for anything else."

"Can I tell you something?" she says and when he gives a nod, his dark hair briefly falling into his eyes (he didn't style it to perfection today though it looks perfect anyway). "Graham – the person these shoestrings belong to – died from a heart attack."

Killian frowns and then sits straighter, as if bracing himself for her story.

"The funny thing is, he was the textbook image of a healthy person. He might have eaten too many doughnuts but he was active. His breathing seemed strong, after stakeouts he never seemed too fatigued, and prior to the night he died he told me he'd gone rock climbing and wanted to try something more challenging. Tell me how that makes sense! The only thing that was, I don't know, not okay with Graham was his mental health. I thought he was crazy. It was before I believed in everything I do now, but when he started spouting things about not having his heart, wolves following him and there being an entirely different life he'd once led, I thought he'd lost his mind."

"Shh, love, the babe's still asleep."

She hadn't realized she'd been speaking louder, but she's never felt right about the circumstances of his death, but now that she's really thinking about it, really questioning the event after all the facts she's just given, she thinks it might not have been his failed heart after all. "Graham was healthy, Killian," she repeats, being mindful of her sleeping sibling upstairs.

"I believe it's possible to become ill, Emma. I once had the flu – terrible it was. Healthy one minute, literally lurching toward a basin to purge into the next."

"People don't just drop dead like that – not healthy people, anyway. No, there are signs before someone…symptoms…"

"You think there's more to it?" Killian asks, his accented voice soft as silk.

"I think there's a reason I lost Graham that night, yeah." Her pirate sighs and his grip on her hand loosens slightly. Her eyes shoot from the table to his face and there's a flash of pain on his face before he masks over it with indifference. "Killian…"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. You lost someone important to you and I'm familiar with that pain meself. I just don't like watching you suffer…or rather, still suffer through it. How long has it been?"

"Almost three years," she answers thickly. "I miss him. He was a good guy, and I'll probably always wonder what…"

"Don't blame her," Graham says hesitantly but firmly, stepping in front of her protectively as they found Regina walking towards the crypt they blocked. "It's my fault – I wanted to look in there."

"Really, why? What were you looking for?" The mayor's questions seemed innocent enough, but the tone screamed suspicion.

"Nothing, uh…it was nothing." She couldn't take it anymore, she hurried down the short steps of the mausoleum and stood beside Graham while Regina and the sheriff confronted each other.

"You don't look well, dear."

No, he really didn't. He seemed shaken and scared and she was worried that his sanity was slipping.

"Let's take you home," Regina said while grabbing his hand but Graham yanked it back.

"No, I don't want to go home." The look on the mayor's face was priceless, but then he slammed her with his next words. "Not with you."

"Oh? But you'll go with her."

Ah, shit. "Hey, this is between you two. Leave me out of it."

"She's right," Graham said, causing a look of disgust to appear on Regina's face "It's between us and things have to change."

"And I wonder why that is all of a sudden."

"It has nothing to do with her," he snapped passionately. "You know I've realized that I don't feel anything with you? And I know now that it's not me. It's you."

"So you're leaving me for her." The statement was exactly that, not a question like the words would normally sound being said.

"I'm leaving you for me."

"Graham you're not thinking straight."

"Actually for the first time, I am. I'd rather have nothing than settle for less. Nothing is better than what we have," he said to the mayor. "I need to feel something, Regina, and the only way to do that is to give myself a chance."

She couldn't help the smile that crept on her face, she'd known that phrase far too well. She wanted to give Henry his best chance. Give herself her best chance.

"Graham," Regina laughed.

"I'm sorry, it's over."

"I don't know what I ever did to you, Miss Swan, to deserve this," she said with teary eyes, "to have you keep coming after everything that I hold dear –"

"I told you it's not her," Graham pressed.

"None of this happened until she got here," Regina bit out.

Ugh. "I'm sorry," she said, tired of listening to the woman victimize herself. "You ever stop to think that maybe the problem isn't with me, but with you?"

Hatred. That's all she could think of to describe the look Regina sported as she sneered, "Excuse me?"

"Henry came and found me. Graham kissed were miserable. Maybe, Madam Mayor, you need to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why that is. Why is everyone running away from you?"

"Then I hit her," she adds after recalling one of her last moments with Graham, being tainted with Regina's insecurity and sucker punch. "He pulled me off her and I decided it wasn't worth deforming her face." She licks her lips and sucks her lower one in between her teeth. "God, she couldn't even see the truth past her own jealousy…she thought I'd stolen him away when it was her heartlessness that made it easier for him to just walk away."

"Didn't you say he didn't feel anything?"

"Yeah?" she scoffs, "But how could he feel something for someone so cold. She was an ice queen…not to bring up our latest problem, but…"

"You said he claimed about not having his heart, love…do you think…" he shakes his head. "No, I'm sure it was just his way of saying something was missing in his life, as you previously said in your tale."

"Not having his heart," she murmurs, feeling a tear streak down her cheek, and her eyes widen as soon as Killian wipes it away with his thumb. "His heart attack…I was with him when he died…he clawed at his chest, the pain in his eyes…, oh my god, maybe it wasn't a heart attack after all."

The pieces fall together. His constantly saying he was heartless, the pain in his eyes as his legs buckled and the life faded from his eyes, the jealousy in Regina's gaze – she was an entirely different person then.

She shoots up from her chair and makes a beeline for the door, grabbing her jacket and slipping into it.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To have a chat with Regina." She can't help the biting tone in her voice, but if her instincts are right – and usually, they're dead on – then she's banking on it being one hell of a conversation.

"Emma, you're not about to confront her!" he whispers sharply, catching her elbow with his hook and whirling her around, his right hand caressing her cheek, concern in his eyes and his pleading stare. "Don't do this."

"I need to find out the truth. If she killed him…." Her voice is shaky and his thumb strokes over her cheek, and admittedly it's the thing that's keeping her from totally losing it. "I deserve the truth, Killian."

"You absolutely deserve the truth, love, but you're not the only one who's afraid of losing someone they care about." He pulls her close and she goes willingly, pressing her face into the collar of his new leather jacket, loving the way his smell has mixed with it. It's become an addiction and it instantly soothes her. "She can hurt you and I might be a pirate, but I can't stand against magic. If she uses hers against you I can't stop her, and if she hurts you…or worse…I'm not sure I'll survive it."

She gives a watery smile, but sarcasm escapes her lips. "So much for you being a survivor."

"When it comes to loving you, Emma Swan, I'm about as useless as a ship is without a rudder." Without waiting for her response, he catches her lips in a kiss, causing her knees to weaken as she melts into his arms. His hand moves from her cheek to bury itself in her hair and her arms wrap around his waist and she steps closer still, needing their distance to be as close to zero as it can get.

When they finally pull away, they're breathless and gulping down air, foreheads resting against each other while Killian continues to hold her near to him.

"I know I've just dropped a heavy burden on you. I apologize for that but I couldn't keep it to myself any longer."

"I love you too." Her response removes the weight he thinks he's just given her off of her shoulders, but it wasn't his 'burden.' No, the burden that had been weighing her down was her own denial of how she feels, how she's been feeling for a helluva long time. "But I'm going." He tenses in her arms and she gives him another kiss, albeit a quick one, before ducking out the door and temporarily leaving her pirate behind.


She's pounding on the door. The distance from her home to Regina's caused her anxiety and desperation to grow and she won't let up until she gets her answer.

The door finally opens and Regina is wiping sleep from her eyes. "Miss Swan," she greets with a yawn, a mixture of confusion and annoyance apparent on her face. "It's nearly midnight, have you nothing better to do than wake me and –"

"Regina?" a sleepy, male voice asks. "Who's at the door?"

"Robin's here?" she asks with surprise.

"Yes, well," her irritation fades and a rosy color blossoms on her cheeks. "Turns out that after Henry and I healed Marian, and Robin told her that True Love's Kiss failed, that she decided her marriage with Robin is over. They're in the process of a divorce as we speak."

Temporarily distracted by this information her jaw drops. "Wow…I…"

"It's a lot," Robin says, stepping into the doorway and curling an arm around Regina's robed shoulders before kissing her temple. "But we're both happier because of it. Time will heal Marian's heart, she'll find her true love, and I've got mine."

"I'm sorry, I just…" she presses her fingers to her forehead trying to process this news, but then remembers the reason for her visit. "I need to talk to you, Regina."

"It can wait until the morning, I'm sure."

"No," she growls. "It can't."

Robin nods and says, "It's alright, darling, talk to Emma and then come back to bed." He turns and leaves the two standing in the doorway, and Regina wraps her robe tighter around herself and steps outside, shutting the door behind her.

"Excuse my rudeness, but it's late and I'm tired. What do you want?"

"Did you murder Sheriff Graham?" she blurts out, unable to tiptoe her way into the reason she's standing in front of the former Evil Queen. "Did you crush his heart?"

She watches as the color bleeds from Regina's face and her breath come out in a whoosh of air. "Emma, I –"

"Answer the question!" Tears fill both of their eyes and she can't believe it. She knows the answer judging by the lack of one, but she needs to get it out of her. She needs to hear it for herself. "Is the reason that one of the kindest people in Storybrooke and one of your flings, and one of my friends is dead because you killed him? It's an easy question! Yes or –"

"YES!" she cries. "He was falling for you! He said he left me for himself, but you were a small part of that too and we both know it."

Before she knows it's happening, her own hand is meeting Regina's face in a harsh slap. "You murdered someone out of jealousy?"

Rubbing her cheek that holds a red handprint, the woman answers tearfully with, "That isn't the only reason. He was remembering too much. I wasn't expecting anyone to remember that, but he was remembering life before the curse I cast. And when I realized he was developing feelings for you…that was the last straw."

"An innocent is dead because of you!" she screams, and purple magic flies from Regina's hands and immobilizing her, keeping her from attacking the bitch again. "How can you live with yourself?"

"Because I'm not the same woman that I was," she whimpers, "Emma, I've regretted that night ever since it happened. I didn't even want to do it, but I was hurt and I wasn't ready for the town to remember who they were yet."

"You could have said something a lot earlier."

Regina laughs bitterly. "Yes, you're right, Miss Swan. 'Pardon me, but while you and our son enjoy a cup of hot chocolate and cinnamon, let me admit to the fact that I'm the reason you took over as Sheriff years ago.' Brilliant idea."

"It's better than your silence! You never said anything, you lied!"

"I never lied, I just didn't come out with the truth." The magic from around her fades and Regina lowers her hands in defeat. "I'll regret killing Graham for as long as I live, Emma, but I can't live in the past anymore."

"I know what that's like….but to tell you the truth, I don't know what I'm more disappointed by," Emma says, wiping her tears with the back of her jacket sleeve. "The fact that you kept this hidden so long, or the fact that you're the reason Graham isn't here. You claim to have changed, but good people are honest, Regina. You might not have outright lied, but you were the farthest thing from honest."


She slumps tiredly against the door when she gets home, both physical and emotional fatigue threatening to take her under before she's made it halfway inside.

"You're still here," she breathes with a weak, tired smile when Killian envelops her in his embrace.

"You left Neal," he smirks. "Wasn't about to leave the little lad all by his lonesome."

"Shit! I'm such a bad sister!" She rakes a hand through her hair, dumbfounded that her rage erased her memory of the responsibility she has this weekend. "I'm so sorry, thank you so much for watching him."

"It wasn't horrible, calm down. He was well behaved, woke but once and I sang him to sleep."

He continues to talk but she's stuck on the fact he sang, and an image of him singing a lullaby to an infant with blonde hair and blue eyes flitters across her mind before she shakes it off. They might be honest with how the feel but holy hell is thinking about that kind of stuff too soon. But she can see that future with him and it causes butterflies to erupt inside of her.

"Sweetheart?" She blinks rapidly, refocusing on him and he takes her hand into his. "You're in one piece, thankfully…but did you get your answer?" She can't verbally response so she nods her head and his hold on her hand tightens, apparently that being the only answer he needs because he says, "I'm so sorry, Emma."

"I can't help but think what it would be like if Graham were still here."

"I never knew the man," he says gently, "but you can bet that I'd compete with him for your affections as I did with Neal. I'd win then too." He brushes his lips across hers. "You look exhausted, love. Go to sleep, I'll keep watch over the babe."

"I love you," she whispers. He's been there for nearly ever crisis that's occurred since he's arrived in Storybrooke. He's been there for her.

He's been her rock, and the more time she spends with him, the more she's certain that while not every relationship in her life has been permanent, her relationship with Captain Hook is.


AN: This one-shot truly hit me like a ton of bricks with Adam's quote and while I'm not entirely sure if Emma will ever learn the truth, this story deserved to be told. And of course it was a Captain Swan fic because he's the first person since Graham (Walsh was a joke) that she can, quite simply, truly see herself with. Thank you for reading, and please review! ~Kate