Holy and Crazy

Answer to some reviews:

edboy4926: That's a hard question remembering it's the Satan we're talking about.

Well, Issei is not related to this universe Winchester family, but he's a descendant of Cain and Abel, which is requirement to be able to contain Michael and /or Lucifer. Which means that Issei is also the Archangel true vessel.

Lucifer showing during the Rating Game? You can't call it a Rating Game anymore, you must call it a massacre.

Oh boy, a really pissed of Michael is the last thing everybody need. I like your idea.

AbaddontheDevourer: Thank you. Well, I created When Two World Collide is mostly to create good and if can funny situation involving DxD and SPN characters. It never mean to be taken really serious, you just read it for fun.


Park, Kuoh

After admiring the nun's panties for a while, Issei approach her and then help her to stand. Doing this however, makes Issei receive Lucifer's rant.

"This is your chance! Kill her and make the angels the only being with holiness!"

"Michael, can you ask Lucifer to shut up?" Thought Issei.

"I'll see what I can do. Sometimes, he's such a baby." Comment Michael.

"Eer...I seem...I seem to have lost my way.

"Ha, serve you-hmmph!" Issei can hear that there's seems to be a fight inside his head.

Issei and the nun then walk through the street.

"Are you on a vacation?" Ask Issei.

"No, I'm not. I was transferred to this town's church." Replied the nun.

"That's confirm my thought; you're a nun."

"Luckily I met a young man as kind as you. This must be God's will."

"Dad has-"

"Shut up!"

Issei is about to give a reply when he see the cross that the nun wears. He suddenly feels that there's a mosquito flying near his face. Issei then waves his right hand around his face.

"What's wrong?" Ask the nun.

"I think there's a mosquito near my face." Answer Issei.

They then hear a crying voice. When they turn around, they see a boy who is wounded at his left knee. The nun then approach the boy.

Suddenly, there's an energy coming from the nun's hands as she put them above the wound. Both of Issei's hand then give a reaction. After a while, the wound healed.


Few minutes later...

Street of Kuoh, Kuoh

Issei and the nun then continue they search for the church.

"My left hand reacted. Which means..." Thought Issei.

"I must have surprised you." Said the nun suddenly.

"Well, not really. You sure have some amazing powers there."

"They are fantastic powers, bestowed unto me by God."

"No! You stole that powers and used it to heal all those murderous apes so that they can keep destroying God's creation!"

"Lucifer, you're a hypocrite. And please be SILENT!"

"Of all Sacred Gears in existence, why I have the one that have two brothers who tend to argue with each other almost everyday?" Thought Issei as he tries to hold a tear.

"Ah! That's the place!"

Hearing the nun's words, Issei looks at where she's looking at. He can also see the church.

"Well you said this town's church, and that's the only one we've got." Said Issei.

"Thank god. You really are a lifesaver."

When Issei see the church, he has a feeling that there's something there that is dangerous for some reason.

"But, I've never seen anyone there." Said Issei regarding the church.

"I wish to thank you. Will you accompany me there?" Ask the nun.

Issei is thinking about an excuse when he see his uniform. He has an idea.

"Sorry but, do you see this clothes that I am wearing? This is school uniform. I must go to my school as soon as possible, and that church is too far." Said Issei.

"Is that so... My name is Asia Argento. Please call me Asia." Said the nun, Asia.

"I am going to call you a whore... Hey, I think I should turn her into the next Whore of Babylon."

"We're still talking about that?"

"I am not even going to ask what a Whore of Babylon is." Thought Issei.

"I'm Hyoudou Issei, but you can call me Issei."

"Issei. I am really glad I met someone as nice and gentle as you as soon as I got to Japan."

"Well...thanks."

"If you ever have time, be sure to visit me in the church. Promise me, OK?"

"Um... I'll see if I have one." Issei then turn around and walks away. "See you later."

"Yes, let's meet again."

Issei then take a look at Asia. "She really is a nice girl."

"No, she really is an abortion."

"Shut up, Lucifer." Thought Issei.


Abandoned Building, Kuoh

As Issei receive an explanation about the stray devils from Kiba, Issei remembers about what Rias said much earlier about the church, exorcists, etc. He decide to ask Michael and Lucifer about that.

"Michael, Lucifer, can...may I ask you something?" Thought Issei.

"Depends on the question."

"First, how old are you exactly?"

"Not sure. Our perspective of time is different from you. But if I put it in a way that you can understand, me and Lucifer are well over 13.8 billion years old."

"What?! You're that old?! Anyway, Rias said that when a devil is killed by exorcist, they become nothing. Is that true?"

"That's wrong. When a being die – no matter what they are, they're transported into Heaven, Hell, or Purgatory. Heaven is out of question obviously. Hell is the most likely location. Though Purgatory is still in the equation."

"What is a Purgatory?"

"It's a place where a monster will go when it die, at least from what Dad once told me."

"I remember that event... Anyway, I want to tell you that perhaps the reason you sense that there was danger at the church was not because of your devil's instinct, but rather due to supernatural perception."

"Huh?"

"I'll explain it to prove how idiot you are. Supernatural perception is an ability to sense and perceive beings and things that are naturally invisible. Your instinct would only make you want to run away, but because you used our perception, you can sense there was a danger."

"I don't remember ever activating it."

"It's a passive ability, so you might not notice it...which only prove how idiot you are."

"Issei?" Said Rias suddenly.

"Y-yes, President?" Replied Issei.

"Do you know about chess?"

"Chess? You mean the board game?"

"As master, I am the King. Additionally there is the Queen, the Knights, the Rooks, the Bishops, and the Pawns. A special devil can give special powers to her various pieces."

"Special powers?"

"We call this technique 'evil piece'."

"Why do you do that?"

"Anyway, tonight, take a close look at how devils fight."

"Or you can choose to just ignore it. Devils are nothing compared to me."

"She's here." Inform Koneko.

The devils then trying to find the stray. They hear his voice.

"I smell something foul...but I also smell something delicious. Are you sweet, or are you bitter?"

A naked woman then reveals herself. While Issei usually will enjoy the view, he instead sense malice and darkness coming from her.

"Why I have this feeling?" Mutter Issei lowly.

"Supernatural perception, idiot!"

"Stray Devil, Vice. You have abandoned your master, and have let your powers run rampant. You will now face judgement for your sins. In the name of the Gremory Nobility, I will destroy you!" Declare Rias.

"That usually said by people who are about to die." Issei suddenly close his mouth as he has no idea what makes him said that.

Wait, he might actually know.

"Why are you saying that?!" Exclaim Rias who turn her attention to Issei.

"Sorry! I think my Sacred Gear kinda corrupted me!" Issei then feels headache.

"Well, that's not the first time it happened."

"Excuse me, but are you forgetting me?" Said Vice with annoyed expression. The devils then turn their attention to her back.

"Now then, shall I dye all of you red, just like her hair?" Said Vice as she gropes her breast.

"That is the line of a desperate small fry." Retort Rias.

Issei is about to comment about stray devil when he feels that someone is torching his head.

"I don't want to hear about it. Don't even think about it either."

Vice shows her true form, which is a monster.

"You're right, Kiba. Both heart and body are monster." Said Issei.

"I told you." Replied Kiba.

"Still, what a waste to have upper beauty but lower abomination."

Vice then have a magic circle at her nipples. Ray of energy then fired from them. As Issei watch at what happen, the others dodge it with Rias carrying Issei to the floor. The ray then hit the wall, melting it down.

"OK, she really is a monster." Comment Issei.

"Don't let your guard down! Yuuto!" Shout Rias.

Kiba then pulls his sword as he disappear. Though, Issei then can see what appears to be the trace that Kiba left, meaning that Kiba is moving really fast.

"Such a fast movement." Comment Issei.

"Good thinking. Yuuto is a Knight. His specialty is speed. And his weapon is a sword."

Kiba then appears behind Vice. He then proceed by cutting her monstrous arms. Vice then becomes more monstrous as she decide to attack Koneko, who didn't move.

"Koneko! What are you doing?! Take cover!" Exclaim Issei.

Vice then eat Koneko whole. Issei shows a shocked face, but Rias calmed her.

"Don't worry."

Suddenly, Vice's big mouth is forced to open by Koneko.

"Koneko is a Rook. Her specialty is simple, she can defend against any kind of attack. See? She's not even flinching."

"I bet she will get killed by angel blade."

"Fly away." Said Koneko as she send Vice to the other side of the room.

"I think I'll leave Koneko alone." Said Issei to himself.

"Akeno." Said Rias.

"Yes, President. Oh my, oh my. What should I do, I wonder?" Said Akeno as she approach Vice.

While the devils focused their attention to Vice, one of her ripped hand suddenly move and flies towards Rias.

"President, watch out!" Warned Issei.

As soon as Issei said that, the hand stop only a few centimeters away from Rias. It then flies towards the end of the room.

"What just happened?" Ask Issei lowly.

"Congratulations, I granted you the power of telekinesis." Issei can sense a sarcasm so heavy that you can use hammer to break it in Lucifer's words.

"Th-Thanks." Said Rias.

"You're welcome." Replied Issei as he's still trying to completely understood what Lucifer said.

Rias then stand up and gives order to Akeno. "Akeno, finish her off."

"Those who tries to lay their hand on my president...will be punished!" Declare Akeno.

"She's my Queen. She's my invincible vice-president with powers unmatched by the rest of the pieces."

"Oh my, you still look alive. Then how about this?"

Akeno then gives Vice a lightning strike.

"Using magical powers is her specialty. And on top of that..."

"Oh my, oh my. You still look quite alive." Said Akeno as she licks her lips.

"She's a supreme...sadist." Said Rias as Akeno keeps electrocute Vice while laughing.

"She is not one. Wait until she meet Alastair. That b**** is a human's right supporter compared to him."

"Man, I have a feeling I don't want to meet this Alastair person." Thought Issei.

"Alastair is a demon."

"That will do, Akeno." Said Rias.

"It's over already? Oh, what a pity." Comment Akeno.

Rias then walks towards Vice.

"Do you have any last word?" Ask Rias.

"You b****..."

"Oh? In that case, time to be extinguished. Checkmate."

Rias creates a magic circle. She then destroy Vice until there's nothing left.

"It's over now. So, let's go home." Said Rias.

"OK, President." Said the others.

"Wait, President." Said Issei.

"What is it?"

"What piece am I belong?"

"A Pawn."

"Pawn? You mean..."

"Yes, you're a soldier."

"Pawn? As in the ones at the f**k*** front line?!" Thought Issei.

"With us sealed inside your Gear, there's no difference between front and back line."


The next night...

"To have my own peerage, I must first increase my own demonic powers." Thought Issei.

"Which won't happen easily with me and Lucifer sealed inside you." Remind Michael.

"Why do you guys always trying to make my live miserable?!"

"Because it's fun."

"Ahhm the path towards becoming a Harem King is sure long." Said Issei to himself as he keeps pedaling his bike.

"Don't forget to add 'excruciate'."

Issei then stop at his client's house. He then rings the bell. After waiting for a few minutes, he decide to open the door, which is unlocked.

"Who leaves their door open?" Ask Issei to no one. "Hello! I am a messenger devil from the Gremory clan. The person who summoned me..."

As soon as Issei step inside the house, he feels there's a sensation that tell him it will be dangerous to continue. "...are you home?"

"If I go home empty handed this time I really won't be able to face her." Thought Issei.

With determination, Issei close the door and start walks deeper into the house. As he walks deeper, he goes to one of the room. When he there, he notice that there's something at the floor.

"It's blood. See what besides you."

When Issei do what Michael asked, he sees a body of presumably his would-be client.

"What is happening here?!"

"Sinners must be punished. I tried borrowing the words of the Bible."

When Issei looks at who speaking, he see a young man who has a face of psychopath. He then stand up and walks closer to Issei.

"Well, well. If it isn't a little devil. My name is Freed Sellzen. I am a boy-priest, performing devil exorcisms for mankind!" Said Freed as he do some crazy move.

"What a crazy human."

"I hope we can kill this one."

"You're a priest? You look like a whack job that should belongs to the morgue." Said Issei as he once again said something he didn't mean to.

"Well... I am certainly not a ****** devil like you."

"At least I don't kill the poor b******."

"There was proof that he was in league with the devil. So it was the end, the end! That's why I killed him."

"But in Matthew 6: 14-15, it is said that 'For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.' See, I am a better priest then you are!... I do it again."

"Don't mock me that way! To destroy a ****** devil's ****** face in the ********* way, is my job." Freed then take out a gun and a light sword. "I am going to stab this light sword right into your heart, and your little devil will disintegrate and fall in love!"

"I have heard better joke than that."

Freed then dashed towards Issei as he swings his swords, but he manage to dodge. Freed however then shoot Issei at his left foot. Despite that, Issei can still hold himself. He then summons his Sacred Gear, showing white light at both of his hand and then gloves.

"Now there's a devil. That really gets me in the mood for some devil exorcism!"

Issei then dashed towards Freed, but he dodge it and slash Issei back. Issei can still stand albeit with smoke coming from his back.

"Strange. I only feels something disturbing at my back, not pain." Thought Issei.

"I give you invulnerability, it should can help you resist the poisonous effect of the light. Bear in mind though, it's low compared to the ones I have and for some reason, I can't give you more."

"Hey, you should be falling to the ground. No devil can't withstand the strike from my light sword."

Freed then swings his sword. This time, Issei catch it at his right hand. Despite it's hurting him and there's smoke coming from his right hand, Issei can still hold the sword. He then punched Freed which sends him to the other side of the room.

"Hahaha! Now that is interesting! A devil who can hold a light at his hand! I will have a lot of fun killing you!"

"Just get this over with."

Before anyone can do another move, there's a scream. When they see the source, they see Asia is screaming because there's a corpse in the room.

"Ah, you must be Asia." Said Freed.

"What is this?" Said Asia, referring to the corpse.

"I see. You must be a beginner. This is our job. We kill humans who have gone astray with the devil."

"But you..." Asia becomes silent when she see Issei. "Issei."

"Nice to meet you again, Asia." Replied Issei.

"Oh? What's this? You know each other?" Said Freed.

"I help her finding the church."

"You, a devil? Help a nun? That's more absurd than a lion eating grass."

"Not the first time absurd thing happened."

"Enough!"

Freed then try to stab Issei, the latter dodge it and hit the former in the face. Freed however then shoot Issei at the stomach. Issei however put his left hand at the wound and take the bullet out before it can do more damage.

"Both of you! Stop it!"

Issei and Freed then do exactly what Asia said. They then turn their attention to her.

"What? You do realize that this boy is a devil?" Said Freed annoyed.

"Even if Issei is a devil, but he's still a good person. I won't let you hurt him!"

"I see. In that case...I should punish you first!"

Freed is about to charge at Asia when he suddenly pulled to the other side of the room.

"You really need to learn how to use telekinesis effectively and not only during a certain time."

"I am still trying." Thought Issei.

"Damn you, devil." Said Freed as he jump towards Issei to slice him in half.

Suddenly, a magic circle appear. From it, Kiba emerge and stop Freed.

"Hyoudou, we come to save you. Although I can see that perhaps you don't need one." Said Kiba as he holds Freed.

From the circle, Akeno emerge. Koneko then follow Akeno.

"Oh my, look at what we have here." Said Akeno.

Freed then pushed Kiba off. But Koneko grabs furniture and throws them at him, forcing him to dodge. When Freed manage to do that, an energy of destruction almost hit him. When he see who did it, he see a red haired devil.

"You try to hurt one of my servant...be ready to take your punishment." Said Rias.

"Yippy, the devils come to the rescue."

"No need to be so sarcastic, Lucy."

"What's this? Devils, more than one?! Man, I must be so popular." Said Freed excited.

"I won't forgive someone who hurt my servant. Especially a vulgar scum like you, who has no problem to hurt his follower." Dangerous aura than surrounds Rias.

"Whoops... Isn't all that power a little dangerous? Isn't she really dangerous?"

"Fallen angel approaching." Inform Koneko.

"Well, if the table haven't turned! You all get to be punished by the fallen angel!"

"President?" Ask Akeno.

"Issei's recovery is out top priority now. Akeno, prepare for the jump." Order Rias.

"OK." Akeno then created a magic circle.

"Koneko, take care of Issei." Said Rias.

"OK." Replied Koneko as she throws a furniture.

"You ****** devils! You won't escape!" Said Freed before the furniture that Koneko threw hit him. "OOOOWWW!"

The devils then prepare themselves for the jump. Issei then see Asia.

"Asia! President, let's take her!" Shout Issei.

"It's impossible. Only those who have the symbol of my clan would be able to jump with us." Retort Rias.

"But...we can't just leave her!"

"We can! Leave her, moron! That whore deserve nothing better than this!"

"Issei...someday...we will meet again." Said Asia as she watch the devils go away.

"ASIA!"

The devils then jump from the room, leaving a nun and an unconscious exorcist.


With this, another chapter is done.

If you have question or suggestion, feel free to tell me.

Review please.