Luckily, the next day was Saturday, so Kyle could just go to speak to Cartman ALONE (without Stan around). That didn't make his job any easier, though. He, of all people, had to convince Cartman that he was wrong and then get him to apologize to someone he was about ready to murder. He had no idea what he was doing, but that afternoon, he went to Cartman's house.
Naturally, he tried the educational approach first.
"So, you see Cartman, the gene for black hair is, of course, dominant in African-Americans, but i- -CARTMAN!"
"Wh-What?!" Cartman woke with a start. "Oh, FUCK you, I was just dreaming about killing Stan!"
"Pay attention to my Punnett squares!" Kyle snapped, gesturing toward a whiteboard he had set up.
"Why are you telling me all this bullshit I don't care about anyway?"
"Because! I...think you should know the facts, that's all," Kyle didn't want to let Cartman in on his "plan".
"Did that pussy black asshole tell you to come here?" accused Cartman.
"No! I'm the one who wants to make peace here! The ONLY one, unfortunately..."
"Like Stan would be willing to 'make peace' with me! I don't get why I have to keep reminding you, but he PUNCHED ME! That is assault!"
"He wouldn't have punched you if you weren't being such a jackass!"
"YOU'RE the jackass here, Kahl! With your stupid jackass smile!"
"I-I'm not smiling!"
"You were! Just now!"
Kyle turned around and forced his mouth to frown. Then he faced Cartman again, pointing at it. "See? Now back to the lecture!"
"UUUUGHHH, shut uuup," groaned Cartman. He flopped back onto his bed.
"Come on, dude, I'm trying to help you understan- -"
"HELP me?" Cartman sat up again. "Like this is helping me! You just think you know everything, don't you, Jew?!"
"No, I- -"
"Get out of my room, you're annoying!"
So, he kicked Kyle out of the bedroom, tossed him his whiteboard, and locked the door shut.
Kyle let out a huff and banged on it. "Just so you know, I'm not giving up on you, Cartman! One way or another, you're gonna see the error of your ways!"
"Whatever!" Cartman shouted back.
Kyle began making his way downstairs to clear his head.
"Hey, if my mom hasn't left yet, tell her to buy more Snacky Cakes at the store!" Cartman called through the closed door.
"...sure..." Kyle had nothing better to do. Luckily, Cartman's mom was still in the kitchen, stuffing coupons in her purse.
"Oh, hello, little friend of Eric's!" she greeted Kyle.
"Uh, hi, Ms. Cartman. Cartman said to tell you to buy more Snacky Cakes."
"That's what I was forgetting!" Ms. Cartman reached across the kitchen and grabbed a pair of scissors."Would you be a dear and cut a Snacky Cakes coupon out of that catalog there if you find it?"
Kyle wordlessly sat down at the table and began skimming through the coupon booklet. The silence got awkward after a bit, so Kyle decided to "strike up a conversation".
"So...Cartman isn't a very good listener, is he?"
"Oh, nooo. I've never really said anything that got through to him."
Kyle sighed. "How do you deal with that?"
Ms. Cartman sat down at the table across from Kyle. "You'd like to know how to get Eric to listen? Offer him some kind of reward."
"Reward?"
"Yes. You know, Eric; he always wants to earn something for what he's done."
"Pssh. You mean he's selfish as all hell," scoffed Kyle. He saw Ms. Cartman's face fall and changed his tune. "S-Sorry."
"It's alright. I know you just want to help my son. And I know this sounds a bit strange...but thank you for being tough on Eric. He needs that."
Kyle stared at Liane's solemn face, then turned back down to his scissors. "Ah. I found the coupon."
"Thank you," Ms. Cartman took it from the boy. "Goodbye, dear."
Kyle was left sitting alone at that kitchen table. He sorta felt bad for Cartman's mom. But the good thing was, now he was even angrier at Cartman. And anger was just what he needed to get him back.
(A/N: Well, that wasn't much longer than the last chapter...and it wasn't very funny...next time, guys, next time
Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes, check out my profile, and I shall see you in the next chapter! ..which will hopefully be soon, but I'm kinda having trouble writing lately, sooo)
