20. What Was That Question?
How could he ask that of her, after telling her nothing and then answering that question that way? An entire life spent around politicians had made Lucia fully aware of the fact that words could be used to obfuscate as well as illuminate, and often did both simultaneously. She phrased her question as carefully as she could. But after she got over her initial surprise at having him actually answer a question, when she'd deciphered the meaning of the way he had worded his reply, the conclusion reached was so horrible, it could only be the truth. Why else would he have said that? Why else would he have sought her out? A clear picture formed at once in her mind, shattering the romantic fantasy, and leaving a much more plausible, darker reality in its place.
After she had returned from that last trip to Kukuru Mountain, most of her dreams had been of Illumi, but there had been other dreams too, nightmares of Mike. Lucia would be alone, running down the forest path in absolute darkness, but with the sound of Mike's breathing right behind her, letting her know she would never get away, that any moment he would catch her. And when Illumi's hands closed on her shoulders, she knew she had been caught. She had not screamed that night on the mountain, and she'd never screamed in her dreams either. But now it was as if all the terror within had reached critical mass, and her body could no longer hold it. She was caught, but before she was rended, she would voice her anguish in one last cry.
Suddenly it was like when you are asleep, and you are abruptly moved from one dreamscape to another. She found herself carried in Illumi's arms, the warmth of his hand on her leg and the comforting beat of his heart next to her ear. Nothing could catch her in Illumi's arms, because he could run faster than anything else. He could probably outrun Death itself.
Reality came back to her however, when they reached whatever his destination was, a small cottage on the outskirts of the city. It was completely dark, but Illumi made no move to go inside anyway, heading straight to a garden swing at the back of it, where he sat, with her across his lap, one arm still supporting her back the other now around her ribcage in front, holding her snugly against him. Mockingly, beautiful moonlight silvered their surroundings just as on that magical night so long ago. Lucia buried her face in him, pausing, and holding onto, for just one last time, that enchanted dream of the past.
She hoped he would tell her when. She knew he would make it quick.
And then…he had denied it, and asked for her trust. Her trust! After nearly destroying her with doubt by his silence, by his refusal to tell her anything except this one equivocating response.
"It's not that I don't trust you," he looked away from her, staring straight ahead. "Those answers you want, they're not mine to give. That information doesn't belong to me." Left unsaid, but still hanging in the air, and clearly heard by her, 'It belongs to the Zaoldyecks.'
He continued; sounding ever so slightly agitated, "You know that I came to you asking for you to hire me. I have told you we cannot kill someone we are guarding…"
Startled by the shock of a sudden epiphany, she gasped, and he turned his head to look down at her. He was looking at her with that same intensity he had on Kukuru Mountain, and with those same dark, impenetrable eyes. She now knew she wouldn't see her answer in them, not because it wasn't there, but because they were virtually fathomless, and it would take more than a lifetime to explore their recondite depths. His answer hadn't meant that he had come to kill her. No. He had come down from the Mountain to save her, to prevent her death at anyone's hands… even his own.
"You have to trust me, Lucia. But I won't betray the confidences of others. What do you want me to do?"
That was one of those trick questions, like the time he had asked her how she felt on Kukuru Mountain, after she had awakened to see him above her. What did she want him to do? She wanted him to kiss her! Yes, but that wasn't it. She wanted him to make love to her. Yes. Oh, yes. But that wasn't it either. She wanted him to spend the rest of his life with her; then, after death, to come back from the Underworld to find her and bring her back with him, so that they could be together forever and ever in an afterlife where time has no meaning. Yes! That was it.
"I trust you, Illumi." And she pulled his head down to her, and kissed him.
