Eventually he returned to Imladris.
It was an empty return and he felt no joy in it. No Father, no sister, ragged holes in his heart where they had been.
His grief nagged at him but he ignored it, pushed it aside and carried on. He tried not to think on them for the three of them would never be together again what ever choice he made and he felt torn in two.
But much to his surprise the biggest hole was left by Legolas. He found there was much he missed about him, his love of life, his effervescence, his pure joy, the light with which he shone, and most of all the way he made him feel.
He was annoyed with himself. It was a dalliance after the stress of war and that was all. He needed to get over this infatuation, to let it go, and yet he could not. Try as he may Legolas lingered in his thoughts and would not leave.
And then the letter arrived.
It took him completely by surprise.
" A letter came for you." Elladan said one day at lunch, and there it was.
He did not recognise the handwriting that scrawled wildly across the paper in a cascade of ideas, and at first when he read it he had no idea who it could possibly be from.
"My Treasure," the letter began and he frowned, what was this?
But then an image flashed across his mind of Legolas, in front of him bright and luminous, his smile wide, "my secret treasure," he whispered gently brushing back his hair. Legolas? Writing to him?
He dropped the letter as if it burned him. Legolas had written to him!
"What's wrong?" Elladan asked, "What is it?"
"Nothing, nothing important."
He left the letter there where it lay, he did not want to read it in company so he pretended nonchalance in front of his brother while he ate, gathering it as if it where an afterthought when he departed. But it was no afterthought. It blazed across his thoughts all the long hours of that afternoon until he could finally get a private few minutes to read it. He sat himself in a quiet alcove of the garden and opened it. As he did he imagined Legolas's light shining from the page itself.
But there was no light in this letter, it was a letter of despair written by a Legolas he did not recognise. It told him everything and nothing. Everything about the misery encompassing Legolas's heart and nothing as to what caused it. He could not understand what had happened to fill the creature of light he knew with such unhappiness and he frowned in consternation.
"You are still reading that letter?" It was Elladan approaching him across the garden. "You do not look happy, I thought it was of no import?"
He folded it hurriedly and stowed it in a pocket,
"I am happy enough," he said lightly, it could not have been further from the truth.
"Who writes to you and causes such a frown?" His brother enquires.
He could see no option but to confess at least a part of the contents,
"Legolas."
"Legolas? Is there news of Estel? Is all well?"
"No news of Estel, he is not there. He has been travelling with the dwarf. He warns us they intend to visit here."
"When?" Elladan was as surprised as he had been.
"I do not know, his time keeping seems to be...haphazard." That much at least was true.
"Well," Elladan smiled, "Legolas will liven things up here I imagine. He is always amusing."
But he did not think Legolas would be amusing this time at all. That he kept to himself.
When he finally arrived Legolas was not at all what he had been expecting, he had thought to see an elf broken down by despair, what he got was a Legolas full of fire and challenge, flashing eyes and imperiousness. He could not have been more confused.
"It is good to see you Legolas." He had hoped Legolas would be as pleased to see him as he was to have the chance to gaze upon his beauty again.
"We will not stay long." Legolas was full of nervous energy as they stood in the courtyard for their welcome. He was constantly on the move, he could not stand still.
"Stay as long as you wish..." And he meant it, the longer he could hold him here the better. But Legolas was not in the mood for pleasantries.
"Can you show us to our rooms?" He verged on rudeness, "We have travelled far and some rest would be appreciated."
"Of course-" but Legolas stalked off before he could say more and he was left in his wake, bamboozled.
The dwarf beside him sighed,
"Forgive his rudeness, he is not himself. I am hoping you can fix what ever it is bothering him for I am quite fed up with his moods."
"Me?" He was surprised at the dwarfs seeming confidence in his abilities.
"You are his kind are you not? You have a better chance of understanding him than I."
But he didn't understand him at all and he had no idea what to do next but he certainly didn't tell the dwarf that.
In the end he bided his time despite all his being clambering for him to go to Legolas, so long had he been dreaming of being reunited, spent his time imagining his touch. He would give him the rest he had asked for. At last though he could stand it no longer.
"You came." was the greeting he recieved as the door opened to his knock.
"Of course I came." Was there ever a chance he would not?
Legolas stood in front of him calmly and his expression was challenging, yet he did not know why. It was as if he expected a fight yet nothing could be further from his mind.
"What is wrong?" he asked and he reached out to touch but Legolas evaded him gracefully and it hurt.
"Nothing is wrong, we were travelling near here and have called in to rest. Must anything be wrong for me to come here?"
"What of this?" He pulled the letter out of his pocket. "I have been worried-"
Legolas dismissed his fears with a wave of his hand,
"A weak moment, I apologise, Ignore it."
"I cannot ignore this." He knew something was wrong, all his instincts told him so, he would not be distracted.
"I should not have written it, It is over, we cannot all be perfect, Noldo."
He flinched at the use of his ancestry as an insult, before Legolas had called him that with a softness, in jest. Now it felt like an attack.
"The dwarf is worried about you."
"Gimli!"
"What?" He was taken aback by the flash of anger.
"His name is Gimli. Use it. He is my friend, you disrespect him."
"Forgive me." that was warranted, he had to admit, he had not given Gimli due respect, " but he worries for you Legolas, he told me so."
Legolas laughed, but his laugh was an empty one, not the joyous melody he remembered and his smile did not reach his eyes.
"Dwarves are anxious beings, they are well known for their nervousness, do not take him seriously."
"That is strange Legolas, I have met many dwarves and never would I have described them as such. I think it is you who disrespects him now."
And as he watched Legolas changed, seamlessly, invisibly, prickly edges became softness, challenge became invitation.
"Enough of this," he moved towards him, reached out for him. " We have been apart too long Elrohir, I have longed for you, let's us waste no more time on this when we could be doing better things. Do you not want it as much as I?"
He did, oh he did want it so much but he knew Legolas now, at least the small part of him he had been allowed to see and he saw this for what it was, distraction, an attempt to lead him away from whatever the trouble was. He had no doubt Legolas wanted him but he would not allow him to divert him with desire.
"You know I do Legolas, but I wish to know what troubles you more. Will you not tell me?"
And Legolas reacted with anger,
"So be it!" He snapped, "You are not the Noldo I knew in Minas Tirith."
He would not be goaded into a fight.
"I am. I am the very same but I know you now Legolas, I know you seek to divert me. I desire you, you know this but you will not use it against me. If you think you can manipulate me you are very mistaken!"
"Do not presume to know me!" Legolas pulled himself up to his full height, eyes flashing, anger flaring, he was his father's son. But Elrohir would not be cowed.
"You are right, I do not know you." He said quietly, "You are a mystery to me, the workings of your mind make no sense, but I know you are troubled and I know you should speak of it. Tell me Legolas." and Legolas gave in, he deflated before his eyes.
"Gimli and I have travelled far." He said, "I have been home to the wood, to Fangorn and the Glittering Caves. I have seen wonderous sights I wished for all my life but there has been little joy in it for me Elrohir. Even my home is a place of rest for me no longer. Nowhere I go brings me happiness, nothing eases this restlessness within me. I did not know it would be like this! I did not know I would never again have peace!"
He was horrified for this could only mean one thing. Legolas would have to leave them. He watched with a heavy heart as Legolas turned away, looked out the window over the valley, his back to him.
"I hoped to find some sanctuary here with you," The whisper was barely audible.
And then he hesitated. He should go to him, he should grant him the peace he was searching for, tell him he was here for him yet something held him back for this was not the light flirtation they had in Minas Tirith. This was more.
Did he want it?
The hesitation was but a heartbeat and later he hoped Legolas had not noticed that brief pause before he strode over, put his arms around him and rested his head against that golden hair.
"Of course you can find sanctuary with me, you do not need to ask." He was ashamed of his momentary delay.
"I do not understand, Legolas...why this fight to hide this from me? Did you not know I would help?"
"I was afraid." came the reply and he was mystified by that.
"I did not think you were ever afraid of anything!" he exclaimed, and he remembered Legolas on the Paths of the Dead, courageous and unbowed, they had all been in awe of him.
"Oh I am afraid of many things, but I do not usually let that fear overcome me. I have failed in this...I feared you would not want this...I know this is more than we had before. Once it was said, my hope would be gone and slight hope is better than none." He turned to face him.
"I cannot see into your heart Noldo. It's secrets are hidden from me."
He knew he should speak then and reassure him, speak of the depths of his feelings for him. Tell him of his heart, but he did not know it himself, and so he laughed and made light of it.
"It is hidden from me too I fear!"
And Legolas would not let him off so easily,
"Are you sure this is what you want? I know you have other choices ahead of you."
"Of course," he said, "Of course."
Of course he wanted this...didn't he?
But at the depths of himself, as always, he doubted and that doubt would not let him go.
