(A/N: Heads up, I might take a break from this story after this chapter. Sorry, but I wanna work on/finish a couple of my one-shots already; some of 'em have been in the works for over a year! So, yeah)


Kyle dashed back upstairs and kicked Cartman's bedroom door open.

"Hey, I thought I locked th- -"

"Listen up, Cartman!" demanded Kyle. "I've got an idea!"

"Pshh. What makes you think I have time to listen to YOU? I'm too busy plotting to poison Stan's dog."

"Because I'll do you one better! Stan'll be the one taking the punch this time! 'cause I'm gonna help you get revenge on him!"

"You are?"

"Yes, it's part of my convoluted plan to restore the balance of the universe!"

"Your what?"

"My nothing. Anyway, I'm gonna tell you my idea, but you have to PROMISE you won't interrupt."

"...FINE, lemme hear it," Cartman said reluctantly.

"Okay, so I tell Stan that you wanna make up with him. You meet him at Stark's Pond, and while you're giving him your apology, I'll be hiding somewhere, and then I'll pop out, and we'll beat him up! You'd like that, wouldn't you? What do you think?"

"...that's so fucking stupid, it just might work. But for your first evil plan, it's pretty meh."

"Gee, thanks."

"I don't get one thing, though. Why would you want to help me get back at Stan? Aren't you, like, gay for him or something?"

"Dude, I don't care WHAT has to be done, I'm with Kenny on this one; all this arguing has gotta stop, and Stan's too stubborn to see that."

"...okay, but you realize you didn't DENY being gay for him."

"Ugh, shut up. Now, you clearly don't have much experience apologizing to people, so before you do so to Stan, practice on me."

"UH, we don't need to practice, Kahl!"

"What? You don't want me to find out that you can't act?" accused Kyle.

"I- -"

"You really can't say a couple little apology words to me, or SOMETHING? You're a lost cause!"

"Ky- -"

"You just can't do ANYTHING right, can you, fatass?"

"Quit being a dick for one second and let me do it, then, KAHL!"

"Alright, then, go on! Prove me wrong! ACT, FAT BOY, ACT!" Kyle knew what Cartman was like. He liked to feel challenged and decimate his challenger.

Cartman whirled around for dramatic effect. "Oh, KAHL! Please, forgive me for all I have I done unto you! I'm sorry, your highness!"

"Oh, please, that was awful!" scolded Kyle. "If you do that, Stan'll know you're faking it for sure! This apology needs to be REAL, so, uh, he'll really be caught off-guard when I jump out."

"Well, gimme some time to practice, then, asshole!" Cartman snapped. He turned back around and started rehearsing to himself.

A somewhat nostalgic feeling came over Kyle. For the past couple of days, Kyle had hardly even talked to Cartman. Arguing with him felt like an old pastime or something. Maybe that was why he had unintentionally been smiling earlier...

At least to himself, he admitted it...he had missed Cartman.

For the next half hour or so, Cartman practiced and practiced his fake-ass apologies. Kyle was really hard on him, but Cartman showed some real improvement. Some, but not enough...

Soon, Ms. Cartman returned home with all the groceries. Kyle snuck down there and grabbed a box out of one of the paper bags, then he went back upstairs.

"Here's what I'm gonna do, Cartman," declared Kyle. "This is called positive reinforcement. The better you do at this, the more Snacky Cakes you get."

"Aw, yeah, Snacky Cakes!" Cartman rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Time for me to be REALLY sorry! I'm breakin' out the puppy dog eyes!"

"No, Cartman, don't you see what you're doing wrong? To make an apology convincing, you need to drop all that manipulative bullshit! No hands behind your back, no wavering your voice, and NO puppy dog eyes! Be sincere, dude, come on. I know you can."

Cartman just stared back at Kyle blankly.

"...what?" asked Kyle, quite confused.

"Uh, n-nothin'," Cartman turned around and took a deep breath.

From then on, Cartman seemed to get better...and fatter. He was ready to carry out the plan.

Kyle was sorta...proud of Cartman. Deep down, Kyle always knew that Cartman could be a good person if he was just treated the right way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Sunday, Stan was freezing his butt off at Stark's Pond waiting for Cartman. Kyle had texted him, telling him that Cartman wanted to make up. But Kyle had been acting so strange lately that he sort of had a hard time believing it...

Meanwhile, Cartman and Kyle were hiding in a bush.

"Oh, there he is," Kyle pointed out. "Okay, you go over there and apologize. Or, uh, pretend to apologize. When you get Stan in the right position, I'll pop out and start kicking his ass."

"Kewl. This better work," muttered Cartman, lumbering out of the bushes. "I wanna see Stan cry tears of pain."

"...yeah. It better," Kyle whispered to himself.

"Cartman!" Stan called out. "About time you showed up, fatass. Is what Kyle told me about true?"

Cartman suppressed the urge to strangle Stan then and there. "Yeah, Stan, it IS true. Look, I can see why you'd be pissed at me. I mean...it was wrong of me to insult your bi- -I mean, girlfriend. And it turns out that stuff about black people...wasn't 100% accurate. I looked it up. I guess I just feel sorta stupid now."

"So...?"

"So what I'm saying is...I'm sorry for that stuff I said, and I don't want us to fight anymore. Since you were clearly still mad, I decided to be the bigger person and apologize...Can we be cool again?"

"...and you'll stop calling me a pussy black asshole?"

"...yes, I will."

Stan stared Cartman in the face, looking for insincerity. "Okay, dude, we're 'cool'. I forgive you."

"You do?"

"Yeah, dude. I was kinda acting like a turd anyway..."

"Oh, good." Cartman suddenly frowned and grabbed Stan around the stomach, jamming his face into his chest. "NOW!"

"Dude, I know you're sorry!" Stan said, flustered. "You don't have to hug me!"

Cartman only tightened his grip, staring angrily at the bush Kyle was hiding in. "...NNNOW, KAHL!"

"Oh, geez, KYLE! I've been a TOTAL pissbaby to him! If you can say you're sorry, Cartman, then so can I!" Stan wedged out of Cartman's grasp and determinedly took off for Kyle's house.

"Yes! It worked!" Kyle relished his little victory before he noticed Cartman hovering over him, looking furious. "Uh-oh."


(A/N: So, yeah. Sorry the next chapter is gonna take a little longer! But there are only one or two chapters left, and at least I have the rest of the story planned out this time. Next chapter will have more Kyman!

Au revoir!)