"DUDE! What the FUCK was that?!" Cartman asked furiously.
Kyle stood from the bush. "Look, dude. I- -"
"We had a fucking plan! You were supposed to jump out, and we were gonna kick Stan's bitch ass!"
"Wait, liste- -"
"But INSTEAD, I was just standing there 'hugging' him like an IDIOT! Was that your plan, KAHL?! HUH?! To make me look stupid?! That's so...CARTMAN OF YOU!"
Kyle flinched slightly at Cartman's rage. The fat boy seemed genuinely hurt, which Kyle was surprised at.
After his outburst, Cartman stormed off , presumably to his house. Kyle stayed there in the bush contemplating his actions.
"Okay, so...what I did WAS kinda Cartman-like. But I did it for the greater good! Cartman's just being a pussy. I mean, everything's fixed now...right?"
No...no, nothing was fixed. Cartman snapping at Kyle was nothing new, but what just happened was different. That wasn't some stupid argument; that was a friend angry at another for betraying them.
Maybe Cartman had some mutual feelings...maybe he thought that Kyle was really trying to help him accomplish what was, admittedly, a petty goal, but he thought Kyle had his back. But he didn't.
Kyle thought all this over while walking home. When he reached his destination, he found Stan sitting on his doorstep.
"Kyle!" Stan perked up as soon as he spotted him. "Listen, dude, I know you, like, hate me right now, but Cartman and I aren't fighting anymore! He was the bigger man! So, uh..."
"Yeah, Stan, I know," sighed Kyle, sitting beside him in the step. "You forgave him."
"What? How'd you know?"
"Because, Stan, it was all me."
"WHAT was all you?"
"Could you stop asking questions for a second and let me explain?"
"Sorry."
"Okay...when Cartman apologized to you earlier, he was faking it. I lied to him and told him that I was gonna help him get revenge on you for punching him, so I'm the one who gave him the whole idea, but I was really just trying to get you two to be friends again, and I was willing to trick BOTH of you to do it...because I'm a pissbaby."
"...it's okay, dude," Stan replied.
Kyle lifted his head. "What?"
"I don't care that Cartman wasn't really sorry. The truth is, I wanted things back to normal too. There's nothing wrong with that, dude. Besides, I was getting tired of all that yelling. You're WAY better at arguing with Cartman than I am."
"Thanks, I think," chuckled Kyle. "Ahhh, the universe is at peace again."
"Well, not quite...you still have to patch things up with ol' fat boy, don't you? I'd imagine he was pretty pissed after what you pulled, dude."
"Oh, yeah..." groaned Kyle. "This is gonna be hard."
Stan put a hand on his shoulder. "Be strong. Now GO!"
That shove-off from the porch was just what Kyle needed to get going to Cartman's house.
On his way there, he mulled over in his head what to tell Cartman. He even started to rehearse to himself. Then he remembered what he'd told Cartman and realized that all he had to do was speak from the heart and Cartman would be able to forgive him. And if not...well, puppy dog eyes were always an option.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Eric!"
"WHAT, Mom?"
"Your little friend Kyle is at the door!"
"Tell him to leave the premises immediately, and to take his Jewishness with him!"
"ERIC!"
"AUGH, FIIINE! Let him in and GO AWAY!"
"Okay, dear, love you!"
Trembling slightly, Kyle walked up the stairs. The door to Cartman's room was already open, so he stepped in.
"What do you want, Jew?" he was greeted with.
Kyle took a deep breath and got a little closer to Cartman, who was seated like a statue atop his bed.
"Look, dude...I already got everything sorted out with Stan, so, you're all I need right now."
Kyle paused as Cartman slightly raised his eyebrows.
"You're all I need right now"?! Well, that sounded gay.
He hesitantly kept going. "Cartman, I never meant to hurt you. It was really wrong of me to manipulate you and Stan like that. I just wanted you back."
OH MY GOD! I sound like his fucking ex-boyfriend!
Despite these thoughts, Kyle couldn't help but keep pouring his heart out to Cartman. It was practically out of his control.
"I was willing to do whatever it took to get you two to make up; not because I was annoyed, but because I NEED you. I don't feel whole without you, Eric."
AHHHHHH! THAT'S IT! ABORT! ABORT!
"So...THAT'S MY APOLOGY, FATASS!" Kyle blurted out, his mind regaining control of his speech.
Cartman just stared at Kyle, unsure of how to react. "...wowww, dude, that was pretty gay."
"..."
"But you realize this means you WERE jealous of Stan, like I said," he continued smugly. "You're even gayer than I thought!"
"Okay, you know what? I'm SICK of you guys saying that, trying to force all this gay subtext. So, YES, okay?! I was jealous."
"R-Really?" said Cartman, not expecting Kyle to admit it.
"I'm not gay, though."
"Whatever."
Kyle couldn't think of anything else to say, so he just turned to the door. As he grabbed the knob.
"Hey...Kyle?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you really...MEAN all that stuff you just said?"
"...do you accept my apology?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Then yes. But keep your mouth shut about that stuff!" snapped Kyle. He didn't even wait for Cartman to reply before leaving.
Once he was out the front door of the house. He took a deep breath and kept on walking home. It sure felt good to have that mushy stuff off his chest...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The next day, all was right with the universe. Kyle and Cartman were back at each other's throats, and Stan and Kenny stayed out of it; they didn't mind at all. Cartman was kinda salty towards Stan for a few days, but he got over it.
Kyle was glad that Cartman never spilled the beans about his mushy apology (though he suspected he might just use it as blackmail later), and Cartman never forgot the things Kyle had admitted to him.
Because despite how much he would deny it, that was how Kyle truly felt about him deep down in his heart.
(A/N: Okayyy I'll be the first to admit that I kinda SORTA rushed this ending, but I got across everything that I wanted to get across. I just hope you guys aren't disappointed in me...I know I am
But still! I hope you review and fave! Check out my profile, maybe? I've still got a bunch of various one-shots in the works, so please stick around for those!
Au revoir, mes amis!)
