A/N: A new chapter for your reading pleasure. As always I appreciate reviews and I own nothing!

It had been four months since Mal had her miscarriage, to her it felt like yesterday and she just couldn't seem to get over it. It was starting to take a toll on her marriage with Ben. She still loved him with all her heart, but she just couldn't shake the grey cloud that was hanging over her head.

The conversations between them seemed more like small talk, when they did talk. Most of the time they sat in uncomfortable silence. Mal never curled up beside Ben in the bed when the slept anymore and she barley let him touch her anymore. They hadn't made love in the past four months. Mal was by all standards depressed.

She started drawing. Something that she hadn't done in a long time. She never let Ben see them. All of Mal's drawings were of her being a terrible mother or her child hating her, or blaming herself for the miscarriage, even though time after Ben told her it wasn't her fault. He had been so patient with her, but she knew that deep down he was just frustrated and upset that she was shutting him out.

Ben kept his feelings to himself until one day at dinner; they came bubbling to the surface.

Mal and Ben were eating dinner. Well, Ben was eating, Mal was sketching something. "Mal, your chicken is going to get cold if you don't eat it." Ben encouraged her to eat because she barely did anymore. "I'm not hungry." Mal replied never looking up from her sketch book. "Okay." Ben let out a frustrated sigh. "So when am I ever going to get to see some of your sketches?" Ben asked her trying to get Mal to talk to him.

"I don't know, when I draw one I like, then you can see it." Mal told him. She glanced up from her book and saw Ben looking at her; she quickly turned her eyes back to her book. "Why don't you like any of them? You're a great artist Mal, I'm sure they are beautiful." Ben smiled at her.

Mal put her pencil down and took a sip of her water. She took a small bit out of her chicken. She though if she would eat, Ben would let the conversation drop. "So do you want to walk around the gardens tomorrow? The tulips are in bloom and they look beautiful." Ben asked her. Mal didn't reply to him.

"Mal, do you want to talk about 'it'?" Ben asked her. "No." she deadpanned. Ben went to place his hand on her shoulder to see if she would open up to him. Mal jerked away and stood up abruptly from the table. "Ben, just stop." She shouted. "I don't want to talk about 'it'. I don't ever want to talk about the miscarriage or the baby that we could have had or the family that we could have been or anything. I just want to forget about it!" She roared.

Ben opened his mouth to say something but Mal cut him off. "But, let's be honest here, that child would have probably grown up to hate me because I would have been a terrible mother!" Mal finished. "Mal, you don't mean any of that. You're just upset." Ben said calmly standing up and walking towards her.

Ben went to put his arms around her but she pushed him away from her. "Don't touch me!" Mal snapped. When she said that something snapped inside of Ben. All of his emotions came bubbling up to the surface.

"Dammit Mal." Ben roared as his fist slammed into the table. The sound of the dishes and glasses and silverware rattling on the table after he hit it echoed through the room. Mal jumped back. She was terrified. "You don't think this has been hard for me too? You don't think that I wonder what it would have been like to be a father and have a family. I was devastated am I still am, but we need to move forward." Ben shouted.

"It has been four months. And I have tried so hardtop patient with you Mal and not let you see me when I get so frustrated because you have just shut me out. You barely talk to me and you never let me touch you anymore. Mal, I miss you, I miss us, and I miss my wife." He finished his rant.

Mal had tears in her eyes as she turned and ran away from him to their bedroom. Ben sighed. He was mentally kicking himself. He shouldn't have yelled at her, he should have hit the table. Ben looked at the table. It was in chaos. He saw Mal's sketchbook on the floor. He picked it up. Most of the paged had been torn out of it. Probably because Mal didn't like the drawings. He flipped until he found the only one that was still in the book. The one she had been working on at dinner. It was of them on their wedding day, standing at the alter about to kiss for the first time as husband and wife. It was beautiful.

Ben walked out of the dining room and made his way up to their bedroom. Mal was laying on their bed sobbing. Ben walked in and walked over to their bed. He laid down behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She we stiff under his touch.

"Mal, I'm so sorry I got upset with you and scared you. I just miss how we used to be so much, and I just want that back. I want us to be normal again." Help whispered to her. Mal turned around to face him. "I want that too. I miss you too Ben." She told him.

Ben leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her lips. It was long and slow and loving. Mal weaved her fingers into his hair to bring him closer to her. When they broke apart she rested her forehead again his. "Ben, I love you." She told him. "I love you too Mal." He smiled. "Ben, make love to me." Mal breathed out. "Mal, I, are you…" Ben stuttered. "Please Ben." Mal pleaded.

Ben looked at her lovingly. It was something that they both wanted and needed. It was slow, painfully slow. They didn't need to rush. Every hair was on end, toes curled, names were shouted as Ben slowly rocked against her. Every kiss was tender and every touch sent fires across their bodies.

When they were done, Ben laid beside Mal and pulled her close to him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "Are we okay now?" Ben asked her. "Yeah, we're better than okay." Mal told him. "Ben, promise me we won't ever drift apart like that again." Mal looked up to him "Promise." Ben replied to her. He pulled the quilt of their bed up over them and for the first time in a long time, they both went to bed happy, and at peace.

A/N: Don't fret, this is not the end of this story and I would love some feedback!