This has to be a record? Two chapters in two days? Preposterous. I didn't even move this fast on my Saints Row fic (shameless self plug ftw.) Still, I had the idea in my head, so might as well get it out now, right? Be warned, this fic is heavy and depressing and will remain so throughout, and I urge you to read with caution.
Anyway, welcome to chapter 2 of A Falling Dragon!
Natsu's job of choice was simple shopkeeping – even he in his depressed state couldn't mess that up. It was working for Ayumu, a younger woman who ran a flower shop in the heart of the city. Flowers had always secretly been a passion for the young Dragonslayer, and as Happy greeted customers, Natsu couldn't help but feel even more alone. Of course, it being near Valentines' day didn't help at all, what with all the young men and women entering to find the perfect bouquet for their better half, but Natsu still helped.
A better part of his day was helping the guys find just the right arrangement of roses to sweep their girls (or boys; Natsu didn't judge) off of their feet. It was in his nature to help others, to make them feel happy in any way they could. After all, he knew what it was like to be alone and unhappy, and he had every desire to prevent that in any way he could manage. If that meant working in a flower shop, then so be it.
"All right, you have a good day now! And don't forget, put those in water as soon as you get home. Wouldn't want to upset your lady, now would we?" The Dragon slayer was waving his goodbyes to the last customer of the day, a young lad, no older than sixteen. So innocent and naïve, Natsu wished he could be like that once again. Without a care in the world, free to be relaxed and at ease.
Heh, what a joke. There was no way he would ever be happy again, and speaking of happy, the flying blue cat bounced into Natsu's frame of view, the magical beast always with a smile on his face. "Hello, sir! A successful day, wouldn't you agree?"
Sighing, he rested his elbows on the wooden counter, watching the sun wink over the horizon. While it had been a productive day, he couldn't help but feel as though he'd been useless, acting only as a temporary figurehead while Ayumu was working the garden in the back. Even so, he forced a smile onto his tired face, faking agreement. "Hell yeah it was. I'm glad I took this job. Gave me a chance to see people and do some good."
"But you always do good for people, Natsu. It's why people like you so much, especially your friends." The blue cat sprouted his wings and hovered by the pink hair, coming to rest atop his friend. The little cat couldn't help but worry about the person he'd known since hatching, but still. Was this really Natsu?
"Erza, Gray, and Lucy. Together the four of you have done so much good together. That time you stopped Deliora with Gray. Or you helping Erza with the false moon." He was trying to cheer his buddy up, but he could tell his words only negatively affected the mages' mood. "Natsu…"
He wasn't listening. He'd tuned out the moment Happy had mentioned Lucy.
Why, why did he have to love her so much? It didn't make sense why he cared so deeply for the Celestial type wizard when all they'd done was butt heads for the past year. It bugged him that every time he saw her, his heart would accelerate, his mind going blank. He needed to get out of wherever she was, and quickly before she noticed. He didn't want her knowing his feelings about her, because if she did, well, he could imagine the results.
"Natsu, stop joking. That's not even funny, you're practically a kid no matter how much you've done. Seriously, I don't want to see your stupid face ever again."
The mental image dissipated when Ayumu approached from behind and placed a hand atop his head.
"Everything okay, Natsu?"
The short brunette always had a soft spot for Natsu, and it showed. However, she could tell something was off about her friend, but he only waved it off.
"Huh? Oh, everything's fine. Just tired, is all. Taking a break from all that fighting sure gives me time to think." He forced yet another smile, easily seen through by the florist.
"You sure about that, Natsu? Seems like more than fatigue to me."
He hated the look of pity that flashed across her face as she said that, so he made up an excuse to leave early – ignoring her statement entirely. "Well, looks like things are all done here. I'll be heading home now. See you tomorrow, Ayumu!"
He easily shed the dirt covered apron before hanging it on a hook, and after Happy landed atop his head once more, Natsu head out, letting the bullshit smile drop.
"Fuck. This. Fuck everything. Why…why do I have to be forced to suffer when everyone around me just looks so fucking happy?!" They had no right to be happy when he was hurting so deeply, his silent walk taking him past the park where children laughed gleefully and parents cautioned their kids to be careful.
Even so, every now and again he would hear a kid cry and their parents rush to their side, offering aid in whatever way they knew how. Why couldn't anyone do that for him? He'd never known a parent, and Igneel had left when Natsu was only seven, leaving the child to fend for himself.
Despite that, Natsu had never known comfort, never known the embrace of another. Sure, he had Erza and Gray to talk to, but ever since he'd started feeling like this, he made it a point to ignore him too. Hell, he'd started ignoring everybody when he was at the guild hall. The only person who could still get more than a sentence out of him was Mira, and after his short walk, Natsu found himself back at his usual bar stool, Mira giving him a concerned, almost motherly look.
"Hey, Natsu. How'd the job go?" She posed a casual question, careful to word it properly and gauge his mood.
"Went fine, Mira. Spent it helping people get ready for Valentines day." He gestured to a bottle of sassafras beer, and after popping the top, handed it to him.
"I take it went well, then?"
"I guess." A short sentence followed by a shrug, so Mira chose her next words carefully.
"And what about you, Natsu? Anybody special in your life?" She noticed a break in his indifferent mask and made the conclusion. He was like this over a girl…but who? And why was it so serious for him? He'd never made indication he cared about girls in that way, so why now?
"No. No one." His response was dull and flat, hiding any inflection or emotion that sought to break free.
"Oh come on, Natsu," Mira chided playfully. "You can tell me. It'll be our little secret." She posed, holding a finger to her lips and winking at him. Natsu, however, was in no mood for her harmless flirtations, as he knew it was only to get him to talk and, she hoped, reveal more about what was going on.
"No. There isn't anyone." The same response in the same, empty tone. It was no different from this morning, and while she couldn't deny she was concerned, she left it alone, going back to her glass cleaning duties while he sat silently.
It wasn't until he heard 'Erza's back' that he responded, but not in the way he normally would. Had this been a few months ago, Natsu would have jumped from his chair to greet his friends, and, of course, challenge Erza to yet another fight. This time, he didn't. Didn't move from his stool, nor did he make any indication that he'd heard such a proclamation.
His only movements were to shift when he heard the murmuring behind him, commenting on Natsu himself.
"He hasn't moved. You think he heard?"
"What's up with him? Tell him that a few months back and he'd be out the door before we could blink."
"Is everything okay with him? Someone go talk to him."
No one did, but as soon as he heard the doors push open and people greet the trio of mages, Natsu finally moved to leave. He had to pass the returning heroes, had to ignore whatever they were saying to him – especially Lucy.
It was she who tried talking to him first as he approached. "Hey Nat-" He had roughly shoved past her, sending her bumping into Erza, who caught her easily even with her eyes on Natsu's back. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as well as confusion. Nothing seemed right about him as he was now, so after turning back to her friends, formulated a little plan.
Natsu, meanwhile, found his way back home while Happy stayed behind at the guild to attempt fielding questions about Natsu. Considering Happy knew very little about what was going on, he was just in the dark as the rest were, left to wonder why Natsu was acting so strange.
If they only knew.
If they only knew his head was a mess, a pile up of thoughts and emotions. What would they say? Frankly, he didn't want to think about it.
Even so, after arriving home, he pulled the curtains on his one window and threw himself into darkness until lighting the oil lamp on his desk. Once he had some light, he sat down and yanked open a drawer – it was full of folded pieces of paper, and Natsu picked up a few at random.
Unfolding the first one and smoothing it out, he read silently to himself. "Coward." He opened the second. "Loser." Then the third. "Miserable waste of space." The drawer was full of written down negative thoughts like these, but he knew, at the bottom, lay his most dangerous though of all.
He refused to acknowledge that it even existed, that the red ink had only been a dream. It had remained untouched since its' entrance from his mind to the real world, and for good reason.
Its contents were simple, one word really.
"Suicide."
Jeez, at this rate, you'll see chapter three by the 20th. While I hope I can keep this rate up, it's probably not likely. Assume a new chapter will arrive every two or three days as opposed to one. My wrists are staring to hurt DX. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and at risk of sounding like a broken record, please please please know that if you're suffering like Natsu, do not forget that I care about you, even if you think no one else does. And if a Fairy Tail fan who lives hundreds of miles from you can care, then you bet your ass someone close to you does, too.
