A/N: I'm sorry I lied. ; v ; I simply felt as if adding smut after this chapter would make it ridiculously too long and it just felt innapropriate to shove a sex scene after important fluffiness that is important to the story and the chemistry that's slowly building between them. I promise the smut will be coming soon! (hehehe.) Thanks for reading!
After a long moment without speaking, Kylo and her ended up talking about the reason he found himself on Kashyyyk. He'd explained how Order 66 had gotten most of the Wookiees killed, except Chewbacca, and it was the reason why there wasn't anyone else on the planet. At least, that's what he thought, and he hadn't seen anyone in a year so it further encouraged his theory. Rey asked questions, and he answered most of them with an even tone. It was hard to really know what he was thinking, and even though Rey tried a few times to catch glimpses of what was going on in his head, she hit a wall every single time. After the third try, she gave up, letting out a quiet sigh as she shifted on the palm-made bed, crossing her legs and setting her hands on her knees as they spoke. The uncomfortable sensation was slowly fading; he could feel her in the Force, but her presence wasn't making him as nauseous as before. He sat on the floor still, the thin blanket still wrapped around his shoulders.
"Did you want to kill me? Last time, in the forest."
The change of subject was quick, making Kylo frown lightly. He didn't want her to go looking into his thoughts like he knew she could. I never wanted to kill you, he thought.
"It would've been foolish of me to kill someone so strong in the Force," he replied. "That is why I wanted to take you as my apprentice, but I doubt Snoke would've allowed it."
"But you would've brought me to Snoke if he ordered you to."
He took a sharp breath, clenching his jaw.
"Orders are orders. I had to obey them even if I didn't agree with them."
Maybe, but he would've tried his damn best to avoid getting her killed simply because killing her, when she was so strong, was a stupid decision. Maybe Snoke would've listened to him if he tried to plead his case.
"He would've had you killed because he considers anyone who isn't allied to him a threat."
"I wouldn't have let him have me. Over my dead body." Rey said, cracking a smile.
Kylo himself had been threatened by his Master more than once, especially during his first years an an apprentice. He was power hungry and ambitious, but stubborn and hot-headed. He was angry. Angrier than he'd ever been in his entire life. As he lost himself in his thoughts, Rey kept her eyes on him. She kept wondering about him, about Ben Solo. Had he ever been in love? Had anyone ever fell in love with him? She wondered about him for a moment and caught herself, pinching her lips. How could she think about him in that way, after all he did? She hoped he hadn't felt her thoughts; she couldn't let him believe that she felt something for him, whatever it was. Rey's face was even more beautiful when it was light up by a smile, he noticed. He was quick to brush that thought out of his mind; she was supposed to be the enemy, after all. For a moment, they say in silence and he simply tried to see if he could catch a stray thought coming from her. The connection they shared, while they were on opposite sides, was the strongest he'd ever felt.
"Why are you thinking about me so much?" He asked when he felt that her mind was filled with questions about him. "If you wonder about me, you simply have to ask."
"I was thinking about you, before." She'd answer. At least she was honest, Kylo realized. "When you weren't Kylo Ren. When you were Ben Solo."
His heart nearly dropped in his stomach. It was so strange to hear her say that name so softly, it felt as if he was stabbed right in the chest. Her eyebrows furrowed and she spoke again, frustrated.
"How does a prodigal son become a monster like you?"
Kylo's jaw clenched so hard, he thought his teeth would shatter. "The Darkness. It eats at you like a virus. If you're tempted, just for a split second, and someone reaches at you during that moment of weakness, you're doomed." He said, taking a deep breath.
"Don't you have an ounce of empathy left?"
"I don't know about empathy, but I know how you feel. That loneliness. That anger." He said, dark eyes scanning over her face.
"Get out of my head!"
Rey's voice was loud, defensive. She'd stood from the bed as she spoke, her fists clenched tightly. Kylo shifted, moving from the cold stone floor.
"Oh, little thing. I don't have to be in your head to know that. It's written all over your face. You're human, and humans have emotions like no other species."
Rey looked away, scoffing. "Then why are you denying your own emotions, Kylo?" She spoke again, looking down at him. "All that anger. That self-doubt, that—"
She gasped sharply. She didn't even see him move.
"DON'T EVER PRETEND LIKE YOU KNOW ME!" He yelled, his face barely inches from her.
Rey could see it in his eyes, that anger she spoke about. It was a burning rage that boiled underneath his skin, yet she couldn't pinpoint why he was so angry all the time. He let go of her, a hand running through his damp hair as he turned around. Kylo's anger was palpable, his presence in the Force feeling as if she was wearing five layers of wet clothing. She sat back down, swallowing thickly as she watched him pace around the small area of the bunker.
"You're so goddamn frustrating!" He groaned, his large hand running over his face. "I want to hate you, but I can't because I'm so obsessed by you and your power. I can't stop picturing your face in my dreams, and I want to hate you because I can't control my thoughts when I'm around you."
"You don't need to control your thoughts." She said softly, looking at him.
"I have to, because they're filled with images of you." Kylo spoke quietly.
"Why was he being like this?" Rey thought. The intensity in his presence was bearing down on her like a thousand bricks. She looked at him, studying him before doing something she had no idea that she'd ever do. She reached out, grabbing his hand gently. Kylo didn't move even away, simply standing. When Rey put her hand on his, though, he felt as if an electroshock went through his body. Her skin was warm against his, and soft. Close enough, he could smell her- she smelled of fresh air and sand and something sweet like fruit. Rey felt it too, that shock, like a lightning bolt connecting them
"What are you doing?"
"I- I'm sorry." She pulled her hand away then, shaking her head as if coming out of a vision.
After a few long moments, she snapped out of the images of him along with the familiar feeling he gave her. She didn't what feeling that was or where it came from, biting the inside of her cheek. She'd done the absolute unthinkable. She was lucky he hadn't killed her. Rey's proximity was interesting, to say the least. Kylo couldn't help but to look at her, to admire her traits. Her skin was tanned by Jakku's sun, and she seemed older- no, wiser than the last time they'd met. As they touched, he could see visions of him running through her mind and was somewhat pleased by it. Looking as she pulled her hand away and apologized, Kylo frowned lightly in confusion.
"Why?" He asked, lacing his fingers together. "Are you apologizing because of what's going on through your head?"
"You have no business there," she replied in a soft mumble.
"I didn't need to get in your head, little thing." He spoke, quite enjoying calling her that way. "All these thoughts, it was like you hurled them towards me. I didn't even use the Force to see in your mind." He said calmly, scanning over her features. He could feel her using her powers to keep him out of her head, ripples of the Force moving against him. "I'm not doing anything. I don't have any assignments and I'm not on a mission. I don't need information from you, Rey." He said, tilting his head a bit as he ran his fingers through his black curls.
"Does it bother you?" Kylo asked, dark eyes on her as he reached to tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear.
It was the most gentle he'd ever been with anyone, and for a second, he wondered what was going on with him.
"Am I scaring you by being so close?"
"I just don't understand what you're doing, or why you're doing it." She said softly, meeting his eyes, trying to search his mind for any reasoning. She could only see an image of her own lips. She knew he'd thought about them before, but why?
"I'm just trying to be civil," Kylo said, pulling his fingers away reluctantly. "Or would you rather we go back to threatening to kill one another?" He asked, his lips stretching in an actual smile.
It was a rare sight, and something Kylo Ren rarely ever did. "Personally, I would prefer the former."
Rey shook her head lightly. "I'm just not used to this side of you."
He saw the way her face changed, an expression of surprise in her eyes when she saw him smile. Rey would consider herself lucky; most of the time, he was wearing a mask, only removing it when he was in his private quarters. She was lucky to have seen his face, back when she was his "guest" on the ship. He'd indulged and still didn't know why he'd shown her his face.
"You barely know me," Kylo said. "That is why you're not used to me."
((A/N²: In the first draft, when Kylo gets angry, he getsphysical with Rey but I just felt like it wasn't something he'd do simply because he only ever got physically violent with men in the movie so imagining him getting physical with a woman just felt wrong and thus I rewrote the scene. xo.))
