Chapter Two: Week One
Magical Miscellany: On Assignment
Week One
I would like to take a moment to thank my editors and supervisors, because they ultimately think situations through much more than I do. For some crazy reason, I thought I would be able to shop for a home and buy one in time to write this article. Those of you who are at all familiar with real estate know that this is sitting on the border between not in your lifetime and impossible. I am currently settled in my home on Wisteria Walk, although the situation in which I am able to live in the home is less than joyful. An elderly NMP born of magical parents lived there for quite some time, and was crucial in caring for Harry Potter when he was a teenager. Mrs. Figg passed away last year, and having no children of her own, she left the house for the Ministry to use at will. They had no need of it, so it is currently being used for my purposes.
The home isn't huge, but it is plenty big enough for one person. The current decor is what one would expect when the last resident was an elderly woman who had a fondness for cats. All the appliances work, though, and the neighborhood is entirely normal. Almost too normal for my taste, but I'm hoping Little Whinging will yield some abnormalities in the near future.
I didn't bring that many personal items with me due to the fact that the apartment was already furnished, but what I did bring had to be transported in one of the aforementioned Death Traps, what the general NMP calls a truck. Moving an entire bed nonmagically can be a bit of a hassle.
So, I had to figure out a way to get my mattress and four-poster bed in Diagon Alley into the back of the truck (without magic), then drive said truck from London to Surrey. My goodness gracious, Susan, what have you gotten yourself into?
Two trips from my apartment to the truck, a couple of people nearly trampled by a crazy woman with a mattress, and one sore back later, the entire ensemble was outside of Diagon Alley and in the back of the truck. I shall not detail the...experience... of driving where I cannot see anything behind me, but let's just say that if I had a dime for every near-death experience, I'd be a rich woman. I was just preparing to haul my load inside the new house when I had an incident which I had been both dreading and looking forward to: a meeting with a NMP...
Q-q-Q
Susan put the truck into park and wondered how NMPs had survived as long as they had when the majority of the population spent time every day with a Death Trap. Now was not the time for contemplation, she still had an entire bed to move into her new home.
Glancing about the street and hoping for some sign of other life, Susan was surprised to see a hefty young man pushing a middle-aged woman in a wheelchair just turning onto Wisteria Walk. They were the first neighbors she seen since moving in and Susan didn't know what to expect. There was nothing to do but move the bed.
Susan began unloading the truck, and had most of the frame ready to move before she heard quite a shriek from the wheelchair-bound mother who was now in front of Susan's house.
"Duddie! Duddie, help that woman!"
Looking bemused, the man replied, "Of course, Mum."
Susan froze as the man walked up to her. She wasn't prepared for this, she knew she was going to say something that was suspicious, something off-
"Don't worry, I'm just a neighbor from Privet Drive." He extended a hand. "Dudley Dursley."
"Susan Bones," she said with a smile and a handshake.
"That's my mother, Petunia," Dudley said with a gesture back towards the woman. "She can't hear very well, so I'm sorry if she shouts."
"Well, what's her name, Duddikins?" Petunia bellowed from the sidewalk. "Is she single?"
Susan bit back a laugh as Dudley rolled his eyes. "Her name is Susan, Mum, and I don't know if she's single or not."
"Hurry up and find out, I'm wheeling back home!" Petunia awkwardly turned herself around. "Be home by dinner!"
"Yes, Mum," Dudley said. He turned back to Susan, who was loading up her arms with various bed parts. "Can I help?"
"Of course, here, just take this..."
Q-q-Q
It was less of a deal than I was worried about, but at least this week I'm settled and know two people in Little Whinging. Until next time, faithful readers, and don't forget to send me feedback!
Susan Bones is one of "Witch Weekly"'s most well-known writers, most famous for her biography piece The Other Heros: The Often Forgotten Story of Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger During the first five years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Ms. Bones dedicated her life to rebuilding the credibility of the wizarding media, bringing a much needed objective voice to publications such as The Daily Prophet. She currently resides in Diagon Alley with her cat, Fred. Readers can write letters to Susan while she is on assignment by the following address:
Susan Bones, c/o Quincy Igman
Witch Weekly, Little Red Publications
195 Diagon Alley, London
re: Magical Miscellany, On Assignment
