I wasn't much for drinking, as discovered the night of the Rank release at the end of Initiation. I'm a lightweight without any cell in me that likes the processed sugar, or liquor. Eric isn't one for talking, more so grimacing or glaring, brooding more than what a normal person's mind would allow. Yet he sits next to me, and I next to him, at a pub in the Pit. It's loud enough within the carved and styled walls to distract me from my foreboding thoughts. This is the first hour I have been in Dauntless compound in a two week purge period. For which, I am grateful for taking. Turns out Dauntless was right, Max and a few other leaders were notified by Erudite of stranger still Factionless movement and activities. Dauntless proposed a defense, whereas Erudite like always wanted to watch, and wait. Observe, plot, construct any string of data they could, and calculate the probability of Factionless doing or attempting to do something drastic or dangerous.
The probability was high enough for both factions to agree on sending myself and a few other top ranked Dauntless members to Candor, where it was blatantly obvious that no one there would defend themselves if their lives depended on it, which they did. Factionless decided to coordinate multiple attacks on Candor, it's people, and Jack Kang. His family's life was inherently threatened, as was his own at the same time. Thankfully, I was able to get the notification of incoming forces before they secured an even dead zone around us, and sent soldiers to protect the family of Jack Kang. His wife and son remained unharmed in a violent gunfight that lasted nearly 40 minutes, and only two soldiers were harmed.
My job was also compromised. I both love and detest the glass structure of most of Candor's buildings due to neighboring Erudite, but most of all I am thankful for the steel framework that jutted and provided other cover aside from a black stained desk that had been punctured with too many bullets to count. A group of 7 men and women charged in an organized fashion through the front doors of Candor HQ, killing 12 civilians and 18 workers, such as lawyers and detectives, all working at the time on an investigative city plan; ironically to protect people from going through such radical attacks as that one. They lost their lives, but the groups that stormed the building were either terminated or captured. I shot and mortally injured 6 radical Factionless.
I stayed by Kang for an extra 4 days, as per my orders given to me by Eric through a holographic call, to ensure the safety and security of Jack Kang, and all of Candor. On the third day my soldiers and I held a celebratory ceremony for all those that were lost, and I sent home most of those who were injured enough that they were unable to do the task at hand properly. My fourth day, I said my goodbyes, and was hugged at my legs by Kang's son, who I learned was the youngest of three, and only 10. I returned early the next morning to Dauntless when I had permission, and spent most of my day debriefing the leaders of Dauntless and the representatives from Erudite everything that I had seen, heard, said, and experienced. Giving them the details that came with violence that helped predict when an enemy was going to attack, and how.
It was around 11 at night that they let me go, instructing me to take a break from my active duty for a while. Eric, had been seemingly happy to take my free time and turn it into drinking, together. Which brings me to why we're sitting here, tossing back expensive bronze liquor from a tiny little glass. No one told me it burns. So far I've counted 4, and I'm already starting to feel the thick hazy buzz clouding my brain, and Eric must see it on my face, or the alcohol is getting to him too, because he eagerly pours another for me and himself with a grin on his face. I cringed as the liquid touched my lips, gritting my teeth together before I regained the nerve to tilt my head back. 5 down, the rest of the bottle to go with Eric. He laughs, my face burning with embarrassment as I shook my head, crinkling my nose at the intricate glass bottle.
I found I liked his laugh, and wishing that he did it more often, I cherished the moment and laughed with him. We were probably too buzzed to care that the pub was closing in an hour, and I had lost count of how many shots we took, but by the empty gin bottle before us I assumed it was quite a number. My memory tipped as I slid off my stool, and over to Eric who was grinning ear to ear at me. I must have done something to warrant that look on his face, and wanted to know what it was, so I decided it was a good a place as any to ask him while straddling his lap. I asked him in a loose drabble of almost coherent words why he always looked at me like that when I caught him. He merely looked at me with those foggy steel eyes of his, droopy when I struggled to squirm into a comfortable position against him. Then I found it, and I suppose he did too, as he swung his arms loosely around my waist, forgetting about the question and wanting the answer.
We left, or more so stumbled from the closed pub in a dead hour of the morning. Lurching and slipping we laughed until we came upon the elevator to the leaders apartments, to which Eric grinned at me for. We slowly got to the door, though I don't recall how, as I hadn't a clue where Eric lived. My brain was hazy by the time I registered cushioned fabric under me, and a weight on top of me. And my hands were moving more aimlessly than to really grasp what was happening, and then I was just, out.
Eric, I found, was a snuggler, though I had no idea how we ended up on partially in his bed, in his appartment. My mind whirled and the weight of the world and my thoughts pressed and throbbed and squeezed my skull until I felt like screaming, but I realized that doing so would wake up Eric, and only increase the pain that deemed me nauseous. My ears rung, picking up the quiet and not so quiet members of Dauntless passing by the apartment, and the stairwell link to the pit. And my chest tingled with premeditated ticklish sensations every time Eric brothe, huffing either through his nose or past his lips. And though at the time my brain felt as if it wanted nothing more than to explode, a small smile stretched my chapped lips as Eric moved and wrapped his arms around my waist further.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt like this, at peace, happy, not even when- Tobias. My eyes opened wide and I stared at the ceiling as if it could help me get to him. My boyfriend, whom I'd missed terribly as the guilt of our fight and my decision of space gnawed slowly at my insides. He didn't know I was back yet, and part of me instantly lit up at the prospect that even though I hadn't actually been unfaithful, I did spend the night with another man, and slept in his bed, with him. My mind flew, racing faster than sound and quaking when I realized that he might be worried about me, that he might think I've run away from him, I didn't tell him I had an assignment in Candor, that I was part of the celebration of success that took place last night. Then it hit me in the face that Christina ought to be worried for me as well. I didn't return to her as I told her I would, in fact, she was probably raising hell in the expert way she usually did, demanding to know my whereabouts.
Eric moved, tangling his legs further with mine, and his thick, black, soft blankets. My head tilted back, sinking comfortably into the mattress beneath us. I looked around me, searching for an easy way to sit up without dying, and my eyes had landed on a fluffy looking pillow just half an arm's reach away. Quickly but quietly I snatched it and placed it under my throbbing head. Jack hammers, I decided, were in my brain, swinging and splintering pound by pound struggling to get out of me. I wanted them out of me, but that would require moving excessively. I sighed, closing my eyes and gently willing my pain to leave me, letting my body do something else to distract me, because even though I wanted it to leave sooner as opposed to later by work of medicine, I doubted Eric would feel much better than I.
My hands slid over the soft yet grainy fabric of Eric's black t that he wore, fingers skimming over the gentle valleys and slightly tense mounds of muscle in his back and shoulders. Lightly pressing on each vertebrae of his spine as I neared his shoulders. I felt him shudder delightfully on me, and heard a strange sound fall from his throat that sounded too groggy and rough to mean his awakening. My nails clipped and scraped up the back of his neck, ascending further into the soft, short follicles that were his blonde messy hair. A smile fell onto my lips when I opened my eyes to see his lips had curled into a sleepy pleased smile, and had parted as he continued to sleep. My palm gently cupped the cap of his skull, fingers running through the normally gelled longer hair that seemed to grow curly as it became less artificial. I grew warm when he tightened his grip around me as I played with his hair.
When I tugged lightly on the golden curls, he shifted quickly and sucked in a breath, I froze-my eyes growing wide. He mumbled something low to me, rumbling in his chest and vibrating my own, "You shouldn't play with people's hair without permission first," at this, for some reason I grinned, "You object?"
"Did I say that?" He said with a cocky smirk, not bothering to open those eyes I wanted to see. Still I obeyed him and continued to playfully attempt to braid down the center locks of his head, though I hadn't a hair tie for him. I smiled even wider when he removed his arms from under me to my sides, by my shoulders. His calloused fingers skimmed at first and caressed more bravely the bare skin of my arms and shoulders, the sensation rivaling the pleasure of a light massage. Part of me knew that I shouldn't have let him touch me in such a way, though that hardly called for fairness as I was touching him in such an intimate way. I slowly pulled to a halt in my ministrations and he shifted, pushing himself up onto his forearms over me, staring at me with eyes that seemingly for once, held no malice. They were white, like the foam salt water of breaking waves crashing and stretching onto bronzed sand; breath takingly beautiful and unusual. They were often times like the most well kept knives I'd ever seen, dangerous, sharp, used for easily inflicted and quick lesions of impersonal hurt. Or sometimes he meant to hurt people, but in this morning I saw the stars as I gazed into his steely orbs. And I fleetingly realized that I wanted to do it forever.
My lips moved and my voice rung out, cheeks blooming roses at his sudden proximity, "I should probably go," and just like that the air between us once again grew uncomfortable, tight, thick and tense. His eyes darkened into the malicious cold cut steel I had known too well since the beginning of initiation, and he got off of me. He fled the room much like a ram ready to butt another off a mountain side. I sat up and instantly regret it, wincing and hissing as my hand flew to my head, blood rushed making my sight grow dark and my breath to fall short. The pounding continued in full, along with the thoughts of Tobias. The thoughts that followed his name in a freight train was enough to shove me into motivation, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up to the best of my abilities. Granted, I had to brace against the wall for a few moments at each step. Much to my amazement and a spark of pride I made it out of his room, into the living room, where I found Eric rummaging noisily through his fridge.
For a moment I stood there in the middle of his living room, staring at my boots by his door, while I dug my toes into the soft bought carpet under his couch and coffee table. He seemed to have found what he was looking for, because he made a huff and placed multiple items on the counter. Of which I noticed were eggs, lettuce, scallions, cheese, milk, and various other things. Then he slammed the fridge door shut, and turned, his eyes landing on me and a frown beginning to form on his face. Something inside me twisted at that expression directed at me, though I had done nothing to warrant it and that was simply how Eric acted, he had a way of making everything seem so personal despite his opposing demeanor.
He huffed at me and continued to do what he was doing, my fingers curled into fists though I knew this was a simple dismissal I growled, snapping at him through my stormy thundering objective mind, "I'll see you later," Eric straightened and spun, a wicked fury on his face. Suddenly and rather fluidly he maneuvered to me in record time, getting in my face, "What makes you think you can talk to me like that?" He barked and I paled, my cheeks turning blood red as my skin became porcelain. Quickly my brain came up with reasons why I could, and reasons why I was stupid, it even bothered to repeat the question Christina asked me the first day we arrived in Dauntless.
I looked away from his angry eyes, at his furrowed brows and nearly bared teeth. I slowly shook my head, struggling to silence the uproar in my mind, to push down into a dark soundproof cloak my migraine and pain. My lips moved and a sound came to my ears that I registered as my voice, "Nothing," I responded, realizing that even though I was submissive in my physical form, I was defiant in my voice, a hidden rage so easily revealed. With that notion of silence from him that followed afterwards, I retrieved my boots and swiftly said, "Thank's for letting me stay with you, last night, and thank you," I paused, boldly looking up at him, chin up, "For occupying my night," I know that I meant the words, and by the change on his face, he knew it too, but being myself I didn't let the interaction continue.
My booted feet slapped against the carved black obsidian-esk floor, the sound working in sync with the throbbing in my skull, allowing me the distraction to organize my thoughts. First I would go to my apartment, and hopefully talk with Tobias, who would by now miss me as much as I miss him, and we could forgive each other. It was a foolish idea, to think it would be that easy but I was hopeful. My apartment was one level below Eric's as I hadn't met the full requirements of my leadership training yet. Briskly I walked up to the door, aware of my lack of keys, but still had my bypassing card, and that would work as a substitute. When I entered our apartment, I took in the crooked couch, the dishes piled in the sink, the trash left out on the countertops and coffee table. The mugs, and as I took a few steps closer I noticed something wrong.
I picked up the soft grey and black mug, finding remnants of fresh coffee, and much to my surprise, hot pink on the edge, in the form of lips. I bristled setting it back down quickly and walking away from it, my eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed together, my instincts told me to search the bedroom. Next I was met with a messy bed, and when I walked up to it, found not only hair that wasn't mine on my pillow, but a pair of sandals under my side that could only belong to another girl because they sure weren't mine. My hair stood up on the back of my neck and searing rage began to eat away at my fingertips. I narrowed my eyes at the adjar bathroom door and strode over to it, fists clenched I slowly pushed it open. There it was, the feminine products that only a cake faced girl would wear, and the very lipstick that I found on the mug placed recklessly but innocently by the sink along with several other items that Christina informed me of. My headache forgotten I yelled, "Oh my God!" and swung for whatever was in my reach.
The mirror cracked and shattered and I'm sure my bones popped but I wasn't done, I was seething, glaring death into the mirror that the girl used to make herself look good. This was my apartment, and she was fooling around with my man. Animalistic sounds in the form of snarls and screeches fell from my lungs as I clutched my chest, I wanted to hurt her. Wanted to hurt him for allowing it. I panted, wheezing almost as my mind raced through all the possibilities that this wasn't real, or it was a prank, or he bought the shoes, but then, I stopped. My body ceasing the shivering and my breath halting in my throat. A girly laugh spread down the hall and pairs of uneven footsteps followed until they slid and stopped at the apartment door.
A deadly calm smoothed over my body, and I straightened, now registering the dull pain in my hand but not doing anything for it, because as I stepped into the livingroom, the pass beeped clear and the door swung open. She was incredibly blonde, golden hair, pink and black everything, her hair even had pink highlights and her lips were the color of bubble gum. Already I hated her as she clung to Tobias like a needy child, squealing and giggling and patting his chest like he needed more fuel to his ego. They didn't see me yet, and decided to kiss, hard and sloppily in the doorway, her noises filling my ears as I watched him reach down to her ass.
Then he shut the door, pushing her against the wall and lifting her, I glared fury, but I wanted her to notice me. Because I was his girlfriend, not the other woman. He kissed her neck, and I'm sure he bit too because he did to me, and then it happened. And I fought a smile. She screamed at the top of her lungs, eyes flying wide to reveal crystal blue under all that eyeshadow and mascara, she shoved Tobias away and fell back against the wall pointing at me while she emptied her voice. I crossed my arms, putting on a blank face but keeping the rage in my eyes, Tobias turned to me, and froze.
I would have laughed at the prospect of the mighty Four being afraid of me, but I wanted to hurt him too much for me to laugh. He stood and gaped at me, his blue eyes wide and shocked. I let a spiteful smirk ease onto my face and it made him tense, "You should be screaming, because I'm about to be your worst nightmare," I told her darkly, and she started crying. I looked to Tobias, growling, "And you, should be ashamed of yourself, cheating? What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded of him,
"You left me," He said, I laughed,
"I left you, oh yeah, play the victim Four-No, I was out saving Candor from being over run you selfish bastard," He paled, "What, was I not good enough for you? Working my ass off to keep you happy? I can't believe you," I scoff, not bothering to look at him. Instead I shake my head in fury, "Go ahead, continue to try and have sex with her,"
"She's not-"
"Oh yeah? Then who's makeup is that Four?" I ask loudly, "You seemed really familiar with this one,"
"She's the only one Tris,"
"Oh I'm sure, because you're just full of the truth, aren't you?!" I yell,
"You think I play with girls and then move on to the next one?!"
"Yes! You fucker, you do! How long?! How long have you been screwing her in our bed!?" I scream at him, and I don't know why, but my face is hot, and wet. My chest heaves as I catch my breath, the girl stopped screaming and looked at me like I was clueless, which in that moment, I felt I really was. Quietly Tobias answered me, and I almost missed it, but I was waiting to hear what my heart already knew, "A month and 2 weeks,"
"Why?" I demanded, still angry but slipping.
"You changed Tris!" he claimed, "You refused to respect and listen to me, you didn't want what I wanted, we're too different!"
"Oh right, like I ever lost respect for you! You were my mentor, my best friend, I told you everything! I listened all right, I listened as you confessed you loved me when I came home from work but I guess that was all fake wasn't it!? I listened to your problems and I helped you with them, and no! I don't want what you want if you think I'll be okay with you fucking some whore!" I screamed the last part, clenching my fists so hard my knuckles popped and my nails made my palms sting. Tobias looked down, and the girl glared at me pouting her lips, and I continued, "You know what, fuck you Four, go to hell. I hope you're happy with this prostitute who dares to look at me like I'm the other woman, the home wrecker. I'm sure she'll pretty up every time you want her to unlike me, so sorry for that," I say sarcastically, "Oh and she'll have all your interests Four, even become the perfect fuck buddy and refer to the fucking arrangement as 'we', and she'll respect you a whole lot when you decide what you want in the bedroom," I scoffed to them both. Disgusted with myself for being worried about him, about us. Upset with myself that I didn't see it sooner, so I shook my head, "Get out of my place, bitch," I ordered venomously, but she did not move. I fumed, "Did you not hear me? Get out!" I screamed at her and watched her scramble for the door and run.
It closed with a soft click and all that was left were pieces of broken sharp glass that I didn't want to bother touching. Tobias didn't move, but I did, I let tears silently run down my cheeks as I stormed past him into our room. My fingers fumbled for whatever belongings I didn't take to Christina's and I threw them into a satchel, and a suitcase. Tobias stood in the doorway, and stared at me, unable to respond let alone comprehend how I could end everything just like that. When I was finished, and had emptied my closet and all my dresser drawers, Tobias spoke, "I'm sorry," He said, in a quiet voice. I stopped, whirling on him and snapping like a whip, "No, if you were really sorry, you wouldn't have cheated in the first place,"
"So you're just ending everything? Leaving me just like that?"
"Why? You think that somehow you're going to guilt trip me and play the victim and get me to somehow understand that you cheated on me out of love? Yes I'm fucking leaving you, just, like, that." I said to him and shoved past him, taking my things with me. My hand touched the door before I stopped and said to him, "The apartment is yours, but my furniture will be removed within the next week. I hope you have a good life, and that you made the right choice, because I never want to see you again. Do you understand?" He nodded to me once, and I stared at the man I thought loved me, who I thought sincerely wanted to have me forever. And then I left.
So, this site won't let me upload more than a little over 4,000 words, which freakin sucks. So the follow up to this will be posted in a few minutes after this one. Hopefully it leaves you in some suspense c;
