After I changed my shirt, I went into the kitchen. Lachlan was the only one there.
"Did I wake anyone up?" I asked as I took a seat next to him. He looked up from his phone.
"No. Natalie is a deep sleeper and she had music playing through her earbuds. Rob wasn't asleep, but we told him not to worry. Well, more like insisted. Jerome was actually out of the house. I have no clue what Jerome could be doing this early," he replied.
"So… Rob is awake then?" I continued. He nodded.
"Yeah. He might be the only one with a normal sleeping schedule," he joked. I gave a half hearted laugh and looked at my lap.
I didn't know what to say to Lachlan. I was still getting used to the fact that he knew. My scars were probably my best kept secret until recently. They weren't a secret anymore. Mitch and Lachlan could say a few simple words and I'd become the emo fag, just like how it was with Simon. I was the only person I could trust.
To be honest, I was actually starting to doubt myself. At the time, I thought it was a good idea to explain to Lachlan why I cut and tell Mitch that I loved Lachlan. I was quickly starting to regret making those decisions. I simply couldn't trust them. They seemed okay with what I told them, they seemed to be non judgemental, but for all I knew, they could be thinking about how selfish I was.
"Do you want to listen to music?" Lachlan asked, holding out an earbud. The other one was already in his ear. I nodded and put the earbud in. "Is this okay" The intro to the Monstercat Podcast started playing and I nodded.
I actually really like Monstercat. It was a bit random, considering I actually listened to a lot of classical music, but I still listened to it a lot. Besides listening to Flight by Tristam & Braken because it reminded me of Lachlan, I listened to the Monstercat Podcast a lot. I listened to episode fifty-five a lot because I loved the music featured in that episode, but I never said anything about it. No matter what kind, music was just a pretty big part of my life.
Growing up, the piano was always important to the way it looked was beautiful and elegant. The keys had a pattern that made sense, yet still managed to look sound it made momentarily captivated me, making me temporarily forget all the shit that was going on. The music that could be produced from the piano could send shivers down my spine. Some pieces could just about control my emotions.
Mitch and Rob walked into the kitchen, all dressed up and ready for the day. To be fair, it was six AM, but that was still very early.
"Hey. Vik," Rob greeted, walking over to me. He gave me a quick hug. "You okay, bud?" I nodded. "That's cute," he whispered, pointing at the earbud cord in between me and Lachlan. I just shook my head and pretended that I found what he said funny.
"Lachlan, Vik. Do either of you want anything? Rob and I are cooking breakfast," Mitch asked. I looked over to Lachlan. I didn't notice before, but there was a notebook in front of him. He was writing words, not drawing anything, so I tried not to read what was on the paper. I caught the phrases "immature behavior" and "fucking stupid" before I turned away, realizing that I was intruding his privacy.
Then it all sunk in. He was writing about me, wasn't he? He was writing about how immature I was by making the decision to channel my problems into a piece of metal. I heard it all from the Sidemen and I had thought them myself, but, coming from him, it stung. It stung more than when my blade cut through clean skin and hurt more than when healing scars were poked at. It stung like a paper cut, and this was all caused by graphite on lined paper. The realization made me physically hurt.
"Were either of you listening?" Mitch snapped, trying to get our attention. Both of us looked up at him. "Do you guys want breakfast?"
"No, thanks," we answered at the same time. Rob just shrugged. Mitch looked slightly disappointed. I guess he was looking forward to making us food. I couldn't blame him; Mitch and Rob were actually amazing cooks. I just wasn't in the mood to eat. Very literally. I just couldn't eat when I felt like shit.
"So, Vik? How've you been?" Rob asked as he pulled out a carton of eggs.
"Good," I mumbled. What more could I say? It wasn't like it had been ages since I last talked to him. I talked to him right before my flight. Lachlan looked at me with a raised eyebrow. Obviously, I wasn't fine, but I was not going to tell another person anything. I just stuck my middle finger in Lachlan's face.
"Meet any girls?" he teased, doing some weird, suggestive dance. The combination of the dance and the fact that I was gay made me nearly crack up. I could tell Lachlan was thinking the same thing.
"Rob, you asked him that last time we Skyped him. You know I'm not even exaggerating when I say that you ask him that every time you talk to him. Do you really think that he found someone he really likes in that amount of time?" Mitch said. Rob shrugged.
"What about you then? Got your eye on anyone?" Lachlan joked. I saw him send a worried glance toward me.
"Actually, yes," Rob answered, after staying silent for a few seconds.
"Who?" Lachlan insisted. He was looking between me and Rob.
"Look at you, sounding so desperate. It's not you Lachy, You are adorable, though," Rob replied, walking over to Lachlan with a spatula in his hand. He moved the spatula from his left hand to his right hand and ruffled Lachlan's hair. Lachlan made a small pouty face.
"Seriously, though. Rob. You can't just do that. You can't not tell us who you're talking about," Mitch sighed.
"Well, I just did," he sang.
"Do you think it's Preston?" Lachlan whispered, worried. His concern almost made up for the fact that he was writing shit about me. Almost.
"I-I don't know. I hope not," I lied. I looked away from him.
"I'm sure Preston will like you back. If not now, eventually. Okay? You deserve it," he replied, putting an arm around the back of my chair.
"What're you 'lil cuties whispering about over here?" Rob interrupted. He was suddenly behind us. I could've sworn he was just at the stove. How did he get there so quick?
"Why're you so energetic?" Lachlan sighed.
"I'm fueled by the suffering of you two," he responded, swiftly. He ruffled Lachlan's hair again.
"Why?" Lachlan whined, running his hands through his hair.
"What're you writing, Lachlan?" Rob asked, picking up Lachlan's notebook.
"What the hell?! Give it back!" Lachlan snapped, snatching the notebook out of Rob's hand. I sighed and rested my head on the table. That only further proved that he was writing about me. I saw Rob walk back to the stove from the corner of my eye.
"Would either of you mind making me a coffee?" I mumbled.
"Any sugar or cream?" Mitch replied.
"Just black coffee, please," I answered., my head still on the counter.
"Here," he said a moment afterward, placing a mug in front of my face. What the hell? You couldn't make coffee that fast. It was, like, physically impossible. I guess he saw my confused expression because he continued, "I had a feeling you would want some, a little while ago."
"Thank you."
As I took small sips from the mug, I noticed Lachlan staring off into space. Or more like a RedBull can. He was staring at it like it was the most interesting thing. He was chewing on his bottom lip with a small frown. I was mad at him, yet I still wasn't. It wasn't fair how he made me crumble. Why did he have to be so… him?
I changed my focus from Lachlan to the song playing in the background. I recognized what episode it was. It was episode fifty five. The song Friends by Grabbitz was playing. That was why I loved that episode. The Friends EP was what was featured in that episode.I didn't know why I made such a big deal of it, but I was. Of all the episodes that could've been played, that one was the one that did? I just shook my head. Whatever, it wasn't a huge deal.
"You okay, Lachlan?" I whispered, nudging Lachlan's arm. He blinked a few times before he turned to look at me.
"What? Oh, I'm fine," he mumbled, looking back at the RedBull can.
"I'm not going to press on, but you really can't expect me to believe you," I replied, taking another sip of my coffee. He shrugged. I saw him glance at the counter. Before I knew it, he was holding my hand, gently rubbing a cut on the back of my hand with his thumb. If Rob or Mitch turned around, they'd see him holding my hand. What would they think of that?
"Why do you keep doing that?" I asked, looking at our hands. As soon as I started saying it, I regretted bringing anything up. He'd only think that I was weirded out by it and he'd stop doing it. I didn't want that to happen, and I could not deny that.
"Oh, sorry, do you not like that?" he said, hastily letting go of my hand.
"No, no! It's fine!" I insisted. "I'm just…. confused as to why you keep… grabbing my hands."
"I-I don't know… I can't even say it's a habit because I haven't even been in many relationships- not that I think about you in a romantic way. Wait, no, I mean- not that you're unattractive, but I don't do that because-" Lachlan stuttered. He didn't take a single breath during any of that. God, he was so adorable.
"I know what you mean," I assured him. He gave an embarrassed smile and took a deep breath.
"Erm… yeah. I don't know. I… kinda like it," he mumbled. He stared at the counter as I saw his cheeks turn red.
"How cute," Rob smirked.
"Fuck you," we snapped, in unison.
Lachlan just called me attractive, didn't he?
At ten o'clock (AM), Mitch had to go to the airport to pick up Preston. Mitch had planned on going alone, after all, it'd be a quick trip there and back, but Lachlan convinced Mitch to let me tag along. I really didn't want to go, but Lachlan was stubborn and I had a lie to live up to. Lachlan had shoved me into Mitch's car before I knew it.
"This'll be a fun trip for you, won't it?" Mitch asked as he slid into the driver's seat.
"Yup, this'll surely be the best month of my life," I replied.
"Are you going to pretend to like Preston around Preston?" Mitch wondered out loud.
"I'd have to, wouldn't I? It wouldn't be believable otherwise," I said. He shrugged.
"I guess. Now buckle up."It was about a thirty minute drive to the airport. Mitch stayed silent the whole drive, so I was left to my thoughts.
I still couldn't shake off the thought that Lachlan was writing about me. He was writing about how stupid and immature I was. Sure, I thought that without anyone else having to say it, but it was so different when it was coming from someone I loved. It was a whole different kind of sadness than my usual self loathing.
"Icky Vikky!" Preston's voice shouted. I didn't even notice that the car had stopped at all. Preston was standing on the pavement, which was right next to my window. I plastered a smile on my face and waved. Almost right after, he climbed into the backseat and brought in his suitcase.
"Hey, Preston," Mitch greeted. I gave another small wave.
"Vik is here! What a surprise!" Vik said. He seemed unsure of his words. He probably didn't want me there. I didn't want to be there. He was probably wishing that Rob was sitting where I was instead of me. That was fair.
"Yeah, it's me," I mumbled, giving a forced laugh.
"You're really playing up to your role," Mitch whispered.
"Shut, up, I don't know what else to say," I growled.
"Are you sure you actually like Lachlan?" he teased.
"Do you think I'd cut his name into my arm if I didn't?" I snapped. He stayed silent.
"So… The Pack is all together again," Preston interrupted.
"Yeah, I'm excited," I lied.
The Pack was in one place now. I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or bad thing anymore.
