Reflections
Almost twenty years earlier…
I was eyeing myself carefully in the mirror. I had just put on my favourite dress: a dark green gown of silk that seemed alive with black shadows in the soft light of candles. The neckline was off-shoulder and showed off a lot of my skin. Nothing indecent, of course. That would just upset people. I inspected my hair, which was held together loosely with silver pins. Several curls were framing my face. The red-golden colour contrasted perfectly with the dress, the chief reason for which it was chosen. With a piercing look at my reflection I warned my hair to behave itself and to try not to be the out of control mess it usually was.
I let my hands run over the tight bodice and smoothened the skirt. "Not bad," I said to my reflection.
"Indeed," the mirror answered back. "But you do need something around your neck, love."
"You're right," I said and walked to my dresser to pick up the fine silver necklace my father had given me for my sixteenth birthday. I fastened it around my neck.
'That's better," the mirror said, with a satisfied purr.
I smiled at my reflection. I was looking very much like a Slytherin, dressed in silver and green, but that hadn't been my goal. I just wanted to look as stunning as I could. And after all, you are a Slytherin, a little voice added uncalled for.
"As if I need reminding," I said out loud.
"Sorry, dear?" the mirror asked.
"Never mind," I mumbled back. I had always been very proud of my inheritance as a pureblood, coming from one of the most ancient families of purebloods. The past six years at Hogwarts I had behaved exactly as people expected from a Slytherin. Conceited, haughty, arrogant, and with a thorough dislike for anything not pure-blooded or muggle-loving. Anybody not deemed worthy to associate with by my family could count on a firm dosis of derision from my part. I was, naturally, a charming friend to anyone who was worthy. Yes, I was a daughter my father could be proud of.
And to complete the picture, I had managed to snare the heir of another important pureblood family: Lucius Malfoy. Or rather, my family had managed to snare his. I didn't mind. A few years older than I, Lucius was already on his way making a fine career at the Ministry of Magic. Once he inherited everything from his father, he would not be expected to work at all. But career looks good on a young wizard. It was widely acknowledged that we were to be married as soon as I graduated Hogwarts.
Merlin, were they shocked when I broke up with him last summer. I grinned at the thought of Lucius's face when I had told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. I still didn't know what in Merlin's name I was thinking when I did it, but the feeling of pure thrill intoxicated me even now. I had known full well he was just about to propose to me and the realisation of that had made me feel like I couldn't breathe. The thought of being Lucius's perfect pure-blood witch had been enough for me to lose all common sense. I had cut him off before he could actually propose and told him I wanted to break up with him.
His reaction proved without a doubt I had made the right choice. His cold, grey eyes narrowed in fury and with a deadly threat he hissed 'what the hell I was thinking.' That our marriage had been planned for years and that I couldn't back out now. That I was going against the wishes of both our families and not to mention those of the Dark Lord.
My grin vanished from my face and I looked myself in the eyes, feeling uneasy. I had come up with the plausible excuse that I felt I was too young and not yet ready for such a big step. I told Lucius and my parents that I needed some time to figure out what I wanted.
Thank Merlin for my overprotective mother, who immediately jumped to my side at the sight of her poor, troubled daughter. I am very good at acting, I must say. She persuaded my father, who had steam literally coming from his ears, to let me be and 'find my own way.' My mother has a nice feel for drama, yes, but there was not a doubt in her mind that I would come around soon. I had absolutely no intention of doing so, but she didn't need to know that.
But the reason I felt so uneasy was that my excuse, although not a blunt lie, was quite far from the truth. The truth was that at the beginning of my sixth year at Hogwarts I had opened my eyes. I started noticing a growing dislike in myself for the pure-blood superiority of my House and of my family.
Everywhere around me at school I saw other ways of life. People who were considered beneath me – that I considered beneath me – started to appeal to me. Mary Peterson, for example, who was a Muggleborn Ravenclaw, was incredibly intelligent and good-humoured and exceptionally good at Charms. James Potter, despite the fact that he was a nasty Mudblood lover who I had hexed many times, had a sense of humour that gave me such trouble keeping a straight face around him. When he wasn't using that sense of humour at my expence, that is.
Then there were his Muggle-loving friends, all of them pureblood or half-blood, but that didn't stop them from associating with Muggleborns. Peter Pettigrew, a small boy with mousy-coloured hair, Remus Lupin, always calm and considerate, and Sirius Black of course.
I snorted. Black was the most handsome student Hogwarts had seen in many years and always had a fan club of at least ten girls in his trail. Personally, I thought he just couldn't live without them. Idiot. With his tall and well-formed posture that even I could not deny, jet black hair that always seemed to do its best to make him even more attractive – I cast a gloomy look at my own untameable hair – and grey eyes that reflected whatever emotion he was feeling, he was gorgeous and he knew it. I rolled my eyes at the mirror.
The funny thing was that Black came from a family as ancient and prominent as my own. Being placed in Gryffindor, the first of his family in a House other than Slytherin – no, wait, the second one. I remembered the scandal his cousin Andromeda had caused when she was placed in Ravenclaw a couple of years earlier and the second scandal when she had married a Mudblood and had his child. A Mudblood. Disinherited, of course. A fate that had awaited Sirius as well. He didn't seem to have any problems with his new status, however, nor with the wrath of his family.
I myself shuddered at the thought of what might happen to me when my family found out about my disloyal feelings. And the shadow of the Dark Lord loomed even darker. With him gaining power every day and with my father in his inner circle I had no doubt what would happen to me if he ever found out. Weaklings were removed without hesitation.
"Why do you look so pale, love?" the mirror asked surprised. I forced a smile on my face and shrugged my shoulders. "Well, have fun," it said then.
"Thanks."
That moment the door of the dormitory flew open and Lana Langdon, my best friend, burst in.
"Honestly, woman, how long do you need to get dressed? The ball will be over if we don't go now."
"Alright, don't eat your wand, I'm coming." I turned from the mirror and followed Lana to the common room.
I prepared myself for the grand entrée I had planned to show everyone – Slytherins – that there was nothing wrong with me. There was not a doubt in my mind that any strange behaviour of mine would be reported immediately. Most Slytherins I spent time with had parents that were either Death Eaters of something very similar. Here at Hogwarts I had nothing to fear from them, but their sons and daughters could make life very nasty for me. The green and silver of my outfit was a very good choice, I decided.
While we were walking through the long corridors to the Great Hall Lana kept on talking about her plans for tonight.
"I need a snog tonight. I don't care who it is, I need a good snog. I'll dry out if I'm not careful. Have you got any idea how long it has been since I've had one?"
"Yes, I have, two and half weeks," I replied dryly.
"My point exactly," Lana said and I tried not to laugh. Lana had a very healthy appetite for guys and no scruples whatsoever of letting people know that. As her best friend I was consulted regularly about her plans and intrigues. The results, of course, were discussed in detail.
Her reputation had spread beyond Hogwarts, there was no way it couldn't have. My father disliked my friendship with her, but on this matter I had always put my foot down.
I loved Lana for being so open. She told everybody what she thought of them whenever it pleased her, no matter who it was. She completely went her own way, doing what she wanted and what she thought would benefit her. In a way she was completely selfish, I realised, but that never seemed to bother me. As her best friend she was very protective of me, although she showed it in a strange way. She always encouraged me to do what I want and not to think about anyone else but myself. She sailed through my innate reservations towards other people like one of those gigantic Muggle steamships.
"Have you decided who you want, Niamh?"
I frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You do realize that you haven't had any since the summer holidays, when you and Lucius were still together, and it is Christmas now!" Lana made it sound like a foul crime.
I grinned and said, "No doubt you have somebody in mind for me."
Lana looked at me with an air of mischief around her. "Indeed I do." She obviously was very pleased with herself and let the silence endure for suspense.
I tried to hide my smile, but failed miserably. "Okay, who is it?" I resigned.
Lana's air of self-importance grew even bigger, but then she said with the utmost pleasure in her voice, "Sirius Black."
My jaw dropped. "What? Have you gone nutters? I am not snogging a guy who has his head so far up his own arse he's never seen the light of day!"
"Wow, what a passionate reaction about someone you don't like. Interesting…"
"Shut up!"
"Don't you find him attractive?"
Duh! House-elves would sooner ask for pay-cheques than any woman saying Sirius Black isn't attractive.
"Of course he is attractive. My eyes are not in my pocket, you know. But he's just such an arrogant pig and so full of himself that I doubt there is any room left for his brain in that tiny head of his."
Lana giggled. "You like him."
"I do not. You are impossible, you know. If you like him so much, why don't you snog him yourself, eh?"
"Oh, you needn't worry, I already have."
I stared at her. "When?"
"In third year. He was one of my first, you know." There was a definite nostalgic note to Lana's voice.
I couldn't help myself and asked, "How was he?"
"A-ha! I knew you were interested."
I rolled my eyes.
"But to answer your question, he is very good. And I can only imagine how good he must have become by now. So much experience." She smacked her lips and made an approving sound.
I snorted. "Seems to me you need to renew your acquaintance."
"No, not really," she replied daintily. "I don't like doing the same guy twice. So much new to explore out there. Why waste your time on the past?"
I laughed out loud. "Thanks Lana, for that graphic explanation. Unfortunately, I'm not like you and Black is a bit too new for me to explore."
"You are like me. Everybody is like me," she answered confidently. "Most people just don't know it yet."
We reached the entrance to the Great Hall and I said, "Well, let's go and have some fun then."
"Indeed, Niamh, indeed."
