Choice

The next week I spent leisurely at the edges of the lake, enjoying the approaching summer. My mother's letter nagged in the back of my head, but every time I would start brooding over it, Sirius would do something ridiculous to make me snap out of it. I had told him my mother would arrive earlier so she could speak to me. I wondered what it was about, but Sirius said it was probably to harass me about which gown I should wear at the ball. Knowing my mother, that wasn't even such a far-fetched suggestion.

But still, I couldn't get rid of the uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Finally, as I walked back to the castle late in the afternoon on Thursday, professor Morton waited for me at the entrance.

"Your mother is here, Niamh," he said. He brought me to her room. When we approached the door, it opened and Narcissa stepped out, giving me the sweetest of smiles. She walked past me, looking in childlike innocence at me and Morton.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

Cissy smiled dreamily. "Oh, yes. Your mother is such a nice woman."

"Well, Niamh, I will see you at dinner," Morton said and turned another way.

"See you later, Niamh," Cissy smiled and left.

Right…

I knocked on the door. "Mother?" I said, opening it and peering inside.

"Niamh, dear. Come in." My mother was sitting in a large fauteuil. She beckoned me gracefully in. "Close the door."

I did as I was told. "Why did you come earlier? Is something wrong? Is Father all right? And Rowan?" The news in the Daily Prophet had been disturbing lately, although I doubted I would find the names of my family among the victims.

"Oh, everything is fine with them," she waved my concerns away. "Come, sit with me. Let's have some tea." She conjured up a pot of tea and two cups. Carefully I sat in the chair next to her, not completely at ease. She poured tea in a cup and handed it to me. After she had poured tea in her own cup and added milk to it, she looked at me and smiled. "Actually, I have come to bring you good news."

I raised my eyebrows. "What is it?"

My mother looked very pleased with herself. Suddenly I was worried more than I had already been the entire week. I knew that look. She had also had it when…

"Evan Rosier has asked your father for your hand."

I knew it. It's the same look she used to have with Lucius.

"I beg your pardon, Mother?" I asked in plain denial.

"In marriage, dear," she chuckled, still glowing with content.

"Marriage…" I squeaked.

"Yes, marriage. Your father has agreed, of course."

"Of course he did… marriage…" I was completely lost for words. I had known something like this would happen, but so soon, and so unexpected. I had no plan, I had nothing! My cup clattered on the saucer, because my hand started shaking.

"You really must have made an impression on him with your letters, dear," my mother smiled. "And after reading your spirited comments on Evan that you wrote to your father, he didn't hesitate, of course. Evan is an excellent match."

"I was just being polite," I said weakly. Merlin, how could I have been so stupid? How on earth could I have missed what was going on right under my nose? To have encouraged a wizard like that, without even thinking about it. I was a fool. I'd been too preoccupied to see the warnings. Too preoccupied with Sirius. Answering Evan's letters, accepting his gift, all under the impression he was wooing my father for a business deal, not giving it a second thought, not stopping to think for even one single time, all because it would've cost me time that I could've spent with Sirius.

"Mother," I said urgently. "As much I am flattered, I can't marry Evan."

"Excuse me, dear?"

"I cannot marry Evan," I repeated, putting even more emphasis on it.

Her eyes narrowed. "And why is that?" she hissed, her voice dangerously low.

"Because… because…" I stuttered. I wanted to say 'because I am too young, because I want to live my own life, not a copy of yours' as the original plan had been, but all my mind could think of was Sirius. I didn't want to marry Evan, because I… Oh my god, can it be?

"I just can't," I said softly.

My mother raised an elegant eyebrow and leaned back in the chair. She gave me a chilling look. "I suppose you don't want to marry Evan because of your little affair with Sirius Black?"

My stomach turned with a sickening somersault. I almost dropped my tea. "Excuse me?" I choked.

"For heaven's sake, Niamh, how could you do that? He is a complete disgrace. Disowned. A traitor to our blood!"

I stared open-mouthed at her. My heart raced in my chest, about as fast as my mind was introducing and dismissing possibilities as to how she could know.

"Fortunately," my mother continued, "there are a few Blacks left with a sense of honour. Narcissa has written me a letter telling me about your dirty secret. Because I don't want our family shamed by this, I wrote her back asking her to keep it a secret until I had time to talk to you."

I closed my eyes in horror. The footsteps at the lake…

"She came to talk to me in person and I was able to perform a Memory Charm. So no harm done. Nobody knows and you will cease this insanity and at least try to act like a daughter of the house of Carden." My mother's voice raised in anger.

"And by that you mean I must marry Evan Rosier," I sneered bitterly.

"Yes! You've done enough damage to our family when you denied Lucius. If I had known then what stunt you were going to pull, I would never have stood at your side. This is not going to happen again," my mother hissed, clenching her fingers around her cup. "Am I understood?"

"I won't," I hissed back. "I won't marry him. I refuse. You can't make me do this."

"Can't I?" she scoffed.

"No! You can't. I won't do it -- I can't do it to -- to Sirius."

My mother rose from her seat, looking furious now. "Don't be ridiculous! What do you care about that piece of vermin? As if it's not horrible enough that you slept with that excuse for a wizard, you're admitting that you have feelings for him?" She spat out the last words with venom.

"Yes, I have feelings for him!" I yelled, getting up myself.

"For that pathetic boy? That sleeps around with anything that has legs? That befriends Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers?"

"Yes, for him," I hissed dangerously. "I love him and I don't care what you…"

My mother threw her head back, laughing disdainfully. It was not my mother's derisive laughter that made me stop, however. It was my own confession. I had said it aloud, before I even realised it was true.

"I love him," I mumbled in surprise.

My mother gave me a contemptuous look. "I never took you for the imbecile type, Niamh, but now you disappoint me."

"I don't care," I said. "I'm not giving him up."

She scoffed. "You don't have to. He will give you up when he's had enough of you. He will cast you aside and move on. And then you will be all alone, because don't you think I will take you back into our family."

She planted a seed of doubt. What she said was true. Sirius cast girls aside without care. But with us it was different. It felt different…didn't it?

I clenched my jaw. There's only one way to find out…

I stared defiantly at my mother. "We'll see about that."

Her upper lip curled up in a vicious snarl. "I see you're beyond reason. Fine then, you leave me no choice. If you don't agree to marry Evan, I will tell your Father about this. I don't think he'll be very pleased to hear his eldest daughter is being fucked by a blood traitor!"

I stared in shock at her. I almost forgot to breathe. Never had I heard my mother utter vulgar words.

She walked closer to me. "Do you know what he'll do to you, Niamh? I think you can imagine."

"You wouldn't…" I said in disbelief. "I'm your daughter. And his."

"No daughter of mine acts the way you do. You disgust me. I will be happy to turn you over to your father and his acquaintances if you don't obey me in this."

The name was left unsaid, but it hung between us, black as a shadow. Voldemort.

Fear clutched my throat in a merciless grip. I would be a traitor. A traitor in the hands of Voldemort.

Was I really prepared to take it that far? For someone who I wasn't sure of? Sirius, so easily distracted, what if he found a more interesting girl? I would have nothing. He'd never said anything about his feelings for me, or his thoughts on what we were doing. This was all just a nice pastime for him. He'd got away from his family, but I was in too deep. Cutting myself loose, for him, on the off chance that he might have deeper feelings for me... I couldn't take that risk. Evan, on the other hand, seemed like a nice enough wizard. Handsome, rich, and we got along quite well, judging from our correspondence. Would it really be that bad?

She smirked when she saw the doubt in my eyes. "Are you really going to throw your life away, daughter, over a whoring blood traitor?"

I resented the triumphant tone in her voice with all my heart.

"Your father will hunt him down, your beloved little disgrace. Whatever he'll do to you, he will do so ten times worse to Black." She let out a chilling laugh. "With your father's talents… I don't think there will be anything left to bury."

In utter disgust I watched my mother. I wish I could say that I had never seen her like this, but I knew she could be cold and ruthless. I didn't know she was able to be so to her own child.

She narrowed her eyes. "It's your choice. You either marry Evan and we can forget about this unpleasant business, or I will make you pay for disgracing me and the family and your... lover won't live to see the next day."

There was not a doubt in my mind that her threats were real. All she had to do was send word to my father, and it would happen as she predicted. My father was not a forgiving man. And my mother was capable of destroying her own daughter.

"Mother, please…" It was barely more than a whisper.

"Marry Evan or suffer the consequences." Her voice was cold and void of any emotion.

"Please…"

"I won't ask again." Her words were final.

That moment I chose to rip my heart out of my chest.

"He will want to know why." I forced myself to say it.

"Then I suggest you tell him a likely story to discourage him. Or I might be inclined to tell your father anyway."

She laid a hand on my cheek. I jerked away in pure loathing. She grabbed my chin and forced me to look at her.

"Listen to me. Evan will attend the ball as well. Your engagement will be announced then. Talk to Black, but come straight back here. I am not letting you out of my sight, until you're engaged to Evan and I can forget this mess. Do you understand me, Niamh?"

I lowered my eyes in defeat. "I understand."