darklady5289: Thanks! They finally made up yay! Yeah, you're right, that's a nasty mental image LOL, but I had to write it. Hope you like the next chapter.
DollFace080: Thank you :) I thought it was about time to let Sirius explain himself a little. Hoped that it worked. Here's the next chapter!
hpandfriendsruletheworld: I'm very glad to hear that :D I hope I won't disappoint you.
Messrs-Paddifoots-love: Thanks! I hope you like the next chapter.
Katy: I so totally agree! There is not one sentence in canon that contradicts a possible Severus-lurves-Lily idea. That doesn't mean he's not evil, though! Or partially evil. Or just very, very, very Slytherin. I don't like him. Never have, never will. But imagine how horrible it must be for him to look at Harry. A perfect copy of James - his childhood tormenter - with the eyes of the woman he loved. Snape goes around bashing James all the time, but not once has he said something about Lily. Hmm, coincidence? I think not.
And it would be an ironclad reason (someone said that at the Hospital scene) for Dumbledore to trust Snape. Aargh, I can't wait till book 7.
Warning! This whole chapter is rated R for a reason.
Better and worse
My fingers played with a button on Sirius's shirt. I had told him about my brother's funeral and we were silent for a while. I rested my chin on his chest and undid the button, watching his reaction. My hand moved to undo the second button. When I reached for the third his chest rumbled with laughter.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?" I teased. The fourth and fifth button were now undone as well. I slipped my hand inside his shirt. His skin glowed from the warmth of the fire. I raked my nails across his chest. Sirius shivered. The hand he had on my waist lazily made circles.
I had thrown a leg over his and now traced my foot up the inside of his leg. Sirius closed his eyes, his breath hitching for a moment. I propped myself a little higher on my elbow and brushed my lips against his jaw, before kissing his neck and collarbone. He shivered again and tightened his arm around me when I sucked the skin there between my teeth.
Still taking to his neck I got up a little and straddled him, tugging the shirt from his pants and letting my hands run over his chest. I savoured the feeling of the sculpted muscles under my fingers. I sat up straight and watched him while my thumbs brushed over his nipples.
The light from the flames cast shadows on his face. He was so warm. With a tiny smirk I looked at the vein in his neck and noticed his pulse was quickening by the second while I continued to draw my fingers over his chest and throat. I leaned forward and placed my hands on the floor, one on each side of his head. "Sirius?"
He opened his eyes, which were dazed with lust. His hands came up and began kneading the back of my legs. I brought my face close to him and kissed his nose. The corners of his mouth twitched when he bit back a smile. I brushed my lips against his and ran my tongue over his bottom lip, moaning in surprise when Sirius lifted his head a little and sucked my tongue in his mouth. I opened my mouth and let him kiss me languidly and deeply.
His hands slid up the back of my legs and between my thighs. With a soft tug he opened them further, bringing me in contact with his groin. He swallowed my deep moan when he pushed his hips up to mine. His hands on my backside pressed me even closer to him.
He pushed me back and sat up straight. I leaned back and lifted my arms over my head, so he could take off my jumper. With a hungry groan he pressed his lips against my flesh and threw the jumper aside. His hands caressed my back and undid my bra. I threw my head back when his tongue circled my nipple, leaving it taut and aching when he closed his lips around the other. He got his wand from his pocket and waved it at the curtains, who closed themselves immediately.
I grinned. "In your pocket, eh? What would Moody say of that? Please tell me you haven't blown anything off that you're going to need in a minute."
With a growl Sirius pushed me on my back and sank himself between my thighs, grinding his hips into me. "Does this ease your worries?" he panted, his eyes twinkling.
"No," I gasped. "I need more reassurance." I wrapped my legs around his hips when he crushed his pelvis into mine, moaning deeply.
I rolled him on his back again and tugged on his jeans. After unzipping it, I yanked it off his legs. Sirius chuckled, but gasped when I licked my lips and closed my mouth around him. I looked up to his face. His eyes rolled back in his head and his mouth was half-open in silent pleasure. The smouldering fire in my body flared up.
I blew softly on his moistened skin. The slight cold made him jerk up. "Merlin, Niamh," he groaned, "you have to stop."
"Why?" I asked. "I rather like this." I used my tongue and his answer was lost in a splutter of incoherent sounds.
I laughed softly, but squealed in surprise when he jumped up and rolled on top of me, pinning my arms over my head. "Because that is not what I want."
"What do you want then?" I breathed. I couldn't move. He had my wrists in an iron grip and had my legs pinned to the ground with his thighs. I shivered when a wicked smirk crept over his face.
"What I want?" His voice was low and husky. He brushed his lips against my ear. "I want you under me, writhing and moaning, until all you can do is scream my name."
I gasped. His rough voice turned my blood into liquid fire. "Do it," I begged. "Do it."
"Not yet." He looked me in the eye with that same smirk. "First you're going to pay for what you just did to me."
He got rid of my jeans even faster than I had got rid of his. His hands teased the sensitive skin on my thighs. He slipped an arm under me to lift my hips and rubbed his cheek against the inside of my thigh.
"You need to shave," I breathed, goosebumps appearing all over my body. Sirius did it again. Breathing was suddenly a lot harder.
"You need to shut up," Sirius retorted and pressed his lips against unbelievably tender flesh. I cried out and arched my back. He held his hands on my hips and teased me into oblivion.
When I came down to earth he had me pinned under him again. My legs were spread. "What are you waiting for?" I panted.
"Look at me," Sirius ordered. I complied and saw my face mirrored in blackened pools. He pushed himself inside of me so slowly I whimpered in protest. I felt myself stretch around him to accommodate him and closed my eyes.
"Look at me," he ordered more harshly. His hands pressed my wrists against the floor and his weight prevented me to move. His eyes burned into mine, possessing me. There was a promise in his eyes, a promise that he would not let me forget I was his.
Still staring at him, I was not ready for his first thrust. I groaned at the sudden feeling of being completely filled, but could not close my eyes. Sirius took me while he watched my face. I could hear my own ragged breathing mixing with his, as he struggled to keep himself under control.
Suddenly he let go of my wrist and hooked his arm under my knee, bringing it up over his shoulder. I moaned helplessly at the sudden increase of friction. He quickly grabbed my wrist again and began thrusting harder and faster.
Our groans were the only sounds in the room beside the soft crackling of the fire. My body tensed when wave after wave of pleasure washed over me. "Oh God. Sirius!"
Sirius collapsed on top of me, his face now buried in my neck, and pressing my body into the rug with all his weight. Numb, satisfied, and tingling, I didn't know where my body ended and his began. He let go of my wrists and propped himself on his elbows, looking at me. With a satisfied smile I wiped his damp hair from his forehead and noticed his eyes had returned to their normal smoky grey.
He bowed his head and gave me a lingering kiss, while rolling to the side and pulling me against his body. The heat of the fire prevented our bodies from cooling off and I ran my hand down his body and buttocks, feeling the muscles under his warm and sweaty skin. I could have stayed in his arms forever, legs entangled and our noses almost touching.
I threaded my fingers through his hair. I had grown; it almost reached his shoulders now. He kissed me again, softly, and coaxed my mouth open, playing with my tongue.
When I felt his arousal pressing against my thigh, I smiled satisfied to myself. There was something I wanted him to see. He had made me his again and I had given everything I had to him. But he was mine as well. Mine. And no Annabelle Dangerley or any other girl could change that.
My hand slid down his stomach and I wrapped my fingers around him. He groaned and bucked his hips. Sirius was not a submissive man, but now he would submit to me. I used my hand to stroke and tease him until I had him moaning and gasping. With determination I pushed him on his back and straddled him, sliding myself down on him.
Sirius tried to sit up and take over, but I pushed him back with force. "Mine," I hissed.
Amusement twinkled in his eyes for a moment, but it was quickly replaced with passion when I moved my hips and began riding him to his pleasure. His hands caressed my hips and waist, but when he tried to dictate our rhythm once again I grabbed his hands. "It's my turn," I told him. I was surprised how low and growling my voice sounded.
"Your turn?" he repeated, the question in his eyes.
"Yes," I panted and leaned my hands on his chest to keep him down. "You wanted to possess me, and you did. Now it's my turn." I lowered my mouth to his in a fierce kiss. "You're mine."
Sirius's eyes burned. He let his hands rest loosely on my thighs. "Yours," he growled. "Show me." And so I did.
Again we collapsed in a heap of sweaty limbs, breathing heavily and erratic. Every part of me seemed to be made of jelly and I didn't want to move. In fact, I didn't think I could.
After a long time I heard him sigh. "I didn't sleep with Annabelle."
I lifted my head. "What?"
He shifted so he could look at me. "I didn't sleep with her. I was going to, I won't deny that, but then I realised all I could see was you." He gave me a smile. "So you see, you didn't have to make me yours; I already was."
I blinked. "But Peter said…"
"Yeah, I know. I didn't deny it at the time. But it didn't happen. She wanted to, but I couldn't." Sirius grimaced. "It'd been a long time since I was slapped that hard."
I snorted. "You deserved it."
"Yes, I did," he admitted.
My grin faltered after a moment.
Sirius frowned. "What?"
I sighed. "I wish I could say that Evan and I never…"
He stopped me. "Look, Niamh, I understand. You're supposed to be his fiancée. And we both know that he expects you to..."
"Yeah, but I just wish I would've had an excuse." I found it very difficult to look him in the eye, so I stared at the rug, fidgeting with a loose thread. "I managed to put it off a long time, saying that I wanted to get to know him better first, but the night I was initiated… We'd been engaged almost half a year; I couldn't refuse him anymore."
"Niamh, it's all right. I don't mind."
I looked up in disbelief. Sirius's face was tensed, his mouth one tight line. I snorted. "You hate it."
Sirius dropped on his back, looking at the ceiling. "Merlin, yes. If I ever see that bastard, I'll kill him. Slowly." He rolled back on his side and looked at me. "But what I meant is that I understand. You couldn't have done anything different."
"I don't remember it," I confessed.
"What? How's that possible?" Sirius asked confused.
"When he -- when we -- that night, I had shut down so many parts of me all I did was function. I was afraid I would push him away and he would get suspicious, so I used Occlumency in an excessive way. I know that it happened, but that's all…" I shuddered. It had been the emptiest feeling I had ever experienced.
Sirius swore softly and pulled me closer to him. "It'll be all right," he mumbled in my hair.
I pressed my nose in his chest to enjoy his scent. "Sirius?" I mumbled.
"Hmm?"
"What do we do now?"
"What do you mean?" he frowned.
"I'm still engaged to Evan."
"I know."
"Can you deal with that?" I asked, fearing the answer.
He was silent.
"Sirius?" My voice was barely more than a whisper.
"Niamh, I won't lie to you, he began. I hate the mere thought of you being with that monster. I want you all to myself. I want you to have nothing to do with Rosier. But it's not about what I want, is it? You're stuck in that world now, and I realise your contribution to our cause is very important. I will deal with it."
I felt the tension in my spine slip away. "Thank you," I whispered.
"Don't worry," he told me. "Everything will be alright."
It turned out it wouldn't be all right. The fiasco at the Marchbanks' had lost me and the others Voldemort's favour. I had since long found out that the Dark Lord didn't trust anyone, not even his own Death Eaters. No one knew the names of the entire group. Voldemort let his Death Eaters work in smaller groups, and our group had failed him.
I escaped physical punishment, but Lucius, who'd been in charge, was not so lucky. The Cruciatus Curse was always horrifying to watch, but when it was cast by one of the most powerful wizards of the world, it was even worse. Lucius wasn't dead, but that was about the only positive thing that could be said.
Since our group had fallen into disgrace, the Dark Lord did not inform us of important attacks.
Not two weeks after Sirius and I got back together, James sent us an urgent message in the middle of the night. All his note said was, "It's Marlene and John. Hurry."
My stomach turned in fear. Voldemort knew that John and Marlene McKinnon were Order members. I put on some clothes with trembling hands and a hat to hide my red curls.
Sirius's eyes mirrored my fears when he grabbed my hand and we Apparated to the McKinnons. I groaned when I looked at their house. It was in flames and the Dark Mark floated in the air, the snake protruding from its mouth, seemingly to mock me. I had failed once again.
"Merlin, no," Sirius breathed, tightening his hold on my hand.
James ran towards us, Lily right behind him. They were both covered in soot. "They're getting them out right now."
"Are they still alive?" Sirius asked.
James shook his head. "No. They -- they were tortured. And by the looks of it Marlene was…" he choked on it.
Tears were running down Lily's face, smearing the soot on her cheeks. She looked back at the house, where we could see Gideon, Fabian, Dumbledore, and Moody bring bodies from the burning house. Lily turned back. "She was raped."
"And the children?" I croaked. The house blurred behind a mist of tears. The sharp scent of burning wood stung my eyes and nose.
"I haven't had a chance to look," Lily answered. "We had to get them out of the house first."
We walked to where Gideon and Fabian had placed the bodies on the ground. I sank to my knees next to Marlene. Her face was covered in bruises and blood seeped from the corner of her mouth, not yet completely dried. Someone had put a blanket over her body, but I could see that her nightgown was torn to pieces.
A lock of her blonde hair had turned white. "The Cruciatus Curse," I said, fingering the lock.
Her children lay next to her. Two boys and a girl. None over the age of ten. All of them brown-haired like their father, and as sparkling and cheeky as their mother. Something tightened in my chest and I got up, hiding in Sirius's arms.
"I need to tell Marlene's parents. They don't know yet," Dumbledore said. "Alastor has gone to inform the Ministry. They should be here soon." He nodded wearily at us and Disapparated.
We waited by their bodies, until a loud cracking sound made us jump. Benjy Fenwick Apparated next to us and swayed on his feet when he saw the bodies.
"No," he groaned. "How is this possible?"
I knew Benjy was a close friend of John's. His face contorted in sorrow and anger. "What happened? They knew he was after them." He whipped around and threw me a look of loathing. "Why didn't you warn them?" he hissed.
"I didn't know," I answered.
"They were in hiding. You told him," Benjy spat furiously. "You told him where they were."
"Benjy, that's enough," Gideon ordered. "Someone must have seen them. They left the house regularly. We only knew that You-Know-Who was aware that they were part of the Order; we didn't know he was already after them. This is not Niamh's fault. And keep your voice down; if there are still Death Eaters around, you could expose her."
Benjy let out an incredulous laugh. "She's got you all fooled. She'll sell us out one by one."
Sirius let go of me and started towards Benjy. His fist connected with Benjy's face, before anyone could stop him.
"Sirius, stop!" James yelled and restrained him.
"You keep your mouth shut, Fenwick," Sirius hissed, "or I'll do some real damage."
Benjy looked with disdain at him and then me. "You've got him back in your claws again, I see. I'm not surprised. Hippogriffs of a feather flock together."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I growled.
"Let's just say you can take the wizard out of the family, but you can't take the family out of the wizard."
Sirius's eyes widened and he renewed his struggle to get free from James. James was as tall as Sirius, but much leaner. With a snarl Sirius shook him off and lunged at Benjy.
"ENOUGH!" I roared. I had had to endure Benjy's suspicion from the moment I joined the Order, ignored his snide comments about my loyalty and family and told myself that his distrust was only logical.
But him accusing me of betraying Marlene and John was more than I could bear. "Enough!" I shouted again. I pushed Sirius away and stood in front of Benjy. "I know that they were close friends of yours and it's your grief talking right now. But don't you dare blame this on me. You think I wouldn't have done something if I had known?" I shook my head. "Where do you get off? I have never done anything to deserve your hate. I've got enough on my plate without you accusing me of something I would never do. I'm very sorry for your loss – I know that you and John were close and I liked him and Marlene very much – but you just stay the hell away from me, Benjy. I've had enough of you."
Benjy stared down at me, nostrils flaring and eyes burning with hatred. I turned my back on him and walked to Sirius, who wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"Let me look at that, Benjy," Lily said gently, looking at his broken nose. Benjy let her.
That moment Aurors began to arrive and Sirius and I had to leave. I couldn't risk being recognized by someone outside the Order. Back in his house we sat on the couch in silence. Sirius had healed his bruised hand and now we just waited for dawn, knowing that neither of us could get any sleep.
Two hours later the doorbell rang and James, Lily, Peter and Remus came in, all of them pale and shaky. I got up to make us some coffee.
"The house is completely burnt down," James said after I had handed him a mug.
"Are the Aurors done yet?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah, didn't take long. It was pretty obvious what happened," James said bitterly. "They'll be Obliviating Muggles for a while, though."
"They've taken Marlene's mother to St Mungo's," Lily added softly. "She had a nervous breakdown when she heard what happened. Her husband is taking care of the bodies."
"What about John's family?" I asked.
"He had no close family. Only a few great-aunts. Someone from the Ministry is tracking them down," Peter said.
"Bleedin' hippogriffs, what a disaster," James suddenly groaned. "Who else does Voldemort know about? They'll have to go into hiding. Real hiding, I mean. Not just change their address."
"Gideon and Fabian," I said. "But they'll never go into hiding. Neither will Caradoc. I don't know who else. Since the Marchbanks raid I haven't been summoned for anything else than Lucius's punishment. We've lost his favour."
We fell silent, knowing there was no way we could predict Voldemort's next move.
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