Fiancés and Weddings

Evan came to visit me a week after James and Lily had engaged themselves. It was even more difficult to spend time with him now I was back with Sirius. After we'd made up, we hadn't talked explicitly about it anymore, but I knew Sirius understood what I had to do. Not that he liked it; in fact, I suspected him of having multiple and imaginative ways of killing Evan in mind.

I was on my way finding a balance as an Occlumens. It meant that the vomiting had returned, since I now had to stop practising Occlumency regularly, but all in all it was going rather well. Except when it came to Evan. I had to use all my strength not to completely shut myself down when I was with him. If I was completely honest with myself, I admitted I was scared of him. Terrified, even.

Evan was dangerous. He was such a charming man. He was even a close acquaintance of the Minister of Magic. He could deceive anybody. If he wanted, he wrapped you around his finger in an instant. Good looks, intelligence, charm, wealth. He had it all. He would be the perfect man, if not for two things. His cruel nature, and his ruthlessness. Every time I was sent on a mission with him, my mind was imprinted with the notion that getting on Evan's bad side would be fatal. Literally.

Evan's image was everything to him and he would go to any length to protect it. He needed an unspoiled image for his career. I knew that; I should not have been surprised. But I was.

"Evan, finally," I smiled. "Come in." He walked after me to my living room. "Do you want a drink?" I called over my shoulder.

Evan took off his cloak and leather gloves. "Niamh, sit down please. There's something I have to tell you."

I frowned, but sat on the couch. "Is something wrong?"

He sat down next to me. "You know I will take over my father's company in a few years."

I nodded in slight confusion. I had no idea what he was aiming at.

Evan looked me in the eye, very gravely. "I hoped that it wouldn't, but Rowan and Naoise's death has already reflected on me and my family." He took my hand. "Because of you. Because you're my fiancée."

"I'm aware of that."

"I can't let that happen," Evan answered.

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you saying, Evan?" A tiny bubble of hope floated in my stomach, but I dared not let it expand, out of fear of being wrong.

"The Dark Lord has talked to me about this, and I agree that it's best to keep the family business clear of any association with Death Eaters. We can't afford to lose the influence of our company right now. I'm sorry, Niamh, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to break the engagement."

I stared at him, lost for words. After a long silence I swallowed, closing my mouth that had fallen open. "Y -- you want to break…" I stuttered.

"I want you to know that had it not been for this whole unfortunate affair, I would never have done it," he asssured me, misinterpreting my reaction.

I blinked. "I see."

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Don't be." Really. "I agree that it's for the best that we keep your family business away from any accusations. We need its influence. And I would never go against the wishes of the Dark Lord. He knows best." The bubble of hope bounced up and down in my stomach when I took my ring from my finger. "You'll be wanting this back."

"Perhaps we can try again when this has all blown over," Evan suggested. "We could always continue our relationship unofficially."

"This will take a long time to blow over," I said a little too quickly. I paused. "And if I'm not mistaken, you need to marry and produce an heir before you can take over the business. Is that not one of your father's demands?"

"You're right."

"Find yourself a good wife, Evan," I said gently. Preferably a naïve one who can't see through you, so she doesn't have to live in fear like I have done. I tilted my head. "And perhaps, we could be friends?"

Evan smiled. "I'd like that." He pocketed the ring, before he looked at me again. "I think it's time I told your parents. You don't need to be there if you don't want to. This is my responsibility."

I nodded. I did not feel the need to be within firing range of my mother when she heard the news. "I'll stay here."

We got up and walked to the door. I stood on my toes and kissed my ex-fiancé on his cheek. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Niamh."

I watched him Disapparate and closed the door. Leaning against the wood I lifted my arm and stared dazedly at my hand. It looked strangely nude without the ring. Suddenly I ran to the bathroom and began scrubbing my hand clean to rid my skin of any trace of that ring. It was not enough. I yanked off my robes and jumped under the shower, scrubbing and cleaning until my skin was pink and sore. When I couldn't lift my arms anymore I leaned against the cool wall and slumped down, finding myself crying all of a sudden. Sobs racked my body until all I could do was hiccough a little.

I clenched my jaw. "Out of my life. Out of my life," I hissed through my teeth, repeating it. Never again would I have to endure the look in his eyes, his hands on my skin, his lips on mine. He was gone. I would not have to pretend anymore.

Exhausted, I got up and turned off the scalding water. While I was drying myself off, I realised something and I swore crudely. Evan was not gone from my life. He was a fellow Death Eater, and a friend now. I would still have to pretend. Overcome with rage at my own powerlessness, I grabbed a bottle of perfume and threw it against the mirror. I watched the shattered glass in satisfaction. I fled the bathroom when the scent of the ruined perfume became sickening.

Still simmering with that strange anger I put on some clothes and Apparated to Lana's house. I needed my selfish and optimistic friend right now.

"Darling, you look horrible," she said when she saw me standing on the porch. "What have you done?"

I smiled about Lana's lack of tact. "Getting dumped."

"What?" she grumbled. "Get in. Now." We walked to her living room. "Talk," she ordered after conjuring up some tea.

"Apparently my suspected activities as a Death Eater damaged the reputation of his business."

Lana had not once asked me if I really was a Death Eater. I guess it was because she couldn't imagine herself being ruled by another. That was just incomprehensible to her, and therefore her best friend could not be ruled by someone else either. On top of that, Lana firmly believed that no one had to justify their actions but to themselves.

She looked at me. "Did you love him?"

"Of course not," I scoffed. That was something I had never had to pretend in front of Lana.

"Then why are you so angry?" she asked cunningly.

"Because… He's… Ugh, I don't know." I made a frustrated gesture with my hand. "I suppose it's because in some way he got me. I always imagined getting back at him."

"Getting back for what?" Her voice was sharp.

"For wanting me as his wife. For ruining every chance I had with…"

"…with Sirius," she finished for me. "You haven't forgotten him then?"

I was entering dangerous territory now. To keep her safe she did not know I was in the Order and in a relationship with Sirius, but she was one of the few people who knew I had loved the blood traitor, before my engagement to Evan.

"He's not easy to forget." Now that is true.

"Have you seen him lately?"

"Not since we broke up," I lied.

"I heard he and his friends are involved in the war against You-Know-Who."

"I heard that too," I said vaguely and decided to change the subject. "By the way, how are things with you and Gareth?"

Lana huffed. "He wants to settle down. Marriage and children, and such. Not for me, no thank you."

"Have you told him that?"

"Of course. Are you forgetting who you're talking to? I made it perfectly clear, but he just won't listen!" Indignation flared in Lana's black eyes.

"Maybe he thought you would change," I suggested.

"Then he was mistaken," she said decidedly, tossing her shiny black hair over her shoulder.

"Well, I'm hardly suitable to give advice. I've managed to royally screw up every relationship I've had," I shrugged. "But it seems to me that one of you has to make a concession."

"My uterus is not negotiable, Niamh," Lana said threateningly.

"Fine, then Gareth will have to make a concession."

"I tried to tell him that, but I could just as well have said it in Mermish. He just doesn't get what I'm saying. He thinks that if we just try it, I will change my mind."

"Well…"

"Darling, we've discussed this before. The only person I love enough to make changes for is myself. I'm just not the motherly type. Do you see me as a mother?"

I hesitated. "Not exactly…"

"See? What is it with people these days? Marrying and popping out babies all over the place! It's this war, I'm telling you. James Potter is engaged to Lily Evans, and Frank Longbottom proposed to Alice Hayden. She's still in Hogwarts, for Salazar's sake!"

"I heard," I said neutrally.

"Whatever happened to taking your time and letting a relationship develop?"

"Preaching to the converted here," I chuckled, "but I'm surprised to hear you say that. Lana Langdon wanting to develop a relationship?" I grinned and shrugged. "Well, I suppose it's a lot better to marry for love than for money."

"Sorry, love," Lana apologized. "It is. You do know that whole speech was just a load of crap so I don't have to make a commitment, don't you?"

"I do," I laughed. "Glad you realise it yourself. Anyway, speaking about loads of crap… I think Evan's had enough time to tell my parents the good news. Time to make an appearance."

"Good luck."

"Thanks." I'll need it.


"NIAMH ASHTORETH CARDEN!" my mother screamed.

I cringed. Oh, Merlin, she's using my middle name.

"How could you do this to me?" she whined. "I'll be the laughing stock of our circle. The mother who can't control her daughter. A daughter who has ruined two chances of a good marriage. TWO!"

"I beg your pardon, Mother," I said coolly. "It was Evan who broke the engagement, not me."

"Don't play fool with me, young lady. This is all your fault. If this ruins your sister's chances of marrying Orion Zabini, I will never forgive you."

I looked at my father for help. He was sitting in his favourite armchair with a glass of brandy. "Well done, daughter," he said, saluting me with his glass.

I turned to my mother. "Calm down, Mother. This will all blow over soon."

"If this will all blow over soon," my mother shrieked, "why then has Evan broken the engagement?"

"Because he has to marry and produce an heir before he can take over his father's position," I answered, biting back a smug grin.

"You're loving this, aren't you?" my mother hissed at me.

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, I can't say that I mind not having to perform as a breeding machine in my marriage." I leaned back in my fauteuil. "Just focus on Deirdre. She seems to be loving it."

"This is not acceptable," my mother sputtered, pink blushes appearing on her creamy complexion. "The other women will make fun of me."

I huffed. "I could always ask the Dark Lord to change his mind. After all, he doesn't have anything better to do than consider your position in society," I said coldly.

"Now, now, there's no need for threats," my father intervened smoothly. "Your mother just has different priorities from you."

"Clearly," I answered.

My father looked at us. Amusement twinkled in his eyes, while he loosely held his glass in balance on an arm rest. "Well, we can't marry you off to a Rosier anymore," he deducted. "However, we've made amends with the Malfoys. Your classmate Devon would be a bit inappropriate, since his sister married your brother, and Rowan's death is a little too recent for a new union." He tilted his head. "Why don't you give Lucius another chance? After all, you're not too young anymore."

I stared at my father in pure disbelief.

"That would have been a wonderful idea, Bran," my mother hissed, "had it not been for the fact that Lucius engaged himself to Narcissa Black two days ago."

I could not help it. I laughed out loud. "You're kidding me."

"I assure you, I am not," my mother said with tight lips.

"Well, it looks like you'll turn out a spinster, my dear," my father said casually, swirling the brandy in his glass with a perfectly unconcerned look.

"Over my dead body," my mother protested.

"Surely not, Astarte."

I looked at my father. I had never really understood him. He was a powerful wizard and closely acquainted with the Dark Lord, yet he had never taken the Mark. Instead he had allowed his son and daughter to do so. It made sense; why would my father align himself with a wizard that was still in diapers from his point of view? Having his children made Death Eaters would ensure that he was close to the Dark Lord should he prevail. If not, he could always say he had nothing to do with his children's decisions.

Yes, I decided, that sounds like something my father would do. But would he not bear a grudge against the wizard that had caused the extinction of his family name? Or would he consider that as a risk he had taken?

I was rapidly getting a headache and turned my attention to my mother, who was much easier to understand. Trophy wife, wanting her daughters to be the next generation of trophy wives. She was still stewing and stared at me with venomous eyes. I quickly decided to intervene, in case she wanted to bring Sirius into the conversation. "How's Deirdre doing at Hogwarts, by the way?" I asked my father. "Have you heard from professor Morton lately?"

My mother's eyes widened.

"Deirdre is doing well," my father answered, raising a red eyebrow at my sudden change of subject.

"That's great. Isn't it, Mother?"


Sirius was ecstatic when he heard that Evan had dumped me. He practically bounced around the room, summoned a bottle of champagne, and dragged me to his bedroom to have his way with me. Needless to say I didn't mind.

James and Lily decided they wanted to get married soon and had planned the wedding on June 15. In the months leading up the wedding I was assigned a new task by Voldemort: gathering followers. We were to convince wizards and witches to join the Dark Lord, and if they did not comply use more forceful ways of persuasion. I found out I was rather good at this persuading, along with Severus Snape. It was very useful, because I could give Dumbledore the names of the people who had turned. He and the Ministry had to very careful in dealing with these people, in order to protect my cover.

Lana was right, though. The wizarding community acted as if they were at war. And frankly, they were. People disappeared all over England, murders and tortures were on the front page of the Daily Prophet every day. From the Order members who worked at the Ministry I heard that the Heads of the various Departments could not handle all the trouble and the Aurors worked overtime on a daily basis.

Sirius and Remus often said they could smell fear in the streets. People didn't talk to each other and stayed home as much as they could. Some things – like work and arguments – were not as important anymore. Like Lana had said, wizards and witches got married hastily, trying to make the best of the time they had left. It was a strange atmosphere we were living in.

On the morning of the fifteenth of June I was standing behind Lily, adjusting her wedding dress with Abby Potter and Alice Hayden, who was Lily's bridesmaid. Gideon had turned me into Nicole Carmichael again and Abby was thrilled to see me. She asked me loads of questions about Sirius and me. Fortunately Sirius and I had stemmed our stories beforehand.

After we had perfected Lily's dress, Abby kissed her soon-to-be daughter-in-law and said she would go downstairs to check on the 'boys', by which she meant her husband, son, and adopted son, to see if they hadn't wrecked the place.

"I still wish you could be my bridesmaid too," Lily said, looking at me in the mirror.

I smiled and put my hand on her shoulder. "I can't draw too much attention to myself, but I'll be here the whole day."

Alice knew who I really was. Dumbledore had invited her into the Order the minute she had graduated, eight days ago. She would start her Auror training in September. "When is your father coming?" she asked.

"Any minute," Lily answered. "Remus is bringing him here."

"And your sister?" I asked.

Lily shook her head. "She won't come to a freak-gathering." She blinked away some tears.

"I'm sorry, Lils," I said. Her father would be her only relative on the wedding. Lily's mother had died three years ago of a Muggle illness.

She wiped away her tears. "Look at me. I've been crying all morning."

"Just pre-wedding jitters," Alice smiled.

"Oh, I want to tell you something," Lily suddenly said. "I haven't even told James, because he would just get all egomaniacal again."

"What is it?" Alice and I asked simultaneously.

"I've never told this to anyone, but I've always found James attractive, even when he was being an arrogant toerag," she grinned.

Suddenly a triumphant sound came from the other side of the door, followed by a muffled groan.

Alice, Lily, and I glared at each other and I marched over to the door, yanking it open. Sirius and James stumbled inside, crashing to the floor. James looked up with a guilty expression, whereas Sirius merely gave me his puppy look, hoping I would not be mad.

"What are you doing?" I asked sternly.

"Er… we just wanted…" James stuttered. "It was Sirius's idea."

"Was not," Sirius protested, pushing James off him. "You wanted to peek at Lily's dress."

"Yeah, well, you wanted to listen in on their conversation," James retorted.

"James Potter! I have told you it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!" Lily shrieked.

"That's just with Muggles," James sighed exasperatedly.

"Out!" I ordered. "Get out!" I shooed them away and closed the door. "Idiots!"

"I resent that!" Sirius bellowed from the other side.

"Bite me!"

"Did that last night, love. Open the door and I'll do it again."

"Bugger off!"

"Make me!"

"Hah! No sex for a week!"

"You evil witch," Sirius gasped. "Fine! Have it your way."

I heard him stomp off, followed by James's sniggers. Lily and Alice burst out laughing.

I turned around and grinned. "Works like a charm. Now let's get you ready."