Chapter 21
AUTHOR'S NOTE! THIS CHAPTER'S RATING IS MATURE FOR SMUT (Rated M!). PLEASE CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED! THIS CHAPTER HAS A HIGHER RATING!
Rey held her breath, watching as a range of emotions crossed over Ben's features. She had waited two years, and they were finally together. There couldn't be any secrets. As much as she wished she could start a new life with him, she had to know the whole story. She froze in her place, her heartbeat loud in her ears.
After a moment, Ben ran his hand through his hair, brushing it out of his face. He let out a hiss between his teeth, grimacing. "It wasn't sudden," he muttered, not meeting her gaze, "It didn't happen in just one day. It was over time." He let go of her hands and clenched and unclenched his fists in his lap, "Snoke came to me when I was little. I was alone a lot."
Rey's mouth dropped open, "He came to you when you were a kid?"
"My parents fought a lot," he answered, "He would be this voice in the back of my head. At first he was my friend."
She watched as Ben's hands clenched into fists so hard that his knuckles turned white.
"He would ask me to do things for him," Ben whispered, moving to stare down at his hands, "At first they were little things. And then they weren't so little." Leaning forward, he finally buried his face in his hands, his body tensing. "That's how I fell. Slowly. After you listen to the voice in the back of your head for so long, it's easy not to question it. Then one day I woke up and I was a monster." Ben let out a shuddering sigh, his hair falling forward and hiding his face.
Rey swallowed as her heart ached in her chest. Young Ben, so easily influenced and isolated. Such easy prey to Snoke. Slowly, she got to her feet and moved to stand in front of him. Without a word, she rested her hand on his shoulder, and then moved to brush his dark hair out of his face.
Slowly, he raised his head to meet her gaze, his eyes shining in the moonlight.
She brushed her fingertips along his jawline, finding his mouth and tracing it in slow patterns. It was a tender motion, meaning so many things with such a small act. "No more secrets. Not between us. Never again."
Ben grimaced, another shudder shaking him, "Sometimes, I…" his voice chocked, and he swallowed hard, "Sometimes I can't stand it anymore and I…" He raised his hand up, two fingers pointing at his left temple, "I want to. But I can't. I'm a coward." He spat this out, his deep voice conveying the fact that he hated himself as much as he hated to admit his cowardice. His words were angry, but his entire body began to shake.
Rey understood what he was trying to say, and she felt her breath leave her. He was suicidal. It was his last secret. She leaned down, brushing her lips against his forehead in a feather light kiss, taking his hand in hers as she did so. "I'm here," she whispered, "I'm not going anywhere." Leaning closer, she moved aside his dark hair and kissed his left temple, letting her lips linger on his soft skin. "So much history between us," Rey whispered, "And none of it good."
Ben continued to shake, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he rested his hands on her waist.
Rey could feel his hands shaking through the folds of her clothes. The trauma and guilt of his past washed over him in waves. They didn't have a single good memory together. It was all fighting, all bloodshed. So many years of chasing each other, running, and war. They had nothing good to base any type of relationship on. Perhaps it was time to change that. Rey moved to his neck, letting her lips linger on his skin as she trailed slow kisses to his collar bone. His skin was warm against hers, and she could feel his heartbeat in a quick rhythm beneath her mouth.
Slowly, Ben's hands stopped shaking, and his breathing slowed. With each kiss, his body relaxed.
Sitting up, Rey cupped his face in her hands, staring down at him in the starlight. "Close your eyes."
Ben looked up at her, "What are you doing?" He asked, his voice a husky whisper.
"Hush," Rey breathed as she leaned down, brushing her lips against his mouth. "I want something good for us."
Slowly, Ben shut his eyes.
Biting at her lip, Rey pulled her jacket away from her shoulders, and then took off her shirt. The cool breeze made goosebumps instantly form on her pale skin. She swallowed hard. Rey had never gone this far with a man before. She'd always fled, leaving whatever Resistance pilot she had lured away feeling exasperated and unsatisfied. Rey had never wanted this. Not really. Not until now. Leaning down to him once again, she pulled at his shirt, and he easily let her slip it away. Tossing his shirt, she shrugged off her boots and pants. Naked, she stood in front of him whilst wearing nothing but her thin panties in the darkness. Reaching up, she released her hair from its hold in the tight bun she usually kept it in. Her hair fell soft and clean around her shoulders, and she felt herself jolt as it brushed her shoulders.
He didn't move, keeping his eyes shut as she had instructed. She could tell it was all he could do not to move. She felt his will fight against itself like a caged animal. He wanted so badly to touch her, feel her soft skin under his fingertips. He was dying of heat, and she was the only thing that could quench his thirst.
Silently, she sat beside him on the worn seat. She tried not to shake, but her fingers trembled as she placed her palm on his cheek and drew him toward her. She brought his mouth to hers, and she kissed him lightly, timidly.
Ben's eyes flickered open, "You're afraid."
"Yes," Rey whispered, her mouth moving against his, "It's alright."
"I don't want you to be afraid," he breathed, shuddering as she ran her chilled fingertips down his chest and stomach to grasp his pants. "I don't want you to be afraid of me."
The coldness around them made Rey shudder, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled him close, her breasts finding warmth against his flushed skin, "So teach me how to be brave," she whispered, "I trust you."
Gasping, Ben nodded, finding her mouth with his. This time, he kissed her.
He started light, careful not to frighten. His warm lips teasing her skin, tracing hers and then going deeper into her mouth tentatively with his tongue.
Rey closed her eyes, a hazy dizziness finally taking over her as he laid her down on the seat below him. As he kissed her, his strong hands moved up and down her inner thighs, warming them and moving closer to her thin panties with every motion. Everything moved in that motion, starting out small and then coming closer and closer, like waves on a shore reaching up to the sands and then receding.
She felt him hold himself back. Rey could sense it; he was being careful. Careful not to be too rough, or too harsh. Rey knew that he was doing this because he cared for her, but as he moved over her, she felt herself give in. She gave into the urge to push him over that edge or restraint, to release him from the bonds that held him. Rey wanted to be free with him, free from everything. Rey broke their kiss, dragging in a deep breath, "It's alright," she whispered, "You won't hurt me."
He didn't respond, so she did for him.
Rey dove into him, releasing every bit of restraint she ever considered. She was hungry, starving. She kissed him hard, dragging him down to her hungrily.
It didn't take much to break his resolve. Just her. Every single safety in him switched off, and it sent him tumbling over the edge. He free fell, kissing her hard and deep. His strong hands slid up her stomach, feeling the soft slopes of her ivory breasts and pulling her up against him. She could feel him harden, and she rubbed against him in the ultimate tease.
Taking in a deep breath, Rey broke their kiss for an instant, reaching one hand up and burying her fingers into his thick hair. She felt him move her hips beneath him, pulling at the small piece of undergarment that remained a boundary between them. Rey exhaled, feeling it finally fall away.
He kissed her again, this time slowly. Ben knew what would happen next. Rey knew it too, although she had never experienced it.
The pain of him entering her was like a bright blinding flash. Rey gasped, crying out as the pain made her feel as if she was on fire.
Ben held her, resting his forehead against hers. He didn't want to hurt her. Never wanted to hurt her.
Rey took in a deep breath, opening her eyes to meet his gaze. Slowly, she reached up and rested her palm against his cheek, then brought him back to her in a kiss.
Everything blurred around them after that as they lost themselves in each other. No more secrets, and no more distance. Finally, they had something beautiful together, something pure and untainted by anyone else.
Afterward, they lay together in exhaustion. Ben fell asleep first, his right arm wrapped tightly around Rey's waist. Covered in a blanket, they lay on the floor beside the bench seat. At some point, they had moved there for more room. Ordinarily, Rey would have been cold, but laying on her side with her back pressed against Ben's chest, she was quite warm.
Ben breathed steadily, sound asleep. He was curled around her, his head resting on one of his arms.
Rey probably couldn't move even if she tried. Even in his sleep he held her tight. Closing her eyes, Rey let out a small sigh. No more loneliness. She didn't have to think of any ocean tonight.
Rey fell asleep, drifting away in the surety of what they had found together. She would come away with him. Together, they could make a new life. This was the way it was always meant to be. Even in the beginning, their destinies were intertwined.
-The End.
(A.N. Well that feels good, but I can write an epilogue if anyone wants it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Plz review. Love you all!)
