I sat there absolutely paralyzed. He did remember me. He remembered the whole time. Oh god, I am such an asshole.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I whispered feebly to him. "I shouldn't have said those things to you. I... I didn't know...I'm so sorry." I stood up but he stopped me. "You had every right to say those things. It was my choice to leave you behind and at the time I thought that was right, but it's clear to me now that it may have been wrong." He turned his full body around to face me. "I had expected you to be angry with me, hate me even." He looked away, his face returning to his usual impassive and cold attitude. All the emotion had left the room and he went right back to business.
"You are exempt from cleaning today, but we will be training tonight. I'll come get you when I'm ready. Dismissed." I stared at him incredulously. He was already back at his desk working on paperwork, like nothing had even happened. Anger boiled inside me at first, but then was put out by an overwhelming sense of sadness and hurt. I left the room without saying a word and walked back to my room.
NARRATOR
Levi watched as the door closed behind her. He was surprised she hadn't yelled at him for dismissing her so quickly, but he soon realized he had hurt her even more by doing so. He leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. Levi was at a complete loss on how to handle all of this. His head was spinning with emotions he never thought he'd have to deal with. Why did she have to remember? He scoffed at the thought. She would have remembered sooner or later. Tch.
Levi wasn't sure why he told her the whole story. He felt maybe he owed it to her. All the things she said to him were things he'd already told himself, but hearing those words come straight from her mouth cut him like a fine blade. He knew how much he had meant to her, the feeling had been mutual, and it still was. He knew he cared deeply for her still but couldn't bring himself to show her these emotions. It's better this way, he thought, if she hates me than we can just put all of this to rest. He sighed once more, wishing he had a cup of tea to ease his restless mind.
He had wanted to tell her so much more. How leaving her behind was one of the hardest things he's ever had to do. Despite knowing Europa could take care of herself, he had worried constantly about her, hoping she were alive. He had wanted to tell her that he wanted nothing more than to go back to the underground after Isabel and Farlan had died to find her, but he couldn't break his vow to them and to the legion. He wanted to explain to her that he regretted every decision he made during that time and wished he could take it back.
He slammed his fists down on his desk in frustration. "Fucking brat. I don't need this shit. This is all so annoying. Fuck." He cursed out loud. Levi wasn't this person, he didn't worry about people like this. He didn't let feelings like this get in his way, ever. He had to do something about this. He had to make a decision. But which one was the right one?
He stared aimlessly at the door, hoping she'd walk through again, but alas, it stayed shut. He ran a hand through his hair and decided to finish his work. He'd make a choice by tonight, he decided, but he needed to make sure he wouldn't regret it.
EUROPA
I laid in my bed for a long while, thinking about the things the Captain told me. Part of me was relieved that he had never forgotten, but the other part of me was so angry that he never tried to find me again. And what was that all about at the end? Why did he suddenly go back to being so...so impossible? It was just barely reaching mid-morning, so I figured I should go down to the mess hall.
A handful of people were there, chit chatting and eating. A light hum filled the room from the chatter, but I knew it was only a matter of time before the hall filled completely. I grabbed my usual cup of green tea and settled myself into my spot in the back. Man, I did NOT want to start my day like this. I pinched the bridge of my nose and rested my elbow on the table. I don't think my brain can handle any more complicated thoughts today. I picked up the book I had brought along and immersed myself in the fictional world.
Slowly, the hall began to fill and the gentle hum became a lively buzz. Much to my relief, no one came to bother me today - at least until lunch was over. Hange had found me at last.
"There you are! I've been looking for you all day! How's cleaning going?" She snickered. I glared at her with pure hate in my eyes. "Awful, as usual. That man drives me absolutely crazy." I replied, saddened at the remembrance of this morning's encounter. "Well lucky for you, you get to be with me allllllllllll afternoon!" She cheered. "Actually, you may have to fight the captain for me. He said he's going to train me today, I just don't know when. So I'm all yours until then, I suppose." Hange pouted. "Uuuhg. Fine. Stupid shortstack always getting in my way." She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Well we can't waste one more second! Let's go!" I shut my book and followed Hange back to the office so we could finalize our experiments.
"Okay I like this idea, but what is our control in this one?" I asked Hange. "Well I figure the control would be the titans themselves in this experiment since we'll be adding and subtracting people to their line of sight." I nodded my head head in agreement. "So should the hypothesis be 'if a titan sees a group of two or more humans then they will be prompted to attack'?" I asked as I pressed my pen to my nose in thought. "Yes. I think that's fitting. Write that down." She instructed. I wrote it down in my journal, prepping for a full report, when a knock sounded at the door. "Come in" Hange and I called at the same time. The captain walked through the door and stood before us. He surveyed the room, a twitch of annoyance found its way onto his face. I still hadn't cleaned the office so I braced myself for the flurry of insults to come my way.
"Let's go, Europa. I want to train while it's still light out. Hurry up." He said flatly. I was completely thrown off by his dismissal of the room and hesitated getting up. "I said now. Let's go." He ordered. "Okay Hange, do you think we have enough experiment ideas?"
"Yeah, I think we've got plenty. Good luck training with short-stack!" She snickered and continued writing in her notebook. Levi scoffed at her then turned on his heel and left; I followed behind quickly.
The walk was silent - awkwardly silent. Part of me wanted to start conversation but I had no idea if normal conversation was even possible after everything that had happened. Instead I took to observing Levi out of the corner of my eye.
He walked with purpose, looking straight ahead, barely acknowledging that I was there. He seemed preoccupied, but I supposed that was because he had more important things to do than train me at the moment. He had felt my eyes on him and looked in his peripherals at me. When our eyes met, there was something in his that I couldn't quite place. It was almost as if he needed me. Or needed something from me, rather, but he looked away quickly.
What was that about? What could he possibly need from me other than to clean? Oh, that reminds me.. "I apologize about my office captain, I just haven't had time to get to it. I'll go after we're finished." I said softly to him. He ignored me and kept walking. Oh man, is this how it's going to be tonight? I do not want deal with this shit.
We finally reached the training grounds. I walked over to where the gear was but he stopped me, "No. Hand to hand first. This isn't going to be just an in and out training ." He said, annoyed. I sighed lightly and began taking off my jacket and rolling up my sleeves. "Alright, if we must." I said, readying myself. He took off his jacket as well and stood before me, ready to fight.
It was silent and neither of us moved a muscle. Do I go first? Or let him since he's my captain? Before I could make a decision, however, the captain made a swift punch towards me. I turned my body away from the punch and tried to send a knee up into his stomach, but he quickly maneuvered backwards and avoided my attack. While I had a free moment, I lunged forward and tried to land a punch of my own on him, but he grabbed my fist and bent my arm in the opposite direction. Moving swiftly, I rotated my body to get out of his hold, bent down and gave a low kick in an attempt to knock him off his feet, but he was too quick. He had jumped over my foot, landed back on his own feet and sent a foot flying at my head. I managed to block it with both arms in the knick of time. With almost no time to spare, I jumped backwards, and stood there, breathing heavy, observing him. He, too, was short of breath.
We both sat there and stared at each other for a long while. All these movements, all these actions were so familiar, for both of us. My heart ached at the thought of what it used to be like and I suddenly yearned to hear him joke about how bad I was, and then ruffle my hair and say he was only kidding. I sighed. That was then, this is now.
Again, I went after him with all my speed. He dodged easily and sent an elbow crashing down on your back. "Uhg!" I grunted as the pain rippled through my body. Damn it. The pain only inspired me to pop up lightning fast and upper cut him right under the chin. He stumbled back and spit what appeared to be blood from his mouth. "Okay. That's enough." He said, panting. "Woooo. Alright. How was that?" I asked in between breaths. "Passable." I rolled my eyes, not caring if he saw or not.
After we both caught our breath, he decided it was time for the 3Dmg training. As I stood next to him, putting my jacket on, I noticed some blood on his face. "Hey, you've got something on your lip." I pointed out. He reached up and tried to wipe it away. "No, right here." I pointed to the same spot on my face. He tried again, and failed to get it. I snickered. "Well don't just stand there then, clean it up!" He demanded, crossing his arms like a flustered child. I took another step toward him and leaned in closer. I brought my fingers up to his mouth, staring at the delicate curve of it. His lips were slender and taut yet surprisingly soft. A small part of me wondered how they would feel against my own, but I quickly dismissed such ludacris thoughts and quickly wiped the blood off. "There. It's gone." I stated, matter of fact. He stared me down, his eyes moving from my own and down to your lips. Suddenly, his head snapped in the other direction, toward the trees and began walking away. A blush began to creep up my neck. Oh God, what is happening to me?!
The forest had become daunting all of a sudden. Training by myself or with my comrades was one thing, but here I was, training with humanity's number one solider. Up until now, I had been absolutely confident in my abilities and didn't worry about receiving ridicule from him, but now the field was wide open for his snarky remarks, and it made me just the tiniest bit nervous.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" He asked, looking me up and down. I fidgeted nervously, but didn't answer. "Tch." He shot an anchor as high as possible into one of the trees and flew up so effortlessly that it made me even more nervous. Come on, Europa, you can do this. It's just Levi. Relax. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. Let's do this." I whispered to myself and shot an anchor right next to his. I took off into the air, flying towards him. I let out a laugh at the exhilarating feeling of being almost weightless. Landing with a gentle thud next to him, I grinned from ear to ear. "Finally. Brat. Let's get moving." He said, his voice as lifeless as a dead body.
We both jumped from tree to tree until we were a fair distance into the forest itself. Once he was satisfied, we stopped and he motioned to the 12m titan cut out just in front of us. "Go. I want to see if you can even dent it." I narrowed my eyes at his subtle insult, but said nothing as I was still unsure of my own skills despite training with the rest of the cadets earlier that week. Taking a deep breath, I jumped off the branch and sunk my anchor into the back of the cut out. I came closer and closer to the back of the neck and with a swift flick of my blades, I cut right through the 'meat'. I launched another anchor immediately and swung up onto another branch. Levi was across the clearing from me, his expression unreadable. I made your way to him in order to get the final verdict.
"Sloppy and too slow. You would have been dead in an instant." He said with a slight undertone of anger. I huffed, irritated. "Okay, well how do I do better then?" I crossed my arms and waited for a reply. "You need to keep your extremities closer to your body until the very last moment. It helps you move through the air without much wind resistance. You also need to work on angling your body the right way in order optimize your options for attack." He stated smartly. I nodded my head, heeding the advice. "Let's find another one."
The two of us set off and found another 12m. Remembering what he told me, I held my arms as close to my body as possible and kept my legs together. The increase in speed was definitely noticeable and I felt like I had more control over my movements too. The neck was approaching much quicker this time. I responded as such and cleanly sliced a perfect chunk out. Landing on another branch, I pumped my fist in the air, proud of myself for such a beautiful execution. Levi stood waiting for me once again and so I jumped over to him.
I hadn't realized how quickly I was coming in because when I landed on the branch I stumbled, almost falling, but an iron grip had captured my arm and pulled me back roughly. I found myself pressed against Levi's chest and dangerously close to his face.
And then everything started to move in slow motion.
The silver pools in his eyes stared down at me with such brilliance that I couldn't contain the pink color that was blossoming all over my cheeks. Slowly, his free hand moved up to my face, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Without missing a beat, his fingers traced the line of my jaw all the way to my chin and down my neck, causing a shiver to race down my spine. His hand cupped the side of my cheek and pulled me even closer to him until our lips finally met. I gave into the kiss without hesitation and all time seemed to have come to an abrupt halt. Never in a million years would I have ever pictured this happening, but for some reason it felt so right, so absolutely perfect that I wished the moment would never end. But as if on cue, he pulled away slowly and proceeded to look at me for what seemed like eternity, an insatiable hunger glowing in his eyes.
