Sorry to have been away from this story for so long... Shortly before Pennance went on it's rather long hiatus, I scored my dream job, and while it is quite fulfilling, it leaves me no time for writing. As a reward to all of you for sticking it out with me, I have combined the last two chapters into one final mega-chapter. The last half of this chapter is not the original ending, but I think it better fits the way the story evolved. I will publish the original ending separate of this one, to avoid any confusion, but if you're interested in finding out how things might have gone differently, feel free to check it out and Please let me know what you think either way! Again, thanks for sticking it out with me, and a final huge thanks to Zonkie. Without her Guidance and encouragement, this story would have been a sad, pale, shadow of it's current form. In addition to that I would like to thank those of you who have poked me over the last year or so, your continued interest is was a real motivator in finally finishing, Thank You...
and now, without further adieu,
On with the show!
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Chapter 9
That Which We Leave Behind
Harry leaned back against the cold muddy side of the ditch, but had only blurred memories of the desperate scramble he and carter had made to get there. He was nauseous and dizzy, and moving his head only made the vertigo worse... Percussive bursts of gunfire made it feel as though some one was driving an ice pick through his right ear.
Carter had barely spotted the falling grenade in time to break and swerve away. They may not have gotten away totally unscathed, but his quick reaction may well have meant the difference between his current condition and 'singin with the angles'. As it was, the grenade had gone off under the rear tires of the duce, effectively crippling it, the condition of the human occupants was, as yet, unknown. Bailey and Hansen, knocked from the back of the truck as it was lifted by the blast, had participated in the same desperate scramble for the ditch that he and Carter had made, and were now occupied with giving Gerry a piece of their mind via 45 caliber Morse code. He wished they would stop.
.o0o.
His ears buzzed like a kicked hornet's nest. As he rolled onto his feet, he found them particularly hard to keep underneath him. Even in this dazed state though, battle conditioning warned him that waiting for his equilibrium to return could well prove lethal.
The others were beginning to recover as well. Both Al and Winry had started to crawl toward the opening at the back of the truck. That too could likely prove a death sentence. Fighting the vertigo, he scrambled forward. Grabbing her ankle, he dragged her back from the flap.
Whether simply still disoriented from the blast, or truly believing him her enemy, she fought like a demon, thrashing, kicking, and scratching so that he was hard pressed to keep a hold of her, let alone stop Alphonse from making the same possibly fatal mistake. Thankfully Harper had recovered enough of his senses to be able to intervene before that particular disaster could come to pass.
After landing a particularly vicious elbow, Winry managed to lurch free of his grasp, only to land face to face with Buxton's lifeless corpse. A small amount of blood had dripped from beneath his helmet, the dark trails turning at right angles halfway down his face in an odd zigzag pattern that was presumably a result of his fall from the bench to the floor. A gleam of silver rimmed the hole in his otherwise pristinely olive drab helmet, and shone brightly in the moonlight. She screamed, or at least would have had Mustang not clamped a hand tightly over her mouth.
"Winry," he whispered urgently. "We have to stay quiet, let them think we're dead..." after a moment she nodded. Then, when he finally felt her relax under his grip, he slowly removed his hand.
.o0o.
She regretted now reacting the way she had, but when he'd grabbed her in the aftermath of the blast, it had been terrifying. Disoriented, her senses reeling from the shock, all she'd wanted to do was get away. To where, and from what, she didn't know, but when his hand closed on her ankle, for a moment it was almost as if she was back in that clearing.
Clawing and kicking as though her life depended on it, it had only been his voice that broke through her panic, clearing her senses enough for her to realize where she was and who it was that held her. Her remorse had been both instant, and crushing, but showing no signs of anger or offense, he brushed the incident aside.
A burst of gunfire ripped the air, the first since the assault began, thankfully it did not seem to be leveled at the truck just yet. Through the partially fallen flap of canvass they could see Carter pulling Harry toward the ditch at the side of the road, all the while trying to keep the jeep between them and an assaulting force of unknown number.
Bailey and Hanson, who had been knocked from the truck by the initial blast were also taking cover in the ditch, and quickly returned fire, drawing any attention the enemy might have been paying it away from the truck.
Taking advantage of the distraction, Harper pulled the jack knife from his pocket and crawled underneath the bench. Opening it quietly, he slipped it down between the side of the truck and the canvass and cut the ties that held the cover in place. He then passed the knife to Mustang, indicating he should do the same. After following suit, Roy turned to hand the knife back, but Harper was already sliding down through the makeshift exit they had created. Sure they may need it again, Roy pocketed it for safekeeping. A moment later Harper's head popped back up through the opening, and gave a nod to signal that the way was clear.
She and the brothers were guided to the side of the truck where Roy and Harper created an opening.
Harper had gone first, to be sure the way was safe, then one by one, they followed after him, until it came time for her to go. Nodding once at Roy, she dropped through the opening to the ground beside the back tires, and crouching low, moved hurriedly toward the ditch. Just ahead of her Ed and Al had done likewise.
An inch or two of icy water that had collected at the bottom, greeted them as they splashed down into the ditch for cover. It was miserable but helped to clear her mind more. Truly taking in her surroundings for the first time, she was relieved to see that Dell and Hicks had also made it out of the truck mostly unharmed. They were crouched for cover a little further down, Harper with them, conferring quietly.
She began to check Ed and Al for injuries. In her still somewhat shocked and over-sensitized state, the jangling of their chains as they moved about seemed almost as loud as the machine gun fire that had rousted them from the truck.
The manacles were going to be a serious hindrance if they needed to retreat further, but the keys were likely still with Buxton, so she may well have to pick them. Without much conscious thought, one hand went to her pocket, while the other combed through her hair in search of the pins she sometimes used to hold it back, but to no avail on either account.
What tools she had left were not even in this world, and she had long since traded her pins for a bandanna when she started work at the factory. She swore silently, casting her gaze around, but at the moment, saw nothing suitable.
When she looked back, Harper was making his way toward her. She was about to ask him if he had anything she might use, but as he passed, his hand fell gently to her shoulder. In the other hand, he was holding out his pistol to her. Before she could question, he cut her off.
"No arguments, Winry, this is life or death. We might not be able to protect you this time, and any defense is better than none at all... If you have time to aim, do it. Otherwise, hold it as steady as you can, point, pull the trigger, and for the love of god, don't hesitate, 'cause you can be damned sure they won't."
Leaving no time for her to respond or protest, he pressed the gun into her hand and continued past her without so much as a backward glance. He was heading in the direction of carter and harry, who had holed up a little farther on. She looked down at the cold weight in her hand... It seemed almost too light when one considered it's purpose, and even in these circumstances, she wasn't sure if she would be able to use it. Tucking it into the back of her waistband, she hoped she might yet avoid finding out.
Movement at the edge of her peripheral vision drew her attention as she straightened her jacket. Roy had slipped down the side of the truck, and was now gathering himself to make the run to the ditch. Carter saw him too, and laid down a startling volley of cover fire as Mustang, looking almost comical with lantern in hand, dashed across.
.o0o.
Just as he had been about to slip through Harper's impromptu emergency exit, a metallic glint caught Roy's eye. Dangling precariously from a clip on the deceased colonel's belt, a small ring of keys swung silently in the moonlight.
Not bothering to get back to his feet, Mustang scrambled forward to snatch them from their clip. Then, almost as an afterthought, also grabbed the lantern Buxton had been holding when he was shot. Silently returning the way he'd come, he slipped down through the opening, and onto the ground.
He found himself beside the wheels which gave added cover, and made easier his escape to the safety of the ditch. Carter added cover fire to insure no attention was paid the shadow passing from truck to ditch.
Though Harper had moved off to join the contingent near the jeep, Winry and the brothers remained in the shadow of the truck, crouched safely below the line of fire at the bottom of the ditch. His arrival seemed to startle her, but only for a moment. That spirit of fearlessness he'd come to expect from her had, for the most part, been restored.
"Roy, do you have a pin?" she asked as he settled into a crouch.
There was an urgency in her question, but without context it only served to confuse.
"what?"
"A pin, or a piece of wire, or-"
"Winry, I could use your help over here!" Came Harper's cry, cutting her off.
A dozen or so yards away, they could make out the figure of Harry laying back against the wall of the ditch. He seemed the worst for wear out of all of them,... well, save Buxton, that was. A line of blood, colored black by the moonlight, stretched down from his ear to his collar, it denoted a punctured eardrum at the very least. He appeared to be unconscious, or... he quashed the line of thought before it could go any further.
Without a moment's hesitation, she turned away from him, setting her strange query aside for the time being. Keeping her head down, she scuttled to where Harper knelt, hunkered down over the injured man. He watched her go, then relaxed back against the spongy wall of the ditch. Not turning to address them, he spoke.
"I think It's past time I got you three home." Staring into the trees beyond, he said it so quietly the brothers barely heard...
.o0o.
Harry realized he must be drifting in and out of consciousness, as it seemed he'd only blinked as he finally saw Harper climbing out of the truck. When he next opened his eyes, though, Harper was beside him, shaking his shoulder and asking him nonsense questions he only half understood. Another blink, and Roy was there, speaking urgently in hushed tones, a ring of keys dangling from his partially outstretched hand as he pointed into the trees behind them.
Winry was now crouched beside him, where he thought Harper had been. Her attention seemed split between his injuries, and the conversation going on between Mustang and Carter. She looked worried, which made him worry too. He wanted to comfort her, but couldn't quite form the words. The dizzyness was coming again, he laid his head back and closed his eyes.
.o0o.
"I have an idea..." Roy said reaching out and revealing the keys to carter. "Winry and I are no good to you here, we can't help you defend, and the brothers are no good to your people dead, they may even be the reason for this attack... but if you'll have a quick look over those trees, I think you can guess what I'm going to suggest next." Roy chanced a smile as carter and the rest of the onlookers glanced in the direction he had indicated. There, rising above the trees in the distance, was a sight they had mourned just a few days earlier.
Smokestacks... ones that marked the location of that hellish camp, only now they might mark salvation itself.
"your people are still there, at the very least we can get the brothers to safety and get them to radio for help. If the Elrics are the intended target, then we might even be able to lead them away from you toward a better armed force."
"What better armed force?" Carter asked quietly, bringing mustangs revelation to a uneasy halt "at best, there are a few soldiers there guarding the aid workers. The majority are doctors, nurses and the like..." Carter sighed "Never the less, it may be our only chance. Get there, quickly, have them radio the base for reinforcements, we'll hold them off as long as we can." With that, he took the keys from mustang and unlocked the brothers manacles himself.
.o0o.
Harry wished they'd stop with all the target practice, his head was splitting and felt as if it might fly off in all directions at any second... Forcing open his eyes, he realized he must have passed out again. Winry, Mustang, and the brothers were nowhere to be seen, and the rest of their small force had consolidated to his location. They all seemed occupied in giving the folks across the way a piece of their mind (his too by the feel of it). In any given moment, he was having a great deal of difficulty remembering what had happened, and where precisely he was. Everything seemed muddled, he pressed the side of his head against the cool damp wall of the ditch, and waited for a lull in the gunfire. It felt good, but something wasn't right... it took him a moment to fix on it though, and even longer to get his eyes to focus... but there, in the strobe flash of machine gun bursts, he saw it. Down the road, movement where there shouldn't be... Men... No, soldiers! He gathered the words to him, grasping them tightly as they tried desperately to slip away. He shouted with all the strength he could muster.
"Carter, they're flaking us!"
.o0o.
In the wake of the rain, the temperature had dropped precipitously. They could see their breath, and the scent of damp and loam filled the mist that rose up from the warmer ground as they journeyed through the forest. Their way was well lit thanks to the still fairly leafless skeletal branches above and the fact that the storm had now passed them by, leaving behind only scattered and broken clouds to occasionally block out the light of a waning three quarters moon. They were moving as fast as Al was capable, but it worried Roy that even if they did reach the camp it still might not spell even temporary safety for the four of them. He still had no idea of what size force they were dealing with. The Sargent had mentioned that the whole reason they had decided to move the Elrics was because of how close the front was, so this might well be the full force of the enemy pushing back the lines, but it also might very well be a coordinated attack with a specified target or even a scouting party that got lucky and took advantage of the unfortunate situation, any of this was entirely possible... but if it was the full force of the enemy, or even a decent sized scouting party, the men of Carter's squad might soon be over run. The camp, being a humanitarian effort now and not as heavily guarded, probably wouldn't stand a chance either...
.o0o.
"Do you really think they're trying to flank us, or could they be after the Elrics?"
"We won't know that 'til we catch up to them. Hanson, take command! Harper and I are going to try and head them off before they manage to get behind us!"
Hanson nodded and began laying down cover fire, the other men followed suit, allowing Carter and Harper to make it safely into the woods. Moving silently from tree to tree they listened intently, and were after a time rewarded with a rustling of branches not far ahead. The rain had stopped and the cloud broken moonlight, filtered down through leafless branches, revealing the silhouette of a man not far ahead. The shape of his helmet gave him away as one of the enemy, and a glint of moonlight on the barrel of a gun revealed he was coming back towards them. They fired from the cover of their respective trees, and expected an answering volley, but when none came they peeked out and spied him on the ground a few yards ahead, sprawled with his rifle a foot from his hand. Taking no chances they maintained their cover and approached him indirectly but it turned out to be unnecessary, the man was quite dead.
"That's one of 'em, and he was definitely headed back toward the rest of our group. You find anything?"
"well no one ran away from this position, if that's what you're asking, he was alone at this point and moving slowly... Let's follow the tracks and see if we can't pin down the others"
They continued on, until Harper came to an abrupt halt, crouching low to the ground.
"That doesn't bode well..."
"What, do you see Harper?"
"Well they all stopped here for a minute, and then the one we got split off from the group. But I think he was sort of a 'Hail Mary pass'. The rest-" he was cut off by the sound of another explosion that came from the general direction of the camp.
"Yeah, that's what I was afraid of!" Harper said loudly so as to be heard over the bursts of gunfire that followed the initial explosion
Carter gave a perfunctory 'let's go' but Harper was already on the move before that last statement left his lips.
.o0o.
As they broke through the trees in to the brush that lined the clearing, Ed came to a jarring halt and fell back a few jerky steps. His reaction was so drastic that it caused mustang to scan their surroundings fearing as yet undetected assailants, but there were none.
"This place..." he muttered almost inaudibly.
Mustang found it difficult to discern the emotions behind his quiet statement, but looking over, he saw that Edward's face was grim. A moment later he saw Al place a reassuring hand on his brother shoulder.
"They'll never stop, will they mustang?... We escaped the monsters, but are we really safe? Are our so called rescuers any better, or will they turn out to be even more monstrous than those we fled?"
Looking upon the brothers, Mustang felt an overwhelming sense of reversal. they, not he, were now the aged warriors who had seen too much, and it only served to highlight the gravity of his failure to them.
"Alright mustang, I can think of no better place to try" Ed sighed, then looked over at his brother "you're the last of us, Al, the choice is yours" Al hesitated only a moment before nodding his assent.
Together they walked into the open at what Mustang hoped was a safe distance from the perimeter of the camp, then at as reasonably a nonthreatening pace as he could muster, approached the man guarding it with arms raised, calling out well before they reached him.
"Our convoy was ambushed! They need help, can you radio the camp for reinforcements?"
Warily, the guard beckoned them closer, and Roy had just begun to explain the situation, when he was cut off. Proceeded by a metallic thunk, a grenade detonated not far from them.
"Get inside! Move!" the guard yelled.
No longer standing on ceremony, he shoved them past him when he thought they weren't responding quickly enough, and swiftly brought up the rear as he laid down suppressing fire into the trees beyond.
Taking shelter in one of the large outbuildings near the rail siding, the guard exchanged gunfire a few more times with the as yet unseen enemy. Moments later, his compatriots converged on the fight, taking up key positions near by in an attempt to rebuff the attack.
Seeing they were in relatively good hands, he left them to report back to his superior and radio for more support. The building was empty and fairly dark, but a strafe of fire through the windows above their position suggested they might want to move deeper into it for cover. They entered a hallway briefly before ducking through an open door as another volley of fire shattered the windows behind them.
Out in the dark passage they saw a young soldier pass into view, crouching against the frame of the door. he fired two rounds through the windows, perhaps in the direction of the woods, then lowered his weapon, squinting into the darkness in search of some clue as to his next target.
distantly, they heard a pop, then just as suddenly they saw him jerk unnaturally. perhaps on instinct, his hand lifted away from his rifle and began to rise toward his chest but then came another distant pop. Surreally he jerked again, almost precisely in time with the sound. crumpling forward, his body fell from view. Only his boots and lower legs, now completely still, could be seen from their vantage.
Their previous experiences did nothing to dampen the shock of seeing this young strangers life stolen before their eyes, even as he fought to protect them. But there was no time for sorrow... no time to morn the strangers passing, only a renewed urgency to move deeper into the building.
Edward lead the way as they moved through a labyrinthine succession of hallways lined with pipes and barrels of harsh smelling chemicals. They passed rooms filled with only half noticed yet odd contents, one with a large pile of suitcases and what appeared to be wigs, another with a pile of clothing at one side, a pile oddly shaped pebbles at the other.
Finally he came to a halt just inside a doorway. They had followed him into a low ceilinged room with tiled walls and floor. Their footsteps echoed off the walls in the darkness betraying it's true size.
Mustang struck a match to light the lantern he carried still. It was an action the irony of which was not lost on the Elrics. Setting it on the floor between them, he spoke
"Ed, do you still remember how to make the circle that forms the gateway?"
Ed nodded, then looked to Al
"Brother, you have never attempted alchemy here, is that true?"
Al nodded
"Not even after Noe...?"
"what good would it have done?" Al said, sadly shaking his head. The pained look on his face was unmistakable... While better hidden, Ed mirrored it all the same.
"Alright," he said gravely "give me your hand... Mustang, may I borrow your knife?"
Roy was about to apologize that he had none, when a weight in his pocket reminded him that fate might not be entirely against them. Drawing Harper's jackknife from his pocket, he pondered briefly on the happenstance that had brought it into his possession.
"What are you going to do?" Al asked as his brother took the knife from Roy and opened it.
There was no fear in his voice, only curiosity.
"The same thing I did all those years ago... hopefully the results won't be quite so disastrous this time..." he mused quietly, but when he looked up, Al's eyes still sought answers. He sighed.
"As you well know, there is no Alchemy in this world, so each time a gateway has been opened from this world to our own, it has been by way of an Elric's blood... First Envy's, then mine, then father's" Ed said taking his brothers hand. With a small and fleeting smile full of memories, sadness, but above all, determination, he used the knife to cut Al's finger "of the Elric's present, only yours has yet to be used for such a purpose"
Returning the knife to Mustang, he pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket
"It didn't take very much when I did it, so hopefully this will be enough" he said and drew it across the blood now welling up from the cut, leaving a thick red line down the side of it as the blood soaked in.
"You really think this will work?" asked Alphonse, taking the piece of chalk from ed and snapping it in half, before returning one of the halves to Ed.
"I hope so..." Ed answered, but he looked even less convinced than he sounded.
"I think I might be able to help." Speaking up for the first time, Mustang pulled out his pocket watch. "One last little piece of insurance..."
Carefully unscrewing the stem, he shucked off the protective silver case, handing it to Winry. Just as suddenly she realized what he was up to... Knew because she was probably the only other person in the room who had seen the inner workings of a state alchemist's watch.
Flipping the device face down, he dug the point of the blade into the seam where the back cover joined the body. Confirming her theory, he pried it off, revealing the source of the watches power, it's ability to amplify... a small stone, the color of the blood that was shed to make it, set in the center of the largest visible gear.
Again employing the knife point, he worked carefully to pry it free. When it popped loose, the movement went still, never to move again. As they all looked on, he placed the stone in the left breast pocket of his standard issue olive drab shirt, and reassembled the watch. Looking up at the brothers when he had finished, he handed the now defunct mechanisim to Ed
"Give this to Riza... tell her I'm sorry." He sighed, then went on "There's a letter for her, in a file marked miscellaneous. It's in the top drawer of my filing cabinet in the office... I'd meant to leave it out for her before I left, but things didn't exactly go the way I'd planned them"
Ed nodded quickly slipping it into his hip pocket, then in unison the two brothers turned and set off across the room to start their work.
Roy had long recognized the fertile possibility that had once lay between them... Riza's skill and dedication to duty were unmatched by any of the men under his command.
Every mans soldier, she'd risen well beyond the hopes her high ranking father held for the son he never had... But her convictions, combined with his own demons, had smothered the life from anything that might ever have grown up between them. He doubted if he was alone in recognizing the tragedy of that...
Possibility had another name, though,... It was called hope, And Mustang well knew that a little hope could sometimes be more dangerous than all the pain and despair these withering worlds had to offer. This was most assuredly true in Winry's case.
Winry had been hurt deeply by loss after loss, and from the understandable fear of being hurt again, she'd sunken into isolation... He believed she might eventually have overcome it, though, had it not been for a poisonous hope.
Hope that the boys might someday return had been a double edged sword. Reinforcing her doubts about every single relationship that presented it self, romantic or otherwise... While simultaneously encouraging her into deeper and deeper isolation, in preparation for their unlikely reunion...
Hope had been far more damaging to her, he believed, than their out right deaths would have been... He would not leave that kind of poisonous hope for Riza.
Content with his decision, he watched the brothers go about their work. Despite the years he'd known them, Mustang still sometimes found it easy to forget that Al was just as gifted an alchemist as his brother. Now, as they moved in silent harmony around one another laying the lines that might finally take them home, it was more than obvious that they were two sides of the same coin. Hard to believe that they had spent almost twice as many years in this world with out alchemy, as they had lived when he first met them.
He turned to look at Winry, and found the moment he'd been dreading had arrived. She was studying his face closely. He shot her a smile, but the immense sadness he suddenly felt could not be hidden by it. She saw through the mask instantly.
"You're not coming back with us..." she said with a quiet realization
He saw the shock and pain of the it move through her.
"No"
She knew his answer before he spoke it, but she was not yet prepared to except it at face value.
"Why not?"
"It's just the way it has to be"
"That's bullshit!"
"There's a price, Winry. The balance has to be maintained... For me this was always going to be a one way trip..."
"Why? Why did you do this?! Did you think sacrificing your self would somehow absolve you?"
"No"
"Then why?"
"Because it had to be done, because it is the least I could do after all the pain I'd caused, and most importantly, because I promised..."
"I don't want this. I never wanted this!"
"It's too late"
"No, it can't be, there has to be some other way!"
"There isn't... I'm sorry, Winry, there just isn't... The guns are getting closer, and they aren't ours... Even if they were this would still be necessary... don't you see, no matter which side comes through that door, they are going to take Edward and Alphonse away. The only way I can prevent that is to send them home, and you with them."
"But why must you stay?"
"Deep down, you already know the answer... that was the price, the bargain I struck to come here... I can't go back"
Bowing her head she nodded.
"Then let me stay with you." she whispered pleadingly
"No"
"There's nothing left for me back home! I could handle being stuck here, if I still had you-"
she glanced hopefully up at him, but he sadly shook his head.
"I can't protect you here!" He shouted harshly, cutting her off, then sighed "Getting the Elrics out of here is the right thing to do. Something I must do.
"The fact still remains, though, that I am helping extremely valuable prisoners escape... How well do you think all the people running this- Not people like Carter or Harper, mind you... People like Buxton- How well do you think they're going to take that?... Even if I escape, I'll be seen as a criminal. They will hunt me for the rest of my life... That's the best case scenario... I won't share that fate with you..."
"Don't I get any say in the matter?"
"No. If you were hurt, or killed while it was in my power to stop it... I just couldn't live with it. I have to get them out of here, Winry, and I have to know you're safe... This is the only way I can be sure. I know you're not happy with it, but it's for your own good, I'm sorry. This really is the way it has to be."
The conviction in his voice finally seemed to put an end to her resistance. With a sob, he watched the reality of his words sink in.
As one after another racked her body, he pulled her close, and stroked her hair as he held her. Shielding her from the world, while she mourned yet another inevitable loss.
Slowly her tears abated. She'd cried so much in the past few days, that he wondered she had any tears left... Now as she lifted her face, he reached out and brushed away the final remnants of them with the back of his hand, giving her a heavyhearted smile. Swallowing his own pain, he spoke.
"You know, there was a time, not that long ago, when I thought I couldn't tell you I was sorry... That it was pointless to even try, because you could never except it...
"I know now that wasn't true... Truth is, it was really me who couldn't except it..., I simply couldn't believe that you could ever forgive me... I know differently now, and I am sorry... truly sorry, for all the pain that I've caused you"
He heard her inhale sharply, and knew that she was about to protest, so he hurried on "I'm also grateful... Grateful for the time we've had, and for all that you've taught me..."
He pulled her close, held her tight for what he knew was probably the last time, and in that moment that seemed to span out into an eternity, tried to memorize every detail of her being... the softness of her hair, her scent, the way she fit against him when he held her,... everything. but all to soon he noticed that the brothers had nearly finished their work. She'd laid her head on his shoulder as they embraced, so now he leaned his down until his lips nearly touched her ear. Then using every ounce of courage he had, he whispered to her the words that he'd held back until now...
"I love you..."
She sighed, and he saw the skin of her arms rise in tiny goose bumps as she lifted her head to look at him, her eyes meeting his. Though they were full of sorrow, she managed a smile
"I love you too" She said softly, her hand brushing across his cheek.
Then, reaching up on tiptoes, she drew his face down to hers. Placing a gentle kiss on his forehead she looked deeply into his eyes
"...and I do forgive you Roy, I forgave you a long time ago... Do you think you can do the same for your self?"
Her hand lingered on his cheek a moment more before she lowered it to her side, but he caught it up in his. Raising it to his lips, he pressed a kiss into its soft back, lifting his gaze to meet hers, he said with the utmost sincerity
"I will try"
Despite the sadness in it, he thought her smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen... He would have been content to just stand there looking at it for the rest of eternity, but they were out of time. The gunfire had gotten far to close, and the brother's task was complete. Reluctantly he loosed her hand. With a final look back, she turned and entered the circle.
Going to stand between Ed and Al, she took their hands in hers. He took his own position beside the array. Crouching, he drew Harper's blade across the palm of his hand, then retrieving it from his pocket, he dropped the small red stone into the growing pool of blood and closed his fist, looking to the brothers for a final time. They visibly tightened their hands on hers, crouching now to place their free hands on the array, each nodded in unison.
"Goodbye Roy, thank you"
Her words drifted to him like dandelion down on a summer breeze, he smiled past the lump in his throat
"Goodbye Winry"
Then opening his hand, he gritted his teeth and slammed it palm down into the array, violently the power surged through him filling the circle with a blinding electric blue glow that faded to white...
.o0o.
It was terribly disorienting... No sky... No ground... No horizon... Just white in every direction as far as the eye could see... It was dizzying. What was happening? Where was he? How did he get here? Everything seemed so strange...
He felt something small and hard clutched in his left hand, it was very warm, almost hot. He looked down as he opened his fingers and there in the palm of his hand was a small red stone, it seemed to glow with it's own light, despite the brightness of the world around him.
When he looked up again, he stood before an immense intricately detailed gate. Some distance off to the side of him, he discovered three ghostly figures had also materialized. They seemed frozen in place, so faded, so transparent, that he could barely make out their features.
But he now remembered what his purpose here was...When he looked back at the gate, it was open,... thousands of eyes stared out of the blackness at him. Though they made no sound, he found he could understand them perfectly.
They wished to know what he offered in return for the safe passage of these three. He held out the tiny stone. The eyes narrowed as one, as if to say 'is that all?'.
Exile... He offered, but was informed that he had already given that to come here...
Alchemy? The eyes looked scornful, and he realized that it was hardly a sacrifice if he had already agreed to exile in a world where it did not exist...
He racked his brain, was there anything else he could offer?
Then a sudden inspiration struck him... It had been posited by some, as an explanation of Al's very particular amnesia, that Edward had traded Al's memories of all they had gone through together, good and bad, while pursuing the philosopher's stone, in return for reuniting Al's body with his soul... now he hoped that hypothesis had been correct...
He looked over at her for a moment and wished he could touch her one more time, but perhaps it was better this way... If they could not be together, it was better to wipe the slate clean... For her at least... If she could forget that it had ever happened... If he could he could take this pain from her, bear the burden for them both... He would not hesitate. Though it seemed fittingly ironic that such an easy decision could hurt so much...
He turned to face the gate once more, and shouted it in the strange thought/speech of this place,
LOVE!
For a moment the eyes went wide, then slowly they began to close, and everything went white again... It seemed his offer had been excepted...
.o0o.
Energy crackled around him, and great gusts of wind whipped through the room, being drawn into the energy vortex at the center of the circle, then as quickly as it had appeared, the light began to fade and the wind died out. The gate was closed.
Alone now in the dim lamplight, he sat back on his heels and glanced down at his hand, it was still bleeding, but not all that unexpectedly, the stone was also gone. He sighed. It's over... Then he heard footsteps approach from across the room.
"WHERE ARE THE OTHERS YOU WERE WITH?" Demanded an angry voice
"Gone."
Still kneeling beside the now dead array he made no move to rise.
"Where?!" Cried the man indignantly, coming to stand before him.
Roy winced slightly as his shuffling steps marred the now useless pattern.
"Tell me where they are, or I'll kill you!"
Mustang shrugged.
"Kill me if you need to, my mission's complete, they're together and she's safe, that's all that matters."
The mans face darkened into a homicidal rage, but Mustang felt no fear... From the start, he'd been willing to give his life if necessary, and that hadn't changed... If he died in the very next moment, surprisingly enough, he could honestly say that he was satisfied with how things had turned out, sure he had his regrets, didn't everybody? What mattered was that he had come here to save her,... and in the end he had succeeded in doing so, but with an unexpected bonus, because she had saved him too... He smiled... for the first time in fourteen years, Roy Mustang was at peace...
"Just what in the hell are you smiling at?!" growled the man standing over him "You sonuvabitch, I'll wipe that stupid grin off your face"
Angrily he drew back and planted a boot in Roy's chest, sending him sprawling onto his back. Gun trained at his head, the man came to stand over him, once more placing his boot on Mustang's chest, this time using his weight to hold him down... But Mustang made no move to defend himself, though the knife lay within easy reach reach, and he might be able to get it out before this man could kill him. He found he just wasn't willing to take another life, even if that life seemed fully willing to take his...
What ever will be, will be... trusting himself to the hands of fate, he closed his eyes and pictured Winry as she had been just moments ago, standing like an angle of mercy in the blue glow of the circle, hand in hand with the brothers on either side, and on her face the most perfect, beautiful smile he'd ever seen in his life.
Then a shot rang out... His fate had been decided.
Chapter 10
Letting Go
It was disorienting to say the least, this silent white world with no sky or ground or horizon. Before her stood a large stone gateway with ornate grotesques and disturbing depictions carved into every surface... for some reason, though she knew she was meant to go through it, she dreaded doing so, as though it would mean her end if she did.
In that moment she became aware of two hands clutching her own... looking down to her left, she followed it wrist to arm, arm to shoulder and then finally, shoulder to face, but the kind gray eyes she met there were not the ones she'd hoped to.
Disappointed, she looked to her right and found familiar gold ones, they did not meet hers as their brother's had. Instead they looked steadily forward, ever set on some distant future as they had always been. These were not the eyes she sought either. Finally as the gate began to open, she looked past the two men that flanked her, and found what she had been seeking.
Separated from the rest by some considerable distance, black eyes full of sorrow and pain met her's. Hesitantly he turned away and began to fade into the misty white of this world.
No!
She tried to scream for him to stop, but only silence escaped her lips...
Why was he leaving? And then finally, perhaps thanks to the presence of the gate, she remembered... It wasn't his choice to leave, it was only that he couldn't follow her where she was going.
A memory that had only come before in enigmatic and ill fitted pieces carried by dreams, now returned clear and complete... She had been in that place once before... That dark terrifying land beyond the gate, of tearing, grasping hands and greedy, predatory eyes. They had dragged her deep into the engulfing blackness and she'd believed she would be entombed there for all of eternity, but she'd been saved.
Exile...
That was what had been offered and accepted, and the gate wasn't in the habit of renegotiating contracts. He was staying because he had to, and she was going because it was for her own good...
No!
Dammit, NO!
Ever since she was six years old, she had been doing things because they were 'for her own good', and what good had it done her?
'For her own good' left her with her Grandmother while her parents to went off to war, only to return in a box...
'For her own good' left her caring for an amnesiatic Al, after Ed disappeared...
And finally, 'for her own good' left her destitute and nearly suicidal, waiting patiently beside defunct array in that cavernous abandoned tomb, for a man who was never coming back...
Honestly, what good had 'for her own good' ever actually done her?
In step, and in unison, the brothers she had known all her life, moved forward toward the gate. It was assumed that she would follow, but now she understood what she must do... All her life she'd never had a choice, never had a say in the matter when someone she loved was taken from her, when 'for her own good' left her alone again and again. This time she had a choice, and choose she did.
Giving the hands that held hers a squeeze to say goodbye, she released them, letting go of more than just their hands. She let go of the boys she had once believed to be her family and future... It was a childish fantasy that would never, could never be.
Steeling herself she stepped away from the gate. Ed didn't look back, he never could, but Al did. With a look of understanding that was bittersweet because he too had once had to make a similar choice, he mouthed goodbye to her. She nodded once returning the farewell. Then turning away she began to sprint, as the world faded first to gray then pitch black.
On and on she went fighting her way through a clutching darkness that was almost tar-like and seemed to intent on dragging her down. Like tiny hands plucking at her from all directions, the darkness grasped at her. More even than her body, it seemed to tug at her heart, and her mind, and her memories... her recollections of the last few days began to lose color and cohesion. As she pressed on further, she found it harder and harder to remember why she was even running... Why she was fighting... she feared she might be making no headway at all...
Finally she saw something... at first she scarcely believed it was real, but there up ahead in the darkness she saw the pale blue-white glow of a line. Upon seeing it, her clarity began to return, even as the line itself was fading. Some instinct told her that she must reach it before it disappeared entirely, so using the last of her strength she hurled herself toward it, hoping, willing, praying, that it might lead her back. Back to the one place she truly belonged...
.o0o.
Lying at the far edge of the circle, she awoke in shadow, the lantern having been pushed to the edge of the room by the tempest of the transmutation.
It was Roy's voice that had brought her around, but she hadn't realized there was another in the room until the man began to shout threats at him. It was Roy's response though, that chilled her to the bone.
'Kill me if you need to, my mission is complete...'
He was ready to die, she could hear it in the calm resonance of his voice, and it terrified her. She began to understood how he had felt that day in the graveyard. What he had seen in her eyes then, she now heard reflected in his voice.
As yet unnoticed by either he or the soldier, she struggled to her feet as quietly as she could, and drew Harper's gun from her waistband. It shook badly and she did her best to steady her hand as she leveled it trying to remember everything Harper had told her about aiming a pistol. Frightened beyond belief not for herself, but for him, she nearly failed to suppress a cry of alarm when the man knocked Roy to his back with a harsh blow to the chest, and placed his foot in the center of it while pointing the gun at his head. But it was the catalyst she needed, in one instant she fully understood the need to protect something to the death, and in the next instant her hand now steady, took aim and fired.
Still, at first she wasn't sure if she had acted in time, nothing moved but the gun in her hand now shaking again in earnest as smoke curled lazily from it's barrel. Finally after an eternity that lasted half a second, the soldier crumpled to the floor. Drawing a shaky breath, she ran to Roy, falling to her knees at his side as she checked over him to assure herself that he was, in fact, uninjured. His eyes opened as her hand passed over his chest. A tempestuous mix of confusion, fear, and relief flooded his features as he reached up to touch her face, seemingly in an attempt to prove to himself that she was really there.
"Winry...?"
She nodded leaning into his hand and smiling shakily.
"I must be dead..." he said almost inaudibly to himself, but she shook her head "then how...?"
"I just- I couldn't."
Fretfully she licked her lips as she bowed her head and looked up like a frightened child into his eyes.
"Please don't be angry"
The look that crossed his face at her words was indecipherable, but as he drew a breath to speak, whatever he had intended to say was interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps coming from the hall outside.
Abruptly he sat up. Pressing her behind him, he placed his body between her and the door effectively shielding her from anyone that came through it. Ultimately though, the action proved unnecessary as the footsteps turned out to be those of Carter and Harper.
He visibly relaxed as they surged into the room, though they seemed wholly prepared to cut down any resistance they encountered. Once they were certain no one else occupied the room, Harper ran to the couple, while Carter checked the soldier that lay close by.
Up until that point she had been alright, but as carter kicked his gun away and rolled him over to check for other weapons, the enormity of what she had done began to crush down on her... his eyes were open but unmoving... He was dead... dead by her hand. On a basic level, she understood that the situation had necessitated it, but she still couldn't help but be horrified by the outcome
Violent tremors began to wrack her body, as she desperately tried to force down the sudden urge to be sick. She wanted to look away, but couldn't seem to break the hold those empty eyes had on her. Vaguely she became aware of two things, the first was that someone was calling her name, the second being that tears had begun to pour down her cheeks and she couldn't seem to control them.
Finally, two hands cradling the sides of her face, forcibly turned her gaze from those dead eyes, and she found herself looking deeply into the onyx eyes she'd fought so hard to get back to. Suddenly she could breath again, and her shaking began to diminish as he pulled her into a tight embrace. She didn't even notice when he pulled the pistol she still clutched from her hand and surreptitiously handed it to Harper.
"She saved my life." he said to Harper who looked on in sympathy "I stayed behind, I just wanted to give them a chance to get away... hoped I could buy them some time, I didn't know she'd come back... I'm so sorry Winry."
He continued to hold her, stroking her hair as though comforting a small child, as she continued to weep quietly into the hollow of his shoulder.
"She did what she had to do" carter said softly "come on, let's get her outside, the fresh air will do her good."
Mustang nodded and rose to his feet. At first he thought he might have to carry her but after a moment she shakily stood, though she still stayed close, leaning heavily on him as Carter and Harper lead them from the room.
As they stepped out into the cool night air, she couldn't help but notice the scent of sulfur on the air, that turned her stomach anew. Nor was she oblivious to the glances mustang kept casting her way every third second or so. It was as though he still wasn't certain she was actually real, and that if he looked away for too long she might disappear for good. As they made there way across the courtyard, Hanson came running up to them...
"Are they alright? Where are the Elrics?"
Both Harper and Carter turned to look at the two of them questioningly. Still in a fog she answered honestly
"We were at the gate... They went but I couldn't go with them, I couldn't leave him..." she said quietly, the look in her eyes when she met his was almost as apologetic as it was hopeful.
He nodded in understanding.
"You heard her, Hanson, start at the gate and fan out."
He nodded and as he turned away, Harper made as if to follow him but Carter clapped a heavy hand on his shoulder.
"Not you, Harper. I want you to stay here, look after them and the rest of the wounded"
Harper nodded his assent, as carter patted his shoulder then trotted away after Hanson.
"It never gets easier, does it?"
He shook his head, a profound measure of sympathy showing from his eyes.
"I wondered after you shot that man who came into our camp, why your hands shook so badly..."
"Most people can't kill unless they, or someone they love, is threatened. That day I couldn't even bring myself to do it in my own protection, but when I knew he was going to kill Harper, and that he would kill you too, I didn't hesitate. Even when it is so clearly justified, though, it still goes against our nature, and that's why I think that feeling never goes away..."
Outside, he sat with her cradled in his lap. The morning was bitterly cold and the only respite they had found from it was to huddle together as they had the first night here. She'd fallen into a fitful slumber as the search for the brothers stretched into day break.
Harper had bandaged his hand and brought them a blanket. Now as he looked at her golden hair spilling out across the drab green backdrop, he thought it made her look even more otherworldly. Harper, moving about in an eccentric orbit between them, the injured, and the dead, returned, interrupting his revery.
"How's she doing?"
"Asleep for now...
"...she came back for me, Harper... she could have gone with them, and been safe, but she let them go. She came back to save me. "
Epilog
"It's been three days, and there's still no sign of them, yet you don't seem at all worried, Winry. How can that be? You and Roy risked your lives to find them, and now when they're missing again, it almost seems as though you don't care..."
Once things had settled down, they had retreated back to the relative safety of the base, but the calm had not lasted long. Once informed of what had happened officials and a wave of reinforcements had descended in a flurry soon after, to investigate the Elric's disappearance, taking all involved into custody. The original plan to evacuate was indefinitely on hold. She herself had been questioned and released, though she was hardly free to leave. Cater and Roy remained in custody, so she had little recourse but to bide her time and hope for the best.
To help pass the time, Winry worked in the medical ward, and she was fortunate enough to be back working under Harper who had been cleared and released back into service shortly after she had. He had come to look in on Harry, who apart from Buxton, had taken the most damage in the attack of a few days ago.
A burst eardrum, a concussion, and some shrapnel wounds, though not immediately life threatening, meant he wouldn't be returning to fighting for a while. Once Harry had fallen back to sleep, his favorite pastime these days, Harper and Winry had habitually fallen back into conversation.
"I do care, Harper, but I there is nothing left that I can do for them anymore... When they first went missing there was no warning they were just gone... I never even got to say goodbye. This time was different. I knew I was making a choice when I left them at the gate, and I made peace with that. I got to say goodbye... There's no feeling of loss or sadness or fear, like I had before. I can't tell you how or why, but I believe they are safe, and perhaps it's better that no one knows where they've gone. We're not the same people we were before, they've been through so much more than I could possibly understand. Maybe this way they can find peace too."
.o0o.
They interrogated him on and off for more than a week, trying to poke holes in his story from any and all angles. At one point in a joking manner, he'd told them the truth, the Whole truth, or at least as much of it as he could get out before they cut him off... He'd made it about a third of the way through an abbreviated saga of transmutation circles and alchemy and alternative universes before the interrogator had lost his patience and screamed at him.
But aside from that one laps of composure due to the tedium of telling the story over and over, he kept it together because he knew she was waiting for him. Eventually albeit, reluctantly, they'd reached the determination that he'd done nothing wrong... Which had been a great relief, though they had all been left worrying over carter's fate...
Two days later, it was finally determined by the investigating body that no blame should be assigned to him either. He had done everything in his power to protect the prisoners by removing them from the initial site of the ambush, and mounting a direct assault on the troops that tried to flank them. Considering their resources, or the lack there of, nothing more could have been done to maintain or protect them. And though it went unrecorded because they did not wish to sully the name of a dead man, Carter was privately informed by the lead investigator that they laid any blame for what had gone wrong on General Buxton's lack of field savvy and failure to follow protocol. He had then been released from custody posthaste with a commendation for his actions.
.o0o.
Hanson had been right. A few months later the war in this part of the world had wound down to just a few bitter battles for the remaining enemy strongholds. along with it, the search for the missing brothers seemed to stall. Occasionally someone would quarry him or Winry about some detail of the brothers lives but With few leads, and a clear, and conveniently deceased, culprit in the whole fiasco, she and Roy had eventually been largely forgotten. At first they had planned to remain, and try to help rebuild their new homeland, but upon learning of Winry's condition they decided to accept Harper's offer of a place to stay until they got settled.
They'd boarded a crowded ship for a place he called 'the States', but might have thought twice had they known then what the trip would entail... It was a miserable crossing.
The simple presence of one another had done a great deal to reduce the frequency of their nightmares. When they did occur, they were there for each other, but Winry, fighting a combination of sea, and morning sickness, rarely left the bunk. Roy, helpless to do more, remained at her side, offering what little comfort he could.
She'd been almost completely drained by the third night, and yet unable to sleep she lay weakly in her pallet staring up at the springs of the bunk above her. Unexpectedly she'd begun to speak. At first he'd thought her delirious, but a clarity quickly became apparent in her words...
"You know, grandmother always knew who you were from the very moment you set foot through our door... She told me so, about a year before she died. I asked her why she'd never said anything before... You know what she said...?" she asked, turning her eyes to him in the gloom.
He remembered that night, he'd seen the tightening of the old woman's jaw and the glint in her eye. He'd waited for her to scream at him, to condemn him, to call him murderer and demand he leave her house, but she hadn't, and he'd always wondered why... He shook his head, and began to slide his hand from the bed, but she grasped it with a speed and strength he didn't know she still possessed after their arduous journey.
"She said it was how she recognized you that made her keep silent. I didn't believe her at first but she let me see it with my own two eyes, and when I'd seen it for my self she told me you'd never missed a year, not even when you were injured, or when you were stationed in the north... you came every year like clockwork... That was how you knew, wasn't it? That was how you knew I was alone"
In that moment the last secret that remained between them died.
"Yes, I'm sorry, I never meant to intrude..."
"I know, but I'm so glad that you did"
.o0o.
*Fin*
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Well, That's it!... But wait, there's MORE! The next posted chapter is the ending that was originally written for this story. Both endings were a bit 'Lady or the Tiger', but in the end I felt this onebetter fit how Winry had evolved through the story... Thanks so much to Ultea, adammgold, samp.k, toricaine, and everyone else that poked me with a not-so-blunt stick over the last few years... You are all very much responsible for keeping this story alive to the end, and I thank you very much for not letting it fade away...
