We are who we believe we are.
~ C.S. Lewis
Authors Note: Translations
(1) Big Sister
(2) Leave me alone.
(3) Get me something for my migraine and I will rise from my grave.
(4) Deckard
(5) Coming Sister!
(6)Ah thank you very much little officers.
"One-San (1)!"
"One-Sanit's time to get up! You have school today!" I groaned at the dual cries from Katsuo and Aiko from my bedroom door and rolled. My head was pounding with a migraine, and jet lag was finally starting to catch up with me. Which, for someone who never traveled is a pain in the ass to get over.
"Watashi o hottoi te.I have a migraine and the fact you two are yelling doesn't help." I groaned. I grunted at the dual bodies now bouncing on my back, and grunted every time one of them landed.
"Natasha! Time to get up!"
"Come on One-san!Up up up!" I groaned frustrated, but rolled over onto my abused back. They fell with shrieks, and sputtered laughter as I peaked at them tiredly. Aiko was at my face grinning, and she a merch shirt on. It held the strange police badge with wings and 'BP' engraved into the metal.
"Watashi ni watashi no kata zutsū no tame ni nanika o shutoku shi, watashi wa jibun no haka kara jōshō shimasu (3).Deal?" I asked, she beamed happily, and nodded excitedly.
"Okay! Here! You can hold onto Dekkado (4)until I get back! Come on Katsuo! She needs medical supplies, we're gonna need Duke!"
"Kamingu imōto! (5)" With them scampering out, I patted around for the blue mecha Aiko had called 'Deckard'. I felt the brush of metal, and pulled his frame in front of me. It was strange; he had the kind of face you could trust, and a smile to contribute to it. Even just his figured seemed almost sad though. Like he was missing someone or someone important to him had died.
Before I knew it, my thumb was rubbing in a soothing motion along his back and along the top of his head.
"Being alone hurts a lot. Not having anyone to talk too even really hurts too. I know that feeling, probably a lot better then you could ever imagine if we met. Something about you is familiar though... Perhaps I saw you on TV hm?" It was strange talking to him without thinking that it was strangely easy to do so. God knows how many times I had done so with the video camera I had packed away into my bag. By the time the twins came scampering in, Deckard was lying on my pillow, and I had my hand over his frame with my eyes closed.
"ONE-SAN!" ugggggh. I sat up slowly, watching Aiko take Deckard from his place on my pillow before taking the cup of water and two white pills from them, and downing the two dry then drinking the water.
"Ā anata wa hijō ni sukoshi no yakuin ni kansha(6).To what do I owe for such heroic deeds?" I asked playfully as the migraine receded. Their eyes lit up, and I felt a swell of regret as Katous clasped his hands together, brown eyes sparkling pleadingly as he dropped to his knees.
"Will you tell us a story about Echo One-san?Pretty please? Mama doesn't like hearing about it, but we wanna know!" He begged. I vented heavily, and threaded my fingers through my hair in debate. The worse that could come out of this was that I got into trouble with Lori, not that I cared, and they decided to join the army. The best that came out of it, they take the lessons that Suspicion and the others taught me and learn from them.
"I don't see why a few before I scramble to get ready would hurt." I relented. They cheered, and Aiko was already raiding my bag for my clothes. I chuckled at her, and watched her brother run for the private bathroom I had been given in their home. I sighed, and went through all the memories I had. Trying to decide which lesson I could give them before walking with them to the school.
Oi vay...
"NATASHA!"I shot up straight up from my face into my book and watching videos from the old camera, instincts screaming at me to attack the threat until I noticed the math equation on the board. I offered the teacher a sheepish smile and stood while adjusting my shirt.
"Yes miss?"I asked politely. She rolled her eyes, and pointed at the equation on the black board.
"Answer the equation please."She said. I nodded and walked over to the front of the class. Taking the chalk, I looked over the equation and tried not to grimace.
It was pathetically simple, nothing like my math lite classes back in America. Huffing, I tapped my finger against the chalk once and got to work. By the end of the problem, I had drawn it out as simply as possible and looked to the teacher expectantly. She looked it over critically, and then nodded in approval.
"Thank you Natasha. Please retake your seat."I nodded and happily trotted my cargo panted combat booted ass back to my seat. A few choice words were muttered under the breath of my peers, but I ignored them in favour of catching myself up and working a head in the class.
"A Reminder student that you all have to hand in your math projects by the end of the week, and your culminating project IS sixty-five percent of your mark."Mrs. Kashiwazaki said, smiling to us as the bell rung. Most of them cheered and bolted quickly, which I followed as well due to being seated at the center of the crowd. Grumbling as I finally pinned myself to the wall, I watched the moving bodies for a minute, and analyzed as much as I could in the short time they all passed me.
'Depressed, lacking sleep, math lite, pregnant, going through divorce, feeling trapped, suicidal, coping, existing, ghost, happy, content, gentle, friendly, cheating, cheated on, loving, playful, mechanic.'I did this for about twenty minutes until the hall emptied. Heaving a breath of relief, and grateful that the halls were emptier as I made my way to my locked. I spun the dial, only pausing it at the right numbers before it jerked open with a spring loaded kick.
My locker held a few things in it, but not a lot. Mostly a few notes, some chart paper for my plans. I grabbed those, and stuffed them into my satchel as well as the pencil case that Lori had given me before leaving.
It had actually surprised me that she had read that part of my file, and actually gone out to get me supplies to use for when I started designing plans for my vehicle. I was going to use every penny I could earn the moment I heard back from all the jobs I had applied for. Grabbing a piece of Gum, I tossed it into my mouth and chewed happily, taking on the 'I don't give a damn' expression before stifling through my bags for the last three periods I had to die through.
"Natasha!" I paused in shovelling my crap into my locker, and turned to look at Mrs. Kashiwazaki as she ran over to me.
I could feel my heart stop at the video camera she had her in hands, and the fact it- thankfully- wasn't running anymore. My hand gripped at the pocket it should have been in, and I watched her slow to a stop in front of me. Panic started to well up with my fear as I looked up at her eyes slowly. The purple gems glittering in concern as she offered the camera to me.
"You forget this in your class." She said. I nodded slowly, and tired not to snatch the camera from her grasp.
"Forgot, but thank you." I really did try not to snatch, but due to the subtle grimace she gave me it was obviously I failed miserably. I stuffed the camera into its pocket, and zipped it shut before locking the zipper in place. The panic and fear lifted, and I felt regret make itself at home after the two left.
"Sorry, it's just... The camera is really special and personal to me, and I don't often forget about it and leave it just lying around." I explained, moving my eyes away from hers. I relaxed, and looked to the curl of hair just to the right of her eye. It made me feels better, not looking her in the eye.
"I see. It was still running when I found it under your maths book. While your peers might not know English, I teach an English course for the students transferring to the states for a few months." I froze, feeling panic well up in my chest again before shifting my stance. Everything screamed at me to run, or grab my knife and lash out at her. But I couldn't, not when she hadn't attacked me first.
'Don't panic, don't lose control, play it off like you have no idea what she's-'
"I want you to know that you can trust me Natasha. Whenever you need to talk, I'll listen. No matter what you have to say and no matter who is telling you to talk." Shit fuck. I sent her a glare, and I watched the startled fear spark in her eyes briefly. I knew for a fact my glares were never normal, they always held a malicious and insane glint in them. But I preferred them that way, it kept people I didn't want in my life away.
But something about Mrs. Kashiwazaki that screamed being different.
Then she gave that damn smile. The kind of smile you offer to a petrified child that meant 'I care, I know and I want to understand but I'm not going to hurt you when you open up to me'.
I hatedthose kinds of smiles.
I gritted my teeth, and caught her eyes this time. They stayed kind, even while anger and fear bubbled up in my chest.
"If you tell anyone what you saw I swear to god-"
"I know. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." She soothed, smiling again. I watched her turn and trot away back to her class. I picked up the giggle as she walked away, and tired not to bristle in rage at her laughter. It wasn't fair, she had no idea what I went through until I got here and she never would!
I slammed my locker shut, pulling startled gasps from a group of students nearby me. I turned to them, staring down the group of girls before snarling loudly at them. They squeaked, and bolted down the hall to get away from me.
Cowards the lot of them.I froze, the chilling whisper in my ear making a cold draft claw up my spine as a familiar swirl of black appeared in my vision, facing where the students had run too.
Shit its back- 'no. It's not real, focus on anything but it.'I told myself, turning towards the cafeteria. It followed at my side, and hummed thoughtfully as I took my first step forwards.
You should talk to her. She actually wants to understand, and that doesn't happen often if I remember correctly.It hummed to me, swirling in front of my face. Pearly white teeth entered my vision as I stopped, and breathed roughly out through my nose.
"You aren't real, go away." I hissed at it, stepping around it. It floated in my site again, halting me while frowning now.
Perhaps not to everyone else, but I am to you. I'll leave for a while if you speak with Azuki.It offered, holding out its hand. The deal was so tempting, but I didn't want to talk to this 'Azuki' person.
Azuki is your teacher's first name.It supplied, pushing the black swirling mist farther out. I glared at him, but grasped the mist as best I could. I actually felt a grip and something solid beneath my skin and the pulse of life under my fingers. I jerked my hand back startled, and backed away almost instantly.
"Shit fuck, what the hell?" I asked, looking to it. It grinned at me, but simply floated to the side and gestured for my third period class. Stepping around it slowly, I walked towards Mrs. Kashiwazaki's room, and felt dread well up in my chest. I wasn't looking forwards to this talk, but in order to get my companion to go away, I'd be willing for it.
Sooner then I wanted; I was standing at her class room door watching her pack up a bag and hold a cafe ticket. Seemed she was on lunch too, which made it a little easier on me anyway.
"You just couldn't have left it alone could you?" I asked. She jumped, and spun around to look at me startled. She relaxed instantly, and I tried to ignore the black mist that floated into the room and curled up on a desk. I caught her eyes, and then followed her startled gaze down to my arm. It was shaking hard, practically vibrating from strain as blood stained the white grip I had.
I didn't feel a single shred of pain from it.
"Natasha-"
"I do that when it comes back." I cut in, turning to look at the desk. It grinned pearly whites at me, and I felt the odd sensation of shaking in my ear, and reached with my free arm to grab as my left. Gripping tightly to try and stop the spastic shake of my limb.
"It...? You mean the black mass you mention." She said softly. I nodded, and waited for the soft hum of approval. It never came. I looked towards the desk, and watched it fade out grinning. The moment it was gone, pain laced up my arm from my nails and stabbed through my right shoulder. A rough sigh escaped my nose, and the stain slowly eased as the shaking slowed to a twitch once in a while.
"Yes. Sorry, it just left and the pain is always intense when it comes back. Anyway, it always comes back when it's mentioned, sometimes it's in a bad mood, other times it's in a good mood and it's pleasant company." I told her, releasing my shoulder and stuffing both hands into my pants pockets.
"So, It came back when I brought Its existence up?" She guessed. I watched her head tilt to a worried angle, but nodded all the same. My clean hand came up, and threaded through my hair in frustration.
"Yeah. Though on a good mood thank god."I explained. My hand dropped to my shirt, and tugged at the hem of it in irritation. I'd have to clean the scabs in the wash rooms later, and rip my shirt to bandage the wound before it got infected-
"I see... I have a first aid kit in my car. If you'll let me, I can clean the cuts and wrap them with gauze."Mrs. Kashiwazaki offered, smiling gently to me.
...
Is the world psychic or something? That's the fifth time someone's spoken about what's been on my mind. Are my thoughts special or something?
"Uh sure? Thanks Mrs. Kashiwazaki..." I said hesitantly. She beamed happily, and finished gathering her things before following me out of her class. I let her take the lead, and watched her uncertain as she led.
It was going to be an interesting lunch, that's for sure.
