White lies always introduce others of a darker complexion.
William S. Paley
When Duke took me back, I can safely say that I still wasn't fully prepared to talk to Yuuta. But the fact Yuuta had several other cops there, and he was practically demanding to know where I had gone made my heart ache.
"Don't take what he says to heart Natasha. Just stay calm." Duke soothed. I nodded, but let him lift me up to the window. The two cops seemed to pale as I slipped inside, and backed away fearfully as Yuuta finally stopped shouting. I paused, crouched on the window as Duke looking in from behind me.
"Nani?"
"Sorry boss. She requested some air, so I took her out for a little while." Duke explained for me. I stepped down, and winced as the blaze of pain roared up my side. I pressed a hand to the broken rib, and then looked to Yuuta as he frowned in disapproval.
"Duke-"
"It was either he took me out or I climbed my way to the roof boss. We both know I would have died sooner than listen to you and my teacher argue about who I am." I muttered to him. I headed for the bed, and swallowed down the metallic taste in my mouth as Yuuta glared to me.
"You shouldn't have left, you're under arrest for assault of an officer, you can't just leave whenever you want- this isn't America." He hissed. I sneered at him, and clenched both hands tightly.
"At least in Japan they don't lock people up for being crazy! Oh right, they just shoot and murder people who don't follow their rules!" I snapped back. His eyes widened, and I ignored Duke's warning sound as the other two guards scampered out and shut the door behind them. I jabbed my finger into Yuuta's chest, and continued my chastising.
"At least in America they give you the benefit of the doubt, in Japan the instant you say you're from out of the country they all automatically assume you're a gun loving egotistical psychopath! You know what, I might be a psychopath, but I hate the fact I had to grow up needing to sleep with a fucking razor blade melted to a tooth brush just to make sure the guards didn't strangle or rape me in the middle of the night!"
"I hate the fact that once I got out of the damned institution I still had to sleep with a gun in every corner of the house and a machete under my pillow because I never knew when idiot kids from the city would come for a surprise raid. I hate how having just a little pride in what I can do with my hands- what I can create with machinery is automatically assumed to be over confident and egotistical!"
"I hate the fact people like you!" I gave the older man a shove, watching him go tumbling back with a yelp.
"Natasha enough!"
"And people like him!" I swung around to Duke, and glared at him as he jolted slightly startled.
"Think they know everything about me just from where I come from! I don't care if you were assigned to the same military base as I grew up on when I was ten! I don't care if you all thought that just because I used to be a bright unbroken bubbly thing that I still have that somewhere inside me! Because you know what? I don't have her anymore! She died in that attack! She might have come back- who knows maybe you lot managed to resurrect her while you were still in the country- but she's dead now. I am not, nor will I ever be her ever again!" Alright, so I'm not afraid to say I went overboard. I did, but I kept getting that vibe off of Duke that screamed 'I know you and I know who you are and I know that you can be the same person I remember you'.
I don't know about anyone else, but that pisses me off.
"Natasha-"
"I'm not fucking done yet!" I snarled at Duke as he jolted, then swung back to look at Yuuta as he stared at me in horror. I could feel the hot sting of tears in my eyes, and let them skim down my cheeks.
"I was fine before coming to Japan. Sure, I was constantly in danger of being raped, murdered, or tortured on a daily basis but I knew myself! I had a hold on who I was- who I thought I was and what I thought I knew and now suddenly even that's not true! Suddenly I'm getting memories that have never been there before and they're memories of you!" I gestured wildly to Yuuta and Duke, watching Yuuta stand slowly as I swung around to look at the shocked knight.
"I don't even know who I am anymore! For the whole month of May I have memories of a life without the BP in it, plus I'm getting memories of you all suddenly existing and being called my brothers! I have memories of calling you my family! Of going to you when I had questions and clinging to you after the initial attack! How can you fucking know me when I don't even know myself! I fucking grew up on lies until I came to Japan! My past has been the only thing I've been able to cling to and now it's not even the right fucking past! Do you know what it's like realizing your mind had broken beyond the point of recognition and created memories to replace the old ones?!" I forced myself to swallow my next words, and focused instead on calming my breath rather than spilling more than I should have spilt.
The two were quiet, and I kept my head and gaze away from them. I couldn't face them, how could I? I had just spilled and tore apart whatever fragile image they had of me. In truth, I was actually more scared knowing that I had grown up on a lie. But this was a hard punch the world had just thrown at me, and it had knocked me down pretty damn good.
"Get up Smallfry, you gotta be ten times faster, stronger, and fiercer than the world now." I muttered. I practically feared the fact that might not even be something my father said, it might just be something someone else I don't remember said.
For all I know I could be living my entire life on a lie, everything that could have happened on Echo, at home, with Grammy- with Ed, Fred and Charlie might just be fake too.
For all I know, this entire thing could be fake.
"You're Natasha alright." I jolted, and looked to Yuuta as he rubbed at the middle of his chest. I could read his eyes, but glared at him as he smiled weakly.
"Even as a kid you had a habit of ripping people's hearts out and burning it." He explained. I gritted my teeth, and looked away as tears burned my eyes heavier.
"I get it from my mother." I growled out. He chuckled weakly, but the suddenly invasion of navy blue sleeves circling around me and pulling me into a hug had me freezing. Feeling the warm, close contact of the larger frame crumple more of my walls as my frame started to tremble.
"Yeah you do. But there's just one problem with the phrase your dad told you. Sometimes you gotta accept help from those around to beat the world back." The world started to fade colors again, and I clenched my eyes shut against it and gripped the male frame tightly. I couldn't let myself break, not again.
Not twice in one night.
"Boss is right… You are Natasha. You're just… An older, broken version of her. But you're still the little girl that we fought to stay behind for. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that Natasha..." The tears and sobs hit hard and fast, and before I could stop myself, I was bawling all over again into Yuuta's chest.
It wasn't even Duke who had spoken.
It had been Deckerd.
