Killua took a shaky breath. He didn't think it would be so hard. That revealing (or atleast trying to) his background to Gon would make his throat tighten so much, that he can't get any sound out of his mouth. He didn't think that talking about his family would cause deeply buried memories resurface and make him want to hug his knees and curl inward. He really didn't expect this.
He couldn't say too much, only the things the black haired boy already knew: his parents were strict and controlling; the only addition was that he told Gon that they punished him for not obeying. He couldn't go into detail so he didn't tell about the beatings he received from his parents or Illumi, he only mentioned that he got grounded way too often, but he couldn't say a word about the punishment room and how awful he felt locked away when it happened for the first time. He didn't tell that when he started attending school Illumi or a butler (or both) escorted him and stayed with him until the first bell rang, and they were there as soon as his last class ended just to make sure he didn't interact with others.
And more importantly, he didn't say anything about the incident with his mother and Milluki. He told Gon how hard it was to convince his parents to let him attend school and he knew it was necessary to mention it, or else the story wouldn't make any sense, but he just couldn't bring himself to it. His throat tightened again and he had to stop, wait for a few minutes, focusing on Gon's rhythmical breathing to be able to continue talking. His friend must have sensed it for he didn't ask anything, didn't urge him to go on, just sat there in silence and waited for him to collect himself and continue talking.
But he did talk about Alluka. Killua thought someone has to know about her, how wonderful and strong she was, and how she didn't deserve being treated so badly. It wasn't easier to talk about this, his throat closed up quite often too, but it was out of anger towards his parents and not because of reliving all the painful memories like when he talked about his own experiences.
Gon moved to his side at some point, he sat so close that their arms touched and normally it would've bothered him, make him flustered at their proximity, but instead, Killua appreciated it. This way he didn't have to see Gon's reaction to the things he told his friend, and their closeness helped him to relax. It was weird how natural it felt to be so close to Gon, how only his presence could help Killua to collect himself. When the memories became too much he focused on two things: warmth and Gon.
They sat in silence after Killua finished talking. He couldn't guess how much he said – did he even say anything Gon didn't know or didn't expect already? All he knew that it wasn't upsetting just for him; he could feel Gon tense up from time to time.
Killua had enough drama for the day so he didn't wait for Gon to say something; he got to his feet to walk towards the cafeteria. It was somewhat alarming how much he missed Gon's warmth already, but he chose to ignore it.
"Let's go to eat, I'm starving!" He said over his shoulder, not really looking if Gon is following him. That's why he felt his heart jump into his throat when he felt a warm hand grabbing his wrist.
He whirled around and was met with big, round eyes full with concern. Gon looked him straight in the eyes, his brown irises shining, burning, making Killua freeze like a deer in headlight. Gon then slowly slid their palms together, entwining their fingers. He was so gentle while looking at Killua with the same worried expression that Killua felt his chest tighten, but it was completely different from when he had to talk about his background. Gon's hand was warm and a bit rough; he could feel callous on the other's skin.
"W-what…?" He mumbled, because Gon was still staring at him in silence, and he felt heat rising up his cheeks.
"I'm sorry!" Gon finally said, though the apology only confused the white-haired boy more. "It was really hard to talk about it, right? You barely told me anything…"
"That's…!" Killua started to protest, his stomach clenching nervously because he didn't know how to continue.
"It's fine!" Gon raised his voice a bit; shaking their joined hands to make sure Killua was paying attention. "I forced you to talk about those things even though I should've known… so that's why, I'm sorry Killua!" He looked at Killua with pleading eyes.
"Don't be so dramatic, stupid!" Killua huffed, his voice calmer, but still a bit shaky. "You didn't force me to do anything, okay?" He returned the handshake, sighing in relief when he saw a small smile appear on Gon's face. "Can we go now?" He felt conscious of their joined hands and close proximity again.
"Killua!" Gon tugged at his hand, not letting him slip away, and it started to become, well, not irritating, because that certainly wasn't, more like… he couldn't grasp the right word, he only knew it made him feel wanting to run away and stay like that for longer at the same time.
"What is it?" He grumbled, starting to resemble his usual self. Gon noticed it too, because he gave him a toothy grin before looking at him with those serious eyes again.
"Thank you! I'm glad you trusted me and told me about your family!" Gon squeezed his hand, giving him a thankful smile. Killua was once again rendered speechless. "If something happens in the future, you can tell me! I promise I won't say a word to anyone, okay?"
"Uh…"
"Ah, there you are… oh, sorry, did I interrupt something?"
Killua snapped his head towards the voice, and felt like he was going to die when he saw Kurapika standing at the stairs and eyeing them (better said their hands) with a slightly awkward smile. He yanked his hand out of Gon's hold as if he was touching fire and his face certainly felt like it was on fire. The shorter one (as oblivious he was) didn't care, he ran towards their senior with a loud "Kurapika!"
"You're finally back too!" Gon exclaimed, and it snapped Killua out of his embarrassment. Did that mean the blonde was absent as well?
"Yeah, I am," Kurapika nodded, a small smile on his lips. "But Gon, what happened to your face? Is it because…"
"Ah, no, that's different…" Gon scratched the back of his head nervously, looking anywhere but into Killua's direction.
The white-haired boy couldn't help his angry grunt, what pulled Kurapika's attention to him. Fighting off his previous embarrassment Killua joined his black haired friend.
"How's your arm?" He asked, eyeing the thick cast on the blonde's left arm.
"It's broken," Kurapika answered looking at his arm as well. "Could've been worse," he added, mouth twisting with bitterness.
"What about Pairo? Is he alright?" Gon's voice was full with worry and Killua was anxious to know it too – he remembered the condition Pairo was in when him the last time.
Kurapika gritted his teeth, his eyes glowing with anger just like when he was fighting the Spiders. "Those bastards hurt his eyes…" he bit out in a low voice. "If his eyes won't heal he could get into the hospital."
"Bastards…" Killua grit his teeth too, and he felt Gon fuming next to him.
"Kurapika, I…" Gon started, but their senior cut him off.
"I know, I can't forgive them either," he said, his eyes flashing with rage, his voice low. "I'm going to make them pay!"
Gon nodded vigorously. "We'll help you!"
"No!" Kurapika protested sharply, his tone startling both boys. "No, Gon," Kurapika shook his head, his voice softer after seeing their reactions, "I appreciate the offer, but I have to do this alone."
"But why?"
"Because I caused you enough trouble already, that's why!" Gon wanted to interject, but Kurapika didn't let him. "I know that you all got suspended for a day and had to clean the toilets for a week. Knuckle told me," he added seeing Gon's baffled expression. His eyes then wandered to Killua. "I'm sorry, if you got grounded because of me."
Killua averted his eyes. "No big deal…" he shrugged. "You don't have to apologize though. Isn't it natural for friends to help each other?"
His words were met with silence. He looked at Gon questioningly – did he say something strange? His confusion only grew when he saw Gon beaming, smiling at him happily.
"…What?" He looked at Kurapika for help, but even the blonde was smiling fondly. He started to feel quite uncomfortable; he didn't think his words would warrant this reaction. "Did I say something weird?"
"Not at all," Kurapika reassured him, his smile softening. "I just thought I have really good friends."
"Oh my god…" Killua mumbled. Why was everyone so cheezy today? It didn't really help the situation that Gon was still wearing that goofy smile, and he didn't forget their handholding either. He burried his hands deep into his pockets and made his way towards the stairs. "Can't we just go already? I haven't had lunch yet and I'm starving!"
"Good idea," he heard Kurapika agree. "I actually came to find you because a friend of me came to visit and I wanted to introduce him to you."
"Really?" Gon sounded so excited, Killua couldn't help but smile and he could do it freely because they couldn't see him from where they were.
"I think you two will get along," the blonde added, finally following Killua.
The cafeteria was already half empty when they arrived, what meant there wasn't much left from lunchbreak. Killua quickly got himself something and made his way to their usual table. Gon was already sitting next to a tall man with short black hair and sideburns, munching on his lunch and chatting with the stranger. Killua immediately recognized the guy Gon was talking to, he was senior when Killua started school and he was the one who helped him, when Illumi gave him a small beating right before class for talking back. He could only hope the former high schooler forgot about it already.
"Yo, if it isn't old man Rioleo!" He called out, when he got close to the table. He could see a vein popping on the guy's temple.
"IT'S LEORIO!" Leorio yelled, even before spinning around in his seat and glare at the white-haired boy. "You little brat, I see you haven't changed at all, still being as rude as ever!"
"Why? Just look at yourself!" Killua sighed; pointing at Leorio as he settled down at Gon's other side. "A suit? Seriously?"
Leorio flushed red, opening his mouth to tell him off, but Kurapika beat him to it.
"You look like a teacher like this, Leorio," he stated calmly, taking a hearty bite of his food.
"Don't you start his too, Kurapika!" The oldest of them snapped, jabbing a finger towards the addressed. "Y'all forgetting, that I'm the oldest here, so show some respect, will ya!"
"I wouldn't brag about that…" Killua remarked, making Leorio tremble from anger.
"Now, now!" Gon waved his hand between them to prevent a fight. Killua just shrugged, focusing on his lunch while Leorio turned away like a sulking child. "You two seem to know each other well!" Gon added after the tension ebbed a bit.
"Nah," Killua waved his hand dismissively, "we just talked a bit a few times."
"Oh," Gon hummed, thinking a few things over. "And how did you met? I mean, you know…" he trailed off awkwardly, seemingly not wanting to mention the 'you're not supposed to talk to anyone here' thing in front of the others which just made Kurapika raise and eyebrow and Leorio glance over from the corner of his eyes.
"Dunno, can't remember," Killua shrugged, trying to sound as casual as possible, but he could tell no one was buying it. Luckily Gon didn't press on the matter.
The rest of the break went away uneventful, mostly Leorio talking about college and chatting with Gon (Kurapika was right, they got along well). However, when Killua got up to bring back his empty tray to the counter Leorio followed him.
"Hey, so…" the college student cleared his throat when they got far enough from the others. "Are things better now? You know… with your brother…"
Killua sighed. Of course Leorio remembered that incident… "Just the usual, but that's okay. Nothing I'm not used to already," he shrugged again.
There was silence between them, a bit heavy for his liking.
"Don't stress yourself over it, old man, or else your hair will fall out!" He mocked, pulling out the other from his gloomy mood.
"Why you…!" It looked like Leorio took the bait, but he actually took a deep breath and massaged the bridge of his nose. "You can't stop making fun of me, huh, kid?" He sighed. "Whatever… atleast you have someone who is looking out for you, right?"
Killua turned around to meet Leorio's eyes with a bemused expression. Seriously, why was everyone so overly friendly to him? Or maybe this was normal, and he was the weird one for not knowing how to deal with it…? Looking away his eyes found Gon at their table, grinning at Kurapika despite that nasty bruise on his cheek and somehow the white-haired teen couldn't find the will to disagree with Leorio.
"I guess you're right."
A/N: *insert the usual "I'm sorry for being this late with the update" line here* (I'm really sorry tho)
Here it is, the talk between the boys! I feel like I should've made it into a bigger thing, like going more into detail, but in the end I decided against it. I don't think anyone with bad experiences likes to talk about them, and won't talk about them. Or atleast won't go so much into detail. I hope it didn't make Killua too ooc ORZ
(also I tried to make up for it with some bonding huhu)
PLUS there is Leorio! I felt bad for not including him into the story, so I wanted to give him some screen time. He is in college now, studying medicine (of course) and just dropped by to visit his old high school :)
Shout out to my readers who disabled the PM feaure: you rock and I'd love to thank you personally for the nice reviews, but I can't so I'm saying it here: THANK YOU!
Thanks for reading and sticking with this story, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
