She was screaming again, her boney fingers grabbing a fistful of his hair, her other hand slapping him were she could reach. It hurt. Not the punches or the tugging in his hair, but the lies.
Because she was lying. Always lying.
"We just want the best for you!"
Lies.
"I hate to do this too."
Lies!
"We're doing this, because we love you!"
LIES!
The hits just continued, followed by similar lies and it was enough. It was too much. They always told him they loved him, but then why did they hurt him? Maybe he hadn't had friends but he'd met a few kids when his father invited his business partners over and he saw how they'd treated their children: holding their hands, patting their head or their back, hefting them into their arms when there was something wrong. Killua had never seen them hitting their children; let alone saying they love them while doing so.
It was enough. Soon his mother's screams were fading into the background while the words echoing in his head grew louder.
Lies.
Enough.
No.
STOP!
He swung his arm forward and suddenly the hands disappeared from his hair and stopped slapping him.
It was quiet. Strangely so. Even the words that ringed in his ears moments before ceased, his mother was silent too, except for a few small whimpers that escaped her.
It was weird. It was like all colour disappeared from the world, the only remaining one being crimson, that covered his hand and his mother's face. Killua didn't understand anything. He wanted her to stop but he didn't know what happened. Looking at his stained hand he saw something in his palm, a small object also covered in red.
Then his mother twitched, a cry leaving her shaking lips. A pained cry.
That was all Killua needed to connect the pieces and he froze with fear. What has he done? He really just wanted to shut her up, to make her stop; he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to sink to her level.
His legs moved on their own, distancing, leading him away from the thing he just did. What will happen if they find out? He had to run away. He was so afraid... if they see what happened, they're going to punish him, hurt him more than ever. He had to run away.
There was a hand on his shoulder grabbing him firmly. Was he found out so quickly? He had to get away so he tore himself out of the hold but suddenly his back was pressed against cold wall and he found himself in darkness.
Still panting for air he blinked a couple of times, waiting with pounding heart for his eyes to adjust to the sudden change. Soon he could recognize a few things around him and it confused him even more. He was in bed but not in his own room and right in front of him sat a very worried Gon. It was when his friend reached out and took his hand when he finally understood where he is and what's going on, he was at Gon's place and they were having a sleepover. He let out a shuddering exhale and let Gon pull him away from the wall.
"Shh, it's okay, Killua!" Gon murmured pulling him further, into his arms. "It was just a nightmare!" The black haired boy wrapped his arms around his torso, rubbing soothing circles on his back.
Killua stiffened at the contact, but mention of the nightmare quickly snapped him out of it.
"No..." he shook his head as violently as he could. He felt his throat close up as if an invisible hand strangled him. Gon just kept rubbing his back, trying to hush him, but he couldn't stop choking on the words that needed to be said. "It wasn't..." he tried again, focusing on Gon's warmth to collect his swirling thoughts.
"It wasn't a nightmare?" Gon asked as if trying to help him and he nodded in response, intent in stiffling the sniffle that threatened to slip out, failing miserably at it.
He felt so pathetic but Gon didn't say a word, just rubbed his back, gently rocking them back and forth. He felt pathetic for acting so weak in front of his friend, even letting said friend baby him, but the most embarrassing part was how good, how soothing all this babying felt.
"Yeah," he mumbled, shutting his eyes as he buried his face into Gon's shoulder. It was surprising how well he fit in there considering their height difference. "It wasn't a dream. I did it. A long time ago."
"What?"
"I stabbed my mother."
The silence that followed his words was deafening, even Gon stilled and it felt like the world stopped too. Killua regretted everything; he should've known that even Gon would be disturbed by this. He wanted to pull away, get as far as possible so he wouldn't have to face the judgement that was inevitable now, but was stopped by Gon's arms.
"What happened?" Gon asked and his voice sounded alert, ss if he really wanted to know but Killua hesitated. He couldn't be sure why Gon asked, what kind of reaction the truth would elicit from him.
After a few moments of silence Gon's hands dropped from around his back and the boy moved away. Killua didn't move an inch, didn't even look up – until a pair of warm hands lifted his head up and forced him to look into molten gold eyes that shone bright even in the dark.
"Killua," Gon pronounced his name with such gentleness it made his chest tighten. "You know you can tell me! We've been friends for a while now so I know that you wouldn't do something like that without any reason."
The amount of relief that washed through him was too much; he had to bite his lips to keep quiet. Gon dropped his hands from his cheeks to entwine his tanned fingers with pale ones, a blinding smile following this gesture and Killua almost cried. Maybe he even did a bit.
"I had enough..." he whispered with quivering voice, staring at their joined hands. "They've been telling me lies about how much they'd loved me and that they'd just wanted the best for me, but they'd alway just... hurt me. I've seen it, Gon, I've seen how other parents had acted with their kids and they'd sure never done the things my parents had to me," he took a shaky breath, cursing inwardly when he felt tears trickling down his cheeks. He couldn't wipe them because he needed his hands for that but he didn't want to let go of Gon calloused ones. They made him feel safe. "You know, they didn't want me to attend this school first, we had countless arguments. They wouldn't have allowed it, if I..." his voice craked with a sob, his throat tightening again. He couldn't say it out again. "It wasn't... it wasn't intentional, I just... I just wanted her to stop hitting me and then it happened. I was so scared..." his tears didn't stop at this point; they rolled down his cheeks shamelessly. After a loud sniffle he continued: "Sometimes when we have a fight, I'm afraid that I might do it again..."
In the next moment he found himself in Gon's arms again, but this time he clung to the other boy as well, clutching his friend's shirt while he wailed like a child. All the while Gon just rubbed his back, repeating the same words over and over: "It's okay. It wasn't your fault," and that was what broke the dam in him completely.
He didn't know how long they stayed like that, but his tears stopped after a while, leaving wet stains on Gon's sleeping shirt behind. Killua exhaled slowly, his breathing wasn't so ragged anymore either.
"Sorry about that," he murmured into Gon's shoulder. "It happened long ago, I don't know why I dreamed about it now..."
"You don't have to apologize for that, Killua," Gon hummed, emphasising his words with a few pats on his back.
He wanted to pull away, feeling more and more conscious of their proximity, but Gon didn't seem to be bothered by it at all for he still held Killua close.
"You can let go of me now, I'm okay," he hoped he didn't sound rude, but he really needed some space.
"Really?"
"Really."
"Hmmmm," Gon hummed as if he contemplated Killua's request, then shook his head. "Nope!" Without warning he sank back, pulling down the white-haired boy with him.
Killua rolled off to the side immediatelly and hissed: "What the hell are you doing?" when he gained enough space. That didn't last for long though because Gon pulled him close again, resting his chin on white tufts.
"Sleeping," was the only answer he offered and Killua wanted to punch him.
"Stop messing with me!" The white-haired boy growled, the idea of punching that idiot becoming more tempting.
"But I'm not messing with you!" Gon whined, obviously displeased by Killua's reaction. "I just want to make sure you won't get any nightmares for the rest of the night!"
"Huh?"
"Aunt Mito always hugged me like this when I had a nightmare and it always worked!"
"But I'm not a kid anymore!" Killua really started to lose his patience.
Apparantly so did Gon. "So what?" He retorted. "That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be comforted when you're upset!"
Killua fell silent. There it was again... something that was so foreign to him, but came so naturally to Gon. Still, he couldn't give in so easily.
"Honestly, this is embarrassing..." he grumbled, but Gon just chuckled, probably sensing that he wasn't too far from victory.
"You'll get used to it!" Came the chipper answer.
"As if!" Killua hissed, stopping himself from shouting in the last moment.
Gon pulled away just enough so he could peer at his friend's face. "Come on, Killua, it's just me! There's no need to be embarrassed!"
And that was exactly what the "problem" was, Killua thought, but didn't say out loud. Being this close to Gon made his heart flutter and chest tighten, and that was enough reason to get embarrassed.
"Relax!" Gon said, sounding like he is already on the brink of sleep.
Still, he nuzzled his face into Killua's hair with a content hum before placing his chin back on the top of his head and Killua seriously wondered if Gon did this on purpose. Being the naive idiot he was though, he had probably no idea. Surprisingly, Killua felt his eyelids getting heavy as well, the nightmare and all this crying tired him out. If he wanted to be honest with himself (which he didn't really want) being held by Gon like this was quite nice, so he closed his eyes and let sleep catch up to him as well.
He was woken by sunlight hitting him square in the face. He groaned, yanking the blanket over his head in the hope he could sleep in for a bit, but a sudden loud crushing sound immediately jolted him awake. He sat up to look for the source but he was alone in the room, the spot next to him was empty too. The noise must have come from downstairs, Killua concluded with a yawn, but he wasn't awake enough to go and check it out. Sleeping in was still the more alluring option so he lay back down, but before he could get into a comfortable position the door opened and Gon peaked inside. When their eyes met the dark haired boy's lips stretched into a sunny smile and with a few light steps he was inside the room.
"Good morning!" His voice was so chipper that Killua seriously wondered what this kid was made of. "I was just about to wake you up! Did you sleep well?"
Killua pulled the blanket over his head with a groan, not ready for proper communication so early in the morning. Okay, maybe it wasn't so early anymore, but it was Saturday and he just woke up. With another unintelligible grunt he peaked out from under his makeshift hideout – only to find Gon grinning at him like he is something hilarious.
"'s too early..." he slurred while glaring at his friend, but Gon's grin just widened.
"It's past 8, Killua," Gon stated, kneeling down in front of the bed and propping his elbows on the mattress.
"It's Saturday!" The white-haired boy groaned a little louder, still intent in staying in bed for a little bit longer.
"It is," Gon agreed, his smile softening. "Looks like you slept well, if you don't want to get up yet. I'm glad!"
Killua's cheeks immediatelly flushed bright pink as he remembered the previous night – he really slept in the same bed with Gon while hugging Gon. It became uncomfortably warm under the blanket, still, he pulled it over his head again to hide his flushed face. It certainly didn't help him calm down when he heard Gon laughing, it really pissed him off but it was also charming at the same time.
"By the way," Gon said still chuckling, "breakfeast is ready! Aunt Mito made pancakes!"
Killua's head emerged immediatelly from under the blanket. "Chocolate-chip pancakes?" He asked hopeful, trying to detect traces of his favorite sweets in the already mouthwatering smell that wafted over to him.
"Mhm! I asked her to make them for you," Gon nodded beaming. Then a teasing glint flashed in his eyes as he raised one eyebrow. "Still don't want to get up?"
"Tch, fine!" Killua clicked his tongue with faked annoyance, glaring at Gon when he saw his friend's triumphant grin. He got up and stretched, making a satishfied grunt when his shoulders popped loudly. "I'll be down in a minute."
Gon was back to his feet in an instant, bouncing to the door and grinning at him from there. "You're just like a kitten, Killua!"
He was out of the door when the white-haired boy threw a pillow at him, leaving behind a beet red, cursing Killua.
"Hey, is this..." Killua took a framed photo from Gon's desk to take a better look at it, leaving the question unfinished because it was almost unnecessary to answer it after he examined it.
Still, Gon answered eagerly when he stepped behind Killua to see what the white-haired boy was referring to. "Yeah, that's my dad, Ging!"
Killua just hummed, observing the picture in his hands. It was a photo of Gon and Ging, probably taken in front of the house or maybe in the backyard, but it didn't really matter. What caught Killua's attention was the similarity of the two, though Ging had a rather untidy appearance with his stubbly face and tattered clothes, but they looked really alike.
"This doesn't look too old," Killua pointed out.
"It was taken last year when he came to visit," Gon explained with a nostalgic smile, though it turned a bit sheepish as he went on, "I wanted to have a normal picture of him because the only one I have isn't so good."
Gon opened one of his drawers and after a short rummaging he handed Killua another photo. It was obviously a much older one, showing Ging kneeling in front of a motorbike, but Killua wasn't too sure. The picture was taken on a sunny day judging by the bright colours. Ging was obviously younger, though it was hard to see because of the shadows on his face casted by the brim of a worn cap.
"This wasn't the first time you met him, was it?" Killua gave Gon back the older photo.
"No, I met him before too, though he didn't stay for too long this time" Gon smiled again, sounding cheerful despite of what he just said. "I guess Aunt Mito was yelling too much at him for not showing up sooner and he got tired of it..."
Killua just frowned, placing back the photo back to its original spot. It was hard to imagine Mito acting like that, though he noticed the lack of photos of Ging in the house so he guessed that she wasn't too fond of her cousin.
"Is she angry at your dad?" He posed the question, hoping it wasn't a sensitive topic.
Gon looked to the side, a small (and maybe a bit nervous) smile appearing on his face. He sucked in a breath before letting out an awkward laugh. "Yeah, I think she is... Ging left me here in her care when she was very young. I'm sure it was hard for her, I can be quite troublesome sometimes..."
"Idiot!" Killua interrupted his friend, flicking his forehead with a bit more force. "If Mito's angry, then it's on your behalf, dumbass, and not because you're causing her trouble! She is angry because Ging left you," he shook his head in disbelief; he didn't think Gon would think like that. "Mito would be sad had she heard that."
Gon laughed sheepishly again, rubbing the spot where Killua flicked his forehead, the look he gave his friend made the white-haired boy swallow. The amount of relief and gratitude that shone in Gon's eyes made it clear to Killua how long his friend must've struggled with these negative thoughts and he could only hope that Gon would stop thinking like that from now on.
"Thank you, Killua!" Gon smiled warmly and Killua rolled his eyes, returning the smile nonetheless, ignoring the heat that spread on his cheeks for once. "Ging isn't so bad like Aunt Mito says though," the black haired boy said chuckling. "He brought me a game as present last time! I just can't play with it because I don't have a Joystation."
"Oh?" Killua perked up at the mention of the game. "Which one?"
Instead of answering Gon started rummaging in one of his drawers again, turning back to Killua with the aformentioned game in his hand. When his blue eyes fell on the disk case Killua felt like he was struck by lightning. Gon held a copy of Greed Island in his hands.
"You've got to be kidding me..." he mumbled, his eyes still glued to the game.
"Do you know it?" Gon raised an eyebrow in confusion and Killua finally looked at him with gaping mouth.
"If I know it? This...!" He pointed at the game with shaking hand, his voice catching in his throat from excitement. "This is Greed Island, a freaking famous game! It's super hard to get one because only a few thousand copies exist. Is that thing even real?"
"Of course it is!" Gon said with an offended frown, but Killua ignored it, reaching towards the game with a maniac look in his eyes.
"Gimme that!" He said, snatching the case out of Gon's hands. Suddenly, to Gon's bewilderment he burst into a fit of almost hysterical laugh. "If Piggy knew..." he wheezed between two laughing fits.
"Piggy?" Gon looked alarmed at him, probably questioning his mental well-being.
"My brother," Killua explained after he calmed down a bit. "He wanted to buy a copy on an auction but someone outbid him," he giggled at the memory then looked at the game in his hands. "If he knew that you have a copy..."
"Well, I only have one because Ging made it," Gon shrugged. "What?" He asked when he saw Killua stare at him like he grew a pair of wings.
"Ging did what?"
"He made the game," Gon repeated. "Not entirelly, but he wrote the story, the rules and stuff like that."
Killua looked back at the game in his hands. "Nigg," he mumbled, as if talking to himself. "One of the creators was Nigg. Nigg as anagram of Ging. Now it totally makes sense!" He grinned, then glanced at Gon with awe. "I heard this game is extremely hard to beat... Your dad must be amazing!"
Gon beamed at his words like thousand suns, though a little frown appeared on his sun-kissed face soon after. "Too bad I can't play with it..."
"What if I bring my Joystation next time?" Killua offered, intent in helping Gon but also curious about the game. "It would be a shame if you couldn't play with the game your old man made."
"You would?" Gon gaped. His excitement seemed to decrease as a thought crossed his mind. "But would your parents allow it?"
Killua just waved his hand. "I have a spare one in my closet. It's not so big, so I can hide it between my clothes, they won't notice it. So, how 'bout it?"
"That would be awesome!" Gon exclaimed happily, sending another grateful smile towards Killua.
"Okay, then I'll bring my Joystation!"
The white-haired boy felt just as excited, he couldn't wait until next time even though this weekend wasn't even over yet. Gon put the game back into the drawer but they just couldn't drop the topic. When Mito called them down for lunch they still talked about the game, their excitement making the young woman smile after they told him about the plan, showing her that maybe Ging wasn't that bad if he could make his son happy with such a small thing.
A/N: Hello again, I'm here with a new chapter! I'm very sorry for the long wait, I had a few things going on...
This chapter is one of the few chapters where I actually knew what I'm writing LOL xD (I suck at planning the plot ORZ)
There is no sleepover without cuddling and why not add some hurt/comfort to make it better? o3o
Also yay for actual HxH references :D
Aaaand also very important: After the fourth time turned one year old in February! I wanted to update then, but life was a bitch again and I couldn't find the time for it... Tbh when I started writing this I thought it would be already completed by now (how naive of me PFFT)
Anyway, thank you for reading and bearing with me! You guys are the best!
