CHAPTER 3
Fortunately or unfortunately Radagast did not know how to send us back home or find any maps describing lands familiar to us. He did know of another wizard that could possibly help us though, Gandalf the Grey. So, after spending the night at his shack, pouring over maps and trying to learn everything there was to learn about Middle Earth in one day, Hannah and I set of to see the Grey Wizard. To make sure we didn't die on the way, Radagast was kind enough to supply each of us with a bed roll and pack stuffed with food, water and other necessities. He also supplied us with cloaks and daggers to protect ourselves, and let us borrow one of his maps and a compass. All in all, we were greatly indebted to him and promised to somehow return the favor in the future.
Besides all these great things, Radagast gave us two ponies.
"Left, go left! No, the other way! Wou-aah!" And that was the third time I had fallen off my pony. I named her Squiggles, because of the odd black markings on her otherwise white coat. Hannah sniggered, riding forward. She finally managed to control her hazelnut brown beast, Rumble, a few minutes ago, falling only twice.
"I win!"
Grumbling I got up and climbed onto Squiggles. This time I was determined to not fall.
We traveled for a few days, maybe more. Our butts really hurt for the first two, got used to it later on, and food rations were getting low, even if we stopped to gather fruits and such once in a while. Radagast had sent some bird with a message to Gandalf, and had arranged us to meet with him in an inn in some town Bree. I was not sure of the details, but knew Hannah knew where to go. According to our map, we should reach Bree before nightfall.
The gate to Bree was not what we expected. Bree was not a town, but a village, so the gate was wooden and even though it seemed sturdy enough to withhold a small amount of people, it would not last against a larger attack. Riding up to the gate we dismounted our ponies, holding their reigns in one hand. Fortunately, since there was still some time before sunset, the gate was open, but we were afraid we'd trample someone with our little beasts in the small streets.
"What was the inn called?"
"The Prancing Pony."
"Heh, ironic."
Smirking I followed Hannah's lead through the streets. After some wondering about, we found the Prancing Pony.
"Seems kinda...shady, no?"
"Maybe a bit... We have no choice but to go in though." Sighing, we sloppily tied our ponies to the mast or whatever that thing is called and walked into the inn.
Even though the sun was still up, the party in the Prancing Pony was in full swing. Quickly glancing over the crowd just to be sure I stepped closer to the counter, Hannah standing near me.
"Hello, young ladies, what can I do for ya?" A kindly older man, the innkeeper no doubt, asked us.
"We're looking for Gandalf the Gray, do you know if he's here?" I took charge, not bothering to argue with my friend.
"Gandalf the Gray, huh? Old man's in the corner over there." He nudged his head towards his left.
"Anything else?"
Sharing a glance with Hannah I turned to the innkeeper again and smiled.
"Nothing for now, thank you."
"You know where to find me if you need anything, young ladies!" Smiling he turned around and walked away, closer to the bar.
"Do you see him?" I turned to the red head at my side.
"I think so... That old dude in grey sitting with that kinda short guy with awesome dark hair."
"Yeah, no one else here looks like a "Grey Wizard"... Wonder who the other guy is, we were only supposed to meet with Gandalf, right?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe he's a dwarf. Looks like a dwarf."
"Who knows, maybe he's just short? Oh, who cares, let's just go and ask the older one if he's Gandalf."
We started walking closer to their table. Half way there, the shorter one stood up, shook the old mans hand, said something inaudible to us and walked away towards the door leading out of the inn. When he passed me, his shoulder slightly brushed mine and our eyes connected for half a second. It was such a movie moment; it seemed like it happened in slow motion. Turning my head back straight I kept my expression calm. His eyes looked unnaturally blue and troubled.
We finally walked up to Gandalf. He lifted his eyebrow in a silent question to our presence.
"Good Evening. Are you Gandalf the Grey?" Way to be blunt, Hannah.
"Yes, I am. And who might you, young ladies, be?"
"I am Alice, this is my friend Hannah. We're the ones Radagast wrote to you about."
"Ah, yes." He nodded in understanding. "Please, sit, I suppose we have a lot to speak about. Radagast was very detailed in his letter."
Hannah sat on the chair left by the other man, while I stole one from a next door table and slid over to sit next to her.
"I must say, your situation is most curious. I have never heard anything like it." We frowned immediately.
"Can you help us?"
"I'm afraid I know of no spell or ritual that could help you get back where you came from." That damn near shattered us. In the corner of my eye I saw Hannah look down, eyes full of sorrow.
"However, I believe your theory about an adventure could quite possibly work." He laced his fingers together, touching his chin lightly. "Travels like that don't just happen, or else there would be many more people in similar situations. I believe you are right in saying you were brought here for a purpose."
"Told you." My small remark towards Hannah made him smile and his eyes twinkle in an odd dumbledory way. Hannah just glared at me in a look that screamed 'shut up'.
"What do you think we should do then?" She picked up the conversation.
"Are you certain that you are looking for an adventure?" Another quirk of the eyebrow.
"Yes. We realize that it would be highly dangerous, but we know that the reward is greater than the risks."
"Very well. I assume you saw the dwarf that was earlier with me?" We nodded. "His name is Thorin Oakenshield and he has asked for my help in an adventure. He is leading an expedition to reclaim the Lonely Mountain, Erebor, from the dragon Smaug. The journey will be long and hard, riddled with many dangers. He has a team of thirteen dwarves, and has given me the right to pick the fourteenth member of the group: The Burglar. Unfortunately, I already have a person in mind for this occupation. I would like to invite you both to this quest, but adding you into the company would be hard, considering we have to convince Thorin to let you come with." He sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds. "Do you have any skills to contribute to the company?"
"I can shoot a bow, but I don't have a bow." I grinned cheekily.
"I can't fight very well, but I can cook." Hannah crossed her arms, a bit put down.
"If it helps, we're pretty smart, have been taught various subjects of science for over twelve years. It was mandatory where we came from."
"Hmmm... This might work." He straightened up, preparing to leave. "Do you have a map?"
I quickly pulled out my slightly crumpled map.
"Meet me here, tomorrow evening after sunset. The door will be marked with a symbol, like this;" He traced his finger in the air, leaving a light trail, showing us the symbol. "Since you do not have any coin, I am leaving this to you; you'll return the sum later." Seeing us about to protest, he quickly added. "You will need food, water, armor and weapons if you wish to survive on this journey." He glanced at our feet, covered in old sneakers. "And maybe some boots." I would have laughed if we weren't preoccupied. "Take a room for the night. There are many merchants around the village; you can do your shopping tomorrow. I shall see you then." He bowed his head to us, we returned the gesture, and walked away, leaving his heavy money bag on the table.
"What the hell just happened?" Hannah gripped her hair.
"I guess we're going on an adventure!" I grinned, lifting up the money bag. "Come on, let's talk to the innkeeper."
The cost for the room was surprisingly low, though we didn't really know the usual costs for inns so I suppose it might have been expensive. The room was small, yet comfortable, with two wooden twin beds for both of us. As soon as the sun set we passed out in the fluffy cocoons. When morning came, Hannah woke me up and we went out shopping. Since we bought the necessities like food and clothes first, a nice bow with a full quiver and two short swords being a close second, we didn't have much money left for fancy armor. In the end we picked the cheapest and sturdiest leather armor we could find. We also took Gandalf's advice and got some actual boots. After we somehow hauled everything back to the inn, cleaned up and fed our ponies using the last of our money, we saddled up and started riding towards this Shire place.
We rode for the remaining day, stopping a couple of times near streams and rivers to let the ponies rest. By the time we reached the place Gandalf had marked on the map, it was dark.
"What creatures do you think live here? Dwarves? These... holes seem too small for humans to live in." Hannah wondered out loud, while tying Rumble to a specified place by the gates to the Shire. A couple of other ponies were already there, so I just tied Squibbles next to one of them.
"Probably hobbits. Radagast said they were small."
"Are you sure? This Thorin dude was a dwarf; I doubt he'd want another non dwarf in his company. I don't think he'll like us coming along, he seemed very..."
"Rough around the edges?"
"Yeah."
"Well he'll just have to deal with it. C'mon, we should find the place before it gets so dark that we can't see each other."
"Okey dokey!" Making a face, she followed my lead through the gates. We wandered for a little while, reaching a small pond.
"Hey, look, there's someone there!" Hannah whispered loudly, pointing to the other side of the pond, where further on a hill some kind of group was gathering.
"You think that's them?" I raised an eyebrow. I imagined fierce warriors, but from what I could see they didn't look much like I thought they would.
"Probably... Oh, there's Gandalf! They're going to that house-hill-thing!"
"Must be the place we were supposed to go. C'mon, let's go around the stinking pond." Grumbling for wasting so much time, I stomped around the water, the red head following my footsteps with more graceful, lighter steps.
Once we reached the round door to the house, we heard the ruckus inside.
"Good. Now, Hannah, remember, we need to be polite so not to offend anyone, yet laid back enough so we fit in easily. Now, knock on the door." She glared at me.
"You knock on the door!" I rolled my eyes.
"How about you knock and I speak?"
"Fine." She raised her tiny fist and gently struck her knuckles on the wood thrice.
"Are you kidding me, no one would hear that!"
"You do it then!" She stuck her tongue out at me. I raised my fist and knocked as hard as I could.
"There, someone must have heard that."
"Pffft, bullshit, not only did you hurt your hand, idiot, but my knock was clearly more audible!"
"No way! I didn't-"
Our argument was interrupted when the large door swung open, revealing a dwarf. The fellow seemed a bit shy. We momentarily paused, looking down at him, and I quickly lowered my eyebrows from their surprised expression, turning to the dwarf.
"Good Evening, are we late? We were supposed to come with Gandalf. I am Alice and this is my friend Hannah." At the mention of her name, she waved and smiled. The dwarf must have deemed us safe enough to let in and smiled.
"Ori, at your service, misses!" He bowed, making Hannah and I share another surprised glance. "Please, come in! I'll inform the others to make more room at the table!" With another smile, he turned around, walking into what seemed like the kitchen, where a few others were running around, carrying food, leaving the door open behind him. Sharing another look, my buddy and I shrugged, stepping inside, closing the door behind us.
The inside of the hill looked very nice, a lot different than you'd think, considering the house was built into a hill. I kind of expected it to look like Radagast's home, but I guess hobbits were a bit more... sanitary. Another thing we immediately noticed was the crowd of dwarves, carrying around food, drinks and chairs, casting curious glances at us from time to time. Not wanting to seem like complete idiots for standing in one place, I grabbed 's wrist and dragged her towards the only non hairy dwarf- hobbit? - I could see. The poor guy was wrestling a chair out of one of the dwarves hands, saying it was not for sitting on. It's a chair, why would it not be for sitting on?
"Excuse me!" I tapped his shoulder, making him jump and turn around, leaving the dwarf with the chair. "Sorry, do you know where Gandalf is?" I smiled at him. He looked a bit shocked and relieved we weren't dwarves.
"There he is!" Hannah tugged my hand while stepping into the room on the right.
"Sorry again!" I smiled at the hobbit again, walking after her. There stood Gandalf, already conversing with Hannah. "Gandalf, nice to see you!" He smiled his grandpa smile.
"It is good to see you also, Alice. I hope your journey here went well and you bought enough supplies for the future!"
"Yup, we even bought boots!" We laughed, the sound attracting a couple more of the curious glances our way.
"Introduce yourselves to everyone, girls. Now, please excuse me." He smiled again and turned to leave the room, stopping only once to refuse some tea in favor of some red wine from an old dwarf.
"We should probably help out." I whispered to Hannah, looking around at the bustling crew.
"How? What do we do?" Looking at me with wide eyes she asked for guidance. Glancing around one more time, I noticed the first dwarf we met, Ori, polishing and placing plates around the table.
"Hi Ori, is there anything we could do to help?" Seems like I startled the poor dwarf again. I grinned; he was adorable, like a puppy.
"O-oh, of course, you can help bringing the food in, just ask the others by the pantry." He stuttered, motioning with his head towards the opposing doorway.
"Alright, thanks!" Hannah smiled and we walked the short distance to the already half empty pantry. On the way we had to dodge two young dwarves carrying a barrel of wine or ale. Glancing at their faces, Hannah blushed immediately while I grinned. We walked passed, but noticed them staring after us in our peripheral vision.
"C'mon, get a move on!"
"Stop pushing."
"Don't take that cheese, it's moldy!"
Chatter was all around us, once we reached the pantry, we said hello and introduced ourselves to Oin and Gloin, who even though looked a bit intimidating, were very nice and directed us on what to bring where.
Soon enough we were all seated around the big table, most of us stuffing our faces (I neither deny nor admit my part in this). What can I say; the dwarves knew how to party! Even Hannah was enjoying herself! We were sitting right in between Gandalf and Dwalin, another quite nice yet intimidating looking dwarf. This seat offered us perfect view of the entertainment: The big dwarfs - Bombur's, according to Gandalf - amazing food catching skills. Somehow he just swallowed an entire boiled egg without even having much warning before the throw. We clapped and yelled along with the others, it was really fun.
"So what are your names, lassies?" An older dwarf from the corner of the table asked us, smiling gently.
"I am Agne and this is Dominyka." Agne gestured at me with her hand and I waved, mouth over stuffed with ham.
"I am Balin." He smiled again and nodded his head. Apparently this initiated a role call.
"Oin and Gloin, as you already know."
Bombur swallowed his huge bite before nodding to us.
"Bombur"
Ori smiled at us and even though we already knew his name, he still squeaked it in a small adorable voice.
The two younger ones on the other side of the table glanced at each other, smirked and stood up, laying a fist over their chests
"Fili" The more ginger one.
"Kili" The obviously hot one that made Hannah blush with everything he did, also the only one without an actual beard.
"At your service" They bowed at the same time, rousing laughter all around.
"Now now boys, don't make the misses all flustered!" This just caused us to blush more."I am Nori, pleased to meet you." Nodding and smiling at him, we turned our gazes towards the next one in line.
"Dori" Smiled and nodded the one who offered Gandalf tea.
"I am Bofur, and this is Bifur" The one with the weird pigtails at the end of the table smiled and motioned his head towards the one with the... axe stuck out of his head? Figuring staring at it would make the dwarf uncomfortable; I smiled and nodded at them, hoping that Hannah would get it too. Fortunately, either she did, or she just didn't notice the axe.
"And the hobbit whose lovely house we are in is..?" Hannah raised an eyebrow.
"That would be Mister Bilbo Baggins, a bit of a worrier, but we'll set him straight!" Kili laughed, his deep voice vibrating through our ears like a sweep melody. I thought Hannah's head was going to explode from how red she went.
During this time, Fili somehow got out from behind his brother and was now climbing up on the table, hands full off tankards, somehow dodging all the food still being thrown around.
"Who wants some ale?" He asked over the chattering, yells and laughter. I immediately grinned and raised my hand. "There you go!" He smiled at me. Hannah, being the usual sober one, refused the drink, but took an offered tiny glass of wine from Dori.
The party was pretty insane. I almost split my spleen and showed half my food on Hannah's lap when I saw Dwalin pouring ale down Oin's hearing trumpet, who later on just blew bubbles out of it. Hannah, in stitches from laughter herself, almost pushed me off of my seat in revenge, but on the last second I was caught my Dwalin's hand, still shaking from laughter. Still laughing, we all took our tankards (well, MOST of us), smashed them at each others in the middle of the table, and quickly started chugging them down. Since all the loud ones were preoccupied with drinking, an odd silence was cast over the company, interrupted only by the sound of gulps and trickling ale.
A loud belch pierced the silence, making everyone laugh, impressed by Nori's skill. The second to surpass Nori was Ori, with a long and loud burp that made me almost fall out of my seat.
After a small burping contest, in which I am proud to say I held my own against the men, the party got into full swing. Since I was a light weight, it was completely understandable that my head was swimming halfway into my second tankard. Good thing that Hannah was here, she was sensible enough not to get drunk before trying to negotiate our way home.
I must say, during this party I really felt like I had fit in with the dwarves. While Hannah spent time being nice and not completely drunk with Gandalf and the other more calm dwarves, I ran stumbling around each of the groups of dwarves that had separated from the table after the food was gone, just to get to know each one. I was sitting by the window with some others, when I saw Bilbo run after Nori and pull something out of his hands.
"Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth!" He said in an angry yet polite tone, trying to untangle the doily, not even seeing Nori walk away without a care in the world. Bofur, who was standing next to him, remarked:
"But it's full of holes."
"It's supposed to look like that; it's crochet." Bilbo answered proudly, like we were actually supposed to know or care what that was. Apparently, Bofur didn't know either, and just substituted it with cricket.
"Oh, and what a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it." He smirked, sending me and a couple of others into another laughing fit. I haven't laughed this much in ages. In the corner of my eye I saw Hannah also laughing, discussing something with Balin, helping herself to another itty bitty glass of wine.
Hearing Gandalf's voice, I saw him trying to calm down Bilbo, telling him to "get used to them". I assumed he meant the dwarves, Hannah and I. My drunk brain feeling slightly insulted by the thought of him not liking our merry company, I wobbly stood up and went after him, tankard still in hand. By the time I got near them, Ori was there, talking in his sweet little voice. God, that guy was like an adorable little kid.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" He said, glancing from the plate in his hands to Bilbo's still irritated expression.
"Here you go Ori, give it to me." Fili came out of nowhere, grabbed Ori's plate and tossed it over to Kili, barely missing Gandalf, who jumped out of the way, stumbling. Forgetting my earlier objective completely, I ran to get Hannah, keeping one eye on the plates everyone started tossing around. The first plate, Ori's, quickly left Kili's hands once it landed, and flew through the doorway into Bifur's awaiting hands near the sink.
Once I got Hannah ("C'mon, hurry up!" "What, what?!"), we stood back and watched the amazing plate throwing show. Bilbo immediately started protesting, yelling something about the plates being over a hundred years old. I then noticed Bofur, Nori, Dori and some others hitting the table with their forks and knives, smashing them at each others, creating an odd melody with their stomping feet. Bilbo kept yelling about blunting the knives, which Bofur caught.
"Ooooh, hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!" All that was needed to make that sentence completely suspicious was a wink.
Suddenly, Kili started to sing, much to our amusement.
"Blunt the knives, bend the forks!" Fili joined in.
"Smash the bottles and burn the corks!" Soon almost all the dwarves slowly joined in, still drumming the odd beat with the utensils and feet.
"Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"
I don't know how they orchestred this on such short notice but this was amazing. By this time someone started to clang pots and pans, and I swear I even heard a violin.
"Cut the cloth and trail the fat!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Splash the wine on every door!"
By this time plates were flying everywhere, I have no idea how none of them cracked! Seeing Ori already with a high stack of clean dishes, I tugged Hannah to hide in one of the doorways so we didn't get to try and catch a plate, because I was pretty sure we both lacked the necessary dexterity.
"Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl!
Pound them up with a thumping pole!
And when you're finished, if they are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!"
Every dwarf was throwing around plates (except for Bombur, he helped clear the remaining food by stuffing it in his mouth), while the humans and wizard watched, amazed and amused. Bilbo, on the other hand, was still going crazy. Bofur even got a flute out and accompanied the stomping feet melody with it.
"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" That last shout, followed by laughter, Hannah and I participated in. The funniest was the look on Bilbo's face, when he barged into the room, expecting to see piles of broken dishes, instead seeing them clean and without a scratch, and neatly stacked one on top of other on the table. Everyone laughed and assured Bilbo that everything was fine. Poor hobbit looked like he was about to have a heart attack.
The laughter quickly died down once a heavy knock on the front door sounded through the halls. Thankfully, by that time I had sobered up enough to walk straight, even though my tongue was still a bit loose. It was silent for a couple of seconds, until Gandalf quietly said:
"He's here." Many movie references immediately jumped into my mind and I quickly put a hand over my mouth to stifle the giggles. Hannah noticed this quickly and elbowed me in the side, which not only made me stop giggling, but also made me rub my side, mouthing 'Ouch'.
Everyone quickly gathered in the doorway on the right of the front door, letting Gandalf go first to open the door. Since Hannah and I were pretty much taller than everyone except for Dwalin and Gandalf, we stood in the back and looked over everyone's heads.
Gandalf slowly opened the door. On the other side of it stood the dwarf from the inn. Thorin Oakenshield. Let's hope my loose tongue won't get us killed. Surprisingly, when Thorin stepped forward his face looked calm and almost happy, like he was glad to see all his friends in one place.
"Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice." Not his fault you can't navigate, bro. I'm so happy I didn't say that out loud. "I wouldn't have found it at all if it weren't for that mark on the door." He said while taking off his cloak. That got Bilbo's attention.
"What? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago!" He walked around Gandalf, who closed the door in question.
"Yes, there is a mark, I put it there myself." Gandalf looked very cheeky, like he was proud of his mark on the door. "Bilbo Baggins, Alice, Hannah, allow me to introduce the leader of our company: Thorin Oakenshield." Hearing our names we burst to the front of the group, me holding a steadying hand on Hannah's shoulder at which she grimaced. Thorin looked over us all.
"So." He focused his gaze on Bilbo. "This is the hobbit." He stepped closer to the guy, arms crossed over his chest, an amused gaze fleeting over the small being in front of him. Then, he started walking around him.
"Tell me, Mister Baggins, have you done much fighting?"
"Pardon me?" Thorin kept circling around Bilbo like a shark.
"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?" His tone began to take on a sliver of mocking in it. However, Bilbo had guts. He steeled himself and answered.
"Well, I do have some skill at cankers." He smirked, trying to seem nonchalant, but his shuffling feet gave him away. "If you must know." Thorin stopped in front of him again, in the same stance as before. "I fail to see why that's relevant." And here's the nervous Bilbo we all know!
"Thought as much." Not snobbish at all, dude. A small huff from Hannah confirmed she was thinking the same thing. "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." Small round of laughter, in which we finally did not participate. Then, Thorin turned to us. Uh-oh. I immediately felt myself pale a bit.
"And you two?"
"I can shoot a bow and know the basics of sword fighting." I tried to look calm on the outside.
"And miss Hannah is my apprentice." Interrupted Gandalf, making quite a few eyebrows raise, mine and Hannah's included. "I shall need their assistance with several spells while on the journey."
"We can cook!" Hannah finally said something.
"And take care of most wounds too." It's a good thing I think over zombie apocalypse survival techniques and necessities when I'm bored.
"Hmm."
As if that was the final word, everyone started walking towards the room with the table. While walking, I noticed Hannah sharing a glance with Gandalf, a silent agreement to discuss this later.
Surprisingly, there was still some food left for Thorin. I could practically hear Bilbo's heart breaking over the last of his food.
"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?" Balin, bless your grandfatherly heart.
"Aye. Envoys from all seven kingdoms." That and Thorin's proud tone caused a round of Aah!'s and joyful murmurs.
"What do the dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?" Dwalin's sudden question interrupted the short laughs and caused an awaiting silence to settle.
Thorin sighed.
"They will not come." That sentence was followed with disappointed sighs and whispers, with an underlying understanding."They say this quest is ours and ours alone." The disappointment continues.
"You-you're going on a quest?" Are you fucking kidding me? Bilbo JUST learns of this. Fuck it. The alcohol in my system giving me a bravery boost, I groaned, face palmed, and rest my head on the table. Hannah followed my example and face palmed herself, shaking her head.
"Seriously, Bilbo? What, did you think we all gathered here to go berry picking or something?!"
Even though Thorin gave me a sort of surprised, amused, yet slightly disapproving eye, he looked like he was about to agree with me. He probably also thought 'fuck it', gulped down some ale, glanced at Gandalf to save the situation, and resumed eating.
"Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light." That's your way of saving the situation, Gandalf? Really? Hannah sighed, most likely thinking the same. Bilbo 'hummed and went to fetch a candle.
"He is hopeless." She whispered to me.
"Shhh." I shut her up, no need for anyone else to hear us.
Gandalf took something out of his pocket and stood up, making us and Dwalin move a bit so we could see what was shown.
"Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak." He folded out a small old map, which showed The Lonely Mountain and roads around it, a dragon flying around the peak of it. This interested Thorin and the other dwarves greatly, even though they obviously knew everything about it. Bilbo looked over Thorin's and Gandalf's shoulders, candle dangerously close to the dwarf leaders raven locks.
"The Lonely Mountain?"
Gloin nodded, dismissing the hobbits lack of knowledge.
"Aye. Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time." Half the dwarves seemed to agree with Gloin, nodding, while some others looked skeptical. Gandalf probably decided to show off his magic, because even though there were many candles around, he still lit his pipe with his fingers. Surprisingly, the blend smelt sweet, not like tobacco at all, and Hannah gazed at his fingers and the pipe with wide eyes, no doubt thinking about being his apprentice, and how it was so awesome.
"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold:" Oin seemed a bit insistent, no doubt the company has argued about this before." When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end."
Bilbo, obviously hearing the word "beast", turned to the table and asked.
"Uh, What beast?" Bofur, finding the perfect opportunity to have some fun with the hobbit, answered.
"Well that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of our age." Small pause to build suspense, Bofur is very good at story telling, Hannah seemed totally into it. "Airborne fire-breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks, extremely fond of precious metals-"
"Yes, I know what a dragon is." In a quick sentence, wringing his fingers and nodding interrupted the small hobbit. Suddenly, Ori slid his chair back and stood up, full of spirit.
"I'm not afraid! I'm up for it. I'll give him a taste of the Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!" That earned a few shouts, some agreeing, some not, including Dori telling him to sit down. I kept an eye on Hannah, really hoping she was prepared mentally for what's to come, I really didn't want to think about a scenario of her crying in the middle of a battle field while I jump around to protect us both, or the other way around, actually.
The news of the lacking army seemed to have hit the dwarves hard.
"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us. But we number just thirteen, and not thirteen of the best, nor the brightest." Balin just earned a minus for that. Among the shouts of 'who're you calling dim?' and other disagreeable sounds, Hannah and I huffed. It's like they completely forgot about us! Fili took it upon himself to raise our spirits.
"We may be few in number, but we're fighters, all of us, to the last dwarf!" Thanks, Fili. Nice to know we mean so much to you.
"And you forget we have a wizard and his apprentice in our company. Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time!" Hannah, I'm happy for you that your crush realized you are alive, but stop looking so smug before I punch you. Seriously people, what am I, chopped liver?! And besides, Hannah has never even seen a dragon, let alone killed one! And from Gandalf's stuttering, I'm guessing he hasn't either.
"Oh, now, uh, I-I-I wouldn't say that, I-"
"How many then?" Oh, Dori, you totally caught on to that, didn't you? Kili, what have you done? Pretty much every dwarf in the room looked at Gandalf with expectations.
"Uh, what?" Smooth.
"Well, how many dragons have you killed?" At this the wizard coughs on his pipe smoke, probably only so he didn't have to answer.
"Go on, give us a number!" Dori stood up, irritated by the silence, which caused a domino effect of dwarves standing up and arguing about how many obviously non-existent dragons Gandalf has killed. We two buddies just sat closer together and tried to dodge as many elbows as we could, flying from our seat mates beside us. Bilbo quietly tried to separate them all, but it took Thorin jumping up from his seat and practically roaring like he was fricking Aslan for everyone to quiet down.
"If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the Mountain, assessing, wondering, and weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected." Wait, vast wealth? Why was I not informed of this? Noticing my sudden jerk of the head, Hannah nudged me and shook her head. Aww, no treasure for me. "Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" He then shouted something twice in a language I can only assume to be dwarfish. Didn't really matter, because we could hardly hear them over the sound of shouts and battle ready yells coming from the other dwarves. Thorin is a royal, right? He obviously inherited the public speaking gene. Nevertheless, Hannah and I were happy to see the guys so fired up, we were smiling at them and even clapped.
"You forget: the front gate is sealed. There is no way into the Mountain." Our smiles immediately dropped and the cheering stopped. Jesus, Balin, do you need to be such a buzz kill?
"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." You sneaky wizard, what have you been hiding? I straightened up in my seat and made sure Hannah was paying attention. Gandalf suddenly pulled out a key out of thin air (or his pocket, I couldn't see very well in the candle light). It was big and intricate, and by the look on Thorin's face, important.
"How came you by this?" So important, he even forgot grammar.
"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now." He handed the key to Thorin, the glinting of the metal in the candle light and small 'cink' sound when it touched Thorin's rings somehow making the exchange very dramatic.
Everyone's gaze, even Bilbo's, was fixated on the key.
"If there is a key... there must be a door." You are a genius, Fili, I never would have thought of that. Hannah rolled her eyes, shoulders moving slightly in a silent chuckle.
Gandalf pointed to the runes on his small map with his pipe, not worrying about the possibility of staining the parchment.
"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls."
"There's another way in!"An excited shout from another genius. Since Kili is Fili's brother, genius must run in the family. Somehow this time Hannah didn't join me in the groaning, she just rolled her eyes a bit. Interesting...
"Well, if we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed." He sighed, looking down at the map. "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage." Cue glance in Bilbo's direction. He doesn't think? I looked at Hannah and it seemed she had come to the same conclusion. "But, if we are careful and clever, I believe it can be done."
"That's why we need a burglar!" Oh, Ori, you cutie, you have no idea you just pushed Bilbo under the bus, do you? And to make it worse, Bilbo doesn't realize they're talking about him. Cue another face palm. I need to clean my glasses; I always forget I have them on.
"Hm, a good one, too. An expert, I'd imagine." Hannah snickered. You just keep digging your own grave, don't you, Bilbo? Finally, Gloin revealed him the truth.
"And are you?"
"Am I what?" Seems it's finally dawning on him, since he saw no one behind himself, that everyone was looking at him.
"He said he's an expert!" Oin must've completely opened his eyes now. A couple of dwarves snickered and chuckled.
"M-me? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not a burglar; I've never stolen a thing in my life!" So defensive, he seemed really nervous.
"I have." Oops. Blame it on the ale. Hannah turned to me, eyebrows raised and mouth agape, but not really that shocked.
"What? You stole something?!"
"...Noooooo..." Avoid eye contact, avoid eye contact!
Thorin raised a brow at our conversation, but most likely figured it was of no concern to him, and dismissed it.
"I'm afraid I have to agree with Mister Baggins. He's hardly burglar material." Seems like Balin is resuming his position as Officer Buzz Kill. I guess it's good there is someone to keep everyone's ideas in the realistic side of the field, though. Also, Bilbo seems to agree with him, if his nod is anything to go by.
"Aye, the wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves, like hobbits and women." Bilbo, being the stupid one at the moment, nodded again, but Hannah and I were greatly offended. Hannah less so, I guess, since she really didn't know how to fight, so she just said 'hey!' and glared, while I jumped up and started shouting 'I'll show you gentlefolk!' over all the other bickering shouts. At this point, Gandalf intervened. His shout made even more of an impact since he amplified it and the shadows surrounding him with his magic, creating a foreboding atmosphere.
"Enough! If I say that Bilbo Baggins is a burglar and the girls can help you in your quest then that is what they are and what they will do!"
Almost as suddenly as he appeared, Scary Gandalf returned to normal and said in a calm, gentle voice, as if nothing had happened.
"Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself. As for the ladies, they are far brighter than you might think, and will help you all greatly. You must trust me on this." The speech was long and had many pauses, but also seemed to convince Thorin. Despite Bilbo's protests, he said:
"Very well. We will do it your way. Give them each a contract." Bofur cheered and Balin pulled out a stack of parchment from his satchel.
"It's just the usual summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth." I took two out of his hands and gave one to Hannah, and we immediately started reading it, though it was hard to not get distracted by the pretty penmanship. I kept one ear open though, just to make sure we weren't left out of an important conversation.
"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo didn't seem to quite grasp what he was in for. Again. He stepped out of the room to read the contract under better lighting. While he was moaning, I heard Thorin whispering to the wizard.
"I cannot guarantee their safety."
"Understood."
"Nor will I be responsible for their fate."
"Agreed." I hope Hannah hadn't heard that, don't want her to chicken out. Honestly, I was beginning to get a bit worried as well, a sort of sick feeling in my stomach. Or, that could be the oncoming hangover, who knows?
Bilbo starts reading a part of the contract out loud, but since Hannah and I were almost at the bottom of it, we didn't really care.
"Incineration?" Oooh, that sounds interesting. Both of us lifted our heads.
"Oh, aye, he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." Way to reassure the squeamish ones there, Bofur. I totally owe you one.
Bilbo and Hannah both paled, swaying in their places a bit, Bilbo going 'huh'.
"You guys alright?" I asked, concerned for them a bit. Turning to Hannah I whispered into her ear: "Calm down, chances are we'll be home before we even see the dragon. That place will take some time to reach." That seemed to calm her down a bit. Bilbo, on the other hand, bends over, resting his hands on his knees and started breathing like he was doing yoga.
"Uh... yeah, feel a bit faint." Bofur, being such a nice guy, decided to clarify while standing up, coming closer to Bilbo.
"Think furnace with wings."
"Air, I-I-I need air." Poor guy was getting worse by the second. Quick glance to my right relieved me; Hannah was still pale, but nowhere as bad as Bilbo.
"Flash of light, searing pain, then Poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash!" Bofur grinned, smug bastard was enjoying this. We all stared at Bilbo, for a couple of seconds it seemed he was going to be all right, but then he straightened up, breathed in, composed himself, looked at us, said "Nope!" and promptly fell on the floor, Gandalf raising up to check on him.
Turning back to my friend, I put a hand on her shoulder, silently asking her if she still wanted to do this. Receiving a nod, I turned to Balin.
"Can we have something to write with, please?"
