Chapter 3: Incoherence

Ginger woke to the odd, unsettling silence that always seemed to hang over the cellblock where the inmates spent their nights. He yawned and sat up slowly, looking over at the cell door and finding that it was already unlocked and opened for the day.

I wonder how I slept through the sound of it unlatching, he mused, Do they drug us when we go to sleep? Damn, that's such a paranoid sounding question. But everything in here seems made to make us question ourselves. It gives our jailors a real advantage. They control our reality...

He climbed out of bed and left his room, turning down the hallway and heading towards the common room. He paused by Sakura's open door and looked inside his room, expecting to find his friend still recovering from his injury. To his surprise, Sakura's bed was empty.

He couldn't have recovered already. I wonder if he had to go back to the infirmary.

He continued on to the common room, where he found the other inmates, except for the grey-eyed man he was so hoping to see.

"Hey uh, excuse me," he said to the shy, quiet man he knew was called Shadow, "Have you seen Sakura?"

Shadow's blue eyed looked up at him shyly, and the young man blushed and shook his head.

"Do you know if he had to go back to the infirmary?"

Shadow looked back at him wordlessly, a look of sadness and worry in his gemlike sapphire eyes.

"Just leave him alone, asshole," a low, almost growling voice warned him.

Ginger met the blue-haired man's icy blue eyes warily.

"You're Kit, right?" he asked.

"That's right," Kit answered, glaring at him, "Why are you bothering him? Leave him alone."

"I'm not trying to bother your friend," Ginger assured him, remembering Doctor Falk's warning about the blue-haired man, "I was just wanting to know where Sakura is."

"Where do you think?" Kit asked confrontationally, "He's being punished."

A cold chill ran down Ginger's spine.

"Punished?" he mused, "Why would he be punished? He can't even get out of bed!"

"Yeah, well, he tried to commit suicide...and attempted suicide is an act of violence. He broke the rules. That's how it works here. You'd better make peace with that, or you're gonna spend an awful lot of time suffering their punishments."

"What kind of punishment?"

Kit shrugged and reached down to begin massaging Shadow's shoulders. The shy young man said nothing, but gave a little sigh and closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle treatment.

"Different kinds," Kit went on, "Shocks, beatings, being locked up in the dark. And the worst thing about it? They know what we're most afraid of and they use that."

"Well, how do they know what we're most afraid of if we don't know who we even are?"

"Tch," Kit huffed, "I'm surprised you don't already know. I mean, it seems obvious. We don't remember our pasts, not even our names, but they know. They know everything about us, and they use that. Fucking sadists. But don't worry. They don't want us to die, so they won't really hurt him anymore than he's already hurt himself."

"Sakura didn't hurt himself," Ginger said firmly.

Kit paused and gave him a baleful look.

"You be careful who you say that to," he warned Ginger, "You say it to the wrong person and you may end up in solitary confinement. And if you think hanging with us loonies is bad, solitary's worse. You don't wanna know how."

"I'll take your word for it," Ginger said, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, "Hey Kit, I uh...I'm sorry if I offended you by asking Shadow questions. I know he's shy, but I'm just trying to get to know everyone here."

"Huh, I don't know if we should get involved with you," Kit said dismissively, "You've already gotten yourself a kick in the head and after hanging out with you, Sakura either tried to kill himself or someone else hurt him. That's not a good track record."

"What can I say? I'm new here."

"Well, wise up, Newbie, before you get yourself or one of us into real trouble. Now, why don't you scram."

"Right," Ginger said, shaking his head and turning away, "Nice..."

He paused for a moment, looking around the room, then spotted Brains sitting in front of television, where a black and white movie was playing.

Sakura seemed to think he knew something about what's going on. Maybe I should try to talk to him.

He walked over and sat down on a sofa that was near the comfortable stuffed chair Brains reclined in. He picked up on of the old magazines and pretended to read, listening to the low muttering of his fellow inmate.

"We're not the body, we're the soul, the soul, the soul," Brains chanted in a whisper, his body rocking slightly back and forth, "We're not the body, we're the soul."

What the...?

Out of the corner of an eye, he studied the man's mussed blonde hair, his pale grey eyes and odd, blank expression.

What did they do to this guy?

"Brains?" he said softly, not looking up as he spoke, "Do you do anything but chant?"

"We're not the body, we're the soul, the soul, the soul. We're not the body, we're the soul," Brains went on, rocking back and forth.

"O-kay," he sighed, rolling his eyes and continuing to pretend to read.

"Ginger?"

Ginger looked up and found Doctor Falk standing near him. He gave the doctor a somewhat forced smile of greeting and stood.

"What do you want, Doc?" he asked, trying to look unruffled, "Is it time for a session?"

"Yes, Ginger. Come with me."

Ginger followed him out of the common room and to a little office near the inmates' cells. He closed the door behind them and motioned for Ginger to sit, then took the seat on the other side of the desk.

"I understand that you were present when Sakura was brought to the infirmary."

"Yeah."

"I am sorry to hear that. It must have been difficult for you to see, as you and Sakura seem to be making friends."

He wants me to know we're closely watched.

He's been helping me learn how to stay out of trouble. I kinda have a problem with that."

"You are new to the facility," Doctor Falk concluded, "It just takes time to condition oneself. You are doing as well as can be expected."

"Doc," Ginger said in a troubled tone, "can you explain something to me?"

"I will try."

"Sakura seemed...really okay when I talked to him. He seemed together, not stressed out or upset or anything. There wasn't any reason for him to try to hurt himself. I just...can't understand."

"Yes," Falk acknowledged, "that is one of the hardest things about his mental illness, how little sense it makes and how unpredictable he can be. You can see why his family had him committed."

"I guess. Is he really being punished? It seems like it would make his condition worse."

"Well," said Falk, "sometimes we must walk the fine line between treatment and enforcement. As much as we want to help Sakura, we can't overlook the breaking of rules. Without rules, this facility would become a very chaotic place, don't you think? Every society needs rules and order."

"Yeah, I suppose," Ginger said sadly, "I'm just worried about him. He wouldn't hurt anyone."

"Except himself."

He's lying. He knows Sakura wouldn't do this.

"Doc, where is he? Is it...okay for me to ask you that?"

Falk smiled.

"Of course," he answered kindly, "Sakura was placed in solitary confinement. When he has paid for his misbehavior, he will be returned to his cell."

"How uh...how long will that be?"

"You are quite worried about him," Falk noted.

"He's a good guy. He's gentle. He really doesn't seem like he belongs here."

"You feel protective of him?"

"He's a friend. Everybody needs friends, right?" Ginger explained, "Sakura was the first person here to be friendly to me."

"It makes sense that you are bonding with him," Falk noted, "Well, don't worry, Sakura will be fine and he will be back, barring any further misbehavior."

I wonder if this guy is talking about Sakura misbehaving or if he is warning me not to do anything else...like a threat. It's hard to tell the difference.

"Are you all right, Ginger?" Falk asked in a concerned tone.

"I guess so."

"You haven't had any angry feelings or felt like there were periods of time that you were losing."

"Periods of time I was losing?" asked Ginger, frowning.

"When you murdered your family and you were caught, you claimed not to have an awareness of the time when you became violent. It was, you said, as though you weren't there in your body when it happened. You've had no moments like that?"

"I don't think so. Why?"

"Ah," the doctor said, giving him a look of relief, "I was a little worried that you might have had a blackout and hurt Sakura yourself."

"What? Me?" Ginger mused, "Why would I do that? Sakura is my friend. Besides, I was in the infirmary the whole time. I was tied down. I couldn't have hurt him."

"You were tied down?" asked Falk, frowning more deeply.

"I accidently answered a guard who talked to us," Ginger explained, "I didn't realize that if we just answered a question we were asked we would be punished."

"Hmm, it does sometimes take painful lessons to learn the rules."

"It seems kinda unfair that they can trap us into breaking them. I mean, if a guard doesn't like us, they can make our lives pretty miserable, you know."

"Yes," Falk answered, eyeing him closely, "they can."

"Well, I won't be falling for that one again," Ginger said, shaking his head, "And I will try to stay out of trouble."

"That is good," Falk said approvingly, "I think we are done for now. You may go back to the common room, Ginger."

"Thanks Doc," Ginger said, standing, "See you."

Ginger walked back to the common room and paused in the doorway, looking around. He spotted Brains, still sitting in front of the television, muttering softly to himself while Shadow stared out the window and Buzzard, Tats and Kit played cards.

"Hey Newbie," Kit said gruffly, glancing at him, "get your ass over here. We need a fourth."

"Sure," Ginger answered, taking an open seat.

He watched as Buzzard dealt the cards.

"It's simple, five card draw," he explained, "No wagers cause we're not allowed to gamble...not here anyway."

"Not here?" Ginger asked curiously, "Then where can we?"

"Good question," Buzzard said approvingly, "You're not stupid. I was thinking you were, the way you fell right into the guard's trap. But I guess you can learn from your mistakes."

Ginger gave him a crooked smile.

"So, are you gonna tell me where we're allowed to gamble?" he asked.

"The Underground," Buzzard answered calmly.

"The Underground?"

"Mhmm. About once a week, the ones of us who don't cause any trouble get to go down to the lower level, the place where they keep the real monsters. We get good food for free, booze to drink and we can talk to whoever's there, even guards. It's like being back in society for a few hours."

"What kind of gambling do you do?" Ginger asked.

"We make bets on fights between the most violent inmates, the ones they don't let up here because they'd probably kill lightweights like us."

He's calling guys who murdered multiple people lightweights? What the hell kinda freaks are down in that place then?

"You and Sakura won't get an invite this week. You don't get to go if you misbehave...unless you've been really bad. Then, you get to go down there and face off with one of the monsters."

Kit snickered.

"You know, you might get picked for that if you're not careful."

"You don't think Sakura would be for what he did, do you?"

Tats laughed.

"Are you sweet on him?" he asked, "I don't blame you. He's cute. A little snooty, but he's got a nice ass. It'd be a shame if they made him fight this week. He could get killed."

"I thought these people didn't want us to die," Ginger mused.

"Well," Buzzard said, smirking "If you're a troublemaker, sometimes they decide you're not worth keeping. Then, you're in trouble."

"You might be in trouble anyway," Kit posited, "I heard that guard you pissed off talking about setting you up on a date with the beast."

"A date with the beast?" Ginger repeated, looking confused, "What does that mean?"

The other three men looked at each other and laughed.

"You'll find out," Buzzard chuckled, "C'mon, let's play cards."

Ginger played along, observing the other three men as they interacted.

Buzzard and Kit are brutal types, but both seem soft when it comes to the guys they like. Kit will kill anything that comes near Shadow and I feel some strong vibes between Buzzard and Tats. Tats seems really with it for someone who's supposed to have nearly destroyed himself with drugs and alcohol. And even though Buzzard and Kit are supposed to be killers, they have a code of honor. They're jerks sometimes, but they're jerks with some standards. Interesting.

The group separated when lunch was served and Ginger sat alone near Brains, watching out of the corner of an eye as the blonde man ignored his food and continued to chant softly. After several minutes, an orderly appeared and said a few sharp words to him. Brains went quiet for a moment and took a few bites of his meal, then went back to chanting.

Weird...

After lunch, Ginger walked outside, taking a slow stroll around the gardens and mulling over the phrase Brains had been chanting.

We're not the body, we're the soul. What was he saying that for? It must mean something. Sakura heard that guy say my name. I wonder if I knew him. I'll have to try to get closer, maybe talk to him again.

He paused to watch the koi swimming in the pond.

We're not the body, we're the soul. Sakura said he also said soul society. I don't know what that is, but it sounds connected. It seems like a puzzle. I just have to figure it out.

He finished his stroll around the gardens, then walked back inside. He was disappointed that Brains was not in the common room and gave a bored sigh as he started back to his own room to lie down and think. He was passing Sakura's open door when he realized that the man had been returned to his room and laid on the bed, his body in restraints. He tapped on the door and stepped inside, feeling a twinge of worry that Sakura neither moved nor answered him. He moved closer, marveling at the fact his friend's eyes were opened and focused on the ceiling, but that he didn't seem to respond to any attempts to engage him.

"Sakura, what's going on?" he asked worriedly, dropping into a chair at his friend's side and slipping a hand into his, "Why won't you answer me? Are you really awake?"

Sakura stared silently up at the ceiling and gave no reply.

I wonder if he's drugged or something.

"Well, even if you won't talk to me, I need to talk to you. I just want to say that I'm sorry. And I don't just mean that I'm sorry you got hurt. I think I'm the reason you got hurt. I'm sorry for getting the guard angry and that he took this out on you. I don't care what they say. I know you didn't try to hurt yourself. You wouldn't do that. I hope you're feeling better soon and that you'll start talking to me again. I feel like I'm going crazy here, trying to figure things out. And there are so many ways to get myself and anyone I am around into trouble. I don't know. Maybe Kit is right. Maybe you should stay away from me. I don't want to be the reason that something bad happens to you."

"You really like Sakura, don't you?" asked a soft male voice he recognized at once as Shadow's.

He turned his head and met the slim, blue-eyed man's gaze, smiling kindly and motioning for him to sit down, then he waited cautiously for his shy companion to go on. After several minutes of silence, Shadow slipped a pale hand into Sakura's.

"We were brought here at the same time, along with Brains. We've been here longer than Kit and the others."

"Do you remember anything from before?" Ginger asked carefully.

"No," Shadow answered, "but then, my mind was reconditioned once. That's what they call it when they empty a prisoner's mind so that they don't remember anything. I think they do it to everyone when they arrive, then if they think the person knows too much."

He looked down sadly at Sakura.

"I think that's why he's like this."

Ginger gave Shadow a look of alarm.

"You think they erased his memory? You think he won't remember anything?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

Shadow regarded the still form on the bed for a moment.

"Ginger, you must be very careful. If they reconditioned his mind, they might be watching you and intending to do the same to you if you seem like you know something."

"All I really know are bits and pieces," Ginger sighed, "although I have learned our names, mine and his."

"You have?" Shadow asked hopefully, "What are they? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine," Ginger said, smiling, "My name's Kurosaki Ichigo and I saw on Sakura's chart that his name is Kuchiki Byakuya. Do those names mean anything to you?"

"No," Shadow said, shaking his head, "but...it's strange. It feels very good to know something that isn't a lie. Ichigo and Byakuya."

"Your name has the initials KT," Ginger informed Shadow, "We figured out that the first two letters in our prison ID are our initials."

"KT," Shadow repeated, giving him a genuine smile, "So, I am KT and Kit is JG."

"Yeah. I know it's not much, but it's something, right?"

"Right," Shadow agreed, "It makes me feel hopeful."

"We'll find out more," Ginger promised, "And when we do, I'll be sure to let you in on it, okay?"

"Okay," Shadow said, blushing and standing, "I have to go, but...thank you, Ginger."

"It's no problem. Take care."

He watched Shadow leave the room, then turned back to Sakura to find his grey eyes moving slightly to focus on him. Sakura took a slow breath and tried his voice.

"Where am I?" he whispered haltingly, "What happened to me? Who are you?"

"It's okay," Ginger said, slipping his hand into Sakura's, "I'm Ginger...and I'm a friend."