Hewwo! Sorry I took a while to update. To be honest, I don't really have any excuse for it. I was just really lazy :P Anyway, this one is a loooooooong one, so you should get yourself a drink and some popcorn. The next chapter will be a lot shorter. As always,
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own nothin' here, I think you can all understand that by now :P
Chapter 6 !!11!!!1!!11!!! The Not-So-Ferocious Fox
The quartet was traveling along the yellow brick road once again after a quick potty break for Cream and some quality breathing time for Cheese. They traveled deeper and deeper into the woods, noticing that the trees just got denser the farther they traveled.
"Mister Tin Man, do you know how much farther we have to go?" asked Cream politely.
"How the hell should I know?" said a disgruntled Tin Man.
"Well, I thought that since you were in this forest for a while, you knew the way." explained Cream.
"I've been frozen in that spot for three years. Even if I knew, I would've forgotten by now!" he shouted at Cream. Cream cringed at the sound of his voice yelling at her.
"I'm sorr-"
"I don't need your pity!" he spat at Cream, "I don't even know why I even came with you guys in the first place!" he said angrily to the sky as he shook his fist in the air.
"Because we said we were going to The Eggman to get things and you wanted a heart to try and fulfill your twisted fantasy?" questioned Scarecrow all too cheerfully. Tin Man was opening and closing his mouth for a few seconds.
"… Not a finger!" was all that Tin Man could reply. The three of them stared at him for a moment, until Cream tripped over something and Cheese let out a squeal as he was crushed under Cream's body.
"Cream! Are you okay?" asked Scarecrow, helping Cream up after her fall.
"Yeah, I think so … EEEEK!!" she screamed as she leapt back a few feet and pointed shakily at the object she tripped over.
"Wow …" was Tin Man's reply as they stared at a giant pile of bones that lay sideways on the road. They appeared to belong to some sort of bovine at one time. "How did you guys not notice that while we were walking up here!" said Tin Man as he pointed at it too.
"We were staring at you after you said 'not a finger!', remember?" Scarecrow pointed out.
" … shut up …" Tin Man muttered. Cheese finally peeled himself off of the road and stood up.
"Chao chao? Chao (What am I? Chopped liver)!" he yelled angrily at the trio who were all gawking at the carcass in the middle of the road. Cheese's yell didn't even faze them. "Chao chao. Chao chao chao chao (Stupid animals. I should just finish you all off now) …" Cheese muttered.
"Cheese! You're okay!" shouted Cream upon sighting Cheese. Cheese froze in place as Cream ran towards him and tripped over the bones again, also re-squishing Cheese as she fell flat on her face.
"Uh, Cream?" asked Scarecrow, concerned for the little rabbit as he hoped this didn't end up like the time his arm kept ripping off. Tin Man rolled his eyes.
"How do you trip over the same thing twice in a row?!" yelled the Tin Man. Cream then looked up and stared at the pile of bones.
"EEEEEK!" she shrieked as she leapt back a few feet again and pointed at the pile of bones shakily, confirming Scarecrow's fear.
"I think the real question is, how the heck did it get here?" said Scarecrow.
"Chao (Good point)." said Cheese.
"Why can't that thing speak?" asked Tin Man. Cheese just shot him a dirty look.
"Maybe it was a lion …" thought Scarecrow out loud.
"Or a tiger …" added Tin Man.
"Chao chao (Or a zombie) …" thought Cheese.
"Yes, Cheese. It could have been a bear!" said Cream. Cheese really wished that he had that Shadow Rifle right now. Cream grabbed Cheese by the throat again and huddled close to Scarecrow.
"We should get going …" announced Scarecrow.
"Why? You aren't scared of some lions coming to eat you, are you?" asked Tin Man. Scarecrow began down the road again, not bothering to answer his comment. "Or maybe an ambush of tigers, ripping your stuffing apart," Scarecrow began walking faster. Tin Man followed closely behind. "Or maybe a killer grizzly bear coming out of the forest and snatching you up for lunch," Scarecrow walked faster still.
"Stop it!" pleaded Cream, but Tin Man was just having too much fun.
"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! What will we do?" Asked Tin Man in a mock scared voice. Scarecrow was speed walking now, but Tin Man kept pace, all the while repeating, "Lions and tigers and bears, lions and tigers and bears, lions and tigers and bears, lions and tigers an-," Suddenly, a furred thing shot out from the bushes and roared at the company. They all screamed and Tin Man ran for the forest, instead running into a tree and being knocked out cold. The others were glued in place, quaking in fear. Cream then quickly threw whatever she had in her hand at the beast. That object turned out to be Cheese.
"Chaaaaooo (S-----------t)!"Screamed Cheese as he was hurtling through the air. The furred thing screamed at the sight of the flying chao and ran for the forest too, also running into a tree. It fell on it's back in time to see a cow fall from the branches of the tree and land on it with a thud. Cheese landed in a rosebush nearby. Scarecrow went over to revive Tin Man while Cream went over to fetch Cheese. Scarecrow pulled the beer can out of hammer space and poured the liquid down Tin Man's throat. He sprang back to life in an instant.
"What happened!? Where's my axe? Are you trying to hit on me?!" sputtered Tin Man as he backed up into the tree he ran into.
"Your welcome, Tin Man." said Scarecrow sarcastically. Cream was over by the cow that fell out of the tree, calling out for Cheese.
"Cheese, Cheese! Where are you, Cheese?" she yelled around. The aforementioned chao was hiding in the rosebush he fell in, keeping very quiet. It was uncomfortable, but if it meant one more minute of not being strangled, he would endure it.
"Chao chao chao chao? Chao, chao chao chao, chao chao chao(Why does she do these things to me? Sure, I'm trying to kill her, but that's only because)-" Cheese was whispering to himself, but he forgot that Cream could pick out his voice from a mile away, in the middle of a monster truck rally.
"There you are, Cheese!" announced Cream, who was very relieved to have found her dear little chao. Cheese, on the other hand, was very worried that she might kill him with one more of those choke holds before he could get her. Cream scooped up he chao in her arms and carried him over to where Scarecrow was talking to Tin Man.
"I can't believe that a cow fell out of the tree and squashed that thing." said Scarecrow incredulously.
"I can't believe I missed it!" said Tin Man angrily.
"Maybe we should go see if it's alright." said a now worried Cream.
"Oh no! We're not helping that thi-" began Tin Man, but Cream had already gone over by the cow. A little blood was pooling out from underneath the cow, but she could hear murmurings coming there too.
"I think it's still alive!" She shouted over to the other two. Scarecrow ran over to investigate while Tin Man trudged over to the cow.
"I think you're right, Cream. I can definitely hear something under there." agreed Scarecrow.
"Chao chao chao (I think you should let go of me now) …" mumbled Cheese.
"You're right, Cheese. We should get him out. Can anyone lift this cow?" asked Cream while Cheese sulked in her grip. Scarecrow shook his head.
"My arms would rip off again." Scarecrow explained.
"Well, I wouldn't want to brag, but …" began Tin Man, his pride obviously showing as he put his hands on his hips and puffed his chest out. He then began to flex his arms to show off his muscles. Scarecrow rolled his eyes as Cream watched in awe. Cheese was too busy mumbling to himself to notice anything.
"Does that mean you can lift this cow?" asked Cream.
"I could lift 3 cows if I wanted to." said Tin Man arrogantly. As if on cue, two more cows fell out of the tree and landed on top of the other cow. "Like I said. If I wanted to. I don't really feel like it." said Tin Man.
"Really? I don't think you can lift three cows." inquired Scarecrow.
"I'll show you!" replied Tin Man. He then stomped over to the stack of cows and lifted then over his head in a matter of seconds. As the others stared in awe, the furry that was previously trapped under the cows gasped for air.
"Oh, Thank you! I never thought tha- Wait!" he began to say before Tin Man dumped the pile of cows back onto him.
"Tin Man!" Cream scolded.
"Oh, alright!" replied Tin Man. He lifted the cows off of the furry again and set them down right next to him. Scarecrow went over to help up the furry. It had long, bushy hair sprouting from around it's neck, and had two long bushy tails. He reminded Cream of Tails.
"Thank you, all of you! I am the lion, king of the forest!" he proclaimed. Scarecrow noticed that the mane around his neck was a little loose.
'Hmm … I wonder why that is …' thought Scarecrow. He reached over and gave the mane a yank, only to find out that he had ripped the whole thing off. The gang stood frozen in place.
"Uhh … I can explain …" said "the lion".
XXX
"Grr! It's like she's an idiot attractor!" bellowed Rouge from her tower. She was hunched over her crystal ball, intently staring at the image of the group conversing with the fox that they just saved. "I'm going to have to show her who she's messing with." she said to herself. "Shadow!"
"Yes?"
"AAAAHHH!" Rouge screamed as she fell off of her stool and was caught by a pair of arms. Shadow had been standing right behind her. "How long were you there?" she asked him sheepishly as she realized he was holding her bridal style.
"Long enough to know that you were planning something." was his response. He appeared unfazed by the knowledge that Rouge was right in his arms. "What is it that you want?" he asked her. His scent slightly intoxicated her as she tried to think of the reason she wanted Shadow in the first place.
"I- I need you to watch over the castle. I'm going out." she replied. Shadow had set her back onto her feet.
"Where are you going, may I ask?" Shadow asked.
"To show that bunny who she's messing with!" said Rouge, regaining her composure. She went to get her broomstick as Shadow opened up the window for her. Rouge stepped up onto the window pane and assumed the proper riding position on her broomstick.
"Should I prepare the clones for battle?" he asked her. Rouge looked back at him and smiled.
"Nah. This shouldn't take long. I'm just going to scare her." she replied. Shadow nodded.
"Go get her." Shadow said, and he smacked Rouge's ass and she took off like a bottle rocket. Shadow smirked as he watched her fly off into the distance. He knew she'd punish him when she got back, but he thought it was worth it. He turned his attention to the group of now five as they walked along the road to Emerald City.
XXX
Cream was skipping along the road, linking arms with Scarecrow and Fox, or 'The Pussy' according to Tin Man, which Cream thought meant that he calls him a kitty. And what's so bad about being called a cat? Tin Man was trudging behind the rest of the group and Cheese was stuck in Cream's grasp yet again. It was getting easier to breath, thought Cheese, but he also thought they were being followed by a pretty dragon asking for pancakes. The group decided to take a rest in front of an old shed on the side of the road. Little did they know what was planned for them.
"I hope we reach The Eggman soon! I really need some courage." said Fox.
"Oh, waaah! Others have needs from The Eggman too, you know!" shouted Tin Man angrily.
"You should stop giving Fox a hard time, Tin Man. It's not his fault!" replied Cream.
"I think we should of left him under those cows for attacking us!" retorted Tin Man.
"Wow, maybe I won't have to attack you after all." said a voice. The gang looked at the roof of the barn and noticed that the wicked witch herself was standing on top of it. Cream gasped.
"The Wicked Witch!" she said obviously.
"Of course it's the Wicked Witch, you idiot! Who else would be as beautiful as her?" replied Tin Man.
"Oh kill me now …" she said bitterly. She forgot how enamored Tin Man was with her, and wished that she brought her bazooka with her too. Why did she fly with a broom anyway? Wasn't she a bat? She shook the questions from her head and noticed that the barn was shaking too.
"Come back to me, my love!" shouted Tin Man to her as he was shoving the barn back and forth.
"We never had anything, Tin Man! It was just a physical attraction! GET OVER IT!!!" Rouge screamed at the emotional tin echidna.
"You're lying! I know it! That stupid winged hedgehog must have hypnotized you!" said Tin Man, now on the brink of tears.
"Uh, Tin Man? Maybe you should calm down …" began Scarecrow, but then Tin Man froze in place.
"Scarecrow! Get me my beer!" Tin Man shouted to Scarecrow. Scarecrow began to reach into hammer space to get the beer can.
"Oh no you don't." said Rouge as she prepared for a spell. "How about a little fire, Scarecrow?!" she said and she flicked her wrist and Scarecrow burst into flames. He began to run around in circles, screaming incoherent words. Rouge cackled and wasn't paying any attention, so Cream ran over to Tin Man and poured the beer down his throat.
"Help Scarecrow!" she told him.
"How did you get the beer can?" asked Tin Man, but then Cream shoved Tin Man towards where Scarecrow was running.
"I'll save you, Scarecrow!" he proclaimed, and he took out his axe and began chopping Scarecrow to bits.
"You moron! Get water!" shouted Scarecrow as Tin Man continued to "help" him, bits of burning debris flying in every direction.
"I'll save you, Scarecrow!" said Fox, but as he ran over, a cow charged out of the forest and landed on him, rendering him immobile. Tin Man finally stopped chopping up Scarecrow long enough to see that the fire just got bigger.
"Water, WATER!!!!" screamed Scarecrow, now a stationary lump on the ground, still burning.
"I could put him out …" offered Rouge, who began paying attention again.
"Can you also get this cow off of me?" asked Fox, who managed to get his head and left arm out from under the cow.
"Don't push your luck." Rouge replied flatly. "All I need are those boots, my dear."
"I'll get the shiny boots for you!" Tin Man replied eagerly.
"Eh … sure." said Rouge. Tin Man then pounced on Cream and held her upside down, trying to yank the boots off.
"Chao chao (Cream's mine)!" shouted Cheese, who flew right at Tin Man's face and began attacking him. Tin Man ran around screaming, flailing his arms about whilst still clutching onto Cream's boot. Cream was screaming as well.
"Wow, and all I had to do is light someone on fire. This just keeps getting better and better …" Rouge said to herself while watching the scene unfold before her.
"You know that he won't get those boots off, right"? Rouge jumped and fell over as she noticed that she was no longer alone on the roof of the barn.
"Damn it, Shadow! Why do you always do that?" Rouge said to Shadow.
"No reason …" he said, as stony faced as usual. He offered his hand to Rouge, who shoved it away hastily.
"Don't touch me, you perv! I haven't forgotten what you did at the castle before I left." said an annoyed Rouge, who stood back up again.
"Believe me, Rouge, I haven't." Shadow replied as he smirked slightly.
"Hey!" came a voice from below. Rouge and Shadow looked over and noticed that Tin Man was now standing with Cream in one hand, and Cheese in the other, with a look of complete hatred and disgust on his face. "How dare you steal Rouge from me!" Tin Man shouted. He dropped Cream and Cheese and walked over to the barn.
"Steal? You never had her to begin with." pointed out Shadow.
"I SO did! We had a whole relationship and everything! And I was so close to fu-" began Tin Man.
"WHAT!" interrupted Rouge, "We never had anything, Tin Man! And you certainly are never going to get in my pants!" bellowed Rouge angrily. The three of them continued to argue amongst themselves while Fox had finally managed to crawl out from underneath the cow. He noticed that Scarecrow was still on fire, and ran over to help him, completely ignoring the bickering over by the barn.
"Don't worry, Scarecrow! I'll get you water!" declares Fox.
"Great. Could you get it, like … NOW!" screamed Scarecrow.
"Um … do you know where I could find it?" asked Fox.
"How should I know?! I'm on fire!" screamed Scarecrow. Fox then remembered something and pulled out his water bottle and dumped it all over Scarecrow, putting out the flames. "Aaaahhh. Finally." Scarecrow groaned. All of a sudden, they heard a giant explosion and a scream. Then Tin Man came flying towards them and smashed into another tree right next to them.
"Tin Man!" Cream screamed. The rest looked towards the barn and noticed that a black winged hedgehog was holding a smoldering bazooka.
"I think you've done enough damage." announced Shadow after a the long silence.
"… yeah, I'd have to agree with you." agreed Rouge, then she turned to Cream, "You better figure out how to get those boots to me, or else I'll do far more damage next time." Rouge announced while pointing at Cream. A plume of smoke erupted from where she stood, and when it cleared, she was gone. Shadow also disappeared in a flash of green light right after Rouge. Cream then ran over to Tin Man while Cheese sat up.
"Chao, chao chao, chao. chao chao chao (No, it's fine, Cream. I'll get up myself) …" Cheese grumbled as he flew over to everyone else. Cream quickly revived Tin Man by having him drink from the beer can. Tin Man sat up and looked around.
"Where'd Rouge go?" Tin Man asked, sounding hurt.
"She left. I don't see why you like her. She's really mean. And why did you attack me? I feel really hurt now because you betrayed us and you shou-" babbled Cream, but Tin Man stopped listening after 'she left'. Tin Man's eyes began to water and he broke down crying. The rest of the group just stated at him.
"…Should we start putting Scarecrow back together?" asked Fox.
"Good idea. Then we can help Tin Man with his emotional problems." declared Cream. Cream then took the sewing needle from the ashes of Scarecrow and began to sew what was left of him back together while Fox watched her admiringly, Cheese grumbled right next to her, and Tin Man bawled his eyes out.
…
So all the idiots have come out to play now, and Rouge and Shadow have showed up, too! Will Tin Man ever repair his broken heart? Will they make it to The Eggman (that's kind of a given, but whatever)? Will Shadow get his way with Rouge ( that's probably a given too ;) )?
If you've watched The Wizard of Oz lately, you'll notice a couple things wrong with the chapters leading up to this. I am trying to make it all chronological from now on, so there. Thank you for reading, and hopefully you read all the way through this!
