I do not own Naruto and I never will. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and however else has any claims to it. Please read and review. Enjoy.
Ichiraku Teuchi had seen a lot of things in his life. Never in his thirty-eight years of life had he ever seen anything like this!
He didn't have anything against Naruto. The kid was just unfortunate enough to have had his dad as the Yondaime Hokage. Then he was unfortunate enough to have the Kyuubi sealed into him.
Yes, he knew that Naruto was the Yondaime's son.
It wasn't hard to see the resemblance if you looked, and he meant really looked at Naruto. Besides the only other way the boy could have been blonde was if he'd been an Yamanaka, but then he'd have creepy pupiless eyes. Honestly how many Nordic blondes does Konoha have?! How many blondes died on October tenth? The math wasn't hard, but people just wouldn't or couldn't accept the truth.
If the physical resemblance hadn't been enough for Teuchi though; then having Kushina as a customer did. He remembered the few times she and Minato had dates here and sometimes Minato had even treated his team for ramen.
What shocked him... was that Naruto was from a family with such amazing history. Most people would have thought that having Minato as a father would have taken out the shock of Naruto being such an important person. Most people however didn't know that the Uzumaki had been hot stuff in Uzushio and had been almost like the sister clan of the Senju.
There had been a lot of marriages between the Uzumaki and the Senju. Such as Uzumaki Mito and Senju Hashirama. It's probably what kept them from going insane. Like the Uchiha and Hyuuga.
More genetic diversity.
There had been rumors about the particular shinobi Naruto was related to through his mother. They'd all been classified as malicious slander though.
Especially considering that some of the rumors hit very very close to home in Konoha.
One of the rumors was that the said shinobi's student was his daughter. Which was against Konoha rules at the time. The rule was still in effect now that he thought about it. Adopted children and siblings were allowed though.
The parents of the girl had been pretty defensive about the rumors. The explanation for the physical resemblance was that the mother had Senju blood through her grandfather who'd decided to get down with a waitress from a tea shop.
Another was when Senju Touka's daughter, Senju Momoko, had married into the Hatake clan and gave birth to a son with silver white hair and black eyes while both the parents had been brunettes. Momoko had inherited her mother's green eyes and Hatake Nōka had possessed light brown eyes.
The drama at the hospital had been one for the record books.
Hatake Nōka had accused his wife whom he had been married to for two years of adultery and cheating on him with an older man. She'd defended herself by claiming that it was Nōka's son and that she hadn't slept with anyone but him. He'd refused to believe her.
Ten positive blood tests later with seals from the Uzumaki and Hatake Nōka's goose was cooked in the eyes of all the females in the hospital.
A few male shinobi had made bets on whether or not the kid was actually a Hatake. Most had bet on the kid not being one.
Hiruzen, Danzo, Kagami, Homura, and Torifu had become rich rich men after the drama settled down.
If only because Hiruzen had been dating Biwako who had been Momoko's midwife and Koharu who had threatened to castrate them all if they even doubted the word of one of her best friends.
Actually Koharu had become Sakumo's sensei and his Godmother too now that he thought of it.
Then there was one concerning a woman named Aika who's mother had been a Geisha. The girl had black eyes and white hair. When she became a kunoichi she'd specialized in infiltration, information gathering, and seduction.
Her track record was impressive. She'd died a mysterious death while still young though.
Teuchi had his money on her being Jiraiya's mother. As did everyone else and their mothers'.
Civilians had an easier time when it came to tracing lineages than shinobi who could only trace back accurately to their great grandparents.
However because of the Four Sacred Vices: Smoking, Drinking, Gambling, and Sex. Shinobi and civilians were more intermingled than either would let on.
Orochimaru and Jiraiya, though Teuchi was sure that Aika was Jiraiya's mother, were pretty good examples of the suspicions of copulation between civilians and shinobi who had refused to own up.
Jiraiya and Orochimaru were orphans.
Orphans that grew up to be some of the most powerful ninja in the world.
Even if one of them went insane and is currently on the quest to find immortality through experimentation on children and the other is a perverted hermit making international headlines with his porn writing.
There had been some pretty good speculation on whether or not Jiraiya or Orochimaru were clan related. Jiraiya had a lake of chakra even when he was a child. Not to mention his hair. People had also thrown looks towards the red markings on his face.
Lots of people, Teuchi himself, were pretty sure that he was Aika's kid.
Orochimaru as well. He had those purple markings, that ghastly pale skin, and those gold eyes, but nobody and Teuchi meant nobody had features like that in Konoha.
So whether or not they were actually civilian born was debatable.
It was also gossip that hadn't yet grown old even forty years later.
Names had flown around when Jiraiya was about six years old and had graduated from the academy, but no one could really put a name to anyone who looked like Jiraiya. The closest anyone had come to besides Aika who was dead; was a person no one spoke of since he would have been around thirty-nine when Jiraiya was born.
Pretty old for a shinobi to be having children.
Not to mention he was a very dead and very respected shinobi.
Though it would explain a bit on why Hiruzen had personally picked Jiraiya as a student. That was what started the rumors in the first place.
After all the kid looked like his deceased Sensei.
They were the rumors about Aika and Jiraiya that rekindled the flames about Aika's mysterious father.
Naruto though, the kid was lucky, damn lucky. Teuchi knew that, but how could anyone get this lucky?
Naruto's lineage showed that not only was he from a highly respected, if almost extinct, clan. One that had close links to the Senju and was a legend in its own right in regards to their fuinjutsu and vitality. He was from one that had not only founded its own village during the Warring States Era and helped Konoha found herself, but one of the clans with the biggest if not the largest chakra reserves.
Being directly related to two Hokage's and distantly related to the Shodaime wasn't hurting him either.
Although even if people didn't look at Naruto's Hokage lineage his Uzumaki lineage was still first-rate stuff. Being related to three Uzumaki Clan heads in the last hundred years and there were some Senju main family daughters married into the clan even farther back which was just as impressive as being related to the Hokages.
Hell, there were some notes at the very top of the page that claimed the Uzumaki were descendents of the Rikudo Sennin.
Kushina's lineage was the crème de la crème. Yes, he'd known that she'd been the niece of the last Uzumaki clan head, but this was amazing.
Naruto's pedigree was solid sparkling platinum. Hell, the kid could probably apply to be clan head of the Senju no problem.
Hell, the kid was practically made for the position of Hokage.
If Tsunade ever became Hokage the kid could claim being related to four Hokage.
On his father's side he was the son of the Yondaime Hokage... and on his mother's he was the great-great grandson of Senju Tobirama and the great-great-great nephew of the Shodaime Hokage.
Sarutobi and the council were going to have heart attacks.
… he'd pay good money to see that.
It would be almost as amusing as the Hatake Hair Incident.
Coming to a quick decision he told his thirteen year old daughter to close up shop while he went to go see the Hokage with an urgent matter.
The fact that her father was grinning like he'd won the lottery and couldn't wait to cash in the ticket did not put Ayame at ease.
"Ah, Teuchi-san welcome. What was the urgent matter you spoke of to my secretary?" Hiruzen asked as Teuchi opened the door to his office.
"I have just found out Naruto's ancestry Hokage-sama." Teuchi said genially as he closed the door behind him and then went to stand in front of the Hokage's desk.
Hostility filled the air as Hiruzen spoke. No longer as cordially and kindly as he had been a few seconds before "Naruto's lineage is an S-class secret. If you were to tell anyone it would mean that the boy would be killed by Iwa in seconds. We'd have another Shinobi War on our hands. The council would want to make Naruto into a weapon and-"
"Whatever are you talking about Hokage-sama? I was talking about Naruto's maternal lineage. It's stunning. Why, I think that if you'll look at you may very well be surprised to see a few names your familiar with." Teuchi said completely unaffected by Hiruzen's aura. In fact he seemed rather... chipper.
Suspicious Hiruzen cautiously took the book that Teuchi handed him and opened it to the first page. The Hokage's face was stony and impassive. After awhile Hiruzen gave the book back to Teuchi and took a long smoke from his pipe.
"The fuck?" Hiruzen said dazedly after he finished his smoke.
"I know. Who knew Kushina was practically royalty. Minato struck gold."
Hiruzen went to take another smoke, paused and took a long look at his pipe and then face-palmed as he sighed.
"I need a drink. Preferable something from Kumo. Their alcohol's the strongest."
"You mean you aren't going to inform Tsunade that she has a..." a quick look at the book that started Hiruzen's alcohol need provided the answer "second cousin twice removed?" Teuchi asked curiously.
Hiruzen stared at the ramen chef as if he'd grown three heads, sprouted wings, and gained purple skin.
"What? If she has a living relative she might come back. Especially since Naruto's so young and can't leave the village considering his... duties as a jailor. Tsunade's always been a staunch supporter for family right? It says right here-" Teuchi held up the book and pointed at a specific name, "that Tsunade is Senju Butsuma's great-granddaughter and that Naruto is his great-great-great grandson."
"We'll try."
Beaming Teuchi said "That's wonderful Hokage-sama. Naruto and I are going to see if we can explore some more on his great-great grandfather's amorous adventures and see if... anyone else resulted from them. And confirm some rumors. Who knows maybe the rumors about your teammate or Jiraiya were true."
With confidence Teuchi strided out of the office while Hiruzen wondered where his Sensei, who'd he'd always thought of as prudish, could have gotten the time to get down with Uzumaki Manami and have a kid with her.
He still needed his drink too.
Oh God! He had to deal with Koharu too! Fuck his life.
Thank you for reading and please review. I hope you enjoyed the story. As for the names; Senju Touka was a kunoichi and her name meant peach blossoms so I figured I'd stick with the peach theme. I couldn't really think up a name for Kakashi's grandfather so I just used a translator to figure out what Farmer meant in Japanese. I'm terribly sorry if there are grammatically errors. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
