Happy Skippy Jumpy Yay! Another chapter checked off the to do list! Well, I'll stop talking (well, typing, but whatever) and let you get to it.
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I no own nothin' here, biznotch. This time ...
Chapter 8 !!!11!!!!1!!!1!11!!!! I Am The Eggman
The gang skipped merrily up to the tall, elaborately embroidered emerald doors of Emerald City. They appeared to have a round face with a very spiky mustache jutting out from the sides on the door. They stopped before the doors, which were about two stories high, and Cream grabbed the tassel hanging from the door and gave it a tug. A chime was heard and the group began mumbling amongst themselves before a panel in the door flung open. "Who rang that bell?!" shouted a very annoyed purple chameleon garbed in emerald robes.
"Sorry sir, but I rang the bell." said a startled Cream.
"Can't you inbred hicks read?" asked the chameleon.
"Huh?" wondered Cream. She had no idea who he could be talking to.
"There's a sign right there!" said the chameleon, pointing right underneath where he was hanging out the window. There was an awkward pause. The chameleon then looked down and noticed that there was a poster of a naked women sprawled provocatively on a pool table on the door, and he blushed instantly. "Uh-er-ah …" he sputtered, and then he tore the poster from the wall and disappeared back inside the doors. He came back out and hung a sign on the door, went back inside and closed the panel.
"Bell out of order. Please knock." Everyone read aloud. Everyone but Cheese, who was too busy thinking of ways to get those Fuzzys to come back. That was the most freedom he had felt since … well, he was never really free to begin with, he pondered. Scarecrow then grabbed Tin Man's arms and proceeded to slamming it onto the panel. When the chameleon opened the panel again, he was smacked on the head with Tin Man's arm, knocking him out cold.
"Nice going, genius! You killed the door guy!" accused Tin Man of Scarecrow.
"I'm a genius?" asked Scarecrow. Tin Man growled and smacked Scarecrow upside the head with his axe, decapitating him.
"Tin Man! What are you doing?!" shouted a worried Fox.
"Knocking some sense into that stuffed pillow!" answered Tin Man.
"You didn't have to chop his head off!" argued Fox.
"I wasn't trying to, you pussy!" retorted Tin Man.
"I am not a female reproductive organ!" shouted Fox angrily.
"Um, not to interrupt the tender moment, but could someone go get my head?" asked Scarecrow. Tin Man huffed and crossed him arms and Fox did the same while Cream fetched Scarecrow's head and sewed it back into place.
"HI!!" said an annoying high pitched voice from the door. Everyone looked over to the open panel and noticed that the chameleon was replaced with a little bee, who couldn't have been more than six years old.
"Hi!" Scarecrow said as he waved to the bee.
"Who is he?" whispered Cream to Scarecrow.
"Not a clue!" Scarecrow cheerfully replied.
"Uh, mister bee, could you please let us in?" asked Cream of the buzzing bee in the panel.
"Sure!" he replied. The bee disappeared and closed the panel. Then a great rumbling was heard as the doors slowly opened to reveal a bustling city, alive with people wandering around and a woman sitting on a mat in the middle of the room, smacking her hands against the ground and asking people to give her things. Also, everything was emerald. Walls, tapestries, rugs, toilets, clothes, handbags, food, soilent green … everything but skin and fur color. The gang walked in slowly and stopped when a rick shaw pulled by a fat purple cat came up in front of them. Seated in the rick shaw was a little frog with a fu man chu, wearing a emerald overcoat with gold trimmings. And not an anthro frog, mind you, but an actual frog.
"Wourd you rike a toul?" said the frog.
"No hablo espanol." replied Scarecrow.
"No, Scarecrow. That's not Spanish. He said 'would you like a tour?'." corrected Fox.
"I don't care what he said. I'm not taking a ride on that!" said Tin Man, " Lets just go to where the Eggman is already! It's been long enough already!"
"Wlong, Mistel echidna. Toul filst, then Eggman." spoke the frog.
"Shut up! I can't understand a word you're saying!" shouted Tin Man.
"Lets just go take the tour, Tin Man. Then we can see the Eggman!" announced Scarecrow.
"Fine. Lets just get it over with." sighed Tin Man. Everyone piled into the rick shaw and sat down before the purple cat began to walk again.
"I think these seats are wet …" complained Fox.
"Or you're wet." mumbled Tin Man under his breath. The rick shaw continued at an even pace throughout the square, until it stopped at the beauty parlor, and everyone began singing. Scarecrow found the tune quite catchy, and began to sing along. Tin Man then knocked his head off again and it rolled into the parlor. Everyone got out of the rick shaw and looked around.
"Hey, where did that frog go?" asked Fox.
"Fwoggy?" said the big purple cat as it turned around to check the rick shaw. The rest of the group realized what had happened and grabbed Fox and ran into the beauty parlor before the cat found out that Fox had sat on his friend. Once inside, different attendants separated the group and took them off to different sections of the parlor to get cleaned up. The author was waaaaay to lazy to go into detail, so she sped up time and had them come out of the beauty parlor, all sparkly clean. Everyone was singing (except Cheese, for reasons known) and preparing to start a giant dance routine, when an exploding sound was heard from the sky. Everyone looked up and Cream gasped.
"The wicked witch!" everyone screeched. Sure enough, the wicked witch was flying around in the sky, leaving a trail of black smoke in her wake.
XXX
It was the perfect plan, Rouge thought. The rabbit would be so terrified of the message and everyone would immediately turn her in when they figured out that Rouge wanted her. The perfect plan. Rouge cackled as she began spelling out her message in the sky. Suddenly, a bird flew right into Rouge's face, and she began screaming and spinning uncontrollably in the air.
XXX
Everyone looked up in awe at the sight of the wicked witch spinning around in the sky.
"Surrender … Cre … f---ing … s--t … god … damnit … mother … f--- … hell …" Scarecrow read aloud as he was reading the message the wicked witch had written in the sky. She then flew away, and a small white object began fluttering down towards the crowd. Said object landed on top of Tin Man's head, who took it off and inspected it.
"Yeeeeee Haaaaaaaaw!" Tin Man shouted as he thrusted the panties in the air, "Score 1 for Tin Man! I knew she loved me!" Everyone looked at him like he was insane.
"Oh, no! The wicked witch knows I'm here. We have to go see the Eggman!" said Cream. The crowd then led her to another set of doors that had the same symbol on them as the front doors outside.
"No can do little bunny," said a voice from behind her. She turned around and saw the purple chameleon from earlier with a bump in the middle of his forehead. "No one sees the Eggman. Now get lost! All of you! Skedaddle!" The chameleon said as he shooed away the crowd. The gathering quickly dissipated until only the quintet (I had to use it again, squee!) was left. Cream began to cry.
"Now I won't get to go home, or get these stupid shoes off!" she sobbed. Everyone then hugged Cream and comforted her, except …
"Chao chao! Chao chao chao chao (Oh Boo HOO! Do you ever stop whining)?!" said Cheese snobbishly.
"It's okay Cheese. At least we have friends here," Cream replied, and then she began crying again. Cheese huffed and began to pout.
"… Oh okay! I'll see what I can do." said the chameleon. He then opened a panel in the door and walked through and closed the panel behind him.
"… Now what do we do?" asked Scarecrow.
"I could sing a song about how I'll be king of the forest once I get courage." offered Fox.
"No, please don't"
"When I
Am king
Of the foreeeeeest!" began Fox, but then Tin Man flew at him and clamped his hand over Fox's mouth.
"What the hell was that noise?!" shouted Tin Man.
"That was just me singing …" defended Fox.
"Then NEVER sing again!" shouted Tin Man. Fox slumped over and sat down next to Scarecrow as they all waited for the chameleon to come back.
XXX
Rouge was almost back to her castle after her little fiasco with the bird, which she roasted and thought it would make a nice dinner. She was in a very sullen and grumpy mood as she landed on the window sill and stepped down and hung her broom up. "So how'd it go?" asked Shadow, who was lying on Rouge's couch when she arrived. Rouge gave him a 'if you say one wrong thing, you won't be able to have babies' look. She moved over to the crystal ball and sat in front of it, gazing at it intently. Rouge noticed that something was wrong when she sat down, and checked under her robe and noticed that her panties were gone.
"What the hell?!" Rouge shouted. She then heard some snickering from the couch. Rouge then got up and began walking somewhere. 'I'm dead meat now,' thought Shadow, 'At least it was worth the look on her face.' Five minutes had passed. Then ten. Then twenty. Then another ten. And finally a pig flew by the window and snorted. Shadow had expected himself to be torn apart by now and his innards thrown from the tower and burned, but nothing had happened. Shadow got curious and sat up and looked around, taking notice that Rouge was gone.
"Rouge?" Shadow called, and got some sniffles from the bedroom in reply. He got up and walked through the curtain to her bedroom, which had many fine jeweled objects and spell books lying around the place, but his attention was on Rouge, laying facedown on her bed and hugging a purple pillow, which she was crying into. Shadow felt his heart tighten a bit. 'Wait,' he thought, 'I have feelings?' he was pulled out of his thoughts by Rouge, who was sitting up and looking at him. Her eyes were all puffy and red, and the pillow was stained a dark purple. Shadow's heart tightened more. He knew that it was not going to be easy to start 'feeling'.
Shadow walked over to Rouge quietly and sat down on the bed next to her. Rouge then unexpectedly flung herself onto Shadow and gripped him. 'So NOW she's going to kill me.' Shadow thought, but he found out that instead of ripping out his organs, she was hugging him. Hugging. Shadow did not usually handle hugging to well, but he decided to make an exception. He hugged her back and then an idea came to his head.
"Would you like to relieve some of that tension?" asked Shadow. Rouge nodded. Shadow then put his hand under her chin and kissed her. Rouge was taken aback slightly, but then began to kiss back. Shadow then rolled Rouge onto her back and began to kiss her passionately, and Rouge loved it. She realized that they loved each other, even if Shadow couldn't really 'feel', but that's okay. Then Shadow began to slowly remove Rouge's robe …
XXX
"Shouldn't we hide the body?" asked Scarecrow.
"I don't think anyone would really care. I certainly don't." replied Tin Man.
"But you don't have a heart, so how can you care?" Scarecrow pointed out. "More importantly, how can you love the wicked witch if you don't have a heart?" The author cleared their memories again, so as to hide the plot hole. Oh! I suppose you want to know who they're talking about, huh? Well, we can't always get what we want, now can we? … Oh fine. The chameleon came back and said that they couldn't see the Eggman, so Tin Man threw his axe at him. There, are you happy?
"Chao chao chao chao chao (I wish I could make him give me his axe so I could kill Cream with it)." mumbled Cheese.
"I know, Cheese. Tin Man is so mean to people!" Cream said disgustedly as she looked over at Tin Man. The group then chucked the chameleon's body behind some random plot device bushes and walked down the dark hallway towards the Eggman's lair. They eventually reached a giant circular room with what looked like a pipe organ sitting on the opposite side of the room. The pipes were spewing multi colored smoke and the air had the odd aroma of apricots. Fox was shaking like crazy and tried to turn back several times, but was stopped by Tin Man.
"Why are you here!" a voice bellowed out. The group stopped in their tracks and began to quake. Then the image of a head of a bald man with small circular glasses and a ridiculously long and spread out mustache appeared out of the smoke of the pipes of the pipe organ.
"Wh- who are y- y- you?" questioned Cream.
"I am the Eggman!" the head announced. Then a rendition of 'E.G.G.M.A.N.' (Eggman's theme from Sonic adventure 2) began playing and the head started singing along to the lyrics.
"Uhh …" began Scarecrow.
"Do not interrupt my singing!" bellowed the head.
"But we need your help!" pleaded Cream. The music stopped.
"What would I possibly do for you?" inquired the Eggman.
Cream took a deep breath to steady herself. "Well … I need to get these shoes off … and I want to go home … and-"
"Silence! I already know what you desire. You must do something for me first before I can help you, though." bellowed the head.
"What is it?" asked Cream.
"I was going to say it! Don't rush me!" shouted the Eggman as neon flames erupted from behind him. "Now then, bring me the bra of the wicked witch of the west." said the Eggman.
"… Huh?" asked Cream.
"I will not repeat myself! Now GO! And don't come back without it!" bellowed the Eggman. "The Eggman has spoken!" the head then disappeared. Fox then escaped Tin Man's grip and took off down the hall to the nearest window, and jumped through it.
"At least he held of this long." said Scarecrow. The group then fetched Fox from outside the window, and left Emerald City, traveling west towards the wicked witch's castle. Only problem was that Fox was bleeding everywhere, so they quickly turned to the east to find the nearest hospital.
…
There, now wasn't that great? They're finally on their way to get the witch's ... bra ...
I know, the Shadouge part was a bit too fluffy for the tone of the story, but I like it. There are probably going to be at least 2 more chapters after this one, 3 if I decide to do an epilouge. Hopefully, those chapters will come sooner rather than later, and then I can start on my oneshot Bowser stories and various other projects that come to mind :) So long, y'all!
