I do not own Naruto and I never will. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and whoever else has any claims on it. Please read and review.
The day was a normal one for Uchiha Obito.
Sunny with a few wispy clouds in the sky.
He always sort of thought the sky almost looked like it was painted sometimes.
He was going to be late to team training with Kakashi, Rin, and Sensei, but Hanako-san needed help with her groceries and she always gave him candy afterward.
Cherry lollipops. Delicious.
Not that he didn't like helping people. He really did, but the candy just sweetened the deal a bit more.
Also the old folk talked a lot about Konoha when they were young and man did they have some really interesting stories.
Like the time when Sandaime-sama and his team were still Genin and were chasing Tora, Kami-sama just how old was that cat, and were crossing over the Hot Springs.
Sandaime-sama fell into the woman's side of the bath and landed on Uzumaki Mito's chest.
Mitokado Homura had taken a misstep when he saw just where Hiruzen had landed and crashed into the wall that separated the two genders.
It came crashing down with him.
Utatane Koharu probably had the most embarrassing experience of them all.
After all it's not everyday that you land across the laps of two of the most powerful men in the Shinobi world.
AKA Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara.
The things you learn when you gossip with the older generations.
It was hilarious.
He wondered if he could get any embarrassing stories about Kakashi or Minato-sensei.
"Ne, Hanako-bachan. Do you know any stories about Hatake Kakashi?"
"Hatake...? Hmm. I know a story about a Hatake Sakumo."
"It's... It's not a bad story is it?"
However much Obito didn't like Kakashi he still respect his dad and he didn't want Kakashi to think he was making fun of the dead.
"Oh yes, Obito-kun. Don't worry. I liked Hatake-san very much. He was such a cute looking kid when he was younger. He had all the girls chasing after him." She chuckled.
"What's the story about?" He asked curiously.
"Well, everyone calls it the Hatake Hair Incident."
"Hatake Hair?" He asked confusedly. "I thought Kakashi and his dad looked a lot a like though."
"Oh they do" She agreed while nodding her head. "but before Sakumo-san was born all the Hatake's were brunettes. So it was quite a shock to everyone when he was born with silver-white hair."
"You mean he was illegitimate!" Obito asked wide eyed with shocked.
"Oh no no child! Sakumo-san was his father's son. Although it took ten blood seals for the man to believe it."
"Geez."
"Mm. Everyone thought it was Senju Tobirama-sama, the Nidaime Hokage who was still alive at the time, he'd just gone into office after Hashirama-sama retired to spend more time with his family. Even his students thought he was the father. Well, all of his students except Koharu-san and Hiruzen-san."
"Why did everyone think that? Besides the hair I mean?"
"Well for the Shinobi it was just because of the hair. For us civilians though, well..."
"Well...?" He asked. He could feel that there was a story behind all of this, and dare he say it, really juicy gossip.
She looked around conspiratorially and then leaned closer to whisper.
"For us civilians we don't hold an illusions that Shinobi are the picture of self-discipline and self-restraint."
"What...?" He could feel his heart drop.
"Mm Obito-kun. You do know that there is a thing called the Four Sacred Vices right?"
"No." He said as he shook his head.
"Well, lets just say that the Shinobi of the Warring States were more for living in the moment than planning ahead when it came to things such as sex."
Obito could feel his face turning red. "T-Then you mean?" He spluttered.
"Senju Touka had a daughter named Momoko who looked just like her. Momoko was Sakumo-san's mother. Silver hair doesn't run in the Hatake family at all."
Obito felt his jaw drop open. "S-So you mean that K-Kakashi is the great-grandson of the Nidaime Hokage!" He all but screamed.
"Sh! Yes, it's common knowledge to us civilians. Most Shinobi don't think that their leaders or comrades are capable of doing things such as having sex. Believe me; even if a ninja doesn't get married it's still very likely that they've had sex before. Also it's not like they could've just acknowledged the children. Some of the Shinobi were important people or had important political fiancees. Like Senju Hashirama and Uzumaki Mito."
Obito could feel his brain frizzing just from trying to process the information.
"So... the Nidaime Hokage was a skirt chaser?" he asked hesitantly.
"Definitely. Hashirama was just as bad before he got married. Those two could talk their way into a woman's bed faster than a Hyuuga could activate their Byakugan."
"S-Shodaime-sama!" He choked out.
"Yep, him too. Granted this was all before he got married to Uzumaki Mito you know. I'm sure had had at the very least two illegitimate children."
Obito was spluttering.
"A lot of the civilians have their money bet on Namikaze Minato being a descendent. Such a smart and nice young boy. Isn't he your teacher?"
Obito could only nod dumbly.
"Yes. Everyone thinks that Minato-san is related to Hashirama-sama through Namikaze Kei, Minato-san's great-grandmother."
"I thought Sensei was an orphan." Obito said after he regained the ability to talk.
"Oh he is. It's just that it's hard not to see the resemblance between him and Namikaze Kei. Not to mention Namikaze Takeshi had a son just before he and his wife died. I'm sure that Minato-san was dropped off at the orphanage."
"Namikaze Takeshi?"
"Minato-san's father. Namikaze Kei, his great-grandmother, was considered the greatest beauty to have ever graced the Shinobi continent. She claimed to be from a place called Amerika. Everyone just thought she was from the Ame-Iwa border. She had amazing blue eyes and blonde hair. She had a voice with an accent too I'm told. Beautiful singer that woman was."
"Oh."
"Yes, you can find pictures of her in the Shinobi Library. She was a bit eccentric though. Never married. She had a son out of wedlock whom she named Namikaze Yoichi. He had dirty blonde hair, tanned skin, and brown eyes. He married a blonde haired blue eyed medic named Fujiko."
"Ah." He really didn't know what to say to any of that.
"Yes. Rumor has it that Shodaime-sama kept pictures of her in his office desk. Even after he married Mito-sama! What a scandl! If she was alive in our era right now Obito-kun she would have been a model. Gorgeous. She was about two to there years older than Shodaime-sama. The funniest thing though is that Nidaime-sama's students found the pictures and apparently thought that they were his!" She chuckled.
He'd just learned that his asshole teammate and his Sensei were probably related to legends. Yet here he was getting flustered about the fact that some of the most powerful men in the Shinobi world were just womanizers.
Legends that were Hokage!"
Hokage that were also apparently skirt chasers.
He wondered if it ran in the family.
Nah. Sensei was too devoted to Kushina-san and Kakashi was about as romantic as an iceberg.
Then again. Didn't Hanako-bachan say that Hashirama-sama fell for an Uzumaki too? Wasn't Senju Tobirama thought to be a prude?
Were his Sensei and teammate sex machines?! Had they had any children out of wedlock yet?!
Poor Kushina-san and Rin!
"Do you..." He started hesitantly, "Do you know anything about a Nohara Rin?"
"Rin-chan? Isn't she the girl you like Obito-kun?"
"Ah, y-yeah."
"Hm." She looked thoughtfully as she stared into space.
"Ah! I remember hearing something about her a while back!" She said excitedly.
"Really?" Obito asked skeptically. He didn't really think that Rin or her family would have any deep dark secrets.
"She's adopted."
Obito blinked. Well, that wasn't nearly as ground breaking as Kakashi or Sensei's had been.
"There's also rumors that she is the illegitimate daughter of Councilman Shimura and one of his subordinates!"
He stood corrected.
"Yes, yes, I remember it now more clearly. It wasn't a very public thing you know. Not even any of the shinobi know." She paused. "Except for maybe Hokage-sama. Us civilians only know because she was adopted by civilians. He was also the one that sponsored her in the Academy you know. Although to her he was merely an anonymous benefactor interested in the good of Konoha's future."
"...Okay" Man did those rumors really go far out there. He was begining to wonder if he really shouldn't take everything at face value.
"Mmhm." She nodded sagely. "Apparently Councilman Shimura was forty-three at the time and the woman in questions was sixteen. So the age gap was scandalous. Even for the most traditional of people."
"What was the woman's name?" He might as well go along with it. Even if it wasn't true.
Kami-sama. Forty-three. Ew. Not to mention Councilman Shimura was all bandages and gloominess.
No way in hell was Rin related to him!
"I don't actually remember that accurately. I think it was something like Yamabushi Nana or Yashuki Nano. I heard she was a brunette with light brown hair and emerald green eyes. Pretty woman apparently. Talented medic too, she was supposedly apart of ANBU."
"Oh." He wondered if there was anything about his family in the village rumors. Well, only one way to find out.
"Is there anything about me Hanako-bachan?" He asked curiously.
"Of course Obito-kun! Your family was one of the most talked about in the beginning of Konoha!"
"Really? That's nice...?" From what he'd heard already he didn't think it was a good thing to be involved in village gossip. It was full of skirt chasing ancestors and illegitimate children.
Not that the children were bad, but society didn't look favorablly on it.
"Your great-great-great grandfather is, according to the older rumors, Uchiha Madara who had a daughter at the age of fourteen. Supposedly it was a part of a tradition to see if the Clan Heir was fertile or not. He was. He daughter's name was Uchiha Ayaka. She had a... well relationship isn't an actual description of it. More like a one night stand trying to get information from the Senju second-in-command when she was fifteen and gave birth to your great-grandfather Uchiha Kagami-"
"Wait, wait, wait." He said. "Your saying I've got some Senju in me and that I'm related to Uchiha Madara. The same Uchiha Madara who went insane and tried to destroy Konoha? Not to mention that my great-grandfather was something like a mission baby?"
"Yes, now let me continue. Where was I?"
"Great-grandfather Uchiha Kagami."
"Ah yes, Kagami-kun. He was a lot like you Obito-kun always helping people out. Such a nice young man. Everybody knew his father was Senju Tobirama. He was the Senju second-in-command at the time before and after Kagami's birth."
"I thought he hated the Uchiha why would he sleep with one?!"
"Sex is sex Obito. He may have also wanted to get back at Madara. Madara hated Tobirama even more after his daughter did in childbirth. Never did hate little Kagami-kun though. Even if he was part Senju. That fact wasn't actually well know inside the clan. The fact that Ayaka was Madara's daughter wasn't well known inside or outside the Clan either. How Tobirama-sama found out it anyone's guess."
"Then how do you know? Wait how did people even confirm Kagami was a Senju?!"
"I said it wasn't well known. Not that it wasn't known. Also for your answer: Blood Seals."
"Oh, okay. Fine. Please continue."
"When Hashirama requested for Kagami-kun to be on his team it solidified suspicions. When Kagami-kun was seventeen he married a girl called Uchiha Kasumi and had a daughter he named Uchiha Naori. Pretty little thing she was. Had dark plum hair and the prettiest onyx black eyes. She spent most of her time in the Hokage office when she was young you know?"
"No, I didn't."
"She was your grandmother. She married Uchiha Naka when she was eighteen. One of the few Uchiha to awaken the Mangekyou Sharingan. Only female to ever do it too."
"I see."
It was kinda cool. Who knew Oba-chan had been so badass when she was younger.
"Your father Uchiha Nobuo married Uchiha Asuka and had you."
"Huh." Apparently the Clan's didn't nearly know as much as the civilians did if this was what he was getting from just asking one person.
Hi father was also probably the most normal family member he had too.
"Wait just a minute. Just how old was the Nidaime when he had sex with Ayaka? Wasn't he just a few years younger than Madara?"
"Oh he was twenty-four."
"Twenty-four! That's like-like a nine year age difference!"
"Tobirama-sama had a "Ten Years Younger Rule" meaning that he wouldn't sleep with females ten years younger than him. He wouldn't have even looked at her if she was younger than him by ten years, Ayaka just barely made the cut by a year."
If there was one thing Obito knew now it was that you couldn't hide any secrets from the civilians and that Shinobi were sex maniacs.
Wait a minute was he related to Sensei and Kakashi!
Fuck! He was related to an asshole that was even more of an asshole than his Uchiha cousins!
Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
