The laughing, smiling Legolas by the sea was an anomaly. As soon as they left the glade melancholy, uncommunicative Legolas returned. Elrohir wanted to do as he had promised his mother, to perservere, see it through but he found he could not. He was getting nowhere. Legolas's walls were insurmountable. He didn't want him there, that much was clear. He was ashamed to say it but he gave up, withdrew temporarily at least. It was too hard and he had no clue what he should do.
Instead he once again sought out his father. He needed some information, there was too much he didn't understand.
"You are right Father." He got straight to the point, "All is not well with Legolas but I am at a loss what to do. I need your help."
"He is grieving Elrohir."
That much was obvious but he still had many questions.
"Why Father? He has been here in Valinor for years. The grief is still so intense."
"Do you not still grieve for your brother?" his father asked.
"Of course I do!" He wondered why his father was being so unhelpful, "I always will but it is not the same unless I think on it. I have more pleasant memories than painful ones. With Legolas...well nothing has changed...it's as if it was just yesterday. He is as bad as when I last saw him in Arda."
"He took Gimli's death hard." Elrond said by way of explanation. "I think leaving Arda when he did may not have been the best for him. All has frozen in time, it deprived him of the chance to adjust as you have."
"He had no choice! The sealonging completely overtook him. If you had seen it you would understand."
That reminded him of the other thing on his mind.
"Did you know he still has the sealonging Father?"
At that Elrond at last looked startled.
"What do you mean by that?" He leant forward in his chair staring at Elrohir intently.
"He craves the sea, he is entranced by it. He says it is his only joy. Always I find him there."
"His only joy..." Elrond mused deep in thought, "But he does not wish to sail?"
"Where would he sail too?...but no it is not like that, it is the sea itself he longs for. He seems fascinated by it."
I haven't heard of this." Elrohir felt his stomach sink at that news. He had hoped his father may have some cure, or an idea of one at least.
"I will do some research, after all those of us from Arda have no knowledge of what happened to those with the sealonging when they reached here. Perhaps it is not unusual...perhaps..."
"It is just so unlike Legolas Father." He wanted Elrond to understand just how much Legolas had changed. "He is a woodelf, a child of the forest, happiest in the trees and now...this intoxication with the sea has eclipsed all that. He is not himself at all."
"Not himself..." Elrond murmered, his brow creased in concentration. "But perhaps he is Elrohir, it is possible he is exactly himself." Elrohir opened his mouth to protest but Elrond didn't give him the chance.
"Legolas is not only a woodelf. You have spent no real time with the Teleri here but the sea is what drives them, they love it and will not be parted from it. They are kin to the Sindar of course. The same people when you think of it but for chance. It could be this is just another side of Legolas he had not been able to discover until he reached here. The Teleri fell in love the the sea as soon as they saw it."
It made sense when he thought on it but it was not the Legolas he had known.
"What should we do then? How can we cure it?"
Elrond stared at him in horror.
"You do not cure it! It is a part of who he is. I will look into this, ask those who would know but it is possible this is what the sealonging was all along. A calling to the sea itself, instead of just to sail. In the meantime Elrohir I think you should encourage him to embrace it. If the sea makes him happy he should go there. I wonder if he should spend some time visiting Tol Eressëa?"
But he didn't want to embrace this alien Legolas. He wanted Legolas as he always was. It was such a dramatic change and when Legolas was in the sea, wild and fey he did not know how to cope. Was it too much to ask for the old Legolas back? His heart rebelled against any change.
"If you care for him you will learn to accept this."
It was as if his father had read his mind.
"It is not him though, it is not Legolas."
"It is Legolas as he is now. He is still the same at heart. If you look hard enough you will see that."
He turned to go, this had not gone as he expected. He had hoped his father would give him a solution and instead he had told him there was nothing they could do, he just had to accept it. He didn't want to, his whole being fought against that idea.
"I think you should speak to your mother." Elrond said just as he reached the door and he spun around.
"I have. I have already done that. She advised me to be careful."
"Then speak again. Tell her about the grief. She may be able to help you accept Legolas as he is. She knows about the changes brought about by healing."
He frowned at his father. His mother had not changed, she had been healed so she could be the mother he remembered, the one she always was. Perhaps instead she could tell him how to find the old Legolas. The one his father wanted him to abandon.
There must be a way.
It did not go well.
He found her in the garden. He paused to watch her as he always did now. Marvelling at her return. He could barely believe it. They had hoped of course, always hoped they would find her back to her old self here but there had been many long nights he had lain awake wondering, would she even be here to meet him?
As he watched she sensed him and looked up from her work with a smile. He cherished every smile he recieved from her now.
"Elrohir!" She was pleased to see him and his heart sung, but then her face fell.
"You are back so soon? You promised me you would not give up."
That hurt, her disappointment in him and her conclusion that was why he was here.
"I have come back for help," he said. "I have not given up. I will not, I will not abandon Legolas as Father wants me too."
"You father would never want that. Elrohir, do not speak ill of him."
"He does." he was adamant she understand, it was important. "Legolas is intoxicated by the sea, he is someone I don't recognise. I went to Father for help, to find a way to heal him, to bring the old Legolas back. All he says is that I should embrace it. That I need to accept him as he is. He wishes me to throw the old Legolas away Mother! I will not do it. I will find him again. I need your help."
"Oh son," she replied, "Your father is right. You must accept him for what he is if you are to help him."
He was so angry, this was so unfair and they were all just accepting it. Nobody was fighting for Legolas, nobody except him.
"How can you say that? ...You? Valinor has healed you, you are the same why can't he be?!"
"I am not the same Elrohir."
He felt his eyes brim with tears of frustration,
"You are! You are, you are my mother who I had lost and is returned to me. You are the same, don't tell me you are not."
"You only see what you want to see Elrohir," How could she be so calm he wondered? "I am not the mother you once knew, but I love you still."
"Why do you lie to me?" He felt torn apart and he would not accept this. She had come back. She was the same. He could not lose her again, the mother of his childhood. He could not!
"Elrohir," she pulled him towards her, it was a comfort long remembered from childhood.
"Valinor did not heal me and I could never have become well and remain the same. There were those who helped me but I have healed because I wanted it for myself, not for you or your brother or even your father but for myself. If you love Legolas you must find a way to accept all of who he is now and help him accept that too."
He pulled back in surprise.
"I never said I loved him."
And she reached up and brushed the hair from his face.
"It is obvious my child. Acknowledge your feelings. It will help him, it will help the both of you."
"If what you say, if what Father says is right then I have lost him forever...I have lost you..." He choked on his misery. He would never see the old Legolas again or his mother he had held close in his memory all these years.
"You will never lose me and you have not lost the Legolas you know. He is in there somewhere. All change is not bad. Your father is right, embrace it, lead Legolas to a place he can embrace it too for he also does not wish to lose those he loves and he clings too tightly to them. If the sea makes him happy take him there. Tell him you love him. Help him have the strength to let go."
At that he laughed bitterly,
"I cannot tell him that. He is barely speaking to me as it is."
"You are not my Elrohir if you give up so easily." she smiled.
"Well perhaps I have changed too!"
"You have, of course you have but you are still my courageous son. I know you can do this. Make him speak to you. Make him hear you. Keep banging on his walls until he lets you in."
And somehow her belief in him made it better, it filled him with confidence that he could do it. He would persist and he would get Legolas to let him in. He sighed sadly for that Legolas, if he ever succeeded would be a stranger to him.
"It is alright to grieve for what is lost Elrohir," his mother's hand stroked his head gently and calmed his inner turmoil as she had always been able to do.
"But do not reject what is new because you don't know it."
And he realised she was not that different after all. She could still mend his soul.
