Authors Note: A bit of action in this chapter. I don't usually write action so I hope this is not total rubbish. Apologies if it is!
Elrohir didn't come back.
Legolas waited, he waited days, and while he waited he thought.
This had been his fault. Elrohir was right. All this time he had not asked how he was, had not wanted any details about Arda because it hurt to hear it. But what of Elrohir? what of his pain? It had not mattered to him and that caused him concern. If he was honest Erohir's state of mind had not mattered to him right from the start.
Right back to that terrible night, the night of Aragorn's death when they had first connected, he had not stopped to consider Elrohir's grief. It had not crossed his mind. He had wanted the comfort and physical closeness and he had taken it...and then left. He had run first to Ithilien and then across the sea. No wonder Elrohir didn't want him.
Who would?
This was not how he saw himself and it hurt to realise he had been so thoughtless. Elrohir had come here trying to help him,why he didn't even know, and he had refused to listen to his tales of Eldarion, he hadn't even asked of Arwen because he could not bear to think of her. He had been content to let Elrohir deal with that pain himself.
Elrohir was right.
Where had he been?
In the end after days of thought and introspection he realised he had no choice. If Elrohir would not come to him he would have to go to him. He needed to try and make things better. He needed to try and behave more like the Legolas he had always thought he was instead of the Legolas he had become.
...
"I am sorry Legolas, Elrohir is not here."
His heart sunk when Elrond told him that. It had taken all his nerve to come here looking for him. Where could he be if not here?
"Can you tell me where I can find him, my Lord? It is important else I would not bother you."
Elrond smiled gently.
"It is no bother Legolas. I am pleased to see you. Elrohir and Elladan are with the Teleri."
"The Teleri?" That made no sense at all. Why would Elrohir go there? He was so uncomfortable around the sea. It was the last place on earth he expected to find him.
Elrond laughed at his astonishment.
"I think they are bored to tell you the truth Legolas. They went looking for a challenge, some excitement, something different. It is not easy adjusting to life here." He looked at Leoglas sadly, "You know that of course."
It must have been Elladan's idea Legolas thought to himself, and Elrohir had gone along with him for he could not imagine Elrohir going off to the sea with his own free will.
"Perhaps you should join them Legolas." Elrond continued. "I am sure you will be welcome there. It may do you some good."
He would go of course, he did not need Elrond to encourage him. If Elrohir was there he would go. He would see this through and as well as that the thought of the sea was compelling.
He only hoped Elrohir would see him when he got there.
The trip was a long one and he was tired and weary when he arrived but Elrond was right, he was welcomed with open arms and no questions and the salt on the air was a tonic which eased his nerves, he had plenty of those.
He searched anxiously for Elrohir but it was Elladan he found first.
"Legolas!" Elladan smiled broadly when he saw him. "What a surprise to see you here." He was relaxed as Legolas could not ever remember seeing him before.
"I could say the same." he replied. "I came looking for Elrohir."
"Of course you did!" Elladan exclaimed and Legolas wondered why he would say such a thing. Had Elrohir spoken to him about Legolas's bad behaviour?
"He is over there, working, as he should be since it was his idea we came here in the first place!" and he shouted out to his brother, "Elrohir, see who is here!"
It was then he saw him and his heart skipped a beat as it always did with the sight of him. But that was not to be Legolas thought to himself sternly, and he was not here to contemplate that loss, he was here to right the wrongs he had done.
Elrohir raised his head from the nets with which he was working. Whatever it was he was trying to do Legolas could see he was making a mess of it, even with his sparse knowledhge.
"Legolas, why are you here?" Elrohir's tone was neutral and it made him unsure. Was he angry still? Or did he just not care? He could not read him.
"I came to find you." He confessed, there was no point pretending otherwise. "and you, why are you here?"
Elrohir looked away.
"To understand you."
That was not the response he had expected and he stared blankly.
"Understand me?"
"To understand this thing with the sea. To see what it is you love about it so much...to try and...get my head around it." He threw the nets to the ground in disgust. "I am not succeeding very well. I am hopeless with all this. Elladan is a natural of course. He loves it here."
"Why would you want to do that?" Legolas was at a loss. "Why would you want to understand me after my rudeness?"
Elrohir looked up at him with a wry smile,
"I have a thick skin."
All his words rushed out tumbling over each other in his rush to say all he had been thinking on the way here.
"I am sorry, I came to apologise. I was wrong...and I have treated you badly...I should have asked, I should have listened...right from the beginning I have been selfish. What can I do to fix it?"
But Elrohir simply shrugged.
"You don't have to fix it. I understand Legolas, where you have been. I am just pleased to see you. If you want to fix anything perhaps you can help me here." He indicated the mess of nets ruefully.
And so he sat beside him and drank in the sounds of the sea and wondered why Elrohir had bought himself all the way here, to a place he was not comfortable in just to try and understand.
"You are a good friend Elrohir." He said to him for it was true, as much as he wished he was more than that, and beside him he felt Elrohir tense up. He heard him take a breath.
"Legolas-"
"Yes?" He looked across to see Elrohir staring, brow creased at the net in his hands.
"What is it?"
But Elrohir simply sighed quietly.
"It is nothing," he said and Legolas wondered what it was he had meant to say before he thought better of it but Elrohir did not mention it again.
His stay with the Teleri was a breath of fresh air. He loved every minute, he could almost say he was happy. Whether he was sailing or fishing or building, all of it was exciting. Every minute he spent by the sea healed his soul. Elladan too was in his element and quick and eager to learn but Elrohir...Elrohir was out of his depth. He struggled with every aspect and became no more comfortable with the sea than he had been before. Still he persevered determinedly though despite Elladan and Legolas's assistance he became no better at any of it.
Legolas smiled as he watched him climb the rigging that morning and thought of his struggles with the fishing nets earlier. Elrohir was too tense that was the problem. He just needed to find a way not to overthink it all, to sense the very depths of the joy that was the sea. He wished he knew how to help him achieve that.
He did not see him fall but he heard the cry. What had caused it he did not know, a simple slip, Elrohir's tenseness causing a lack of his usual grace, a fault with the rigging itself? It could have been any of those. He jerked his head back at the sound and watched horrified. He was frozen, he could not move but it all played out before his eyes in a terrible slow motion, Elrohir falling through the air above him. If only he could reach him, if only he could stop it but he could not.
He heard Elladan's shout of fear and then the sickening crack as Elrohir's head struck the railing before he tumbled over the side and into the water. The sound of the stinging splash as he hit the water freed him from his catatonic state and he was running, heart pounding as he peered desperately over the side to see the inert body disappear into the sea.
He could not hear for the drumming of his heart in his ears. His hands shook as he tore off his shirt and boots. He could not breathe as he hit the water and the cold shock of it froze his lungs then he dove down, down, into the blue but he could not see him!
All around was an eerie quiet blue, it was all the same and Elrohir was not there...but he had to be, he had to be. He kept going until his lungs burned fire and he had to give up, had to emerge in the surface gasping for air.
"Legolas, to the right!"
It was Elladan, hanging over the rail and as he looked around he realised with horror he was in the wrong place. He had hit the water too close to the were others in the water now just as panicked as he was as he dove again, where he should have this time but it was harder now. His strength had ebbed away, his blood was starved of air so when he saw it, the dark shape in front of him he was already at his limit. Still he reached out desperately for he knew he would not be able to get this close again. He reached and his fingers brushed the edge, the softest edge of fabric and he grasped at it. He had him!
But Elrohir was so heavy and Legolas realised too late he had expended all his energy just to get here. There was no way he could pull him to the top. He tried but his lungs felt as if they were exploding and despite himself he gasped and water rushed in. He was lost. At least, he thought as he struggled with his last vestiges of energy towards the surface, at least they would go to Mandos's halls together. He would not be alone there and he wondered briefly if Aragorn might still be there? Perhaps he would see him? But that was foolish thinking. Men did not linger in the Halls and Aragorn would have passed right through long ago. He would not see him...but perhaps his own mother?
He remembered her then, at the end of it all, as one of his last conscious thoughts. Her soft gentle touch, her sweet voice, her love. He missed her.
He was so close now to air, to life that he could see the soft light shining through the water but it was too far. It was then he felt hands, grabbing, grasping hold of him and lifting him upwards. Then he was there, bright light blinded him and he gasped and cried for breath. The air had never smelt as sweet as it filled his burning lungs.
He was not sure of anything then but he knew Elrohir had been taken from him. His arms were empty, please let him be alive... then he was out of the water and lying...somewhere and he could not breathe. He was coughing, choking, still drowning. Voices shouted around him in urgent tones and someone hit him hard on the back. It hurt! And there was water pouring out of his mouth, his stomach, his lungs, it was everywhere. He wished they would return him to that last peaceful place beneath the waves with the memory of his mother.
And as the air finally reached him and his desperate gasps for breath gradually slowed the tumultuous noise around him seemed to quiet. He felt himself relax, he did not have to fight now, and his brain succumbed to the encroaching darkness that was comfort itself. Now he could breathe he had no energy for anything. Even his eyelids were like lead and as he surrendered himself to the still, quiet, dark one thought echoed around his mind.
He had to see Elrohir again.
Let him not be lost too.
