Chapter Eleven- I Know

I looked at David then at the gun, then back at David. "Please don't…" I said softly, one tears slowly tracing my face.

I saw David weaken for a moment but then he straightened up. "I warned you Jude." He repeated. He pointed the gun powerfully at me, almost forcing himself.

"What are you doing David?" I didn't look to see who it was, it was Tommy; I knew that voice.

"Tom you know what? You are a fucking idiot." David said glaring at Tommy. "I should kill you next." He said furiously.

"Your own brother, huh?" Tommy questioned with distaste.

"Don't look down on me Tom, don't you dare look down on me." David said tensely.

Tommy stood his ground and held David's stare.

"I'm doing my job Tom," David began. "And you're getting in the way and I can't have that."

"You can't have that?" Tommy demanded laughing hysterically. "We're murderers." He said gesturing to him and David. "God we are fucking cold-blooded murderers David."

"Tom you knew what you were getting into the minute you started working for these people." David said his voice rising.

"I was seventeen and stupid David, I didn't think we would actually kill people." Tommy said frustratingly.

"I tried to keep you away but you were so damn stubborn." David said harshly.

"Because I wanted to be like you." David's face softened when Tommy said that. "God David, you were everything I wanted to be, you were my hero."

David unwillingly put his gun down and looked at Tommy. "Some hero I was huh?" I exhaled, realizing I had been holding my breath.

"You still are." Tommy said quietly.

David didn't say anything, he then looked at me. I saw his face harden and he raised the gun and pointed it at me again.

"I have to do it Tom." He said shakily.

"You can't David." Tom pleaded.

"Tom I have to do my job." He said his composure rigid.

"Your job?" Tommy questioned. "You and me are better then this David, then this worthless existence."

"That's where you are wrong." His gun was still pointing at me. "You're better then this and I knew that." He started looking guilty. "I should have kept you away." He said quietly.

"You tried." Tommy swore.

"And I failed," His voice was strained. "Like I do at everything else." He got a better grip on the gun and looked at me. "I warned you Jude." He said softly.

"David you can't." Tommy said taking a step forward, he was now panicked.

David didn't look at him; his eyes were locked with mine. "Why Tom?" He demanded. "Give me one good reason."

"Because I'm in love with her." He said quietly.

For the first time I looked at Tommy and he looked at me. I turned my head and looked back at David who was staring at me. He was weakening, it was obvious. He licked his lips nervously, he was hating himself right then, I could tell.

"Do you really?" He asked Tommy. He then looked at Tommy. "Tom," He began. "You love her?" He asked him.

"Yes." He breathed.

He turned and looked at me. He was touching the trigger with his finger, tears were entering his eyes and he was shaking his head.

He couldn't do it.

His arm gave up and the gun was facing the ground. I sighed in relief and Tommy went over to David. They both looked at each other and then they hugged, not like how men hug but like brothers who loved each other.

"Thank you." I heard Tommy say.

"Anything for you little brother." David said affectingly.

I stood on the side awkwardly, not sure what to do. All I knew is that I should stay with Tommy, obviously running out in the middle of the woods at night and by myself was not the smartest thing ever.

David looked at me then at Tommy. "What am I suppose to do Tom?" He asked him.

"What do you mean?" Tommy questioned.

"I can't just leave and go back to the guys, claiming I couldn't find you guys." He said with a moan. "I've been searching for you guys since the day we figured out you left." He looked at Tommy. "You made me look bad to the guys above us Tom." There was worry in his face.

"Then don't go back." Tommy said with passion. "Join me and Jude, escape from this shit hole."

"I'm not like you Tom," David began. "I don't just run away from my problems."

"David this is not just a problem, it's a lifestyle that is slowly killing us." Tommy said, trying to make a point.

"I made a commitment working here." David said tensely.

"What about the commitment to me?" Tommy asked him. "Me? Your brother?"

David looked at him and sighed. "Tom you will always come first, you know that."

"Then come with us." He said gesturing to him and me.

David looked at me then at Tommy. "I don't want to get in the way of you two." He said looking over at me again.

"You won't." I promised, I saw Tommy look at me.

David looked at Tommy. "Okay Tom I'm in." He sai d softly.

I watched Tommy's face brighten and he smiled. "You sure?" He questioned.

"Yeah." David answered simply. "You know that these people are going to start looking for us?" He questioned. "You know especially since both of us will be missing."

"Yeah I know." Tommy said quietly.

David looked at him. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I've already started David." Tommy pointed out.

"Yeah but bringing me into this is going to be more complicated."

"I know but I like complicated."

David looked at him and then laughed. "If I wanted to leave you wouldn't let me would you?" He questioned.

"Not a chance." Tommy answered.

They both laughed. "Come on, I'll show you where we are staying." Tommy said leading the way. I followed behind feeling out of place.

"Why were you guys way out here anyway?" David asked.

"We got into an," Tommy looked at me. "Argument."

David didn't ask anything else. We walked in silence. Soon the cabin came into view and I felt relief wash over me. All I wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep.

"Um… you two go ahead." David offered. "I'll just hang back." He wanted to give me and Tommy and space.

I looked at David and smiled. "Goodnight David."

"Goodnight Jude." He said looking at me. "Sorry about the whole gun thing." He apologized awkwardly.

"You were just doing your job." I said, accepting his apology.

"Yeah and I'm through with that so you don't have to worry." He said with a laugh.

"Good to know." I said laughing with him. "Bye." I said with a little wave and left for the cabin. On the corner of my eye I could see Tommy and David talking. I walked into the cabin and lay down on the bed. My father's alive.

The cabin door opened and Tommy walked in. "Can we talk?" He asked me.

I sat up on the bed. "I'm said all I wanted." I said stubbornly.

He came towards. "Please talk to me." He looked at me pleadingly.

I got up reluctantly. "Okay." I said, giving in.

"I'm sorry." He finally said after an awkward silence filled the room.

"That's all you say?" I asked him.

"What do you want me to say?" He demanded. He was frustrated.

"I don't know." I yelled, tears streaming down my face. "God my father's alive Tommy and you are the reason I thought he was dead."

Tommy looked at me, so much pain was in his eyes. "Your father's alive Jude, shouldn't that make you happy."

"No." My voice was strained. "It took me so long, so long, to get use to the fact that my father was dead." I said painfully. "Now he's alive?" I questioned, throwing up my hand in frustration. "It's too much."

"What can I do?" Tommy asked me. "What can I do to make you forgive me?" He asked me. "What can do to make this easier for you?" He questioned desperately.

"Nothing, you've done enough." I said bitterly.

"Jude do something." He said looking at me after a moment of silence. "Yell at me, hit me, do something."

I looked at him and all the anger and frustration exploded. I slapped him hard on the face. It left an obvious red mark left. I slapped him again with my other hand, same outcome. Tommy didn't say anything he just looked at me in that way he always does.

That made me furious.

I began punching him, tears were entering my eyes. I continued punching him. I wanted him to fall back in pain, he didn't. I wasn't hurting him; I wanted to, I wanted him to hurt like I hurt. I felt myself beginning to loose control and I collapsed into sobs.

He caught me in his arms and I tried to fight him off but I couldn't. I was so tired.

"I hate you." My voice was muffled in his shirt.

"I know." His voice was pained. He was holding me in his arms.

"I hate you so much." I said sobbing.

"I know." He said, beginning to cry.