Chapter Thirteen- Broken Wall

I did not go after him. I did not throw my arms around him. I did not kiss him. I did not tell him I loved him.

I stood there blankly. There was nothing I could say that would measure up to all the beautiful and thoughtful things he said to me. I turned around and left.

Yes I left.

Extremely pathetic of me but what else am I but pathetic? Aw yes I remember, a bitch.

I was walking out of the cabin when I saw David. He was carrying some firewood and it was easy to tell in a matter of seconds one piece was going to fall out of his grasp, and many to follow.

I went to his rescue and he thanked me gratefully.

"So," He began, as he placed the fire wood by the cabin. "Did you talk to Tom?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" I questioned, studying him from afar. He was extremely good looking. He had only one dimple. It was on his right cheek.

"Just a guess," He answered simply. "I figured if I left for a while you would get the courage to go in the cabin."

I did not say anything, just thought about the word courage.

"Didn't go how you planned?" He asked me, straightening up and looking at me.

I thought about the question. I did not really know what to expect when I went into the cabin. I guess it was some version of what actually happened.

"Um… yeah I guess," I answered. "Mainly on my part, though." I said honestly.

"What did you do?" He inquired.

"Nothing." I said with a tired laugh. "Absolutely nothing."

"Aw… I see." He said with a small smile. "Funny how doing nothing can do so much."

"Yeah hilarious." I said bitterly.

"Well then go do something." He said simply. "Just go in there." He said gesturing to the cabin.

"It's not that easy." I said quietly.

"It's not supposed to be easy Jude," He said. "Being honest with someone you've been dishonest with is difficult."

"I haven't been dishonest with Tommy." I said defensively.

"Oh my mistake," David said sarcastically. "I thought telling the man you love that you hate him is dishonest."

"He told you that?" I demanded.

"No." David said. "I overheard you telling him that." He sighed. "Tom is a private person and doesn't even show his true feeling to me." He looked at me. "He doesn't let his own brother in but he lets you in." He shook his head. "You really know how to hurt him Jude."

I felt tears enter my eyes. "He hurts me too."

"He never intended to hurt you and you know that." He said crossly. "You want to hurt him."

"No I don't." I completely yelled at him. "He means so much to me." I said softer then before. "But I can't get pass all the things that makes him and me wrong." I was silent for the moment. "The age, the kidnapping," I began. "And my dad. I mean if this all works out right and we are free. Then what?" I demanded. "Then he goes to jail?" I questioned. "I can't be with him unless we are on the run. And if we are not on the run then he's in jail." I was silent for a moment. "What kind of life is that?"

David didn't say anything at first. "Do you love him?" He asked me.

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"Do. You. Love. Him?" He demanded.

"What if I do?" I asked him. "How does that change anything?"

"It doesn't." He answered.

"Then why does it matter?"

"It matters more then anything Jude." David said looking at me.

I didn't say anything. Then I looked at the door and knew what I had to do. I looked back at David and he smiled at mw.

"I'll be out." He said smoothly. "You know, umm… getting firewood," He paused. "Again." He said with an easy smile.

"Yeah okay." I said with a laugh. "Thank you." I said honestly.

"Hey what are brother-in-laws for?" He asked teasingly. Then he looked at me. "I saw how Tom looked at you and I didn't understand why." He said studying me. "And now I do." He met my eyes. "Don't hurt him anymore Jude, Tom deserves to be happy. And you give can give that to him." He then turned around and strolled away.

I smiled and watched him walk away. He was a good guy. Tommy was right. And he was right about him and me. About us. I took a deep breath and turned the knob. Tommy was sitting at the table. Head in his hands. He looked up when I closed the door.

"Where have you been David?" He stopped when he saw me.

"He's getting firewood." I said softly.

Tommy looked at me blankly.

"David is getting more firewood." I said nervously.

"Ah," Tommy said without interest.

"Tommy," I began weakly.

"What are you doing here Jude?" He demanded angrily.

I shrank back surprised by his tone. Tommy didn't notice. "Why are you here?" He yelled.

"I wanted to talk to you." I said softly, hurt by his rage.

"I heard what you said before." He said bitterly. "I don't need to hear it again."

"Tommy." I said desperately.

"Don't Jude." He said tensely. "Don't talk to me; don't give me hope and then just spit in my face."

"I'm sorry." I said tears welling up in my eyes.

Tommy faltered but then he put the wall back up. I now understood by what David meant by Tommy not showing his true feelings. "I don't care Jude, I can't care."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him.

"Don't say that to me." He said crossly taking a step towards me. "Don't come in here and act like you care about me."

"I do care about you." I said taking a step away from.

"Then why are you stepping away from me?" He asked me.

"Because you're scaring me." I said quietly.

"Because I've given you so many reasons to fear me." He said mockingly.

"Now you're giving me a reason." I said strongly. I wasn't going to let him talk to me this way.

He looked at me and then looked away ashamed. "Why are you here?" He asked me again, only softer and gentler.

"I have something I want to say." I said looking at my hands.

"I don't want to hear it." He said harshly.

"Will you fucking be quiet?" I demanded.

Tommy looked startled by my outburst.

"Tommy," I began. "You are a great man." I said looking at him. "Your smile, your eyes your everything makes me smile."

His wall started crumbling.

"I love that even when you hated me, you still bandaged me up when I was hurt so badly." I looked at him.

"I could never hate you." Tommy said quietly.

"Even with everything you've gone through you are still are the most amazing person I know." I was silent for a moment and finally looked at Tommy. "I love that you love that I call you Tommy." His eyes met mine when I said that. "I love that you know me and I hate that you know me." I was silent for a moment trying to organize my thoughts. "You are so incredible and I'm deeply, passionately and utterly in love with you, in love with us." My voice softened at us.

He breathed in sharply and looked at me. Searching my eyes. "What did you say?" He asked me, some much tension in his voice.

"I'm in love with you, Tommy." I said tears in my eyes. Tommy took a step towards me and I didn't back away. I put my arms around his neck. I wasn't afraid.

Tommy put his hands around my waist and kissed me tenderly but strongly. There was no longer a wall around him. It was broken the moment our lips touched.